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50 signs you will never get married (and why it’s totally okay)

From a young age, we’re told that marriage is a necessary step for happiness.

These subtle messages come from Disney movies, sappy love songs, romance movies, and sometimes from well-meaning family members.

Don’t they know just how ridiculously hard this is?

There are so many reasons why relationships fail, so finding a partner-for-life in your 20s, 30s, or even 70s is like winning the lottery. It is no surprise then that 40-50% of marriages end in divorce.

But your mother keeps asking when they’ll have their grandchild.

You’re probably reading this article wondering if you’re just not ready for marriage or it’s something you don’t want to do at all.

In this post, we’ll give you 50 signs why you will never get married (and why it’s totally okay).

#1 You think the institution of marriage is BS

Why does society pressure us to get married and have a family unit?

You don’t see the point of going to church and proclaiming your love in front of a “higher being” just to make it valid.

Love should be freely given and received, not a partnership bound by guilt and a contract.

#2 You hate the wedding industry

If every person in the world is expected to get married, who benefits from it?

The churches get their cut, wedding videographers, fashion brands, event organizers, food caterers, jewelry makers.

The global market for wedding services is worth an estimated $300bn per year according to an IBISWorld report on wedding services.

For you, this is too excessive and unnecessary. It’s just like celebrating Valentine’s Day with guests.

#3 You hate paying for freedom

You are all too aware that divorce costs a lot!

Divorce lawyers cost $250+ an hour and the whole thing could cost you $15,000 up to $100,000!

From prenup to divorces, these guys rake in money from all the marriages that have gone sour.

Getting married doesn’t make your bond stronger. It just makes getting out of it harder.

You simply know that even if you do all the tried and tested ways to save a relationship if it’s over, it’s really over. And you’re not willing to pay the price.

#4 “Happily ever after” makes you roll your eyes

Brad and Jen broke up because Angie came along. Brad left Jen because it seemed like he and Angie had such good chemistry – it’s as if they’re twin flames.

Alrightie. So maybe they are and they’d become this power couple who’re meant to be together forever but BAM! Six kids later, they broke up like many couples in the world.

There is no such thing as happily ever after!

You are smart enough to know that in life, nothing lasts forever.

#5 You don’t envy your married friends one bit

You witness your married friends get all lovey-dovey but you also see how they bicker and throw sarcastic remarks at each other.

Because of this, you know that even the good ones — the really happy-looking ones that seem like they’re perfect for each other — have bad days and can even be toxic for each other.

Unlike you, they cannot pack their bags and leave when things get rough.

#6 Sometimes you feel sorry for married people

You have friends who look like they’re a perfect couple.

They laugh and share the same things. They have their ducks in a row — kids, house, car. They even have a trip to Mexico.

But then, two weeks later, the guy confided in you that he’s been sleeping with another woman but he doesn’t want to hurt his wife.

Damn! You don’t know who you’re more sorry for, the girl who doesn’t have a clue or the husband who’s in love with another woman but can’t get out of the marriage.

#7 You know marriage is hard work (and you’re not willing to put in the effort)

You enjoy being with your S.O. but if things will turn ugly, as they could because that’s life, you don’t want to fight tooth and nail for your relationship because there are better things to do.

If something is not working, we have to let them go.

#8 You had an ex-fiancé from hell

You almost got married.

You’re in love and you thought that’s all that matters. But then they bailed and crushed your heart into a million pieces.

Or you realized while doing the stressful wedding planning, that they’re really not the one for you and it wasn’t just pre-wedding jitters. You’d never go through that again.

Once is enough.

#9 Your soulmate is married to someone else

You have one big love that got away.

There were so many signs they’re your soulmate so you know you should be together. If you ever get married, you only want it to be with them.

Sadly, not even your current partner can beat their place in your heart even if you do love them. It’s just that you always imagined marching down the aisle with the one who got away.

Some say this is just limerence and you should go to therapy but for you, it’s love.

#10 Stories of cheating haunt you at night

It boggles you why people cheat.

We’re not talking about those eternal playboys and playgirls who are born to cheat. We’re talking about regular folks like you and me who believe in love.

Those people who are in a healthy, loving relationship but for some reason or another, can’t help but cheat!

