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15 big signs your ex is pretending to be over you

When a relationship ends it can feel like your world is falling apart.

What do I do now, you wonder. Will I ever meet someone again who I have such strong feelings for?

Whatever the reason your relationship didn’t continue, it’s undeniably painful.

But, after some time, you move on. Because you have to move on. You stop being in touch and you accept that things are over, whether you are the one who ended things or your partner.

You do your best to remember the good times and appreciate what you had and keep going in life. You start socializing with new people and you don’t think of your ex as often.

Basically it’s back to normal life … right?

Well, not always. Sometimes not at all.

Many times you will sense – and even think you see signs – that your ex isn’t over you.

Is it your imagination or are they really obsessed with you still?

The following list of 15 big signs that your ex is pretending to be over you can help answer that question.

Is it all in your head or is your ex really not over you?

1. They want to get your goat

This doesn’t literally mean you have a pet goat they want – although that’s always possible and it takes all kinds to make the world go ‘round – but it usually means they want to fan the flames of jealousy in you.

They want to get a reaction out of you, get you testy – get you riled up and jealous.

Your ex will post on social media with new attractive people by his or her side, put up songs with lyrics about being glad a relationship is over or the twisted nature of a lover who did them wrong, and do many other not-so-subtle things to make you mad and sad.

If you get the feeling your ex is broadcasting a one-man or one-woman show just to get your attention then guess what?

They miss you and they’re definitely not over you. Not even close.

2. They overdo ‘moving on’

This one is a lot different than the first warning sign, but it’s related. In the first sign your ex does things online or offline to get your attention and jealousy.

In this behavior your ex puts on a show of how happy and “over you” they are.

Look for bucketloads of inspirational poems about inner peace and memes about finding yourself, being happy alone and so on.

It sounds like they’re trying to convince themselves (and you) just a little too hard.

And, also, what do you think the chances that before that latest Gandhi quote popped up there was a now-deleted post where they talked about how bad they feel and how they wish things could have worked?

3. They left lots of their stuff with you

Whether you lived together or not, an ex who is truly moving on will generally take almost everything of theirs when they move out.

It could be clothes, souvenirs, even a book you both liked or a favorite hat they always wore. Who knows. But they don’t want you to have it. They’re making a clean break.

When they’re not over you it’s the opposite. Your ex in this case will leave a trail of sentimental breadcrumbs leading right back to them.

Their favorite embroidered pillow, a shirt they bought with you that magical day at the beach, the ukelele they tried to learn for a week in the first few months you dated.

It’s obvious they want you to call or ask what to do with their stuff.

They’re banking on you to not be cruel enough to just throw it out and hoping the items will pull on your heartstrings just enough to rev up the engine of romance once again.

4. They hoard your stuff

This is the flipside of the last point. If your ex isn’t over you and you have some of your stuff at their place they will tend to hoard it.

They become suddenly unavailable for days when you text about coming by to get your clothes or other items.

They’re clinging onto any shred of you while pretending to be over you.

They might even be smelling your shirt before they sleep at night and crying all over it.

Creepy or romantic? We report, you decide.

5. They go out of their way for you

We all like to think we’re good people, and many of us really are – I like to think I’m not always so bad myself (please excuse the humble brag).

But if your ex is being Mr. or Mrs. Super Nice to you every time you cross paths digitally or personally in any way then you can bet they’re not over you.

Are they bringing up tiny details you didn’t resolve like changing the address on your cable bill or your shared gym membership?

Are they drawing out the details and taking any excuse to help you out or do you a favor?

It sounds to me like an excuse to be around you and win your heart back.

6. They go out of their way to fight with you

This sounds like a contradiction of point four, but it’s not. Sometimes when your ex isn’t over you they go out of their way to fight.

Instead of pretending to be very happy or helping you out at any chance, they do what they can to ruin your life.

Would you try to ruin someone’s life you didn’t care about at all?

Maybe (if so, that’s an attitude you need to look into).

But, chances are, if someone is going out of their way to have knock-down drag out phone fights and fights in person and texting fights and otherwise unloading angry venom on you at every opportunity.

They might also be trash talking you behind your back. This is still a show. It’s to get your attention and hurt you the way they feel hurt so that you’ll hopefully rethink everything and be open to reconciling.

They’re not over you — by a country mile.

7. When they’re around you it’s all puppy dog eyes

Another big sign that your ex isn’t over you is if they want to keep getting together with you and – if and when they do – under whatever pretext they are making prolonged eye contact.

Maybe even touching your arm gently and other clear tells.

There’s a good chance your ex is looking at you so steadily because they’re hoping you might look back.

And relight that fire you once had.

It’s probably not just in your head. They want you back.

8. You feel like you’re living in Soviet Russia

All sorts of strange things might start happening when your ex isn’t over you.

Suddenly friends of theirs you never spoke to are sending you messages and trying to befriend you or asking how you’re doing.

You’re getting a nudge from a colleague at work and a comment “too bad it didn’t work out with Sara. She was really cool, man. Did you try talking things over with her? Maybe it could still work out somehow.”

Wait, what? You never even told your work colleague about her.

Well, welcome to the world of informants and spies that can happen when an ex isn’t over you.

They’ll send out all sorts of signals and messengers to try to check where you’re at.

Try to be normal and honest but don’t spill your guts to some new stranger in a way that could lead on your ex and give them the wrong impression.

