16 big signs your ex is pretending to be over you

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When a relationship ends it can feel like your world is falling apart.

What do I do now, you wonder. Will I ever meet someone again who I have such strong feelings for?

Whatever the reason your relationship didn’t continue, it’s undeniably painful.

But, after some time, you move on. Because you have to move on. You stop being in touch and you accept that things are over, whether you are the one who ended things or your partner.

You do your best to remember the good times and appreciate what you had and keep going in life. You start socializing with new people and you don’t think of your ex as often.

Basically, it’s back to normal life … right?

Well, not always. Sometimes not at all.

Many times you will sense – and even think you see signs – that your ex isn’t over you.

Is it your imagination or are they really obsessed with you still?

The following list of 16 big signs that your ex is pretending to be over you can help answer that question.

Is it all in your head or is your ex really not over you?

1. They overdo ‘moving on’

This one is a lot different than the first warning sign, but it’s related. In the first sign your ex does things online or offline to get your attention and jealousy.

In this behavior, your ex puts on a show of how happy and “over you” they are.

Look for bucketloads of inspirational poems about inner peace and memes about finding yourself, being happy alone and so on.

It sounds like they’re trying to convince themselves (and you) just a little too hard.

And, also, what do you think the chances that before that latest Gandhi quote popped up there was a now-deleted post where they talked about how bad they feel and how they wish things could have worked?

2. They left lots of their stuff with you

Whether you lived together or not, an ex who is truly moving on will generally take almost everything of theirs when they move out.

It could be clothes, souvenirs, even a book you both liked or a favorite hat they always wore. Who knows. But they don’t want you to have it. They’re making a clean break.

When they’re not over you it’s the opposite. Your ex in this case will leave a trail of sentimental breadcrumbs leading right back to them.

Their favorite embroidered pillow, a shirt they bought with you that magical day at the beach, the ukelele they tried to learn for a week in the first few months you dated.

It’s obvious they want you to call or ask what to do with their stuff.

They’re banking on you to not be cruel enough to just throw it out and hoping the items will pull on your heartstrings just enough to rev up the engine of romance once again.

3. They want to get your goat

This doesn’t literally mean you have a pet goat they want – although that’s always possible and it takes all kinds to make the world go ‘round – but it usually means they want to fan the flames of jealousy in you.

They want to get a reaction out of you, get you testy – get you riled up and jealous.

Your ex will post on social media with new attractive people by his or her side, put up songs with lyrics about being glad a relationship is over or the twisted nature of a lover who did them wrong, and do many other not-so-subtle things to make you mad and sad.

If you get the feeling your ex is broadcasting a one-man or one-woman show just to get your attention then guess what?

They miss you and they’re definitely not over you. Not even close.

I learned about this from Brad Browning, who has helped thousands of men and women get their exes back. He goes by the moniker of “the relationship geek”, for good reason.

In this free video, he’ll show you exactly what you can do to make your ex want you again.

No matter what your situation is — or how badly you’ve messed up since the two of you broke up — he’ll give you a number of useful tips that you can apply immediately.

Here’s a link to his free video again. If you really want your ex back, this video will help you do this.

4. They hoard your stuff

This is the flip side of the last point. If your ex isn’t over you and you have some of your stuff at their place they will tend to hoard it.

They become suddenly unavailable for days when you text about coming by to get your clothes or other items.

They’re clinging onto any shred of you while pretending to be over you.

They might even be smelling your shirt before they sleep at night and crying all over it.

Creepy or romantic? We report, you decide.

5. They go out of their way to fight with you

This sounds like a contradiction of point four, but it’s not. Sometimes when your ex isn’t over you they go out of their way to fight.

Instead of pretending to be very happy or helping you out at any chance, they do what they can to ruin your life.

Would you try to ruin someone’s life you didn’t care about at all?

Maybe (if so, that’s an attitude you need to look into).

But, chances are, if someone is going out of their way to have knock-down drag out phone fights and fights in person and texting fights and otherwise unloading angry venom on you at every opportunity.

They might also be trash talking you behind your back. This is still a show. It’s to get your attention and hurt you the way they feel hurt so that you’ll hopefully rethink everything and be open to reconciling.

