My boyfriend once suggested I had an explosive personality.
Whilst I strongly disagreed with his wording, I can see his point.
Because what I definitely have is an intense personality.
I certainly don’t fly off the handle in the almost volcanic way that “explosive” makes it sound like.
But I am undoubtedly expressive, animated, and communicative.
I will stand up for the things I believe in, even if it means disagreeing. I get emotional quickly and feel things deeply. I think a lot about things and love deep and meaningful.
And all of that can be a potent mix. But potent also means powerful.
That’s why having an intense personality isn’t something to be ashamed of, in many ways it’s a really good thing.
Here are some of the signs you have an intense personality that you should be proud of…
1) You never blend into the background you always make your mark
Ok, for both good and bad you’re certainly no wallflower.
Maybe you can rub people up the wrong way, and you’re not everyone’s cup of tea.
But the reality is that we can’t please all the people all the time anyway. And at least having an intense personality makes you far from being beige.
You’re memorable. You leave your mark on the world and the people you meet.
Plenty of the people we come across in life are fairly forgettable. At least having an intense personality keeps things interesting.
Don’t get me wrong:
Having an intense personality is never an excuse for behaving badly.
It’s important we show each other consideration.
But that intensity means you can divide opinions. People may even have a tendency to either love you or hate you.
2) People either love you or hate you
Some people think you’re hilarious, super cool, or really interesting. Other people think you’re totally weird, too extreme, or a bit awkward.
The problem is that intense personalities aren’t always easy personalities.
Whilst some people will resonate deeply with your strong message, others won’t.
Some will love your vibe and instantly click with you because of it. But others won’t get you.
I know it doesn’t always feel like it though. We all want to be liked. And the thought of being rejected is bound to sting.
But it’s important to remember that we need to reflect who we truly are if we are to create sincere connections.
That means finding the courage to be yourself.
3) You’re determined to be yourself, regardless of what others think
I’m going to start with a caveat:
Because sometimes I’ve seen people hide behind “just being themselves” as justification for shitty behavior.
Just being yourself isn’t an excuse if yourself is also a bit of an ass. For example, saying unkind things, or acting disrespectfully.
That’s not what we’re talking about here.
It’s more about refusing to dim your light, just because it shines too brightly for them (or because they’ve decided they don’t like the color bulb you may have chosen).
But if you dare to show up and do you, then that is brave.
It is something to be celebrated not ashamed of. Because the alternative is living a lie.
Without the vulnerability to be who we are, we hide our true selves away under shame and guilt. And that’s no way to live.
So if you’ve ever been told that you’re too much, I’ve got news for you…for some people out there you will find you just enough.
4) You’ve been told (or made to feel like) you’re “too much”
Feeling like you’re too much can be lonely and leave you feeling misunderstood.
Not everyone appreciates that we’re all very neurodiverse and so are bound to approach live differently.
You might be a vivacious person who is naturally energetic, spirited, and active. People may have accused you of being too seen and heard.
Maybe you’re a big thinker and mull things over on a whole other level. People may have accused you of reading too much into things or being too sensitive.
I suspected pretty much everyone with an intense personality will have been encouraged or asked outright to ‘tone it down a bit’ at some point or another.
But that reaction says more about the other person than it does you.
You taking up space will trigger some people, but that doesn’t mean you should make yourself smaller.
Whenever we feel like we’re too much for someone, we should stop and think:
“If I’m too much for you, maybe you’re not enough for me”.
5) You don’t beat around the bush
Honesty is something most of us value…until we hear it.
Because truth isn’t always shiny and nice feelings.
It’s not just compliments and flattery. It can be brutal and unwelcome too.
I’m not talking about being tactless here, that’s another thing entirely.
But straight talking can be tough to deal with.
The direct approach is too forthcoming for some, but that doesn’t make it wrong.
The ability to be assertive can feel intense to those on the receiving end.
Yet at the same time daring to speak the truth is an admirable trait that displays self-assurance.
6) You have strong beliefs and opinions and you’re not afraid to share them with people
I’m fully aware that I’m not to everyone’s taste. Mainly because I’m not particularly agreeable.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying I go out of my way to ruffle feathers. I don’t.
But sometimes I can’t seem to help myself. Because I have a lot of views on things. It comes naturally to me.
That doesn’t mean I’m not open to hearing and discussing other people, because I actively enjoy it.
But I’ve noticed not everyone is so keen on debating and discussing.
It’s easy to get overly attached to our point of view that we feel a bit threatened when someone comes along and questions it.
No matter how it’s packaged, it feels like a threat to the ego.
Of course, there’s always a way of going about things. For sure I’ve put my foot in my mouth on more than one occasion.
But having lots of ideas and opinions is nothing to be ashamed of. It’s actually a sign that you are contemplative and curious about life.
That doesn’t mean everyone is going to be as receptive as you are to an exchange of different opinions.
7) You’re passionate
Whenever passion shows itself it can be intense.
When you care about things you may react quite strongly.
You might be very sensitive and in tune with emotions — both your own and other people’s.
I mentioned in the intro of this article that my partner once called me explosive. It turns out what he actually meant was animated.
When I get really into something I’m very expressive about it.
That liveliness can mean I’m loud and bubbly. And yes, sometimes reactive in a comically melodramatic fashion.
Passion can also be fiery at times. But passion also means we give a damn.
It’s a fuel that creates enthusiasm, creativity, desire, and excitement.
Rather than diluting our passion, it’s more important to recognize when it can present itself in harmful ways.
Because that fire in your belly is a wonderful fuel when it’s channeled in meaningful and constructive ways.
8) You think or feel things deeply
Many deep thinkers or highly sensitive people have been told they’re intense.
Personally, I can’t stand small talk. I can be pretty socially awkward about it.
I just find it so dull and pointless, and I quite frankly suck at it. I like to cut straight to the big topics.
I remember a friend once checking out my messages on a dating app and quickly noting how I have “way too intense conversations”.
Instead, her inbox was full of emojis and one-liners.
But the reality is that my in-depth conversations were just a reflection of my deep thinking and deep feeling personality.
To some people that will seem heavy or even boring.
But rather than be a bad thing, it meant I attracted like-minded people and discouraged others pretty quickly.
Because intensity is ultimately subjective.
It’s about finding people who want to share the depth of life that you live in.
We can feel ashamed or embarrassed about intensity, but we shouldn’t
At the end of the day, an intense personality can be both good or bad, it depends on the way it shows up.
For example, screaming the house down because you haven’t got your own way is pretty intense, but in all the wrong ways.
You can have an intense personality that highlights your passion, individuality, fierce nature, vibrant mind, and deep soul in all the best ways.
You can also have an intense personality that’s rude, aggressive, impulsive, disrespectful, or unreasonable. That’s clearly a lot less cool.
Some people may try and shame us for standing out. But in itself being intense is nothing to be ashamed of.
It’s often just the way naturally deep thinkers and highly sensitive people best express themselves.