If you don’t want them back then stick to your separation.

9. You’ve been erased, blocked and removed … mostly

When your ex is trying hard to get over you but isn’t they may block and remove you from their social networks and erase photos of you two, but still leave one or two.

Is it just for the nostalgia?

Did they leave you unblocked on Instagram just by mistake even though they blocked you everywhere else?

Don’t kid yourself. There’s likely a part of your ex still hoping you can someday make amends.

10. They keep their old routine

So what? You might think that. But when your ex keeps their old routine down to the minute you have to take a bit of a look.

If they still go to yoga class at the exact same time, still go for drinks every Saturday at the same bar, still frequent the same cafe on Monday mornings where you first met there’s a chance it’s a radar signal inviting you to step back into their lives.

It’s also just a chance they’re very bound to their schedule, so don’t necessarily read to much into it.

But still.

If they seem to be “bumping into” you at all the same times and places and doing everything they can not to distance themselves.

Your ex might want to not be your ex anymore.

11. They send you long messages

When your ex isn’t over you they want to keep in contact. They may send long, winding messages that look like a lot of thought and emotion went into them.

You click your notifications and your first reaction is a sigh seeing a text wall from your former paramour then you know what I mean.

They aren’t over you.

You’re on their mind.

You’re in their contacts.

And unless you want to be a bastard and block them you’re also the one who’s going to be reading their new version of War and Peace all night on your phone.

12. They keep wanting to talk over the reasons for your breakup

This is related to the last point but even more specific. Your ex keeps contacting you and wanting to talk about why you broke up.

Wanting to know why or talk more about it is normal, of course.

Within reason.

By the time you feel like you’ve repeated your position 100 times and you feel like you’re a broken record you can make a very safe bet that this person who you once loved is not over you.

13. Their new partner hates you with a vengeance

If your ex is now dating someone new it can seem obvious at first that they’ve moved on.

Not so fast, though.

If you are getting a lot of online and in-person shade thrown at you by their new partner it’s a telling sign that your ex has been feeding his or her new love interest with all sorts of stories about what a monster you are.

If you see your ex out with their new crush one night and the guy or gal is looking at you like you drown baby kittens for a living you can bet some good money that your ex isn’t over you and is still heartbroken and coping badly.

14. Drunk or emotional phone calls late at night

This might end up being a reason to block their number, but it’s also a clear indicator they aren’t over you.

Drunk, or rambling late-night calls that seem like more or less of a version of “please give me one more chance” or “sorry I ended things I want you back” are very much a big flashing I’m Not Over You sign.

Welcome to Fabulous Las Splitsville.

15. They’ve become a party magnet

This one is a classic. Your ex is out on the town every night and has become a major lush or booze hound.

No photo of a famous DJ or radical new experimental drum circle art project or party of the century can appear without their highly inebriated face in the background having the time of their life they won’t ever remember.

This is an especially big sign if they were fairly reserved around you but have now become Party Central.

Sure, having fun is great. But going all out irresponsibly and ending each night in a spinning frenzy of bad choices and lost memories?

That person wouldn’t be hunched over a porcelain throne every night wasting the money they just spent on a shawarma with extra pickles if they were actually over you.

I have a question for you…

Do you really want to get back with your ex?

If you answered ‘yes’, then you need a plan of attack to get them back.

Forget the naysayers who warn you never to get back with your ex. Or those who say your only option is to move on with your life. If you still love your ex, then getting them back may be the best way forward.

The simple truth is that getting back with your ex can work.

There are 3 things to you need to do now that you’re broken up:

  1. Work out why you broke up in the first place
  2. Become a better version of yourself so you don’t end up in a broken relationship again.
  3. Formulate a plan of attack to get them back.

If you want some help with number 3 (“the plan”), then Brad Browning’s The Ex Factor is the guide I always recommend. I’ve read the book cover to cover and I believe it’s the most effective guide to getting your ex back currently available.

If you want to learn more about his program, check out this free video by Brad Browning.

Getting your ex to say, “I made a huge mistake”

The Ex Factor isn’t for everyone.

In fact, it’s for a very specific person: a man or a woman who has experienced a break up and legitimately believes the breakup was a mistake.

This is a book that details a series of psychological, flirting, and (some would say) sneaky steps that a person can take in order to win back their ex.

The Ex Factor has one goal: to help you win back an ex.

If you’ve been broken up with, and you want to take specific steps to make your ex think “hey, that person is actually amazing, and I made a mistake”, then this is the book for you.

That is the crux of this program: getting your ex to say “I made a huge mistake.”

As for numbers 1 and 2, then you’ll have to do some self-reflection on your own about that.

What else do you need to know?

Brad’s Browning’s program is easily the most comprehensive and effective guide to getting your ex back you’ll find online.

As a certified relationship counselor, and with decades of experience working with couples to repair broken relationships, Brad knows what he’s talking about. He offers dozens of unique ideas that I’ve never read anywhere else.

Brad claims that over 90% of all relationships can be salvaged, and while that may sound unreasonably high, I tend to think he’s on the money.

I’ve been in contact with too many Hack Spirit readers who are happily back with their ex to be a skeptic.

Here’s a link to Brad’s free video again. If you want an almost foolproof plan to actually get your ex back, then Brad will give you one.

Lachlan Brown

Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 6 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter or Facebook.
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