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15 alarming signs your boyfriend is tired of the relationship (and what to do about it)

Something gives and you know it.

Maybe his behavior has changed, or he just seems off right now.

Whatever it is, your intuitive alarm bells have started ringing and you’re wondering what are the signs when a man is done with you.

How do you know if your boyfriend is not into you anymore, or if you’re just being paranoid?

In this article, I’ll run through some crucial ways to tell, and exactly what to do about it if he is getting tired of the relationship.

How do you know when a man is unhappy in a relationship?

When a relationship starts to turn sour it may not be so obvious at first.

We have a way of hiding things from our other half for fear of rocking the boat.

We may want to avoid drama and so keep concerns to ourselves — even though this is the last thing we should be doing.f

Rather than come straight out and say it, your boyfriend might be trying to keep his discontent to himself.

The problem is, this usually just creates even more of a distance between you, until it’s too late to fix things.

At some point, it all becomes too difficult to avoid, and the signs start to spill out into everyday life.

Reading the signs your boyfriend is becoming bored of you is super important so you can nip it in the bud before you get to the point of no return.

The good news is, even if you do start to notice some alarming signs your boyfriend is tired of the relationship, it doesn’t have to spell the end for you two.

There are some simple and effective ways to bring his attention back onto you, where it belongs.

How do you know when someone is checking out of a relationship? 15 signs your boyfriend is getting tired of you

1) His texting habits have changed

There are so many ways to stay connected these days that social media can easily make us paranoid. If you don’t hear from him straight away your mind can quickly start racing.

It’s unrealistic to be in non-stop communication, and as things start to settle down in a relationship, you may find you text each other less when you’re apart.

That’s not necessarily a bad thing either, as it can be a sign you are secure and don’t need constant reassurance from one another anymore.

But if there’s been a big change in how often you talk, or in the way you’re staying in touch — it can be one of those first clues that something isn’t right.

Maybe his constant messages have suddenly dropped off, he takes hours and hours to even bother replying to you, or he has started missing most of your calls.

A sudden reduction in communication can be a sign he is drifting away from you.

2) He doesn’t prioritize you

Life can be busy and priorities will shift.

Depending on what is going on at the time, friends, family, work, or hobbies will need to move to the top of our list. That means your relationship is bound to slip down the pecking order every now and then.

But if you are in a loving and committed relationship, it should always remain one of your top priorities and get plenty of your time and attention.

If it isn’t, then your boyfriend is signaling to you it’s not as important to him anymore.

Does it feel like there isn’t even room for you in his life? Does it feel like everything else comes before you? Then you may not be a priority to him.

3) His “teasing” is kind of rude

Playfulness in any relationship can be a great way to bond. Maybe you even loved how much he would tease you in the beginning.

After all, this can be a flirty way of getting your attention and you never took it seriously.

But if recently his so-called “teasing” has actually turned mean, this disrespectful behavior could be a sign of his underlying frustrations coming to the surface.

Rather than being light-hearted, his words are cutting, snide, and feel more like digs.

This sounds more passive-aggressive than being the innocent jokes he is trying to play it all off as.

4) You’re having awkward silences

The funny thing about silence in a relationship is that it can be either a sign of genuine comfort or the total opposite.

The only distinction is the way it feels.

It’s that all-important “awkward” bit that turns silence from a pleasure into a problem.

When we are close to someone, silence isn’t uncomfortable. We can sit with them and not feel the need to speak in order to connect.

That’s why when silence becomes awkward it suggests we may not feel comfortable with that person anymore.

It only takes one person to feel it for there to be tension in the air that you both pick up on.

5) He seems distant

When most of us go looking for concrete evidence of a problem in our relationship, it usually starts with a bad feeling we have.

You may just sense that something is not right with your boyfriend and feel like he has started acting weird.

It could feel like he’s already started to check out of the relationship because he’s acting distant these days.

It’s not one thing, in particular, it’s more that you can feel his energy isn’t present like it once was.

6) The only intimacy between you is in the bedroom

It’s common when couples are going through difficulties elsewhere in the relationship for it to be reflected through problems in the bedroom too.

You may find that the sex has gone, and your boyfriend has less interest or rarely makes a move anymore.

As men typically do have higher sex drives than women and guys are responsible for initiating sex more, perhaps your boyfriend does still want to sleep with you.