Those who are just bored, those who are in dead bedrooms, those who are just drunk or horny AF and can’t say no.

Any moment, these things can happen even in the most loving relationships and it’s scaring the hell out of you.

You’re not good at handling this part of the relationship. Finding even the subtlest signs your partner is cheating online can make you crazy.

If you’re married, not only will this be painful, it’s going to be twice as humiliating and damaging.

#11 You now realize marriage jokes are all too real

When your uncle jokes about how men or women suffer in marriage, you thought it’s an exaggeration.

But now that you’re older, you actually see them happen to almost everyone around you – to your parents, your friends, your neighbors.

Jokes are a way to deal with something too serious lightly and now you’re not really sure if you can laugh at the challenges of marriage.

#12 You’ve been in too many bad relationships

When you review your relationship history, you’re sure you’d never marry any one of your exes.

One is an alcoholic, one is a workaholic, one is just psychotic. Why do you have such bad taste in partners?

Because of this, you doubt your ability to pick the right partner.

In fact, you’re almost sure you’ll never find your one true love. Until then, the thought of marriage is strictly off-limits.

#13 You feel you’re too old for the drama

You know many couples who hate each other’s guts.

Maybe it’s because of the stress of parenthood or the bills and laundry piling up, but they seem to have completely lost love and respect towards each other.

Their eyes are hollow and they don’t even look at each other in the eye, much less share a good laugh.

Then the wife cries and the husband comforts her. Or the husband throws a fit and the wife brings him a beer. They’re okay again…but not quite.

You’d rather watch paint dry than deal with the heavy drama of marriage.

#14 You don’t like taking risks

The odds of being in a happy marriage are not high.

Based on this study on marital happiness, only 40% can say they are happily married. This means, there’s a possibility (a good 60%) that you could end up in a so-so or bad marriage.

You take risks in business. You take risks in your art. But when it comes to marriage?

Hard pass.

#15 You’ve watched too many sad movies

Blue Valentine, A Marriage Story, Kramer VS Kramer.

Ah, crap. These movies really effed you up and drained out all the possible faith you have in love and human relationships.

They kinda made you stop believing in love. But they’re great eye-openers.

You might be too influenced by them and you’re now cynical but god, you don’t want to live the life of any of these characters!

You are what you watch and now it’s too late.

#16 You believe that nothing is permanent in this world

Change is the only thing that’s constant in this world. It’s a cliche because it’s true.

Some people just want to delude themselves and believe in fairy tales. But not you. You’re wiser.

How can some people just really expect things to remain the same?

One illness, one hobby, one trip to Machu Picchu, one conversation can change a person.

#17 You’re still traumatized by your parents’ divorce

There is no evidence that children of divorced parents turn into sad, toxic, angsty adults.

They’re not better than everyone else. If anything, they’re equally effed up as the rest of us.

But if the process of divorce and separation is too stressful, the children of divorced families tend to have less positive views towards marriage.

#18 You believe you need different people in different life stages

Look back at your life ten years ago. Who were you then?

Chances are you’ve changed a lot!

In our twenties, we just want to explore and drink like there’s no tomorrow.

In our thirties, we want to calm down a little and start building the life we want long-term.

In our forties, we probably want to be single again and travel the world.

With each phase, we have different priorities and needs. Because of this, our High School sweetheart might not be the best match for us anymore when we’re 25, 30, or 45.

Getting married, especially when still very young, is simply not wise.

#19 You know people change

We are all trying to discover who we are, we are all being influenced by what we spend time on.

Someone who’s fat and broke can become fit and rich in a year, with just enough determination. It could also go the other way.

Because they’re now a totally new person, we expect changes in other areas of their lives, too.

Maybe they’re now more disciplined and would start looking at you differently when you pig out and watch Netflix on weekends.

The slightest change, either internally or externally, can trickle into other aspects of our lives. This is not good or bad, it just is the way it is.

#20 You know feelings change

In the first few months of any new relationship, we get drunk on the love hormones our brains produce. We’re always high, always in love.

During this time, there’s absolutely nothing your partner can do or say that would make you annoyed at them. Everything is still cute.

As months turn to years and decades, that lovin’ feeling might go up, down, sideways, in, out…and could just even vanish entirely.

