5 signs you have a really good man in your life, according to psychology

I am sure you, like I, have had times when you thought someone was good, only to be sorely disappointed and possibly heartbroken when you found out you were wrong. 

But the truth is, there are many good men out there. The question is, how do we spot one? 

Well, that’s what I set out to find out, for you and for me. 

Expert insights suggest the key lies not in grand gestures but in small, often unnoticed actions. We are, after all, what we repeatedly do. 

If you recognize these five signs, chances are you have a keeper.

1) He is empathetic

One of the clearest signs you’ve got a really good man in your life is his empathy. How does this look?

Well, when a man is truly empathetic, he listens deeply and connects with the emotions of those around him. Think about the guy you have in mind. Does he try to understand your perspective during disagreements? Can he put himself in your shoes or the shoes of others?

This quality is essential for building deep, meaningful relationships and creating a supportive environment.

And as pointed out by Dr. Elizabeth A. Segal in a Psychology Today post, empathy not only binds us to others but also acts as a “moral compass.” A 2011 study echoes this, with researchers suggesting that it drives us to do good things to help others and stops us from doing hurtful things by making us aware of how our actions affect them.

The point is when you see a man consistently and genuinely trying to understand and share in the emotional experiences of those around him, he’s probably a good man. His empathy not only strengthens his relationships but also shows his genuine kindness and strong moral character.

2) He shows consistent respect

It should come as no surprise to hear that at the core of any good relationship is respect.

But the key is consistency. A really good man doesn’t just respect you when it’s convenient or when he wants something. He respects you all the time, in every situation.

Respect can be seen in small actions: listening when you speak, not interrupting you, and valuing your opinions. 

Understanding and respecting your boundaries is also something to watch out for. As noted by Dr. Ashley Head, a clinical psychologist, “Each partner must agree to not cross those boundaries, regardless of disappointment, hurt feelings, or in times of anger,”

Keep in mind this is all about what he does day in and day out. Actions speak louder than words. It’s not about grand declarations but rather a constant, steady demonstration of regard for you as an individual.

3) He knows he’s not perfect (but strives to be better)

Does the man you have in mind recognize his imperfections and continually seek to improve himself?

If so, good for you. 

A truly good man knows that perfection is an unattainable ideal, yet this understanding doesn’t discourage him; rather, it inspires him to continuously improve. 

This has also been acknowledged by experts like ward-winning social psychologist and author Dolly Chugh.  In her book The Person You Mean to Be, she argues that a good person isn’t flawlessness but a relentless effort towards self-improvement.

She suggests that defining oneself as “trying to be better” rather than believing in being perfect is a more realistic and healthy perspective.

This philosophy is essential when evaluating the men in our lives. A good man acknowledges his faults and doesn’t shy away from the hard work of self-betterment. He accepts constructive criticism, learns from his mistakes, and sets personal goals to enhance his skills and ethical understanding.

A man who actively seeks to grow, who can admit when he’s wrong, and who takes steps to correct his course is the kind of man we all want in our lives. 

4) He opens up to you

Imagine this: he comes home after one of those days where nothing went right—everything that could go wrong did. Now, he has a choice. Does he shut down and retreat, or does he open up, sharing his frustrations and the insecurities that the day stirred up?

Choosing to be vulnerable is a significant step for any man. When he shares his true feelings, his worries, and his fears, he’s not just talking; he’s trusting you with the parts of himself that the world doesn’t always see.

And it’s a great sign. 

Vulnerability is about more than just sharing struggles; it’s about allowing oneself to be seen—completely. Psychologist and sex therapist Shannon Chavez has pointed out that being able to be yourself and feel comfortable letting your guard down is a sign of a healthy relationship. 

Brené Brown, a renowned researcher on the subject, believes that love grows when we let our “most vulnerable and powerful selves be deeply seen and known” and that such openness builds a spiritual connection marked by trust, respect, kindness, and affection.

If the man in your life is open to showing you his less polished side, embracing vulnerability in moments big and small, it’s a powerful sign that he’s not just in it for the good times. 

He’s here to build something lasting with you based on a foundation of true intimacy and connection. 

Last but not least, this next one is a huge sign you’ve got someone special. 

5) He accepts you for who you are

When a man really accepts you, he isn’t trying to mold you into some ideal or fantasy. He sees all of you—the quirks, the strengths, even the flaws—and he embraces all of it. This kind of acceptance creates a supportive and loving environment where you can truly be yourself, warts and all.

Psychologist David Tzall has even noted this kind of acceptance as a sign of unconditional love. It’s about loving someone not for who they might become but for who they are right now. It’s recognizing and celebrating someone’s individuality, not trying to tweak it to fit our own preferences.

If you find that the man in your life cherishes your unique traits and loves you just the way you are, without conditions, that’s a sure sign of a great guy. And it isn’t just comforting; it’s the foundation of a strong, enduring relationship.

Final thoughts

Spotting a truly good man isn’t about looking for grand gestures or dramatic declarations. 

Instead, it’s about noticing the consistent, often quiet behaviors that reveal his character. Empathy, respect, personal growth, vulnerability, and unconditional acceptance are not just commendable traits—they are the very fabric of a good man’s character.

If you see these five signs in the man in your life, hold onto him.