Pearl Nash
When I say the words “elegance” and “grace,” you’re probably thinking of a well-dressed person who drinks dry martinis and shops at Louis Vuitton.
Don’t get me wrong, there may very well be people of that sort. However, true elegance and grace are rarely about the kinds of clothes you wear or the bars you frequent.
Really, it’s not about social class or economic status at all.
It’s about emotional maturity.
Without further ado, here are the 7 signs you have more elegance and grace than the average person.
1) You carry yourself with inner confidence
At its core, elegance is the ability to express yourself authentically, with no shame attached. It’s the self-assuredness with which you move through the world, unafraid of vulnerability or rejection.
And it all boils down to confidence.
As psychologist Barbara Markway Ph.D. says, “Self-confidence is linked to almost every element involved in a happy and fulfilling life.”
She lists five areas in which confidence increases our happiness:
- We feel less fear and anxiety (therefore, we aren’t scared to show the world our true colors)
- We are more motivated to go after our goals (which boosts our confidence even more)
- We are more resilient (that is, we keep going in spite of obstacles)
- We have better relationships (which then makes us feel emotionally supported)
- We possess a stronger sense of an authentic self (i.e., we know who we are and are proud of ourselves)
All in all, confidence is the key to true elegance and grace. Without it, the front you put on is just that: a mask with no real substance behind it.
2) You choose your words carefully
Growing up, I used to be a huge blabbermouth.
I said whatever came to my mind without paying any attention to how my words made me sound, and as a result, many of my friends told me I was a bit “too blunt” and sometimes even inappropriate.
Then I realized my words held immense power. The meanings I let out into the world did matter, and throwing my words around so blatantly discredited me and sometimes even humiliated me.
“Not everyone realizes how powerful words can be,” says Robert Puff Ph.D. “It’s important to consider how our words—both negative and positive—will affect others and ourselves before we use them.”
Have you ever noticed that elegant people tend to speak slower than others, their words carefully chosen?
That’s because they know that what they say makes an impact.
Remember: it’s better to take some time before you open your mouth to speak than to say the wrong thing.
And if you’re already in the habit of doing precisely that, congratulations! It’s the second sign you possess elegance and grace.
3) You keep your emotions in check
Okay, here comes one of the most elegant traits on our list: emotional self-regulation.
Keeping your cool under pressure or during arguments sounds simple enough, but the truth is that way too many people give in to their powerful feelings and throw their dignity out the window the moment they feel offended or attacked by someone.
The most elegant and graceful people I’ve ever met always managed to keep calm – even when they were upset, hurt, or irritated. Especially then.
Look, I’m not saying you should suppress your anger. Not at all.
However, there is a time and place for expressions of frustration or rage – ideally, somewhere with a healthy outlet for your feelings, such as the gym or the privacy of your bedroom (hitting pillows is great, I highly recommend it).
In social situations, choosing to be the bigger person is the key to grace.
4) You treat everyone fairly – including yourself
Another sign of grace is… drumroll… honor.
Yep, that archaic word no one really cares for anymore. That one.
When someone honorable makes a promise to you, you know you can count on them to follow through.
When you’re competing against them, you’re certain they won’t cheat.
When you’re doing business with them, you’re pretty sure they won’t screw you over.
This is because honor is closely tied to fairness and morality, which are the very bedrock of grace.
After all, you can’t be very graceful if you’re treating workers in the service industry with contempt or break every promise you make, can you?
However, it’s important to note that this sense of fairness ought to apply to yourself, too. Treating others with respect is great and all, but if you take it too far, you might let them walk all over you, which is the very opposite of elegance.
This is why our sense of self-respect and respect for others must be well-balanced.
Sounds like something you can do?
That’s the fourth sign ticked off.
5) Your wardrobe reflects your personality
I’m a firm believer that you can be elegant and graceful even if you don’t dress in a ‘classy’ way.
In fact, some of the most elegant people I know like to wear bright colors, ‘cutesy’ outfits, or black leather.
And that’s because it’s ultimately not your clothes that make you elegant – it’s the way you wear them.
You could put on the classiest outfit imaginable, but if you feel uncomfortable and inauthentic in it, it’s going to show. Put on your favorite kangaroos, though, and your confidence levels will be through the roof, helping you attain that effortlessly elegant and graceful vibe.
When you wear clothes that reflect who you are deep down rather than playing pretend…
That’s when you’re truly radiant.
6) You prioritize self-care
“Self-care may seem like nothing more than the latest buzzword or passing trend, but in reality, it is a commitment to ourselves—a promise to factor ourselves into the equation of our lives,” says psychologist Monica Vermani C. Psych.
She continues, “When we optimize self-care, we feel better, look better, and have more energy. And quality self-care is linked to improved mental health, with benefits like enhanced self-esteem and self-worth, increased optimism, a positive outlook on life, and lower levels of anxiety and depression.”
When you think of self-care, a picture of a face mask and a green smoothie may pop into your mind.
But in reality, self-care goes much further than that. In its essence, it’s the ability to give yourself loving care, spend your time doing the things you love, and look after your health in the best way you know how.
In a sense, self-care is the art of parenting the child inside you.
And the more loved and cherished you feel, the more likely you are to not only carry yourself with confidence but also put more effort into your appearance, be it by creating a hairstyle that makes you feel beautiful or trimming your beard.
Remember: you don’t need to wear makeup or an expensive perfume to be elegant. You just need to look after yourself in a way that makes you feel taken care of.
7) You go after your goals and dreams
Finally, the best thing you could ever do for your confidence is to pursue your purpose in life with energy and drive.
The more you are in sync with what it is you are meant to do (and there is genuinely no judgment here, your purpose could be absolutely anything), the more self-assured you’ll feel in other aspects of your life.
Do you know why some people come across as incredibly elegant and classy?
At the end of the day, it’s not what they wear or how much money they have.
It’s that they know what they want – and they’re not afraid to go and get it.
If this sounds like you, I’ve got great news. According to the seven signs above, there’s a high chance you have more elegance and grace than the average person.