#21 You’re afraid of getting hurt too deeply

When you’ve proclaimed your love and commitment not just to your S.O. but to every one of your friends and family by getting married, it would be doubly devastating for you if you get a divorce.

Not only will it make you lose faith in love and marriage, but you will also carry the shame of being divorced.

This shame from divorce can make you stuck and prevent you from getting on with your new life.

#22 You’re afraid of hurting someone too deeply

More than getting hurt too deeply, you’re afraid of hurting someone too deeply it would scar them for life.

When you say your marriage vow, it’s like telling someone you’d do whatever it takes to make them happy or at least, to not hurt them when the time comes that you can.

By getting married, you now hold your partner’s heart in your hands.

It hurts so much to see signs that your partner doesn’t love you anymore. But it hurts so much more if it’s you who’s losing the feeling.

Nobody wants to fall out of love.

When you’re married, breaking up will be hundred times harder to do because there were promises made.

#23 You’re not sure you can love someone if they get sick

According to a US study, men are more likely to leave their wives with cancer.

The reason they leave is that it’s hard for them to take care of the wives and the home. It’s too much of a burden for them.

This might seem selfish and immature but no matter how much you love your partner, you’re not entirely sure you can be with them when they’re seriously sick.

Yes, you can still love them but to carry the burden? Sadly, it’s too much for you and you know it.

#24 You’re not sure you can love someone if they get old and ugly

Ugh. So yes, you’re indeed a little immature for this but attraction is very important in relationships.

If there’s no attraction, you might as well just be friends. You just can’t force yourself or fake it!

You don’t want to stay married if all that’s left is a pity. Because of this, you’re almost 100% sure you shouldn’t get married.

#25 You get bored easily

At first, you are full of curiosity and you give it your all.

You might even be guilty of love bombing. But as the years pass, even the most interesting person becomes boring for you. This is normal, of course.

What’s more important is how you handle boredom. Do you run to the hills to get fun elsewhere?

You know your boredom threshold is low so until you fix this, you want to save your S.O. (and yourself) the heartache by not getting married.

#26 You don’t want to be codependent

You have a tendency to be clingy and you don’t ever want to deal with a clingy partner either. It’s unattractive!

Not only will you start to piss each other off, but you’d also stop growing.

The good thing about being single is that you force yourself to make your life interesting.

You hit the gym, join a class, and reach for your dreams because you want to be an interesting person with a life well-lived.

You know you have a tendency to get too comfy when someone already loves you.

Imagine if someone makes a promise to love you ‘til death does you part. You’d be totally relaxed, clingy, and boring. Then they’ll leave you.

#27 You actually enjoy being alone

Even if you like someone with all of your heart, you get annoyed when they’re always around.

You want to do your own stuff and recharge without someone talking nonstop and expecting you to give enthusiastic replies. Your need for companionship is not strong, really.

You like the freedom of having control of your “Me Time”.

Sure, your S.O. is understanding of your alone time but you’re afraid it will change drastically once you live in the same house with hundreds of house chores and crying kids.

#28 You have low tolerance for drama

When someone throws a fit or cries, you want to press a mute button. Better yet, an eject button so you can just live in peace.

You’re tired of people’s fragile egos, toxic behaviors.

If you’re with someone who’s already a little dramatic, you are sure this will be multiplied a million times when you are married.

The drama will turn into emotional manipulation and by that time, you can’t escape the soap opera that is your life.

#29 You’re married to your career

You like being in love. You enjoy it so much. Who doesn’t?

However, there’s one thing you need to focus on more — your career.

You want to be a manager in two years earning a 6-digit salary so you can retire sooner.

Marriage takes a lot of hard work and time. You can’t aim high and watch TV shows with your sweetie all weekend. And what if you break up? Then you wasted all those time for nothing.

Career first, then love. Marriage? Maybe when you’re 60.

#30 Your life purpose if your top priority

Some of the most accomplished and famous people choose to never get married and some of them believe it has contributed to their success.

Maybe it’s okay to be married to someone as long as they respect that your #1 priority is your dream.

Maybe you’re a scientist who wants to find the cure for cancer. Maybe you want to be the next Van Gogh or Bach (who was not married, btw).

