9 signs you have a complex personality that leaves others guessing

We sometimes include products we think are useful for our readers. If you buy through links on this page, we may earn a small commission. Read our affiliate disclosure.

You’ve always been misunderstood by the people around you.

And, at the same time, you easily get annoyed at how simple everyone else around you is.

Well, you might actually have a pretty complex personality, and that’s what’s confusing people.

To see if you might be someone with a complex personality that leaves people guessing, here are 9 signs to look out for.

1) People can’t just put you in a box

It goes without saying that stereotypes are bad.

People simply can’t be summed up based on where they were born, who they hang out with, or what they look like.

But people try to do it anyway. It’s easier to just notice patterns, and make assumptions about others based on what they have observed.

When they’re talking about others, they sometimes hit the nail on the head. They can easily put them in their respective boxes.

But when they start making assumptions about you?

They somehow never get you right!

They might assume that because you’re a cat person, you must like plushies because they’re cute, too…but in reality, you’re not a fan of stuffed toys.

Or perhaps they might think that because you support the latest strike for fair wages, then you must hate work when on the contrary, you love what you do for a living!

This becomes especially clear whenever they try to insult you because no matter how hard they try, none of their insults will ever land.

2) You struggle to find like-minded people

You can’t help but envy the people around you sometimes.

Somehow, they all managed to find their tribe without having to try too hard. And more than that, they find plenty of like-minded people to bond with.

On the other hand, you struggle to find people you can form genuine connections with. You have to work harder to find your tribe, and even after you’ve found it, you’ll find that there’s just not a lot of you.

Not only are complex personalities few and far between, they tend to feel more strongly about whether people agree with their ideals and beliefs.

All of this is just an unfortunate consequence of being unique—or at least, not average.

Sadly, not a lot of people can relate to you as well. Your unique quirks and thoughts just make them go “Wait, what?”

This is the reason you remain a mystery to a lot of them…and that you leave others guessing all the time.

3) People comment that you’re a “deep thinker”

People have often said that you’re thoughtful, or that you notice things that others have taken for granted.

You might have always shrugged it off like any other empty compliment… but there might actually be truth in it.

You think on your own, refusing to just believe in the same thing as everyone else around you on principle. At the same time, you don’t just rebel against the latest thing like any “contrarian” might either.

Instead you comb through everything you need to know, and try to put an effort to understand before you choose your side.

Because of that, you often see things others have overlooked or dismissed.

This then leads people into thinking you’re somehow just naturally thoughtful or perceptive. Philosophical, even.

4) You find people simply don’t think deep enough

As I just mentioned, people always comment that you’re a deep thinker. But, if you’re to be truly honest, you really don’t think you are!

To you, you’re not deep thinking or overthinking, you’re just, well…thinking!

But what’s clear to you is that most people are just not thinking enough. They’re just following what their books and idols and friends are saying. They’re not creating their own thoughts and opinions.

And more importantly, they’re not QUESTIONING popular opinions and ideas.

So when you give them your two cents, they get impressed.

They tell you that you really have a strange mind or that you’re really smart or deep. But actually, to you, they’re just not using their brains and imaginations as they should.

5) People make wild assumptions about you

People have a hard time fitting you in a box. That doesn’t stop them from trying, though!

And yet, because of how your complex personality makes them struggle, they end up making the most ridiculous assumptions known to man.

They might see that you’re a feminist, for example, and assume that you think men are actually inferior to women…and that you don’t treat your husband right. Except that, you actually treat him like a king—you even polish his shoes sometimes!

It would be hilarious—and it often is—if only it stayed harmless. And yet sometimes these assumptions can get so wild they can damage your reputation.

People love to talk, especially about interesting people. So just be mindful of what others are talking about you if you know that you have a complex personality.

6) You can empathize and condemn at the same time

That is to say, you can read a story and relate to the villain—maybe even feel bad for them—and wish things played out differently… and yet acknowledge that they were still in the wrong and what they did wasn’t justified.

Or you can hear about how your abusive ex got run over the other day and is in critical condition. And, well, you don’t let your hard feelings for them stop you from feeling bad for them and their loved ones. So rather than shout “karma!”, you whisper a prayer.

Simple people will just let one single emotion override the other, and have a hard time understanding that you can feel more than one thing at once.

In fact, if you show any amount of sympathy towards a person they like, they’ll immediately assume that you must not be on their side… even if you actually are.

It takes a complex person to truly grasp how emotions can be messy and even almost contradictory.

7) You can tolerate what’s different

You might not always understand everything you stumble across in your life. There are certainly things that just don’t “make sense” to you no matter how hard you try to understand.

But that’s fine. You don’t feel like you need to understand or relate to something in order to tolerate or respect them.

It might not make sense to you why your best friend loves listening to a band that you hate, for example. As far as you’re concerned, their music is only good for making your ears itch.

And yet you’re not going to continuously grumble at your friend until they decide to find a “better” band instead.

Or perhaps you might simply not understand why your friend dresses up in a way that, to you, is simply strange. But rather than tell them their sense of fashion is horrid out of the blue, you just hold your tongue and let them have fun.

After all, why should your taste be the most important thing in the world? And hey, what if you’ll start liking the things you used to hate, anyway. That would be cool, too!

8) You can understand something without believing it

You can listen to a flat-earther try to explain why the earth is actually flat for hours on end, understand why they think that way, and walk away without believing a word they said.

Although you think what they’re saying is wrong, you are still curious and capable of understanding why they think that way.

Or maybe you and your friends tried discussing why Hitler did the things he did, come to understand why he ended up making all those decisions, and yet remain firm knowing he was still in the wrong.

The simple person whips up a list of things they will refuse to acknowledge on principle. They think that understanding = believing and agreeing. This is also the reason why they always get into fights.

They deny themselves understanding because they’re afraid that they’ll lose track and end up actually canonically believing what they’ve been told.

But as a deep and complex person, you know the difference between understanding and believing. And as far as you’re concerned, understanding is always a good thing.

9) You’re not afraid to change your mind

Some people complain that you keep changing your mind.

They say you make simple decisions complicated…that you should just stick to something and not keep swaying back and forth.

But to you, decisions, commitments, relationships, and ideas have to be evaluated well. And it doesn’t matter to you if you change your mind 15 times on something, you will if you think you have to.

Besides, if you have a valid reason to change your mind, you would. You don’t stay with something just because it’s what’s convenient, just because of your pride.

So when someone tells you a valid reason why you should eat meat instead of eating a purely fruitarian diet, you would consider it and not see it as an attack to your personality. And if needed, you’d make necessary changes.

Last words

Complexity is hard to properly define. But, as a rule of thumb, it basically means you’re not basic.

It means that you think differently than most people, and that you’re striving to live a life that’s truly your own—with your own thoughts and ways of doing things.

Because of this, some people might find you too complicated to be with. But in fact, they’re just too used to being with simple people that anything beyond ordinary becomes hard work.

Don’t you ever change!

You’re one badass person who’s going to leave a dent in the universe…simply by being yourself.

Did you like my article? Like me on Facebook to see more articles like this in your feed.

Tina Fey

I'm Tina Fey, the founder of the blog Love Connection. I've extremely passionate about sharing relationship advice. I've studied psychology and have my Masters in marital, family, and relationship counseling. I hope with all my heart to help you improve your relationships, and I hope that even if one thing I write helps you, it means more to me than just about anything else in the world. Check out my blog Love Connection, and if you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter

Are you ready to unretire? 6 tips for embracing your later career years

13 traits of people who radiate inner beauty