If you’re currently in turmoil because you think it’s best to end your relationship but you’re still in love, I get how hard this must be for you.
A few years back, I made the tough decision to leave my boyfriend. It wasn’t because I’d lost feelings for him, but because we weren’t right for each other.
We both knew it, but I was the one to finally take the plunge and end things.
It took a long time to get to that moment though, after all, who wants to break the heart of someone, especially when they still mean everything to you?
But unfortunately, some situations call for it, which I’ll detail below. Here are 8 signs you should break up even if you’re in love:
1) You keep arguing and can’t resolve issues
The odd argument here or there isn’t a big deal, and it’s certainly not a reason to break up…
But if you can’t remember the last time you had a civil conversation and successfully worked through issues with your partner, it’s not a good sign.
You see, love can only take you so far.
Then comes things like compatibility and communication skills. Maturity also plays a major role in resolving conflict.
If your relationship lacks those things, it’s worth considering how long you can stay in this situation – after all, constant arguments are incredibly draining!
2) You’re in love but unhappy
It sounds strange, right?
How can someone be in love and be so unhappy, enough to leave?
Well, it is possible.
For example, if you love your partner dearly but they don’t meet your emotional needs, you may end up feeling resentful and lonely.
No matter how much you love someone and want it to work out, if they’re not right for you, it’s best to move on.
It’ll hurt for a while. You’ll feel heartbroken. But once you start to move on, you’ll find happiness again…and that’s worth the pain.
3) You’re sacrificing your personal growth
Let me tell you about an old school friend of mine, Lilly. She’s been on such a profound journey in the last few years, really addressing the traumas of her childhood and bettering herself as a person.
I’m so proud of her.
But her long-term boyfriend Arvin hasn’t done the same work. While she’s trying to improve her communication skills, he’s stuck in bad habits.
When she wants to try new experiences, he complains and tries to put her off going.
And when she mentioned applying for her dream job, he pointed out all of the negatives, until she almost changed her mind.
Does this sound familiar to you?
If so, I’ll give you the same advice I gave her:
I know she loves him more than anything in the world, but right now, he’s stopping her from becoming the person she’s meant to become. And if he really loved her back, he’d support and encourage her.
Not feel threatened or annoyed by her progress.
4) You’re not a priority
It must be pretty tough if you’re in love with your partner but they don’t make you a priority in their life.
You’re always thinking about them, but you seem to be at the bottom of their list.
Perhaps they’re not respectful of your needs or time. Or maybe they prioritize their friends and family over you.
The truth is, if you don’t feel like a significant part of your partner’s life, you’re giving your love to the wrong person.
And I get it – perhaps they’re not a bad person or doing this maliciously.
But if their heart isn’t in the relationship and they aren’t ready to put you first, you should consider holding out for someone who will.
5) Your partner doesn’t love you back
This is a tough one – unrequited love.
Painful situation. I hate to say it, but the longer you stay in it, the more painful it’s going to get.
You might hope that by sticking around, your partner will grow to love you as much as you love them.
But in my experience, this rarely works out.
You deserve to be loved back. You can’t spend your life wishing someone to develop feelings for you – this pain will be worse than if you rip off the bandaid, break up, and move on.
Because one thing is for certain:
Heartbreak doesn’t last forever. You will move on and one day, find someone who loves you just the way you are.
6) You’re not on the same page about the future
This is the reason why I left my ex. We loved each other a lot, and the breakup was pretty excruciating.
But we didn’t want the same things. I wanted someone to marry one day and potentially have children with.
He decided about a year into our relationship that he didn’t want the same. We tried for about another year and a half more, but these differences started to cause tension.
Ultimately, if you and your partner can’t see eye to eye about the future, no matter how much you love each other, it’s not going to work out.
One of you will end up sacrificing your dream for the other person, and while all might seem okay for a while, inevitably resentment will creep in.
Spare yourselves that extra pain and recognize that love and compatibility are two different things.
You can love someone with all your heart. But if you don’t want the same out of life, there’s no point torturing yourselves and dragging on the relationship.
7) You constantly make excuses for their behavior
You’re totally in love, but deep down, you know your partner is troubled.
They do things that cause your loved ones to be concerned. Your friends ask why they behave that way.
And you always have an answer. A justification for their bad behavior.
No matter how much you want them to change and be a better person, they’re not interested in helping themselves.
Last year, I had this conversation with my current partner. He would have random outbursts and then periods of complete silence, and it was draining me.
I told him, “I love you, but if you don’t get help, I can’t continue this relationship.” Luckily, that kicked him into action and he’s now in therapy. Things have improved a lot.
But if your partner isn’t willing to put in the hard work, you should absolutely consider leaving. Staying would mean certain misery, and no love in the world can make up for that.
8) Your family and friends are worried about you
I’m not usually one to say you should be swayed by the opinions of others. But of late, I’ve realized how important it is to listen to the concern of loved ones.
Because even if you can’t pinpoint any major red flags or reasons to leave, the fact that you’re so loved up might be clouding your judgment.
Whereas your friends or family can see the situation clearly, from an outside perspective.
I vividly recall a good friend of mine asking me why I wasn’t genuinely smiling in the pictures with my ex. I was surprised, I thought I looked pretty happy (on the outside).
But as she told me, “I know you and that isn’t your real smile.”
You see, those around us tend to know us better than we think. I hadn’t told her that we were having issues, but she could see it in the pictures I was putting on social media.
So, if your family and friends keep coming to you with concerns, listen to them.
You don’t have to break up straight away, but they might reveal something to you that you’re unable to see on your own.
Ultimately, if you identified with any of the points above, it’s a sad wake-up call that perhaps your relationship isn’t right for you, even if you’re still in love.
Remember this – it’s better to go through the pain of heartbreak than stay with someone who isn’t right for you. Love will come around again, and hopefully with a healthy relationship too.