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15 no bullsh*t signs your ex wants you back (for good!)

Do you think your ex might want you back?

But you don’t know for sure?

It’s tricky to understand how your ex is really feeling, particularly when your own emotions are getting in the way.

If you want them back, then you risk getting inside your own head and misinterpreting their behavior as signs they want to start up the relationship again.

After all, that’s what your brain wants to see or hear. It’s called cognitive bias.

I’ve seen this situation play out time and time again (I’m a relationship expert after all) and I can tell you that it’s imperative that you take a step back and analyze their behavior from a neutral standpoint.

If you can do that, then you’ll be well on your way to finding out whether your ex back wants you back.

The good news?

Regardless of how soul-destroying your breakup was, the signs that your ex wants you back are usually obvious for most to see and they certainly don’t take a genius to figure them out (you just need to know what to look for).

So now that you’ve got your neutral, biased-free glasses on, it’s time to find out whether your ex actually wants your back or not.

If they do, they’ll absolutely show these 15 signs:

1. They’re keeping contact with you

Do you know what usually happens when a relationship ends?

Contact is cut permanently.

After all, there is usually a good reason for a relationship to end, and the healthiest way to get over someone is to avoid seeing them.

So if your ex is keeping contact with you after you’ve officially broken up, see it as a sign that they eventually want to kick-start things over again.

Even if you haven’t been in contact for a while, and they’ve suddenly reached out to you out-of-the-blue, it’s still a good sign that they’re thinking about you and they’re wondering how your life is going.

However, it’s also important to realize that not all contact is created equal.

For example, if they’re contacting you late on a Saturday night after they’ve been drinking, then it might be a booty call, and that’s typically not a sign that they want to start up the relationship again.

But if they’ve contacted you to have a proper conversation about what’s going on in your life, and they seem genuinely interested in what you have to say, then it’s definitely a sign that your ex wants you back.

2. They’re sending you weird text messages

It can be difficult to contact your ex out of nowhere, especially if they don’t have a reason to do so.

But if they know that they want to talk to you, then you may get some pretty weird text messages just to initiate contact.

For example, they could text to ask you what that pizza place is that you went to one time.

Or maybe they’re texting you to find out what that favorite song of yours is called.

Most people wouldn’t contact their ex for banal information like this.

If your ex is sending you text messages like this, then you can be guaranteed that they’re thinking of you and they just want to talk to you.

Does it signify that they want to get back together with you?

Probably, but there is one caveat.

They may also be initiating contact with you because they’re lonely and they need someone to shoot the shit with.

After all, we’re living in the age of lockdowns and loneliness is on the rise.

If you think that might be the case, then you need to be patient to see if they continually initiate conversations with you.

If it becomes a pattern, then it’s likely that they miss you and they want to get back together with you.

3. They’ve been asking your friends about you

If your ex sees your friends, do they ask about you? Do they ask if you’re seeing anyone else?

Clearly they are thinking about you if they are asking your friends about what you’re up to and whether you’re seeing anyone.

Sure, some people are naturally curious about what their ex is up to you, but that natural curiosity usually lasts a question or two (and certainly doesn’t involve questions about your love life).

If your ex seems passionate and interested in learning about what you’re doing, then it’s pretty obvious that they still have feelings for you.

When a relationship ends, most people move on and don’t spend time thinking about their ex.

After all, that is usually the best way to get over someone you loved.

But if your ex still wants to know what’s going on with your life and what your love life is like, then they obviously haven’t completely moved on.

4. They’re way too interested in your love life

Most people that meet up with their ex after a long time of not seeing them aren’t particularly interested in how their love life is going.

A normal question like “You dating any at the moment?” is fine when you’re friends, but if they keep asking you who you’re dating and it seems to be their favorite topic to talk about, then there might be something more sinister going on.

It’s just weird and not relevant to a normal catch-up.

In my experience of catching up with my exes, we’ve spent time talking about the old days and catching up on big life events, but rarely is the topic of love the main focus of the conversation.

So if they’re asking you countless questions about a new man or woman in your life and they seemed excited about any detail you share (particularly negative detail) then they might be trying to gauge the possibility of getting back together with you.

In fact, they may even try to make out that the person you’re currently seeing, or interested in, isn’t as suited to you as they were.

If they take the conversation that far, then you can be sure that they want to get back with you.