They’re not over you — by a country mile.

6. When they’re around you it’s all puppy dog eyes

Another big sign that your ex isn’t over you is if they want to keep getting together with you and – if and when they do – under whatever pretext they are making prolonged eye contact.

Maybe even touching your arm gently and other clear tells.

There’s a good chance your ex is looking at you so steadily because they’re hoping you might look back.

And relight that fire you once had.

It’s probably not just in your head. They want you back.

7. You feel like you’re living in Soviet Russia

All sorts of strange things might start happening when your ex isn’t over you.

Suddenly friends of theirs you never spoke to are sending you messages and trying to befriend you or asking how you’re doing.

You’re getting a nudge from a colleague at work and a comment “too bad it didn’t work out with Sara. She was really cool, man. Did you try talking things over with her? Maybe it could still work out somehow.”

Wait, what? You never even told your work colleague about her.

Well, welcome to the world of informants and spies that can happen when an ex isn’t over you.

They’ll send out all sorts of signals and messengers to try to check where you’re at.

Try to be normal and honest but don’t spill your guts to some new stranger in a way that could lead on your ex and give them the wrong impression.

If you don’t want them back then stick to your separation.

8. Want advice specific to your situation?

While this article explores the main signs your ex is pretending to be over you, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.

With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice specific to your life and your experiences…

Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations, like getting an ex back. They’re a very popular resource for people facing this sort of challenge.

How do I know?

Well, I reached out to them a few months ago when I was going through a tough patch in my own relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

In just a few minutes, you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

Click here to get started.

9. You’ve been erased, blocked and removed … mostly

When your ex is trying hard to get over you but isn’t they may block and remove you from their social networks and erase photos of you two, but still leave one or two.

Is it just for the nostalgia?

Did they leave you unblocked on Instagram just by mistake even though they blocked you everywhere else?

Don’t kid yourself. There’s likely a part of your ex still hoping you can someday make amends.

10. They keep their old routine

So what? You might think that. But when your ex keeps their old routine down to the minute you have to take a bit of a look.

If they still go to yoga class at the exact same time, still go for drinks every Saturday at the same bar, still frequent the same cafe on Monday mornings where you first met there’s a chance it’s a radar signal inviting you to step back into their lives.

It’s also just a chance they’re very bound to their schedule, so don’t necessarily read to much into it.

But still.

If they seem to be “bumping into” you at all the same times and places and doing everything they can not to distance themselves.

Your ex might want to not be your ex anymore.

11. They send you long messages

When your ex isn’t over you they want to keep in contact. They may send long, winding messages that look like a lot of thought and emotion went into them.

You click your notifications and your first reaction is a sigh seeing a text wall from your former paramour then you know what I mean.

They aren’t over you.

You’re on their mind.

You’re in their contacts.

And unless you want to be a bastard and block them you’re also the one who’s going to be reading their new version of War and Peace all night on your phone.

12. They keep wanting to talk over the reasons for your breakup

This is related to the last point but even more specific. Your ex keeps contacting you and wanting to talk about why you broke up.

Wanting to know why or talk more about it is normal, of course.

Within reason.

By the time you feel like you’ve repeated your position 100 times and you feel like you’re a broken record you can make a very safe bet that this person who you once loved is not over you.

13. They’re thinking only about the future

The problem isn’t that your ex won’t doesn’t love you again — your past relationship has shown how strong their feelings can be.

If you’ve tried to get back with your ex but failed, perhaps the real problem is a closed mind. They’ve already decided not to give you a second chance.

That’s the emotional wall you need to climb over.

So, a sign that your ex is pretending to be over you (but actually wants to get back with you) is that they’re thinking only about the future now. They’ve stopped analyzing the past and the baggage that comes with it.

Here’s why this is so important.

Scientists have recently made an interesting discovery about humans. When relaxed, 80% of the time our mind is imagining the future. We spend a little bit of time contemplating the past and focusing on the present — but most of the time we’re actually thinking about the future.

According to relationship expert James Bauer, the key is changing what your ex feels when they picture you in their life again.