You can only become one if you’re willing to sacrifice everything. That’s what separates good from great…and you want to be great.

You know too well that no one wants to marry someone like you. It would be unfair.

#31 You prefer to build an empire than a family

This is similar to the ones above except you want to be a business tycoon.

If you had to choose between having the best relationship or being filthy rich, which one would you choose?

If you prefer the latter, then marriage might not be a wise move for you unless of course, you’re marrying someone filthy rich.

In that case, please stop reading this and go get married already before they change their mind!

Fine, if they’re not filthy rich, they better be really understanding if you work on Sundays.

#32 You get annoyed too easily

You have the temper of a 5-year-old and it’s scary. You are too picky, too whiny, too opinionated.

You check all the signs that could make you emotionally immature for marriage. You’re not proud and you’re trying to be better but until then…

You don’t want the seriousness and challenges of marriage to bring out the beast in you. You’re scared you’d turn into one of those abusive alcoholics.

Life is miserable enough as it is. You don’t want to cause suffering to the people you love.

#33 You don’t see any advantages to getting married

You’re happy with the way things are. Why change it?

You might be happy with your relationship as it is and neither of you wants kids.

Many couples live together in bliss for decades without a contract. They just don’t see any importance in it or they want to rebel against what society dictates us to do.

Besides, sometimes it feels more real when you know you both can leave but no one wants to.

#34 You don’t want your S.O. to get complacent

You know what we’re talking about.

You are afraid your partner would slack off because they’ll become too comfortable.

They might stop flossing or exercising because you’re now married. They might not even want to work anymore because they expect you to take care of them.

After all “for richer or poorer, sickness and in health”, right?

Too scary.

You’d rather keep them on their toes so they’ll constantly prove their worth, or at least not slack off.

The false comfort marriage gives promotes mediocrity and laziness. You don’t want this for them, you don’t want this for yourself either.

#35 You don’t want to be taken advantage of

You’re not the richest person in the world but you don’t want to feel like an ATM.

You created a career, you worked your ass off, you made a name for yourself. You want a partnership, not someone getting half of your hard-earned money just because you’re married.

You are well-aware of the many money-related problems that can lead to divorce and you don’t want any of those!

#36 You don’t want kids

If you both don’t want kids, then there’s less reason to get married.

Most of us want to get married because we want to build a family — a house with kids and pets and cute traditions.

But if you really don’t want to have kids, then there isn’t much benefit to getting married unless you’re with a millionaire and they won’t require prenup.

#37 You don’t believe in monogamy

Love is hard but maintaining sexual attraction in a long-term relationship is waaay harder.

Even if your sexual chemistry is through the roof and you’re like rabbits in the first five or ten years together, it will eventually die down.

The slightest flirtation from a co-worker will then be so tempting that if you say no, you’d feel like you’re depriving yourself.

It would be better for you to not have that level of commitment so you won’t feel too awful when that happens.

#38 You want an easy way out

You know that before you enter something, you have to know how to exit.

It’s a great exercise to think of the worst-case scenario before you start any project and this applies to marriage too.

You know there’s no gentle way to break up without causing any damage. You prefer a very easy way out and that is by not marrying in the first place.

#39 You don’t want to be in financial ruin

A “regular” wedding costs at least $30,000.

Therapy costs $250/hr.

Legal fees can cost up to $100,000.

Then there’s alimony…

Nuff said!

#40 You have a long bucket list

You want to explore the world — run in the jungles, dive in the Marianas. You love life so much!

You know that getting married means you will have to consider how these “selfish pursuits” will affect your marriage.

Getting married means that there is a possibility that your partner will pout if you’ll be away too long and think you’re too immature.

It’s not so easy to find someone who wants to do the same things as you.

Life is too short.

You want to make yourself happy and no one should make you feel guilty for living a life full of adventure.

#41 You believe love should be free

Once you have a marriage contract, you’re worried your relationship might become a little stiff and tense.

What you find wonderful about relationships is that anyone can just walk out but they don’t. It’s a love freely given.

To quote your favorite Disney Ice Queen, “Love is an open door.”

Once you start to close this door and put a lock on it, the dynamic might seem safer but it’s really not how you want love to be.