5. They make it clear that they are single

Just like why it isn’t natural for an ex-lover to want to know what’s going on with your sex life, it’s also weird if they make a point of letting you know that they’re available.

Perhaps your ex tells you that they’re single without even being asked, or they try to not-so-subtly hint that they’re not seeing anyone.

Whatever it is, it should be pretty obvious to you if they make a point that they’re single.

They’re certainly not looking for pity. In fact, most people that run into their ex will try to avoid the fact that they’re currently single from coming out. It can be embarrassing for some.

So if your ex is trying to let you know that they’re single (even if it’s subtle) then they’re probably interested in rekindling the flame with you.

6. They seem jealous

Not only will they probe you about the happenings of your dating life, but they can’t help but show telltale signs of jealously when you do mention that you’re seeing someone.

Jealousy is a very strong emotion, and it’s one that most people can’t control.

How can you tell if your ex is jealous?

Look for their facial reactions when you mention that you’re seeing someone. They’ll look tense and frustrated, and they’ll probably try to probe you about their personality or sexual performance.

They’ll then want to one-up the person you’re talking to you and prove to you that they’re better.

This is classic jealously, and it’s a clear sign that they want you back.

Another scenario where jealously displays itself is if you’re at the same venue or party, and when you’re talking to another man or woman, they’re looking over appearing angry or annoyed.

They may even come over and try to interrupt the conversation so that nothing happens.

If they’re acting like that around you, then you take your bottom dollar and put it on the fact that they want you back as their lover.

7. They admit that they were the problem in the relationship

No matter who broke up with who, if they’re keen to talk about the past with you and then face up to the fact that they were really the problem in the relationship, then they obviously want you back.

Some might say that this could be some sort of a peace offering, and they just want to smooth things over with you and become friends with you.

But I doubt that’s the case.

Look, if they’re admitting what they did wrong in your relationship, and then point out that they’ve changed, then it’s extremely obvious that they’re trying to let you know that they want another chance at a relationship with you.

They know that you will be hesitant about getting in a relationship with them again considering the hurt it caused you before, and they’re trying to let you know that this time it will be different.

8. They have still left things at your place

Still haven’t gotten around to collecting their things from your place?

Do they say they’ll come over and pick them up, but they never follow through?

This is because they want to keep a thread of contact between you, and they want you to be constantly reminded of them when you see their things.

It’s not hard to collect their things. In fact, people don’t randomly leave things they care about at an ex-partner’s place (give the human brain some credit).

From my dealings with many heartbroken couples, I wouldn’t be surprised if they purposedly left their things there so they keep a significant connection between the two of you.

It’s a tactic that lots of people use when they fear they’ll lose contact from a potential love interest.

9. When they see you, they can’t help but touch you

You’ve broken up, yet they can’t keep their hands off you like it were old times.

Or perhaps they’re being a little more subtle about it, but they still manage to brush your hand against theirs or touch you on the thigh.

If they weren’t interested in you, there’s no chance in hell they’d be touching you and establish a physical connection.

Instead, they’d be making every effort to move on with their life.

Touch is a clear sign that the physical and emotional attraction still exists, and they’re probably trying to rekindle the flame that once was.

10. They’re drunk dialing you

You’ve probably heard the saying:

“A drunk person’s words are a sober person’s thoughts.”

Alcohol has a way of making you more honest with your emotions. So if they’re messaging and calling you when they’re drunk, they probably want to be with you.

They’ve obviously got you on their mind and alcohol is forcing them to take action.

If this becomes a common occurrence, then you can be sure that they want to be with you again, but they feel a certain level of shame from confronting you when they’re sober.

11. They joke about liking you again

Let’s be honest: Not many ex-partners are willing to make a joke about falling back in love with you again.

But if they are telling jokes about liking you, then it might be the case that they have fallen back in love with you.

It may sound strange, but there is a reason they are doing this.

You see, if they decide to make a move, they’ll absolutely want to figure out how you feel about them beforehand.

So they’ll make some kind of funny comment about liking you…but they do it in a way that if you react badly, they can just laugh it off.

They can pretend they didn’t mean anything by it and spare their ego some damage.

This is crucial for an ex-partner because if they’ve fallen back in love with you and then they make a move, but you reject them, not only are they losing their chance to reignite the flame with you, but they’ll lose a hell of a lot of pride as well.