But despite wanting sex, have you noticed that the cuddles, kisses, hugs, and other forms of physical contact have dropped off?

Or maybe when you do have sex he avoids eye contact with you.

This suggests that emotional intimacy might not be there for him.

7) You sense he’s hiding something from you

Intuition is a funny thing.

We often think of it as some form of mystical knowing, but it can be way more practical than that.

Your brain is constantly reading information that it takes in. So much information in fact that it can’t possibly make you aware of everything it’s figuring out.

Lots of people when they’re being lied to, or being cheated on, report having a feeling about it before they had any real proof.

But your brain is likely picking up on 1001 subtle clues that tell you something is not right.

If you get a strong sense your boyfriend is hiding something from you, you could be subconsciously noticing things your conscious mind isn’t yet aware of.

8) He makes zero effort

He used to bring you home silly little gifts all the time, send you good morning messages, and suggest fun things to do.

These days you’re lucky if he even looks up from his phone when you walk through the door.

Your boyfriend becoming a bit lazy doesn’t always mean he’s getting tired of the relationship. Sadly, it could just mean he doesn’t quite appreciate what he has.

But generally, the more important something is to us, the more of an effort we make.

So, if he has become totally selfish and makes no attempt to please you it’s not a good sign.

9) He never compliments you anymore

On your first date, he told you how much he liked what you were wearing and how “cool” your tattoo is. His complement had a deeper motive than the surface flattery it presented itself as.

He was essentially signaling to you — “I am interested”.

In the world of romance, compliments are a way of showing attraction, offering affection and appreciation.

They’re basically a way of letting someone know that we are paying attention and we like what we see.

When the compliments stop, it can be a sign that someone’s attention has also drifted.

10) He’s snappy and moody

Taking bad moods out on our nearest and dearest is pretty common, but maybe you always seem to be increasingly in the firing line.

If it feels like everything is your fault or he has no patience anymore, then his grumpiness could be a reflection of him being tired of the relationship.

It might even feel like he’s always picking a fight with you.

Some people when they want to leave a relationship, but don’t know how to try to create conflict to prompt a breakup.

We can even end up doing it subconsciously as an excuse to split.

11) You’re spending way less time together

Every couple is different and some will naturally want to spend more time together than others.

What matters most is if you notice a change in how much time you have been spending together compared to what is normal for you.

The quality of that time also matters just as much as the quantity of the time spent together.

So if it feels like he’s fitting you in, or not giving you the best of his time (for example, his weekends)  — you have to ask yourself why?

12) He’s evasive if you try and talk about it

If you’ve been sensing strange behavior coming from you man for a while, you may have already tried to talk about it with him.

How he responds to your worries is likely to give you some big clues.

If you’ve been overly sensitive and reading too much into things, as soon as you let him know your concerns he will offer your reassurance.

But if he changes the subject, is evasive of your questions, and doesn’t put your mind at rest, it probably isn’t just in your head.

13) He doesn’t tell you things anymore

We create bonds within a relationship in many different ways, one of the most important of which is good communication.

Talking together and sharing intimate details with one another creates trust and closeness.

Do you feel like the communication between you and your boyfriend has gone drastically downhill?

One of the signs your partner has started to emotionally check out from your relationship is when they no longer share with you what is going on in their lives or even in their head.

14) He’s unsupportive

Have you noticed that recently he is taking less and less interest in your life or what’s going on with you?

He isn’t asking about how your day was, because he’s not really curious.

He doesn’t listen when you need to vent about your boss and what’s been going on at work.

Rather than take your side in a dispute with a friend, he has started to play “devil’s advocate” just a little bit too much.

Partnerships are meant to be a team, which means having one another’s back.

If he isn’t making an effort to be there for you, and support you through challenges, then it could be a reflection of waning commitment in the relationship.

15) He’s always out with his friends

Things don’t go bad overnight in a relationship. It happens in stages. This is why there will be clues along the way.

One of those signs he is getting fed up with the relationship is if he is increasingly looking for an exit.

Starting to go out all the time with his friends or heavy partying without you is a way of having one foot out of the door.

It almost seems like he is testing the water again for single life, getting a taste for freedom, and seeing if he likes it.

What to do when your partner is tired of you: 4 steps to take

1) Trigger his hero instinct

Have you heard of the hero instinct already?

It’s a new psychological concept that explains perfectly why men can start to get bored and dissatisfied in their relationships — based on their biology.

