When you have a soft spot for someone, it means you have a strong liking towards them. And while this often means attraction, you can have a soft spot for a pal just as well.
So how do you know if you feel a great fondness towards someone? For starters, you (or somebody else) will notice these 15 undeniable signs:
1) You care for them… a lot
As a human, it’s natural for you to care about other people. After all, research has shown that we are hardwired to ‘empathize’ with people close to us.
And while you care a lot about your family and friends, you’ll go the extra mile for this particular person.
And it’s not just the usual signs of gift-giving or showering praise. You show your tremendous care in more profound ways.
You do things, not just say or promise them.
You always do something unexpected that surprises them.
More importantly, you pick your battles. You know how and when to apologize.
2) You treat them differently
Unless you’re an unkind person, you know that it’s crucial to treat others well. The way you treat them, after all, will dictate the way they’ll treat you.
When you have a soft spot for someone, you’re bound to treat them in a different light. If you approach others well, chances are you’ll handle them as if they’re royalty.
For example, you don’t just let anybody enter your bedroom. Not even your parents or siblings. But when the person you care for needs somewhere to rest their head, you volunteer your bed, no questions asked.
3) You cannot say no to them
You pride yourself on being firm. When you say no, you mean no.
But if the person you have a soft spot for asks for something, you can’t seem to shrug them off.
As to why you can’t seem to say no to them, Psychology Today writer F. Diane Barth has several reasons.
You don’t want to butt heads with them. You care for them a lot, so you don’t want to end up hurting them.
You want your relationship with them to be forever zen. Peaceful. Why disrupt something that goes swimmingly well?
4) You’re trying all the things they like
You don’t like going hiking – your family and friends know this for a fact. But because the person you have a soft spot for likes doing it, you decide to give it the old college try.
It’s pretty much like a social norm. You conform to it because other people do so.
The only difference is you won’t bother to like things that people you DON’T care about prefer. But when it comes to somebody with whom you have a soft spot, everything changes.
More than just impressing them, you want to have a shared interest with them.
After all, it helps make life better for both of you, according to Stephen Betchen of Psychology Today.
Sharing someone’s passion – even if you didn’t like it in the first place – makes for a good bonding point throughout the years.
Who doesn’t want to be with somebody you care for – a lot – through the years?
5) You can’t seem to get mad at them
It’s easy to get mad at someone who did you wrong or disappointed you. And why not? Anger can quickly bubble up inside you whenever you feel threatened, frustrated, or powerless.
And while we address anger differently – due to our past experiences and current circumstances – one thing’s for sure. You can’t seem to get mad at a person with which you have a soft spot.
Even if they screw up multiple times, you show support instead of getting mad at them.
That said, you’re only human and you may suddenly find yourself becoming angrier by the day.
If you’re determined to keep your zen, then do sign up for a free masterclass with Rudá Iandê. It can help you build a constructive relationship with this inner beast. That way, you can maintain a peaceful relationship with the people you care about the most.
6) You’ll defend them tooth and nail
When you care deeply about someone, you’ll be more than ready to fight for them. In other words, you’ll protect this individual at all costs.
You can chalk this up to your ‘Hero Instinct,’ which is pretty much self-explanatory. It’s a biological urge to defend the people you care about the most.
While protecting those who mean a lot to you is the main point, this hero instinct does more for your psyche.
For one, it gains the respect of people around you. You’re ready to defend their honor, after all.
More importantly, it lets you live a more meaningful life. It’s lovely to do something for people who appreciate all your efforts.
7) You don’t mind their flaws
When you have a soft spot for someone, you understand this quote well enough:
“No one is perfect…that’s why pencils have erasers.”
The problem with most people is that they put the people they like on a pedestal. So when their perfect image becomes shattered, their regard for them breaks down as well.
But not you.
You know that people – even the ones you care about the most – are imperfect. That said, you’re more than ready to accept them.
8) They make you feel very happy
You may be sad and feeling down because of work or personal issues. But whenever you see or talk to this special individual – all of these disappear.
You feel delighted as if you’ve won an expensive prize.
It’s not a fluke, though. We do become happier when we spend time with others – especially those we care about the most.
- Lower heart rate and blood pressure
- Stronger immune system
- Stress reduction
- Lesser aches and pains
9) …And you’ll do anything to make them happy
When someone makes you happy, you’ll go above and beyond to make them happy as well
It doesn’t always have to involve grand efforts, though (that said, it’s nice to receive one every so often.) Even the simplest of ways can make these people happy.
