9 signs you were never genuinely in love, according to psychology

Breaking up with someone when you are genuinely in love will leave you wounded.

You probably won’t think about food for days, have trouble sleeping, and cry all the time.

But if you’re going through a breakup and feeling meh, just casually going on with your life, you’re either not an emotional person or were never truly in love.

Now, there isn’t anything wrong with either. But having clarity helps if that’s what you’re looking for.

So, here are some signs that you weren’t really in love:

1) You didn’t really miss them when they were gone. 

Enjoying independence is a good thing. In fact, it’s a huge green flag if you have independence in a relationship.

But if you liked being alone way more than you enjoyed spending time with your partner, it’s possible that you were never genuinely in love.

Missing someone is a big sign of love. When you’re truly in love, your partner’s absence will create a noticeable void in your daily life.

You’ll constantly think about them, wonder what they’re up to, and basically wish time would just fly by until you see them again. 

It’ll literally feel like something super important is missing until you’re with them again. 

If you were usually relieved whenever your partner had other plans, it means they didn’t make you any happier when they were with you. And this could be a sign that you weren’t that in love

2) You didn’t share much about your life with them. 

Think about the last time something exciting happened in your life…

Did you rush to tell your partner, eager to share every little detail with them? Or were you indifferent?

Usually, when we’re genuinely in love, sharing our world with our partner is as natural as breathing. 

You’ll want to involve them in the big and small stuff.

You’ll want to tell them about things that made you happy, a funny video you saw, something you accomplished at work, and even just silly day-to-day moments. 

Not wanting to inform your partner or make them part of your experiences is a huge red flag

It shows you have no desire to include them in your personal world, suggesting a disconnect. 

True love thrives on shared experiences and inside moments because your partner’s opinion and presence will matter deeply to you. 

3) You had a hard time keeping conversations flowing. 

Even if you’re the most introverted person in the world, your conversation with someone you genuinely love will be easy-going. 

This is similar to sharing your day-to-day when you’re in love – you’ll want to talk with them about everything!

Being in love also makes you feel understood and more interested in what your partner has to say. And both these feelings make it easier to be comfortable sharing your thoughts and receiving theirs. 

If you often struggled to find things to talk about or felt like you had to force conversations, it might be a sign that you were never really in love.

True love creates a natural flow of conversation, not awkward silences. 

4) You had a hard time initiating physical contact, and receiving affection felt awkward. 

Something else that needs to flow naturally in a relationship is holding hands, hugging, and kissing. 

If physical affection felt more like a chore and you felt obligated rather than excited or avoided these gestures altogether, it’s a big sign that you probably didn’t have an emotional bond with your partner. 

When you’re truly in love, physical touch feels comforting and necessary.

But when it doesn’t, it could be because the emotional connection between you and your partner isn’t strong enough to sustain genuine intimacy. 

Physical affection fading is also one of the first signs that someone is falling out of love. 

5) You were never really excited about relationship milestones.

Relationship milestones are exciting!

Okay, not for everyone, I know that. But this isn’t about making a big deal out of it…

It’s just that when you’re truly in love, you’ll feel a little something-something when it’s your anniversary date or you’re doing something new together for the first time. 

But if you dreaded waking up the morning of or shrugged it off when your partner got excited about a milestone, there’s a good chance you didn’t really love them. 

Milestones symbolize growth and a deeper connection in relationships, and you should be excited to share these moments with your partner.

If you never looked forward to them or even felt irritated or anxious, you probably weren’t as emotionally invested as you thought.

The same is true if…

6) You can’t remember any of your partner’s future plans.

Can you name any goals your partner had? Or what their dream life five years from now looked like?

If not, you weren’t interested in their future. Which means you didn’t see yourself in it. 

Being genuinely in love means your partner’s future plans are just as important to you as your own. You look forward to building a life together, and their dreams become intertwined with your vision of the future. 

Being uninterested in your partner’s plans could mean you were never in love. When you don’t have an emotional investment in someone, you won’t really care where they’re headed. 

7) You remember all their flaws but not really much else. 

Everyone has imperfections, and when your heart is broken, it’s natural to focus on your ex-partner’s flaws to help you get over them. 

But if you were constantly fixated on what was wrong with your partner while you were still together – their annoying habits, weak points, and mistakes – it could be a sign that you didn’t really love them. 

According to psychology, people who are genuinely in love tend to focus more on the things they like about their partner rather than their flaws. 

If you weren’t, your partner’s imperfections would have irritated you to the point where you couldn’t even remember any positives. 

8) You didn’t feel jealous or protective.

I know jealousy has a bad rep, but when you’re truly in love, there should be a natural inclination to protect your relationship – and this involves a healthy level of jealousy

Don’t confuse this with possessiveness, though. There really is a difference!

If you never even felt any hint of jealousy or protectiveness over your partner, it might be a sign that you weren’t really in love. 

Caring deeply about your partner and the bond you have will lead you to feel protective or concerned about losing them. 

Always being unphased about their interactions with other people or not minding their absence means you don’t feel this way. And it could be because your feelings aren’t as strong as you thought. 

9) You rarely prioritized your partner. 

Thinking back, did you really make time for your partner? Or was life always busy and a convenient excuse to not see them?

When you really love someone, their needs and happiness will become super important to you. 

You’ll actively work to balance your responsibilities and your relationship because you’ll want to make sure your partner feels valued. 

Boys night every weekend will be a thing of the past…

Those romantic novels that were being read every night will start gathering dust…

And friends will actually start calling to check up on you because they won’t see you every day!

This isn’t about dumping your work, hobbies, or friends and putting your partner above everything else. It’s more about not being too busy for them and making them feel like an afterthought. 

If you constantly placed everything and everyone above your partner, it’s a sign that you weren’t as deeply invested in the relationship or them. 

When you’re genuinely in love, you’ll naturally prioritize spending time with your partner because you’ll see them as irreplaceable and want to show them that they matter. 

Natasha Combrink

Nats is a writer who loves creating content for purposeful brands. She enjoys spending time outdoors, crafting, and diving down rabbit holes. After rediscovering life, she wants to help others live to their full potential. You can connect with her on LinkedIn.

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