The hero instinct was coined by relationship psychologist James Bauer, and it says that men carry within their DNA the need to feel essential to the women in their lives.

(FYI, learning the details of the hero instinct significantly improved the quality of my relationships, so I’d seriously recommend watching this free video to discover more.)

But what does “feeling essential” actually mean?

Well, Bauer says that men have evolved to provide for and protect the people they care most about in life.

We’re not talking about outdated sexist notions or BS gender roles, we’re talking about an evolutionary response that men cannot help, and in most cases aren’t even aware they have.

In modern relationships where women take care of themselves and don’t “need” a man for anything (even though they may still want him), there’s often not much room for him to feel like your hero.

But when he doesn’t, it spells problems for the relationship. Your boyfriend can start to feel useless and this resentment quickly turns on you.

Understanding the male primal drive

If his silent biological needs aren’t being met, it can lead to a sense of dissatisfaction that he can’t quite put his finger on. This can manifest as getting bored or tired of the relationship.

The real kicker is that the more loving you are and the more you do for him, the less needed he can feel, and so the more distant he becomes.

Your boyfriend wants to feel useful, respected, and appreciated. So when you trigger this instinct in a guy you’ll find he naturally becomes more attentive, loving, and committed.

Here are just some of the ways to trigger his hero instinct:

  • Don’t be afraid to ask for his help when you want it.
  • Show your appreciation when he does something for you.
  • Boost his confidence.
  • Let him know that he makes you happy.
  • Encourage him to be his best self and support his bigger goals.

I know it all sounds really simple (which is actually a good thing), but it’s super powerful all the same.

I’ve barely touched the surface here, and it’s a totally fascinating topic. So I would really recommend watching that free video to discover everything you need to know about the hero instinct and all the ways to trigger it in your boyfriend now.

2) Figure out how you really feel

When we’re worried we may have problems in our relationship, it’s all too easy to get caught up in how the other person may or may not be feeling.

You may try to second guess his thoughts and feelings, but in the process could be neglecting your own.

Before going too far down this path, stop and ask yourself how you really feel. There are two people in this relationship after all.

Are you happy in your relationship? Or are you also getting tired of certain things or becoming a bit bored with your boyfriend too?

Take some time to focus on yourself and your feelings. That way you can work out what you really want from this relationship.

If he really is getting tired of you, how do you honestly feel about that? Do you want to fight for your relationship or not?

You may think that you already know the answers to these questions, but dig a little deeper into your own heart and you may well be surprised at what you find.

3) Talk to him

When the time feels right you will need to have an open and honest conversation with your boyfriend about how you feel.

This is why getting clear in your own mind first is important.

This kind of communication can feel like the hardest thing to do for couples who are experiencing problems.

It’s natural to feel vulnerable and even fear the answers you could get when you’ve worked up the courage to ask your boyfriend if he’s getting tired of the relationship.

But all partnerships have to be 50/50.

This means that ultimately you’re both going to be responsible for overcoming any challenges you have together in the relationship.

To reach a resolution, you need to be able to tell each other how you feel and exactly what you want.

4) Know your worth

All relationships require compromise and a certain amount of sacrifice, but you should never have to compromise your sense of self-worth.

Be extra kind to yourself during any times of relationship difficulty and show yourself plenty of self-love.

Lean on the support of friends, family, loved ones, or even professionals if you need to.

Be prepared to set clear boundaries with your boyfriend moving forward.

That doesn’t mean pulling out a rigid list of demands. It just means drawing a line under what you will and won’t put up with within the relationship.

For example, if your boyfriend has been showing some of the signs from this list, many of them could be unacceptable to you and something he will need to change if you’re going to work on the relationship together.

Knowing your worth is about being loving to yourself first and foremost before you give that love away to anyone else.

In summary: How do you know if he’s done with you?

The reality is that all relationships go through their ups and downs.

Especially when you have been together a while and those initial honeymoon sparks begin to fade, you may notice some big changes in how you behave around one another.

But this doesn’t have to spell the end.

Even if your boyfriend is growing tired of the relationship, this is more common than you might think.

Most couples go through phases where they are feeling a little bored, frustrated, or fed up with one another — and it doesn’t automatically mean they want to split up.

Many ride out the difficult times and come out the other side again even stronger.

With a little time, effort, and honest communication, it’s possible to get back on track if you decide you want to save your relationship.

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Written by Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Twitter.

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