Forget about convincing them to give things another try. Logical reasoning won’t work because you’ll just reinforce the painful emotions that drove them away in the first place.

When someone tries to convince you of something, it’s human nature to always come up with a counter argument.

Focus instead on changing the way they feel. How? Simply change the emotions they associate with you and make them picture a whole new relationship.

In this simple and genuine video, James Bauer gives you a step-by-step method for changing the way your ex feels about you. He reveals the texts you can send and things you can say that will trigger something deep inside them.

Because once you paint a new picture about what your life together could be like, their emotional walls won’t stand a chance.

Watch his excellent free video here.

14. Their new partner hates you with a vengeance

If your ex is now dating someone new it can seem obvious at first that they’ve moved on.

Not so fast, though.

If you are getting a lot of online and in-person shade thrown at you by their new partner it’s a telling sign that your ex has been feeding his or her new love interest with all sorts of stories about what a monster you are.

If you see your ex out with their new crush one night and the guy or gal is looking at you like you drown baby kittens for a living you can bet some good money that your ex isn’t over you and is still heartbroken and coping badly.

15. Drunk or emotional phone calls late at night

This might end up being a reason to block their number, but it’s also a clear indicator they aren’t over you.

Drunk, or rambling late-night calls that seem like more or less of a version of “please give me one more chance” or “sorry I ended things I want you back” are very much a big flashing I’m Not Over You sign.

Welcome to Fabulous Las Splitsville.

16. They’ve become a party magnet

This one is a classic. Your ex is out on the town every night and has become a major lush or booze hound.

No photo of a famous DJ or radical new experimental drum circle art project or party of the century can appear without their highly inebriated face in the background having the time of their life they won’t ever remember.

This is an especially big sign if they were fairly reserved around you but have now become Party Central.

Sure, having fun is great. But going all out irresponsibly and ending each night in a spinning frenzy of bad choices and lost memories?

That person wouldn’t be hunched over a porcelain throne every night wasting the money they just spent on a shawarma with extra pickles if they were actually over you.

On the other hand, here are 11 signs he is clearly over you

This might be a part of the article that you don’t want to read, but it’s important to understand if he is actually over you as well.

Here are some of the most common signs that he’s over you. Maybe he hasn’t told you yet, but if he’s exhibiting these signs, it’s time to consider whether you want to try to fix it or resign yourself to getting over him and starting fresh.

1. No Response Is a Response

No, we’re not talking about ghosting. Though no response is a response in that situation, too.

When your guy won’t respond to what you say, doesn’t want to argue, doesn’t even bother to text back when you’re in the middle of a heated discussion, it’s a sign he’s no longer interested.

If there are disagreements in your relationship, your man should be invested in solving them. He should be interested in what you have to say. Even if he’s not agreeing with what you say, he should at least want to voice his own opinion.

If your guy completely checks out on these situations that you care about, he might be over you.

2. He Shows No Interest In Your Day

Does your guy ask you questions? Does he want to know how your day went or what plans you have? If not, it’s a problem.

If you’re interested in someone, you want to hear all about them. You want to know the intricacies of their day, who they spent it with, and what type of things they did.

If you’re asking about his life, but he’s not asking about yours, it’s a sign he’s no longer interested.

Think back to the beginning of your relationship. Did he start out asking all these questions? Maybe his feelings cooled off with his curiosity.

3. His Communication Is Lacking

Most couples do an awful lot of their communication via text and social media today. And there’s nothing wrong with that. If your guy’s texting and messaging pattern changes, that is a big problem.

Some guys just aren’t that great at texts. They use shorthand. Type in a few words and emojis and that’s it. But other guys can have full conversations through text. They can text long sweeping messages to the girl they’re into.

If your guy was the text conversation kind, and he’s suddenly replying with one word, it’s a bad sign.

It’s a worse sign if he’s not replying for three or four texts in a row. Or it takes him several hours longer to respond. Or he starts ignoring you completely.

4. Your Friends Aren’t Important to Him

This is a subtle clue but a clue nonetheless. If he suddenly gets very cold with your friends, it could be a bad sign.

Usually, your man will become friends with your friends. At least, they’ll be polite. When your man starts distancing himself from your friends, it could spell trouble.