It’s not easy trying to reclaim something they lost.

On the other hand, if your reaction is positive about getting back together, they might feel confident enough to make some moves down the track.

12. They compliment you

Compliments are a great way to gauge someone’s interest. Of course, many people can give compliments when they don’t really mean it because they want to make a good impression.

But if your ex truly likes you again, they’ll probably start complimenting you on subtle things that you may not be aware of.

It could be unique tidbits about your personality, or they could notice subtle changes in your hairstyle.

Perhaps they’ll talk about why it was so awesome dating you in the past.

In fact, sometimes it may not even be a compliment, but the fact that they’ve noticed that you’ve changed your hairstyle or used different make-up than what you used to when you were with them.

If they notice, it means they’re paying attention to you, and your ex probably cares for you.

Also, not many people are great at giving compliments, so keep your ears out and notice when they say something that could even be remotely viewed as a compliment.

If you’ve noticed that they don’t really compliment others, then they’ve probably fallen for you again.

13. They are getting nostalgic

Is your ex sending you texts (perhaps after 1 or 2 drinks) reminiscing about the good ol’ days?

“Remember that time…” An ex who talks about your past relationship with fondness still has you on their mind.

As we’ve said above, anyone that has emotionally moved on would not be sending texts about the past to their ex.

But give them slack. Nostalgia is a strong emotion, and when you experience it you can’t help but bask in its glory. This is why they want to engage in it with you.

But all you need to know is this:

If your ex is sending you “remember when” texts then you can be guaranteed that they want you back.

14. You keep running into them

You used to spend a lot of time together, and I bet that they know where you usually hang out.

So if you keep running into them “randomly”, stop and think about it for a second.

Do you really think it’s a coincidence?

Even if you’re hanging out at new places, you probably have mutual friends on social media. It’s pretty easy these days to work out where someone is spending their time.

Don’t dismiss the fact that running into you could be their sole intention of going out. The world is a big place. There are only so many coincidences to go around.

They want to see you because they miss you and they want to be with you.

A less simple explanation could be that subconsciously they can’t get you out of their head, so when their friend mentions going to a particular place, they jump at the chance because they know you’ll be there.

I’ll admit it sounds a little stalkerish but you can’t blame them. Love is a powerful emotion after all.

What you need to keep in mind is that it’s pretty unlikely that they would make such an effort to see you unless they still had strong feelings for you.

If you keep running into them, then the most likely explanation is that they haven’t moved on from you and they want to prove to you that you can make it work again.

15. They are posting subliminal messages on social media

We’ve all looked down on someone posting an emotional quote or song on social media that’s aimed at a particular person.

But it does happen, and the reason it happens is that it’s a way to communicate your feelings to someone without being direct about it.

So if you’re noticing they’re posting quotes on social media that hint at the fact that they miss you, and they wish they never broke up with you, then you can’t really get more obvious than that, can you?

They’re struggling with the breakup and they’re crying for you to come back.

Why would they do this?

It’s possible that they want to be seen as the victim in the breakup, and a show of sadness will get them the attention they clearly desire.

But it could also be a big sign that they specifically want your attention, and they don’t know how to be more direct about it.

Maybe it feels shameful for them to approach you again, or perhaps they regret past mistakes that they are unable to confront.

Whatever it is, some people use social media to make it clear how down they are feeling and to communicate a message specifically to someone they’re not in direct contact with.

Now that we’ve established that your ex probably wants you back, is it a good idea? Here are 6 signs that yes, it’s a fantastic idea!

Should you get back with your ex? 6 reasons it’s a no-brainer

happy couple
Image credit: Shutterstock – By Peter Berni

Everything is nuanced in relationships, even breakups. Not all relationships are completely irreparable.

In fact, breakups might just be what you needed to grow into the people that are better suited for each other.

So, how do you know if your relationship is worth the second chance?

If, even after all that time and space, you still feel something for each other, consider sitting down with them and discussing how your relationship could move forward.

However, your feelings alone shouldn’t dictate whether or not you should get back with your ex.

In order to cultivate real, healthy relationships, both parties need to offer stability, respect, openness, and kindness; love alone isn’t going to help the relationship survive the second time around.

Some exes have a better shot at reconnecting than others. Here are some situations where getting back together is a no-brainer:

1. You’re still compatible

It’s rare to meet someone that you’re so compatible and comfortable with.