For one, you should compliment the person you care about a lot. Acknowledging their efforts – no matter how trivial – is sure to put a smile on their face.
The same goes with saying thank you often. Like a compliment, it shows your gratitude for everything that they do.
Generosity – even one that doesn’t involve money – can send out happy thoughts too. Giving time and effort – which are priceless gifts – shows how much you care.
10) You make time for them
“People will make time for you if you’re important to them. And they pretty much won’t if you’re not.”
– Andrea Reiser
When you have a soft spot for someone, it seems that you’re always free.
Even if you have piles of documents to finish within the day, you’ll throw up your hands and say screw it! This person needs me more.
The reason behind this is simple: people like to spend time with those who count. It’s one of the changes that set them up for lifelong success and happiness.
When you care for a person who makes you happy, you will make time for them – even if you only have a few minutes for yourself.
11) You think about them 24/7
Have they eaten?
Have they gotten to work safely?
These are just some of the many musings one has for a person they care about the most.
When you treasure someone, your brain goes into overdrive. It fills your head (literally) with a bevy of substances, one of which is dopamine.
Dopamine makes you think happy thoughts about the person. It’s also one of the reasons why you’re always glad to see them.
In case you can’t see them as often, thinking about them is a way to feel this bliss and euphoria time and time again.
12) Every little thing reminds you of them
No matter where you look, it seems like every little thing is all about them.
Even the stain on your table sheet reminds you of the time they’ve spilled wine in the restaurant.
As to why this happens, one of the reasons is #11. You think about them 24/7 – well – because they make you happy.
Since this person is always inside your head, it’s easy to see them in many other things.
Experts call this phenomenon state-dependent memory. According to Dr. John Skiare, it happens when things, places, and people trigger certain emotions and feelings.
He even likens it to the song “Always Something There to Remind Me” by Naked Eyes. The lyrics go:
I walk along the city streets you used to walk along with me,
And every step I take recalls how much in love we used to be.
Oh, how can I forget you?
When there is always something there to remind me.
With everything reminding you of them, it’s undeniable that you have a strong liking for this person.
13) You want to talk to them…always
Talking to the people you care about is just like thinking about them. There’s a mighty dopamine rush that makes you feel happy all over.
As for some, it’s a matter of clicking with another person.
Why would you stop talking to somebody you can talk to easily – no matter what the topic?
Experts, for one, attribute this to interpersonal synchronization. That means you have a soft spot for someone because you’re on the ‘same wavelength’ with them.
There’s also the case of homophily – in other words, ‘like befriends like.’
According to Thalia Wheatley of Dartmouth College:
“If two people interpret and respond to the world in similar ways, they’re easily able to predict one another’s thoughts and actions…This increased predictability makes it easier to interact and communicate, which makes conversations and shared experiences more enjoyable.”
14) You hold their opinion in high regard
While respecting other people’s opinions is expected of most, there’s no denying that people like arguing. Some can even get hostile with people who don’t share the same views as them.
That said, if you have a soft spot for someone, you hold their opinion in high regard.
It doesn’t matter if it’s the polar opposite of yours. You know it’s better to encourage dialogue, not hostility.
Instead of forcing your beliefs, you take this as an opportunity to understand their perspective or opinion.
You believe it’s a way to gain new insights, given the differences in your life experiences.
More importantly, you know that respecting their opinion doesn’t necessarily mean bowing down to them.
You’re eager to listen – because who knows? You might learn a thing or two from them.
15) Your family or friends say so
You might think that you’re treating everyone fairly – and that you don’t have a soft spot for anyone.
But if your loved ones believe otherwise, it’s an undeniable sign. They know you enough to say that you have a special place in your heart for that person.
Yes, they’re often very open about it.
Perhaps, you could hear your parents muttering, “You won’t do it for us, but you’ll do it for (insert name here).”
Maybe your pals are always telling you, “You’ll drop anything for (insert name here), but you won’t do it for your close friends.”
You don’t necessarily have to feel bad about these remarks, though. It’s just a solid sign that you have a soft spot for this person – and your loved ones have noticed it.
When you have a soft spot for someone, you have a great liking or affection towards them. As such, you may find yourself acting differently towards them.
You care more about them.
You make time for them even if you’re busy.
Heck, you’ll even do the things you hate for them.
If you think that makes you ‘soft,’ it doesn’t. It just shows that you care enough about a person that you’re willing to move mountains for them.
Now isn’t it lovely to have someone like this in your life?
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
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