Maybe he stops interacting with them on social media. Or maybe he just doesn’t talk to them as much when you run into them.

A lot of men purposely try to cut ties with mutual friends when they know the relationship won’t last much longer.

5. His Friends Avoid You

This is an even bigger sign. If your man wants to end the relationship, he will set the stage with his friends.

This is his safe place to be honest. He may have told his best buddies that he wants to end things, even though he hasn’t told you.

He may not have been completely honest with them, but he still gave them hints that things aren’t all great in his relationship.

A lot of men complain about their girlfriend to friends when they’re thinking of leaving. They want that support system to tell them that they’re right. That they should move on.

If his friends are less friendly to you, it’s a sign that your man’s view of you may have changed.

6. He’s Less Fun and Having Less Fun

When your man is totally into you, he smiles a lot. He jokes. He looks like he’s having a great time around you.

After all, don’t you feel great when you’re with a guy you adore? Men feel the same butterflies and elation around a woman they’re crazy about.

If your guy suddenly stops ever looking like he’s having a good time, he probably isn’t. If he’s always unhappy or annoyed, it’s a big problem.

7. He Doesn’t Care if You Get Male Attention

Let’s be real, no woman needs a controlling, jealous man. That’s not healthy at all. But it’s only natural to be slightly jealous if you’re getting a ton of male attention.

Maybe he trusts you. We hope that’s the case. But if someone overtly flirts with you and he doesn’t seem to mind or even notice, that might be a problem.

8. He Starts Talking About a Female

Your guy can have female friends. But if he starts mentioning the same woman often, it might be an issue.

Let’s be clear, he probably wouldn’t mention her if he was already having an affair. If he does talk about her a lot, it’s because she’s on his mind.

He may not even be ready to acknowledge he’s attracted to her. But where there’s smoke there’s fire. And when your guy is starting to notice other women, it often means he’s no longer that interested in you.

9. He Never Initiates Contact

Are you always the one calling and texting him? Does he ever reach out without you initiating?

If you’re always making the first move, he might not be that into you. What happens if you don’t text him good morning? Will the whole day go by without hearing from him?

You need a man who pays you as much attention as you pay him. Not less.

10. He Stops Making Time for You

All of a sudden, he has no time to spend with you. Maybe his schedule is temporarily busy. But often this is a terrible sign.

When a guy who was making plans with you doesn’t make you a priority, it usually means he’s over the relationship.

11. He’s No Longer Initiating Physical Contact

Were you hot and heavy and suddenly he barely kisses you? He’s already gone.

This is a huge sign that your guy is already seeing someone. To add insult to injury, one of the reasons cheaters stop wanting to have sex with their girlfriends is because they feel unfaithful to the other person. Ugh.

That’s the last thing you need. Even if he’s not already cheating, he has his eyes on the door.

I have a question for you…

Do you really want to get back with your ex?

If you think you guys would be happier back together, then you need to be proactive to get him back.

Here are the 3 things to do after a break up:

  1. Work out why you broke up in the first place
  2. Become a better version of yourself so you don’t end up in a broken relationship again.
  3. Formulate a plan of attack to get them back.

If you want some help with number 3 (“the plan”), then you need to watch relationship expert Brad Browning’s excellent free video right now.

This video isn’t for everyone.

In fact, it’s for a very specific person: a man or a woman who has experienced a break up and legitimately believes the breakup was a mistake.

Brad Browning has one goal: to help you win back an ex.

As a certified relationship counselor, and with decades of experience helping to repair broken relationships, Brad will give you a foolproof plan to get them back. He reveals the texts you can send and things you can say to him to make him think, “yep, I made a big mistake!”.

Click here to watch his simple and genuine video.

FREE eBook: 4 Steps to Starting Over With An Ex

Do you want to get back with your ex?

Then you need to check out our FREE eBook, The Ex Back Handbook.

We have one goal in mind with this book: to help you win back an ex (for good!).

If you want a foolproof plan to reverse your break up, you’re going to love this guide.

Check it out here.


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Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. Check out my latest book on the Hidden Secrets of Buddhism and How it Saved My Life. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Twitter.

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