Assertive individuals help the world go ‘round. Their drive, dedication and high-octane energy level get others motivated and fuel progress, growth and innovation.
But when you’re a very assertive person it can also go over the top and be taken the wrong way by other people.
The catch is that if you’re a highly assertive person you may not even realize that you’re coming across in a counterproductive way.
Here are the key signs that your assertive personality is pushing people away as well as advice about how to use your assertiveness and energetic intensity with maximum efficacy.
1) You are 100% committed to your goals
You don’t back down on what you want:
You’ve found your purpose in life and you’re committed to it.
In fact, it means everything to you.
You care about other people but you don’t organize your life around their wants and needs.
Your focus is on your own commitments and mission.
This can intimidate some people who are more accustomed to going with the flow.
2) You say what you believe no matter what
People can be intimidated by the kind of man or woman who speaks their mind regardless of the consequences.
If that’s you, then just be aware that many people are wearing masks.
I don’t mean literally, I mean that they are filtering what they say and believe in order to stay safe and be accepted.
When you just say what you think with no filter, some people get spooked. Make of it what you will, but this is true.
3) You keep to a tight schedule
Scheduling isn’t easy for any of us, but if you’re the kind of person who sticks to a schedule it can definitely intimidate others.
They feel like they need to keep up or may even feel that you’re judging them.
When you keep to a very tight schedule, show up punctually and are overall a very strict person, it can make people feel pressured.
They have the sense that you are at a level above them or are performing above their grade.
How can they compete?
4) You are highly self-disciplined
Self-discipline is the hardest kind of all.
When nobody else is watching, what do you do?
Do you sleep in, eat those extra slices of pizza, watch those three more episodes on Prime?
Or do you get your ass to the gym, complete your coursework, clean your living space?
Self-discipline is hard to maintain and even harder to get going in the first place.
Some people find it very intimidating, especially when they don’t have it.
Seeing you getting your goals done and holding yourself to account makes them uncomfortable, because, quite simply, they’re not doing that.
5) You know what you want in love
When it comes to relationship, many don’t know what they’re looking for or they know but are afraid to ask.
Well, as the Bible says: “Ask and you shall receive.”
When that’s your motto, too, it intimidates a lot of people.
They expect more vagueness and beating around the bush, but here you are putting that you’re looking for marriage on your dating bio?
Yes, really. That freaks some people out.
Well, so be it. Too bad.
6) You’re not afraid to say no
Being able to say no is an incredibly valuable skill, but many people have trouble with it.
If you’re able to say no, that can freak some people out.
That’s because they’re looking around for approval and feel called to the bar when they hear that you are willing to say no.
This is nothing to be ashamed of, but the only thing to consider here is to
7) You’re not afraid of arguments
Arguments can be a waste of time, but sometimes they’re inevitable.
Many people will do almost anything to avoid conflicts and arguments, and if you want proof look at how group-think can take over so rapidly.
Is it really because point A or point B is so compelling? No. It’s because people want to side with the designated “good guys” and not be seen as weird or bad.
So they follow whatever’s popular.
But you follow what you believe is right and aren’t afraid of arguments. This will inevitably upset some people.
Count on it. The only thing to moderate? Try to keep yourself from being personally insulted or upset by arguments.
This issue about being willing to defend your beliefs ties into the next point.
8) You’re not ruled by trends
Trends are far more powerful than many people realize.
Why don’t they realize?
Because they are following trends and aren’t self-aware of it.
To be clear, we all follow trends in various ways, because the norms of life change and the products and services we use change.
We don’t all have wood fires anymore because the way we cook and heat has changed with the times.
But as far as the up and coming trends and immediately dressing and watching what other people are? You’re slower on the uptake in that regard.
9) You don’t do ‘cheat days’
When it comes to your diet and how you interact in your life, you don’t do cheat days.
There aren’t days when you skip your diet or stay home from the gym or decide to just veg on the couch.
You’re all on, pretty much all the time.
This can make other people feel pressured like I mentioned earlier.
They wonder what they can do to rise to your level.
10) You actually enjoy pain
This may be controversial, but I do believe that success in life requires becoming comfortable and even enjoying a certain level of pain.
When you get used to pain and even enjoy its challenge to a certain extent, you level up.
If that sounds like your own philosophy, it’s worth being aware that not everyone is at this level.
Most people are still immediately running from struggle and pain and running towards pleasure.
If you’ve leveled up the most you can do is encourage those who are still in pain avoidance to realize all the potential life has if they start thinking of it more in terms of a difficult journey than a smooth stroll.
11) You treat obstacles as training weights
What do you do when times get tough?
Many of us run for the exit wings, but if you’re the type who embraces the struggle this can scare some people.
As I’ve said, many folks are still just instinctually responding to hardship by running away.
When you don’t respond that way it causes some others to react in surprise and consternation.
How can this person be facing the obstacles in their life so well?
They feel intimidated. Your role? To guide and encourage them.
12) You’re physically imposing and have strong body language
This is a good thing.
Do some get intimidated by it? Absolutely.
Especially those who are less confident and are uncomfortable or have diminutive body language.
They see you standing up tall, projecting your voice and looking people in the eye and they think:
“What does this man / woman have inside themselves that I don’t have?”
The honest truth: you’ve learned to love life, even the bitter struggle.