If at the course of your dating life, you realize that no one else compares to your ex, and that you still have the same spark you did when you were together, take it as a sign that what you have with this person is something truly special.

2. You didn’t break up because of cheating, violence, or incompatible core values

Relationships that end because of physical and emotional abuse, cheating, and differences in core values are rarely salvageable because they can break trust, respect, and whatever solid foundation is necessary to have a healthy relationship.

But if your reasons for breaking up don’t include these things, there’s a chance you can patch things up and try again.

3. You break up because of circumstance

Maybe you broke up because he needed to move to another state for work. Maybe you weren’t to get into a serious relationship.

Regardless of the reason, exes who break up because of circumstance have the strongest chance at rekindling the passion, precisely because there are always ways to improve your timing if the breakup happened because of circumstance instead of personal differences.

Other reasons may not be as straightforward, but they may still be very much valid. These include:

You understand what went wrong. Sometimes relationships go south, to the point that there’s nothing you can do about it.

But if you start seeing your mistakes in hindsight, and find the willingness to improve who you are to compliment your partner, both of you might have a fighting chance at salvaging the relationship.

4. Your issues can be fixed.

Not all issues in a relationship are completely unsalvageable.

For instance, most communication issues can be avoided by setting some ground rules and being considerate of each other’s feelings. If your problems stemmed from things that could be fixed, know that you can still fight to get the relationship back.

5. You feel horrible when you’re not together.

Feeling like you’re missing a part of yourself after a breakup is completely normal.

However, if you still feel this way even after you’ve given yourself time to heal, maybe it’s more of a sign that you still have feelings for the other person.

6. You want to compromise.

Knowing you were wrong is one thing; wanting to fix it is another.

If you or your ex get to a point where you’re both willing to sit down, compromise, and make things work, it’s definitely a good sign that the relationship has a fighting chance.

You agree on things now. Different goals and outlooks in life can put a wedge in people, especially if you’re already looking to settle down, build a life with someone, and start a family.

With time and experience, both of you will have the space to grow and learn from different people. Time might be all that you needed just to get on the same page.

I have a question for you…

Do you really want to get back with your ex?

If you answered ‘yes’, then you need a plan of attack to get them back.

Forget the naysayers who warn you never to get back with your ex. Or those who say your only option is to move on with your life. If you still love your ex, then getting back with them may be the best way forward.

The simple truth is that getting back with your ex can work.

There are 3 things to you need to do now that you’re broken up:

  1. Work out why you broke up in the first place
  2. Become a better version of yourself so you don’t end up in a broken relationship again
  3. Formulate a plan of attack to get them back.

If you want some help with number 3 (“the plan”), then Brad Browning’s The Ex Factor is the guide I always recommend. I’ve read the book cover to cover and I believe it’s the most effective guide to getting your ex back currently available.

If you want to learn more about his program, check out this free video by Brad Browning.

Getting your ex to say, “I made a huge mistake”

The Ex Factor isn’t for everyone.

In fact, it’s for a very specific person: a person who has experienced a break-up and legitimately believes the breakup was a mistake.

This is a book that details a series of psychological, flirting, and (some would say) sneaky steps that a person can take in order to win back their ex.

The Ex Factor has one goal: to help you win back an ex.

If you’ve been broken up with, and you want to take specific steps to make your ex think “hey, that person is actually amazing, and I made a mistake”, then this is the book for you.

That is the crux of this program: getting your ex to say “I made a huge mistake.”

As for numbers 1 and 2, then you’ll have to do some self-reflection on your own about that.

What else do you need to know?

Brad’s Browning’s program is easily the most comprehensive and effective guide to getting your ex back you’ll find online.

As a certified relationship counselor, and with decades of experience working with couples to repair broken relationships, Brad knows what he’s talking about. He offers dozens of unique ideas that I’ve never read anywhere else.

Brad claims that over 90% of all relationships can be salvaged, and while that may sound unreasonably high, I tend to think he’s on the money.

I’ve been in contact with too many Hack Spirit readers who are happily back with their ex to be a skeptic.

Here’s a link to Brad’s free video again. If you want a foolproof plan to actually get your ex back, then Brad will give you one.

Lachlan Brown

Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 6 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter or Facebook.
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