Isabella Chase
There’s a quote attributed to Samuel Johnson I really like: “The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.”
People can be very self-centred and selfish creatures. We all know that.
But they can also be incredibly kind and generous. And if you have a truly kind man in your life, it’s a blessing because it means he genuinely cares for you – not because he wants to gain something out of the connection but because he just… enjoys your company.
Simple as.
But how can you tell the man you’re dealing with is truly kind rather than putting on a nice front?
These are the 6 signs.
1) You feel safe to be yourself around him
According to Michelle Tennant Nicholson M.A., acts of kindness are incredibly powerful – they can help us feel better, rebuild trust in ourselves and the world, and foster a sense of connection with our close ones.
Therefore, it stands to reason that a kind man is going to make it pretty easy for you to trust him, feel safe and comfortable in his presence, and possibly even connect with him on a deep emotional level.
And it’s not just that his character encourages you to feel relaxed around him – it’s also that his complete lack of judgment, malice, or aggression helps you show up as your authentic self instead of putting on some kind of front.
If you’re a goofy and silly kind of person, he’ll laugh at your jokes and go with the flow.
If you’re more of the serious and classy type, he’ll accept you for who you are and appreciate your elegance and grace.
What he definitely isn’t going to do is try to mold you into someone you’re not, criticize you for no legit reason, and make you feel so uneasy that you’re never quite sure if he likes you or not.
That kind of behavior isn’t kind. It’s not even clever or cheeky. It’s plain manipulative.
2) You can count on him to show up for you
Of course, kindness goes beyond a lack of malice. Being kind isn’t just about *not* being evil.
It’s about going the extra mile for the people you care about. It’s about offering others a helping hand when you can, expecting nothing in return. It’s about being empathetic enough to take other people’s feelings into consideration before making any decisions that include them.
Furthermore, it’s about reliability.
Yes, that’s right.
Look, we all know that reliability is a great trait.
But if people fail to show up after they’ve promised to do so or if they arrive very late to an important event, we sometimes tend to excuse these kinds of actions as a lack of time-management skills or “time-blindness”. Rarely do we think that it’s got anything to do with kindness.
But it does.
A kind person would feel incredibly bad if they made a promise and then proceeded to break it. They’d immediately think about how the other person must feel in that instance and they’d do anything in their power to prevent that disappointment or heartbreak from happening.
A truly kind man has high levels of empathy and therefore tries his best to be reliable.
If he makes a promise, he sticks by it.
If he knows he tends to forget important events, he uses the necessary tools (such as calendar reminders) to help himself remember.
You can count on him to act in accordance with his words.
3) He can provide both practical advice and emotional support
And speaking of empathy, the next sign on our list is all about effective listening and the ability to validate other people’s feelings.
“By practicing active listening and sharing, we build stronger connections and trust, and the other person feels more supported in their struggles,” says Tchiki Davis, Ph.D., an expert on well-being technology.
When someone confides in you about their struggles, she advises: “Ask questions. Be curious about what they are experiencing and ask questions in a gentle way so the other person doesn’t feel like they are being interrogated.”
The next step is to validate their emotions. “When you validate someone, you are signaling that you recognize their distress and understand their perspective. Usually, seeing that they are understood and cared for can be extremely positive and help them recover faster,” explains Davis.
A genuinely kind man inherently understands this, and that’s because his instinct isn’t to patronize you or judge you. It’s to help you feel understood.
Of course, practical advice does come in handy – when asked for. If it’s unsolicited, it can do more harm than good.
4) He celebrates your accomplishments and sticks by you when you’re down
It’s easy to get along with someone when everything in their life is going well; when they’re in that neutral grey zone of occasional euphoria and occasional sadness.
But the moment something phenomenal happens or the moment you hit the ground…
Those are the times when the true character of the person you’re dealing with comes out.
A kind man is going to celebrate your accomplishments.
And no, this doesn’t just mean he’s going to congratulate you and hug you. It means he’ll make an effort to show you he’s proud of you. It means he’ll try his best to make this a memorable experience, be it by taking you out for a celebration dinner, throwing you a party, or giving you a well-chosen gift.
The same applies to when you’re going through a rough patch.
As resiliency and wellness scholar Robyne Hanley-Dafoe Ed.D. explains:
“Many people view kindness as a weakness, but it’s quite the opposite. It is a sign of strength. It is moving from ‘me’ to ‘we,’ seeing the bigger picture, and loaning someone your strength and support. Supporting someone by doing whatever you can, wherever you are, with whatever you have is a sign of who you are—a kind human.”
5) He is kind to everyone, not just those he finds attractive
Listen up. This one’s extremely important.
If a man fancies you, there’s a high chance he’s going to be nice to you. If he thinks a waitress in a restaurant is attractive, he’s likely to treat her well, too.
But what about when he’s dealing with people he has no sexual or romantic interest in? People he doesn’t find aesthetically pleasing? People who serve no personal goal, who simply exist and deserve to be treated with respect due to their inherent humanity?
That is where the line between truly kind men and men who pretend to be nice gets drawn.
If the man in question is genuinely kind to everyone, from random strangers on the street to workers in the service industry, relatives he doesn’t particularly like, or co-workers whose personalities clash with his…
That’s a sign of kindness. Because it means he respects everyone’s right to be themselves and exist in peace, no matter who they are.
6) He views your connection as something valuable in and of itself
On a similar note, your relationship with him should feel valuable as an end goal in itself – it shouldn’t be about what you can provide to him or what he can gain from you.
So, do you have a truly kind man in your life?
Depends.
What’s your answer to the following questions?
- Does he actively want to spend time with me because he enjoys my company and for no other reason?
- Is he there for me even if I’m in a bad place and therefore unable to give him something in return?
- Does he offer his love freely, with no expectation to be repaid?
- Is his interest in me multifaceted, or is he only interested in something specific I can give him (e.g., sexual favors, social standing, career opportunities)?
Be honest with yourself. Have a proper think. Better yet, write it down.
Once you have your answers…
That’s when you can determine if the man you’re dealing with is truly kind.
