Let’s be real. There are almost eight billion people in the world, so there’s a pretty high chance not everyone will like you.
Yeah. It took me some time to accept that fact, too.
However, there is a difference between stumbling upon someone who isn’t on the same wavelength as you from time to time and encountering issues in almost every single friendship you have.
The first is completely normal. The latter may be a sign your personality needs a revamp.
Which category do you fall into? Let’s find out!
Here are the 9 signs you have a tiresome personality that many people find uncomfortable to be around.
1) You only ever talk about yourself
Look, I know you’re an interesting person. I think myself quite interesting, too.
But there comes a point when we’ve got to stop droning on about ourselves and take an interest in other people’s lives.
Take a step back and think over your five most recent interactions.
Did you ask the other person any questions that weren’t at all related to you?
Did you spend a very long time sharing something about yourself without taking a moment to properly contemplate the other person’s contributions?
Did you feel curious about their lives, or did you simply want to share information about yours?
Your answers will point you in the right direction.
2) You view your friends as personal diaries on two legs
A friend I used to hang out with at university would share the most trivial information with me every time we met, rambling on and on about all the different sets and reps she’d done at the gym.
I didn’t even go to the gym back then. I had no clue what a hip thrust or a Romanian deadlift meant. She knew I lacked the knowledge to understand her, and yet she didn’t bother to explain – she just wanted to talk and talk and talk some more.
Each time we said goodbye, I felt emotionally drained, empty, and a little bit used. I felt like I could have swapped places with a complete stranger and my friend wouldn’t blink an eye.
Only ever talking about yourself is one thing, but going into incredible detail about things the other person is not interested in is the cherry on top.
If your conversations with others are very one-sided, there’s a high likelihood you have a tiresome personality.
The best way forward is to take an active interest in what your friends are up to and how they feel.
3) You’re a professional complainer
Negativity is exhausting. It weighs down on your shoulders like a heavy cloak, but you don’t realize just how insufferable it is until you finally shake it off.
What’s more, negativity is also kind of contagious. Since emotions have the power to spread between people, the moment you walk into a room and start complaining is the moment everyone else begins to feel worse, too.
Life is unfair. It’s full of bad luck, inconveniences, terrible tragedies, and fickle weather.
But complaining about stuff isn’t going to solve anything. It’s just going to make people feel uncomfortable in your presence.
If something bothers you, you have two solutions:
- Do something about it
- Accept it and let go
Of course, I’m not saying you can’t vent from time to time. But don’t overdo it. Too much negativity is… well, tiresome.
4) “Let’s agree to disagree” doesn’t work for you
I once had a classmate who wouldn’t leave you alone until you agreed with her opinion. It was infuriating.
Since she excelled at the subtle art of rhetoric and was quite well-read, she thought she had it all figured out. When you presented a contrasting opinion or point of view, she’d try her best to rip it to shreds.
While I do enjoy interesting and intellectually stimulating discussions, debating with her felt more like fighting to the death.
And seeing as she always had to have the last word, I was doomed from the very beginning – after hours of arguing, I usually decided to just give up and let her enjoy her sense of victory.
The truth was that she never won, though. With every fight, she pushed people away. Slowly but surely, we all began to distance ourselves from her because we didn’t want to get into another heated discussion that led nowhere.
5) You flip out easily
The very same classmate would take everything way too personally, which was partly why every discussion resulted in a shouting match.
She’d grab onto any word that could be deemed at least a tiny bit offensive and she’d blow it out of proportion. She’d struggle to keep her anger under lock, snapping at people and saying exactly what she thought, no matter how harsh.
If this sounds like you, remember that “brutal honesty” is just cruelty in disguise. What’s more, keep in mind that most things people do and say have nothing to do with you as a person.
We all project our own behavior onto others more often than we’d like to admit. We view the world through a very subjective lens, and as much as we enjoy the occasional gossip session, we are ultimately quite self-absorbed.
You’re not that important. Everyone cares too much about their own lives.
6) You lack flexibility
Do you know what’s a truly tiresome personality trait?
People who switch into rage mode the moment things don’t go according to plan, who want everything done their way, and who set down rules upon rules for others to follow are very uncomfortable to be around.
While it’s completely okay – encouraged, in fact – to establish your boundaries and protect your peace of mind, there is a difference between prioritizing your mental well-being and seeing obstacles at every corner.
Life is inherently chaotic. Not everything will turn out the way you expect.
Countering uncertainty with flexibility will not only make you more pleasant to be around but it will also help lessen your own anxiety and stress.
7) You never enjoy the present moment for what it is
I used to be a huge worrywart.
And every time I worried, I confided in my friends, which inevitably led to their consoling me and ensuring me everything would turn out alright.
While it’s normal to provide friends with emotional support, there comes a point when it all just becomes… too much.
People who have tiresome personalities are often stuck in the imaginary land called “Future”, worrying about this and that, never taking a break to get outside their heads and just… be.
Look, I’ve been there. And if there’s one thing I want you to know, it’s that your friends will never be able to give you enough reassurance to drive the worries away.
You have to do the work yourself.
Mindfulness, meditation, and self-help books have helped me tremendously throughout the years, and I no longer worry as much as I used to.
8) You always dredge up the past
We’ve all done it at some point. After all, resentment isn’t easy to shake off, and sometimes, it can even serve as motivation to work toward your dreams.
But if you are completely unable to move on, your grudge-holding may become an issue.
Every relationship encounters obstacles. Your partners and friends are bound to do something you’re not a huge fan of. But once you’ve talked through it, received an apology, and seen a change in behavior, it’s time to leave it in the past.
Yes, even during an argument. Especially then.
I’ve seen way too many people use past wrongdoings to win a fight in the present, and unfortunately, this strategy doesn’t help you come out on top – it just displays a lack of grace and forgiveness.
The past is the past. If you want your friendships and relationships to work in the long term… you eventually have to put it all to rest.
9) You are very judgmental
Finally, judgmental people just aren’t it.
We all contain entire universes within ourselves, so it’s completely understandable that we have different opinions, behaviors, and ways of life.
Making quick assumptions, pulling judgmental faces, and presenting narrow-minded opinions are actions that limit you from exploring the full range of what life has to offer.
When you open your mind and accept other people for who they are, however… that’s when you expand your experience of what it means to be human.
It’s also when your charisma increases a thousandfold.
If you find that you have a tiresome personality that many people find uncomfortable to be around, remember that your personality isn’t set in stone.
You can self-reflect, grow, and change. You can meet your higher self.
It all begins now.
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