Roselle Umlas
Men get a lot of flak for all sorts of shady behavior, which explains why, if women had to choose between encountering a bear in the forest or a man they didn’t know, most women would pick the bear.
This whole man vs. bear hypothesis has sparked many online debates. And in some ways, you really can’t blame the women. After all, it’s no secret that some men do make us feel unsafe or unvalued.
And even if the man in your life isn’t exactly dangerous, he could simply be a low value guy, someone who doesn’t add much to your happiness or personal growth.
But – nothing is ever absolute. Just as there are a lot of bad seeds out there, there are also a lot of high value men who break the mold and bring out the best in us!
So how can you tell if you’re fortunate enough to have one of these exceptional men in your life? Here are 8 signs that you’re with a high value man who truly deserves your appreciation, according to psychology:
1) He has integrity
Listen, a man may be many things – charming, successful, fun to be around – but if he lacks integrity, all those qualities quickly lose their shine.
Integrity is perhaps the most definitive trait of a high value man (or woman, for that matter). According to Good Therapy, “Integrity brings with it authenticity, vulnerability and an honesty that is kind and never harsh.”
You can be sure that whatever he does in life, it’s always done with honesty and a clean conscience.
You can’t put a price on that. If you’ve ever been cheated on, you know what I mean.
And you know what? It’s not even just about loyalty and fidelity. Integrity is also what drives a man to walk the talk and keep his promises.
Of course, he isn’t perfect, but his trust rating would definitely be higher than that of the average guy.
This means that when he tells you something, you can believe it. You’ll never have to question where you stand with him, which is exactly why you feel safe and secure!
2) He’s both soft and firm
Speaking of vulnerability, have you ever been in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable man? Or a man filled with so much machismo that he can’t bear to be contradicted?
Well, those aren’t high-value men, that’s for sure. A truly high-value man is a delightful blend of tenderness and firmness. He knows how to show his emotions and express his love and care openly.
At the same time, he knows how to stand firm in his beliefs and values. He’s nailed the art of being confident without being overbearing or controlling.
And that bodes well for relationship success. You know why? Because it means he’s committed to being completely, emotionally intimate with you.
And what’s more, it means he has courage. Being both soft and firm requires us to be brave, doesn’t it?
As psychologist and researcher Brene Brown said, “Vulnerability is about showing up and being seen. It’s tough to do that when we’re terrified about what people might see or think.”
This brings me to the next point…
3) He’s unapologetically himself
For a high value man, nothing beats authenticity. He’d rather be hated for who he is than be loved for who he isn’t, to paraphrase the late Kurt Cobain’s words.
For high value people, time and energy are so important. They’d rather not waste those on pretending to be someone they’re not.
Psychiatrist Dr. Marcia Sirota explains why authenticity is so important – the only choice, actually – in relationships:
“Intimacy can be defined as ‘knowing and being known.’ It involves seeing and accepting each other for who you really are. Without this deep understanding and appreciation of each-others hopes, dreams, beliefs, preferences, feelings and needs, your relationship remains shallow and unsatisfying.”
And that’s also why…
4) He loves you just as you are
If you’ve ever been in a relationship with a high value man, then chances are, you’ve felt the kind of safety that can only come from being loved just as you are.
I’ve been in relationships where I had to tone down my personality a bit because I was “too much”. Or I had to be super composed all the time because showing too much emotion is just too “weak and messy”.
Well, those relationships were exhausting and made me feel like I wasn’t enough. And eventually, I decided I wasn’t willing to settle for that.
With a high value man, there’s no need for pretenses. Like I said earlier, he’s after authenticity and intimacy.
You can be your authentic self, with all your quirks, flaws, and strengths, and still be loved deeply and genuinely.
That’s because he sees your worth and makes sure you know it. No judgments or conditions – you have a space to thrive. To be your real, messy self without fear of rejection.
5) He knows how to put himself in other people’s place
As if all that wasn’t enough, a high value man will also make you feel seen and heard.
Why? Well, because he’s got this lovely quality called emotional intelligence!
Honestly, this is kind of a rare quality to find. Generally, men are socially conditioned to prioritize logic over emotions. Consider all these common expressions that arose to stop men from being emotionally expressive:
- “Grow a pair”
- “Man up!”
- “Act like a man”
- Don’t be a sissy”
Anyway, this kind of social conditioning has unfortunately rendered a lot of men to fall short in the empathy category.
So if you unload on them about your terrible day, they’d either dismiss your feelings, suggest a solution, or simply be perplexed at what the big deal is!
But not a high value man. Against all odds, he has managed to develop a strong sense of empathy. So he can put himself in other people’s shoes and consider their perspectives and feelings.
This makes him not just an amazing partner but a great friend, colleague, and all-around awesome human being.
6) He knows what his values and standards are
If you’re the type of person who wants a life filled with meaning and direction, then you’ll appreciate just how well a high value man does in this area.
That’s because he’s quite clear about what he stands for. He knows what matters most to him, and his decisions in life reflect that.
According to psychologists, knowing your values is important because it helps you:
- Understand yourself better
- Make better decisions
- Set goals and make plans
- Feel more balanced
In short, a man who knows his values and standards will have a much better way of going about life.
It isn’t going to be perfect, but he has a “why” and “how” to guide him, and that’s always better than someone who doesn’t know where he’s going.
7) He has ambition and a desire to better himself
Following on from that, a high value man knows that he is the driver of his own life. No victim mentality here; whatever his circumstances are, he wants to rise above them and take full responsibility.
This is so important because you want a partner who can hold his own in every way. That’s only possible if he has ambition and a desire to grow as a person.
Otherwise, you might find yourself stuck with someone who’s content to coast through life without ever pushing for more. Like a guy who plays video games all day while you take care of everything else, for example.
Why settle for a man-child if you can have a man who actually strives to be the best version of himself?
In other words, a high value man.
8) He adds value to your life
Finally, if you really want to be sure you have a high value man in your life, check his impact on your own life.
Does he make you a better person? Does he make your life more joyful and meaningful? Is he a real partner in every sense of the word?
A high value man won’t just take up air and space in your life; he will actually contribute and lift you up.
I’ve been married now for a while to the best partner I could ever ask for. He isn’t perfect (no one is!), but he just makes my life richer and more fulfilling in every way. I feel seen and heard, and he inspires me to be my best self.
When I compare this with how I felt in my past relationships (with low value men), the difference is glaring, almost like it’s bathed in light, if you’ll excuse the sappiness.
Those past relationships left me feeling drained and unappreciated. But now, with my high value man, I feel empowered and loved every day.
So, if you find yourself with a man who consistently adds value to your life, who makes you feel loved, supported, and inspired, hold on to him. He’s a keeper.
And don’t forget to be a high value partner as well. After all, they bring a lot to the table. Make sure you meet them right there, so the relationship will be balanced and fulfilling for both of you.
