Amy Reed
It’s easy to take your partner for granted, focusing only on the bad he’s ever done, rather than the good.
I’m not saying you should forgive ALL bad behavior from your partner (cheating, lying, controlling, and criticizing all come to mind) just because he’s nice to you sometimes.
But is he really a bad guy because of the little arguments you’ve had over the years? Or because he said the wrong thing or broke a promise once or twice?
When you have a genuinely good man by your side, he’ll get the important stuff right. According to psychology, if he’s truly a good guy, you’ll recognize these key behaviors.
Let’s dive in.
1) He validates your insecurities
We all have insecurities – even the most confident of us! Particularly in relationships. Romantic love can resurface your deepest traumas and insecurities, largely because of how vulnerable it makes you.
Of course, to establish a healthy relationship, we should work on our insecurities and validate ourselves as best (and as often) as we can.
But when those moments of vulnerability arise, relationship experts are clear that our partners should be there for us. Validation in times like these is what makes a relationship fulfilling and healthy.
So if you have a good man by your side, he won’t dismiss your “I look terrible today” remarks or your questions about whether he still loves you. He’ll confidently, lovingly give you the reassurance you need.
2) He laughs at your jokes
A guy who doesn’t find your jokes funny isn’t a BAD guy. But chances are, he isn’t as attracted to you as you might think! Horrifyingly, he might even be falling out of love with you…
Several studies have pondered the role of laughter in love. More specifically, whether he laughs at the jokes you make. What they found is that a guy who laughs at your jokes is into you. He likely finds you attractive or is totally head-over-heels in love with you.
But a guy who stops laughing at your jokes, or never has, doesn’t simply find you unfunny. Experts say it’s more likely to symbolize a breakdown in the relationship somewhere – potentially a fatal one.
Even if he says this isn’t the case and he just doesn’t find your jokes funny, he might be lying – to himself as well as you.
3) He listens to your stories
Listening to your partner is key to a good relationship. It sounds easy and most of us think we listen to our partner all the time!
But there’s a special kind of listening that makes a relationship healthy. Experts call it active listening.
Essentially, this is the kind of listening that makes you FEEL listened to.
Let’s look at a bad example. When I used to tell an ex about my day, he’d look at his phone, muttering an, “Oh yeah” in all the right places. He might’ve been listening, but it never felt like it.
With my partner now, he truly listens. When I’m talking, he gives me his full attention. He looks at me and listens like I’m telling the most important story in the world (when it definitely isn’t!).
When your guy does this, he’s a genuinely good guy – and also probably very in love with you!
4) He helps you when you need it (and when you don’t)
OK, so there’s a lot of mixed reviews online about how much your partner should help you. When a guy helps you with things you DON’T need all the time, there’s a chance he might be overstepping – or even crossing the line into being controlling!
There’s also a chance that a relationship can become codependent when he helps you out TOO much. Like when you start relying on him for everything…
But those are two extremes. On the whole, it’s nice when your partner wants to help you out – whether you ask for his help or not.
Like you might not ask him for a lift home from work, but he says he wants to. You might not ask him to clear the glasses of water piling up on your desk, but he’ll do it anyway.
It’s nice when you ask him to do something for you and he does it – and a good man will do this, too! But he’ll also just do things for you without needing to be asked (and, usually, without overstepping, either).
5) He respects your decisions
I don’t agree with every decision my partner makes. Like when he decides to wake up at 5am on a Saturday to play golf with his friends… (it’s not my idea of a fun Saturday). But it’s his decision how he wants to spend his weekend and I respect it!
Experts are clear that if your partner doesn’t respect your decisions, big or small, it’s unlikely that you’ll stay together long-term – or, at least, not happily.
Respect in a relationship builds trust, stability, and overall satisfaction with the relationship. Without it, love can crumble.
So if you have a good man by your side, he won’t scoff at your suggestion of running a marathon one day. He won’t criticize your job or laugh at the idea of you going for the promotion at work. He’ll respect your decisions and, most importantly, support them.
6) He tells you the truth
I dated a guy once who used to lie about all the little things. Like he’d leave his friend’s party late and say the trains were delayed. Or he’d invent a story about how he really cut his finger. He’d even lie about whether he’d had a good day at work or not!
Your partner telling you small lies like this might not seem like a big deal, but it kind of is. It can chip away at the trust you have in each other and significantly impact how healthy the relationship becomes.
Experts say that people lie about the little things in relationships out of shame, mostly. They feel ashamed about what really happened or what others will think of them.
That was definitely the case in my last relationship. But just because he feels shameful, lying to you isn’t respectful to YOU, regardless of the reasons why. And, unfortunately, he isn’t a good man for it.
A good man tells you the truth, even when it’s hard for him. He respects you and the relationship enough to be himself around you, no matter what.
7) He cares about your safety
When someone cares for you – regardless of whether you’re in love or not – they should care about your safety. But it should especially be the case if you’re in love!
Some guys claim to care, but send a quick, “Did you get home safe?” text the next morning (totally pointless, in my opinion).
Or they’ll say, “But I knew you’d be alright” when you tell him your phone died on the train home and you had to walk for 20 minutes in the dark at midnight…
But a genuinely good man will truly care. He’ll want to make sure you get home OK late at night by driving you there. Or, at least, by checking in with you on the actual night…
8) He’s kind to you
Finally, a good man is a kind man! That can mean a million things – from how he compliments you, values your opinion, comforts you when you’re sad, or even just sends you a nice text on a stressful day.
Studies have found that being kind increases the compassion and empathy you have for others. It also boosts your mood and self-esteem. So, it makes sense that a man who’s kind is more likely to be confident and emotionally intelligent (all good traits!).
But empathy is important in a relationship, too. Experts say having an empathetic partner makes you feel loved, understood, and cared for. On the flip side, an unempathetic partner can bring you down.
So if you have a good man by your side, he won’t put you down or criticize you constantly – generally or in the name of a “joke”! He’s kind to you, always. It’s as simple as that.
Final thoughts
We all know what bad behavior in a partner looks like, but sometimes it isn’t easy to see the good. Good actions don’t always excuse the bad, but when it comes to things like the above, it might just do.
Like if he plays his video games a little too much, but always turns it off and gives you his full attention when you speak, that’s a really good thing.
Or if he leaves his cup on the side rather than in the sink and it drives you mad, but always does your chores on a stressful week, that’s good, too.
When you have a genuinely good man by your side, you should know it and feel it, regardless of the little arguments you have. But if you need a little reminder, hopefully, this was it.