#42 You don’t see the point of staying married if the love is gone

You don’t want your S.O. to cry each night because they don’t love you anymore but they have no choice but to stay with you.

You can see the love has faded in their eyes. They don’t laugh at your jokes anymore.

You want to set them free because that’s what love is. And you want this for yourself too when it happens.

#43 You haven’t been deeply in love

You roll your eyes when someone mentions anything about a soulmate, twin flame, or the one.

There are billions of people in the world so there’s no such thing as “the one.”

But as much as you hate to admit it, you know you will actually believe in these things if you meet that person you can consider the one.

It should be a person that you connect with on so many levels and is a perfect fit. Your other half.

Sadly, you haven’t felt that strong connection yet.

#44 Your partner isn’t “marriage material”

You’re in love but you know that’s not enough.

You don’t know exactly what you’re looking for but you can tell your partner doesn’t have the qualities of someone you’d want to marry.

Maybe they drink too much or smoke too much and you’re waiting for them to change.

Maybe they’re not good with money.

Maybe they are not fond of kids.

It totally depends on you on what you consider “marriage material” but if you’re not feeling it, you’re not feeling it.

It doesn’t mean you can’t have a great relationship though.

#45 You feel you’re not “marriage material”

You know you’re a little difficult to live with because you can’t be put in a box or because of the same reasons above.

You are too carefree.

You don’t like rules so much.

You have other things you want to do and marriage is not at the top of the list.

#46 You have a child you love so much

You have a little one (or not-so-little one) that means the world to you and it’s more than enough.

You’re like besties. You actually enjoy your relationship.

Besides, you don’t want to drag her to your love life which could potentially get messy.

It would require a really great person for you to change your mind because they won’t only be marrying you, they’ll have to be a good parent to your kid.

You’re hopeful but you know dating someone with kids can be tough so you don’t expect them to stick around.

You also know that if you have to choose between them or your kid, you’d choose your kid in a heartbeat.

#47 You have adorable pets

Some hoomans are just too conditional with their love. Not our pets!

The kittehs and doggos love us back. All we have to do is feed them and they’ll give us cold nose kisses.

Pets can reduce loneliness and their love is endless.

You know that sometimes, people get married to have some sort of permanent cure for loneliness. But who needs that when we can just have pets?

Lovers come and go but pets are forever!

#48 You are a social animal

Speaking of animals, you are one party animal and you intend to keep it that way.

You have great friends to hang out with every weekend, you enjoy dating, you have organizations left and right.

You get energized being with people and you can’t imagine being tied at home to take care of the kids or do some basic things like gardening and laundry.

If you get married, someone will keep texting you to go home and it’s not something you can live with.

#49 You have a close-knit family who always has your back

You have enough love from your ma and pa so you really don’t find the need to couple up and tie the knot.

You will take your time because if it’s not like your parents’ relationship, you’d rather stay single. It’s the healthy way to approach relationships, right?

Having a warm, loving relationship with your family allows you to choose wisely and take your time.

In fact, it gives you the confidence not to marry at all if you really don’t like to.

#50 You’re very content with your life (and feel there is nothing missing)

Romantic love can sometimes be a cure-all solution for many lonely people.

They want to feel “complete”, they want to find their “missing half.” But you’re whole and you’re actually happy.

You have a job that pays well, hobbies that you enjoy, friends who love you…you’re all good!

Plus, you have a lot of interesting dates and even some fulfilling long-term relationships. Marriage is cool but it’s something you don’t really need in your life.

Conclusion:

If you can relate to most of these signs, then you’re definitely not into marriage.

There’s nothing wrong with you at all because here’s the thing — you don’t have to get married.

We know this already but we feel guilty for it.

As long as you’re totally upfront with your partner that you don’t see yourself getting married soon or at all, then you shouldn’t feel guilty.

Be careful when you’re in love though as it could make you want to tie the knot and make promises. Hold your tongue until you’re 100% sure that’s what you want.

Let’s say after living with a wonderful person for years you wake up one day just wanting to get married, by all means, don’t stop yourself!

It’s possible you’ll have a change of heart and that’s totally okay too!

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Written by Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Twitter.

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