Do you have a sexy personality?
I have no idea how you look, but regardless of appearance there are some definite traits of a sexy personality.
Let’s take a look under the sizzling surface.
1) You enjoy life
The first sign of having a sexy personality is that you enjoy life.
The French call this joie de vivre, or “the joy of being alive.”
It’s not about appearing happy or plastering on a smile:
This is about sipping a glass of wine and truly savoring every sip.
This is about seeing a sunset and feeling near physical pleasure at the beauty.
This is about dancing and getting so caught up in the rhythm and movement that you genuinely forget what month it is or where you are.
When you enjoy life, you exude sensuality.
2) You’re subtle but not shy
The next of the important signs you have a sexy personality (no matter how you look) is that you’re subtle but not shy.
When you flirt, you do so in a tasteful way and without laying it all on the table.
If you want to get a good idea of what this looks like, watch old Hollywood films from the 1940s and 50s.
Watch the way that the male and female characters interact and flirt.
They don’t just stride up and say “wow shucks, you’re a snack and a half!”
They don’t go to a bar and say “damn, girl!”
Because they actually have some gravitas and restraint to them.
They let sexual tension simmer. They make eyes at someone without immediately walking over to talk to them.
They exhibit basic adult patience and subtlety.
That kind of ambivalence and half-flirting is the bedrock of real sexiness, and if you have it then you certainly have a sexy personality.
3) You’re tactile
Now being a tactile person may not be a personality trait, but it definitely relates to it.
Tactile people like touching things: people, surfaces, items…
This indicates a trait of warmth and desire for connection and experience and interface with the “other.”
One of the top signs you have a sexy personality (no matter how you look) is that you’re warm and inviting.
You let your touch linger when you pat somebody on the shoulder…
You hold your cutlery in a way that’s almost sensuous, and demurely dip your fork down to spear another piece of casserole…
You walk by a piano and run your hand over the keys almost like you’re caressing a lover…
4) You’re dedicated and on mission
At the same time as you’re a sensual, life-loving person, you’re dedicated and on mission.
There’s nothing less sexy than a woman or man who is searching for attention and affection.
Passivity breeds disinterest and revulsion because it is weak and colorless.
No matter how attractive you may be, true sexiness is not just in looks. It’s also in being the kind of person who has a purpose and direction in life.
This may be work, hobbies or even other friendships and connections.
But the bottom line is that it’s a refusal to base happiness or wellbeing on the romantic or sexual attention of anyone you cross paths with.
If they like you? Great…
If they reject you? Their loss…
This brings up the next point of a very sexy character trait:
5) You’re hard to get
The idea of playing hard to get is correct, but often misunderstood.
It’s not sexy to be standoffish and distant or scowl all the time and ignore people.
That’s depressing and annoying.
But it is sexy to be funny, friendly and flirtatious but still not totally sold on somebody very easily.
You may be a woman who’s flirting with a nice looking man. You laugh at his jokes and you tell him “great job” when he mentions a business project he’s working on.
But you’re not about to pledge your heart to him. You’re just shooting the breeze. You’re hard to get.
You may be a guy who’s chatting to a lady as she asks you questions about your life and what you like. Sure, she’s pretty. But is there more to her?
You’re not about to jump with your mouth agape like a big fish just because a pretty girl is giving you the time of day. You’re pleasant, but not overly impressed.
This is what it really means to be hard to get.
It’s not putting on an act, nor is it a strategy.
It’s a genuine inner reality of truly not being overly eager or impressed by an attractive potential mate who’s talking to you.
So they want to get to know you better? Maybe yes, let’s see. You’re not making any promises, nor are you going out of your way to facilitate such a development.
6) Perceptiveness of ebb and flow
The next of the signs you have a sexy personality is that you are perceptive of the ebb and flow of interactions.
There are some very attractive individuals who are thoroughly unsexy because they try too hard and won’t take no for an answer.
The truly sexy individual is perceptive.
He or she mirrors interest from those around them, but they never hang on it or become dependent.
The sexy person is able to quickly intuit a level of interest in someone else and respond in a classy way.
They are also able to back off and withdraw their attention seamlessly when they feel interest or engagement diminishing.
Of course, you may be enjoying flirting or interacting with someone enormously.
But you are never depending on them to give you anything, and if the tap turns off or their attention goes away, you move on with no harm, no foul.
As marriage counselor and psychologist Randi Gunther puts it:
“They can play at being both desirable and desiring but are able to easily disconnect when mutual attraction diminishes.”
7) Being a little bit naughty
Last up in the signs that you have a sexy personality (no matter how you look) is that you’re a bit naughty.
Modern pop culture has done real naughtiness and eroticism a disfavor by generally being way too in-your-face with portraying flirting and sexual seduction.
But the truth is that naughtiness is all about less is more.
Now the Victorian English may have gone too far with considering a woman showing her ankle to be inappropriate and sexually suggestive.
But there’s definitely something to be said for being modest and naughty.
For both men and women, being a respectable individual of integrity but still being open about having an erotic, flirtatious side, is a big turn on.
You don’t need to sext someone or wear a dress that shows everything to demonstrate your naughtiness.
There are plenty of jokes and comments that skirt the line.
“Did she really just imply what I think she did?”
Well, maybe so. Maybe not.
Isn’t the ambivalence and suspense a bit more exciting than just laying it all out there right away?
Sizzling sexy sassiness
Are you a sexy beast?
If you find that the tips align with who you are then the answer is yes.
If not, there’s still time to become a sizzling fajita of every person’s ultimate fantasy.