Roselle Umlas
Have you ever felt like you just don’t quite fit in? Like you’re a puzzle piece that doesn’t quite match the others around you?
If so, you may have a complex personality. And while that means you’re an interesting person, the sad truth is, not everyone gets you.
But how exactly do you know if you are one?
To help you out, I’ll share ten signs you’re a complex person who’s often misunderstood by other people.
1) You often feel like people are misunderstanding you or misinterpreting your intentions
This is the number one sign that people don’t get you – you’re always feeling misunderstood.
I know how that feels…you’re constantly having to explain yourself but somehow you can never quite get through to others.
That can feel pretty lonely, can’t it? Sometimes, it can feel like no one truly knows the real you.
I totally understand that. But it’s also worth thinking about the way you communicate.
Not everyone may be able to grasp your complexity, but you can ease the way with sharper communication skills, such as:
- Being clear and concise when expressing yourself
- Actively listening and asking for clarification
- Backing your words with concrete actions
2) You have trouble finding your tribe
Another sign is feeling like you don’t fit in. Let’s face it, everyone wants to belong somewhere in this world. We want to have our own tribe – that group of people who share our interests, values, or worldview.
If this is difficult for you, let me assure you, you will find your tribe. It might take a lot longer, but you will.
It took me years and years to find the people I’d love to call “my people.” In fact, I’ve been called a social butterfly, which implies that I’m super outgoing. But the truth is, I’m not at all. Little did they know I’d merely been flitting from group to group, trying to find my tribe.
Eventually, I did, which is why I’m telling you, be patient…you’ll find the folks who’ll see you for who you really are and love you just the same.
3) You feel like you’re on a different wavelength from the people around you
I guess one big reason why you feel like you don’t fit in is that you think differently from those around you.
That’s actually a valuable trait – the world is certainly more interesting with diverse perspectives!
Unfortunately, your unique wavelength also makes it harder for you to find people who think the same way. You guys are few and far between, after all.
But it doesn’t have to get in the way of making connections. I find that when we cultivate an open mind, we can accommodate everyone’s perspectives and live together harmoniously.
4) You may find it difficult to express your emotions
That said, I know that when you feel like you’re on a different wavelength, you kind of want to hold back on expressing yourself fully.
Because yeah, it can feel scary putting yourself out there with folks who don’t really get you.
And with such deep and intense feelings inside you, the truth is, it’s not always easy to label those feelings and express them clearly.
So you keep your cards close to your chest and go through life feeling like there’s a part of you that’s unseen.
I totally get it. But I also think that when you’re a deep and complex person, you need to be brave if you really want to connect with others.
Who knows, those people you think don’t get you? Maybe they’re just like you, scared to express themselves for real. And when you open yourself up to them, you might find that you’ve got something in common after all!
5) You’ve been told you’re too sensitive
On the other hand, if you ever do express how you feel, people might say you’re too sensitive, or you think too much and all that.
Ugh, you just can’t catch a break, can you? I hear you. Being a deep and complex person definitely isn’t easy!
But that’s the reality of it – you just feel things deeply, and there’s nothing you can do about that. That’s how you’re built, and you can’t help it.
I can’t count the number of times I’ve been told this. It got to a point where I simply gave up and squashed all those emotions I felt just so I could get along with everyone.
6) People find your opinions weird or shocking
Have you ever been told any of these things…
- “I don’t get how you can think that way, it’s just so different from what I believe.”
- “Are you serious? That’s the craziest thing I’ve ever heard!”
- “I don’t know where you’re coming from with that idea, it just seems so out there.”
- “I can’t believe you would say something like that, it’s just not normal.”
- “Wow, I never would have thought about things that way. It’s just so…different.”
- “I’m not sure I agree with you, but I guess everyone’s entitled to their own opinions.”
I have – all the time. In my younger days, comments like these would be enough to shut me up. They were enough to make me feel like people just don’t get me.
But over the years, I learned not to care so much what other people think. I accepted that the world is like that – some people will get you, and some won’t.
7) You often hide certain aspects of your personality
This is connected to my previous point. When you’re a deep and complex person, you just know that not everyone can handle certain parts of you.
So, how do you manage social situations?
Well, if you’re like me (the old me, before I learned to just be authentically, genuinely me), you tuck that deep, weird, and passionate side of yourself in a tidy little pocket and pretend to be someone you’re not!
This can be really exhausting. Having to put up a facade to fit in (or at least avoid making people uncomfortable around you) can really wear you out and leave you feeling empty.
While it’s understandable to want to be liked and accepted by those around you, the truth is, real connections are built on authenticity.
Remember what I said before about finding your tribe? Well, how can you find them if you’re not being yourself? They won’t see you either!
8) You have a hard time with small talk
If you find small talk or superficial conversations to be tedious or unfulfilling, it’s possible that you have a complex personality that people just don’t get.
The hard truth: the world is filled with people who value small talk.
That doesn’t mean we should dismiss them as shallow; after all, small talk can be the grease that keeps conversations running smoothly. It lets people find common ground with others quickly.
The problem is, you don’t enjoy it. And that could come across as weird or unlikeable for other people.
You’d rather do a deep dive into meaningful topics or explore the complexities of life, but not everyone is ready for that.
Social situations don’t have to be such a drag, though. Try to find a balance between deep conversations and lighthearted banter, and don’t be afraid to steer the conversation toward topics that interest you.
9) People may describe you as “complicated” or “difficult to read”
This is one effect of disliking small talk – it sends the message that you’re aloof or distant.
Think about it: when you encounter someone who’s clearly bored or uncomfortable with talking about superficial topics, doesn’t that give the impression that they’re difficult to read?
And if you’re that person, and you do manage to push past that impression and give them a glimpse of the real you, you get called “complicated.” That’s code for unique, deep, and hard to understand.
I guess you could take that as a compliment; it’s certainly better than being called “basic!”
10) You have a hard time following social norms
Finally, we get to the last sign that people find it difficult to understand you. You know how we have norms and expectations, and everyone’s supposed to go along with it?
You don’t, and that’s why some people don’t get you. You’re willing to go against the status quo because you’re not one to jump on something everyone likes or does just because.
Your deep and complex nature won’t allow that – you have to question everything first and challenge expectations. Unfortunately, that makes people think you’re controversial or provocative.
Final thoughts
As someone with a complex personality myself, I know how frustrating it feels to be misunderstood or misinterpreted by the people around you. It can be hard to find those who share your interests and values, or who truly understand your way of thinking.
But despite these challenges, I’ve come to realize that having a complex personality is what makes me unique and interesting. Besides, I can’t help it even if I wanted to anyway.
If you can relate to any of the experiences on this list, chances are, you’re pretty unique and interesting, too! So don’t worry about it – somewhere out there are people who will see you and totally get you!
