We can look at confident people and assume nothing gets to them.
After all, they seem so sure of themselves.
But here’s the thing:
From the outside, it can look like you have a hard shell.
But that doesn’t mean that you’re not soft in the center.
Because the truth is that confidence and deep sensitivity are totally compatible.
Can you be ultra-confident and ultra-sensitive?
To me, this is a very easy question to answer.
Because I consider myself both confident and incredibly sensitive.
So I may assertively voice my opinions and speak up for myself.
But that doesn’t mean I don’t worry about what people think about what I have to say.
I may smile, make conversation and greet strangers with warmth.
But that doesn’t mean I don’t have butterflies in my stomach when meeting new people.
I may have a deep-rooted self-belief and respect for who I am.
But that doesn’t mean I don’t feel hurt when I’m rejected or criticized.
Ultimately, I like myself. And that helps me present myself in a confident way.
But that certainly doesn’t mean I’m immune to pain or sadness.
It doesn’t mean I’m not incredibly sensitive.
In fact, I feel things deeply.
Maybe you can relate?
If you can, you may recognize some of these signs that, despite your confidence, you’re actually really sensitive.
8 signs you have an ultra-confident personality but are actually pretty sensitive
1) You make an effort to face your fears and put yourself out there
Here’s what people don’t always understand about confidence.
It isn’t just something that you intrinsically are, in many ways, it’s something you do.
What I mean is that confidence is a skill.
You don’t pop out of the womb being so sure of yourself.
You get it with practice.
Of course, some people may feel like they’ve always been ultra-confident, and it’s just a natural part of who they are.
But that’s certainly not the case for a lot of us.
The rest of us simply learned that confidence is a bit like a muscle you build through use.
The more you do it, the stronger you become.
By facing your fears, you build up your ability to approach life with confidence.
The first time you get up in front of colleagues to do a presentation, your nerves might be obvious.
You could even be visibly a bit shaky and stumble over your words.
But by the second or third, you’re far more composed.
So by the fourth or fifth time, you already seem like a total pro.
For so many people, confidence is hard-earned by facing their fears.
But that doesn’t mean they didn’t feel apprehensive and nervous on the inside.
2) Sometimes you pretend things don’t hurt you when really they do
If someone says or does something pretty mean, are you the type of person to try to shrug it off?
Even though deep down inside you’re feeling hurt.
That can be common with confident people.
They get so used to putting on a brave face, that they end up minimizing things that cause them pain.
Sure, you may be confident, but you’re still human.
Perhaps people simply assume you have a thick skin, because you always seem so self-assured.
And so in many ways, you feel like you need to live up to that image.
What they don’t realize is that even though you say it’s fine, it’s not really.
You may even dwell on the words of others.
They don’t know that inside you keep your sensitivity hidden away.
You may even feel like your extroverted confidence is just one layer of who you are.
And sometimes you use that confidence to try to protect yourself.
3) You use your confidence as a shield
We all wear armor when we go out into the world.
It just looks different for each of us.
Some people withdraw into themselves, whilst others may act assertively.
But they both do the same thing — they shield us.
It’s almost impossible to not care at all about how other people react toward you.
We live in communities, and human beings are social creatures.
Ultimately it’s hard-wired into us to cooperate as part of our survival.
Maybe that’s why neuroscientists discovered that physical pain and social rejection are felt the same way in the brain.
It hurts us when we want the attention or approval of someone and don’t get it.
Being confident certainly doesn’t make you immune to that sensitivity.
Even if you feel super confident the truth is that we’re all multi-faceted.
That means you can be many things at once.
Behind the mask of confidence you sometimes wear is most likely a very sensitive person.
4) You’re incredibly self-aware
I once saw a meme that read:
‘“You’re so self-aware” — thanks, it’s ruining my life’
It really made me laugh because it highlights the potential pitfalls of self-awareness.
Don’t get me wrong.
I think self-awareness is the most important skill we can cultivate.
Because without it, growth and personal development are almost impossible.
But all that self-awareness can also bring with it overthinking and endless questioning.
I guess it’s like the whole ‘ignorance is bliss’ thing.
If you are ignorant about yourself, you can blindly go through life thinking that you’re always right.
When you have the capability to analyze yourself so well, you must face your own flaws and failings.
And that’s not for the faint-hearted.
Taking an honest look in the mirror isn’t easy.
In many ways, the more depth you are capable of, the more sensitive you are likely to become.
5) You quickly pick up on what’s going on with others
Confidence has nothing to do with an over-inflated ego.
Truly confident people aren’t conceited or arrogant.
It certainly doesn’t mean that you’re so self-absorbed that you fail to notice what’s going on with other people.
So if you’re a very sensitive confident person, you probably pick up on even the slightest changes in others’ behavior.
This sixth sense is because you are highly intuitive.
You can tell when something is off with your friend.
You can hear it in your mom’s voice when she’s upset.
You can feel when someone’s energy has shifted towards you.
Sensitive people are really good at picking up on the subtle cues around them.
Those may be verbal, body language, or even just “a vibe”.
6) You’re equal parts adventurer and philosopher
Confident yet sensitive people can feel a contradiction of emotions and character traits.
Part of you is bold and perhaps a little bit wild.
Sometimes you like to let loose, act a little crazy, and generally be the life and soul of the party.
You’re on the lookout for new experiences and crave excitement.
This is your adventurous side.
But that’s not all you are.
You have a yin to your yang.
You are also deeply thoughtful and introspective.
You spend time contemplating yourself, the world, and even the mysteries of the Universe.
This is the philosopher side of you.
When you’re out in the world, people may be more likely to see the adventurer.
But when you’re home alone, that’s when the Philosopher comes out.
This also means you probably have a unique personality. If you think that might be the case, check out our below video on 10 signs you have a unique personality that everybody secretly admires.
7) People make assumptions about you
When you give off such a confident vibe, not everyone is going to look beyond that.
The reality is that sometimes we judge a book by its cover.
We’re very quick to label people.
We see them from the outside and feel like we know who they are. And that can mean people get you all wrong at face value.
Your confidence can be misread.
When people see you, laughing and joking or perhaps as the center of attention, they assume certain things.
Or they notice how outspoken you are and jump to conclusions about your character.
Are people surprised when they get to know the real you?
Do you notice that strangers often misread you?
Then it could be that behind your external confidence is a deep sensitivity person.
8) You’re really emotional
Here’s what confidence is:
But here is what confidence most certainly is NOT:
- Never getting upset
- Always being happy
- Not giving a damn what people think
Sadly there can still be a bit of an outdated notion that showing your emotions is a sign of weakness.
And to some people that doesn’t seem compatible with confidence, which we view as such a social strength.
But confidence has got zilch to do with to what extent you feel your emotions.
Confidence doesn’t turn you into a robot immune from feelings.
In fact, many confident people are also incredibly empathetic, kind, and compassionate.
So if you’re a confident person who is also sensitive, you probably feel your emotions very deeply.
And there is nothing wrong with that.
You can still be ultra-confident and cry at soppy songs on the radio.
Trying to shut out our feelings is just toxic positivity.
It’s a sign of strength when we allow ourselves to feel and process them, instead of trying to shut them out.