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14 signs you hate being in a relationship and what to do about it

Image credit: Shutterstock - Cookie Studio

Are you thinking to yourself, “I hate being in a relationship?”

It’s never easy to have thoughts like this when you’re spending every day with your partner.

In this article, we’ll talk about 14 surefire signs that you hate being in a relationship, then we’ll talk about what you can do about it.

We have a lot to cover so let’s get started.

14 signs you hate being in a relationship

How to tell if someone is lying

1. You’re constantly checking out other people as potential partners

Sure, it’s normal to occasionally check out other people you find attractive. Everyone does it.

But if you’re eyeing strangers constantly throughout the day while imagining what it would be like to be in a relationship with them, then it’s probably not a good sign.

The bottom line is this:

When someone is in a healthy relationship, they’re content and happy with being with that person.

But if all you can think about is how life would be so much better if you were with someone else, then it clearly shows you’re not happy in your current relationship.

2. You get down when your partner calls or texts you

Your heart should never sink when your partner contacts with you.

It shows you harbor resentment or negative emotions about your relationship.

Let’s be honest for a second here. What it really means is that you don’t want to speak to your partner. There’s nothing affectionate or loving about that.

Perhaps you’re sick of them, or there are issues in your relationship that right now seem unfixable.

Whatever it is, the signs clearly aren’t positive, and if you want to live a happy life, you need to do something about it.

3. You don’t want to have sex with them

There’s no getting around it: Sex is an important part of any relationship.

Look, sex doesn’t have to happen every single day for a relationship to be successful, but it does have to happen at least occasionally.

According to psychologist Susan Kruass Whitbourne, it’s not really the volume of sex itself that makes for a solid relationship, but the affection that comes with it.

A study on the benefits of sex in a relationship came to his conclusion:

“Hence, sex seems not only beneficial because of its physiological or hedonic effects … but because it promotes a stronger and more positive connection with the partner”

So if you’re not excited about having sex with your partner, or you’re looking to avoid it all costs, then it probably shows that you’re not getting those positive emotional benefits out of it.

Sex is a powerful way to show your affection for one another, and it certainly isn’t a good sign that you don’t have that connection for one another.

However, perhaps you did have that strong connection in the past. Maybe you’re just going through a rut.

But it’s a situation that needs to be analyzed if you hate being in the relationship.

4. You never spend your free time with them

When you have free time outside of work and commitments, who do you call first?

If it’s rarely ever your partner, then obviously they’re not a huge priority for you.

Considering your significant other is such an important part of your life, it speaks volumes if you don’t want to spend your free time with them.

The truth is this:

You can’t be happy dating someone you don’t want to spend them with.

5. You’re constantly bickering with each other

Do you fight a lot with your partner?

While it’s not totally out of the ordinary to argue and bicker, if your arguments never stop or you never reach a solution with each other then it’s a huge warning sign of a toxic relationship.

It’s even worse if your partner or you are arguing with the goal of putting your partner down emotionally.

That’s the type of relationship that no one wants to be part of.

6. You don’t properly communicate with each other

Communication is paramount to a healthy relationship.

Most problems we encounter in a relationship can be fixed with honest communication and understanding.

In fact, studies have found that communication issues are one of the top reasons for break-up or divorce.

Communication issues lead to contempt, which is the opposite of respect. And when you don’t have respect in a relationship, it’s difficult for a relationship to grow.

The bottom line is this:

It’s hard for you to enjoy a relationship when you’re not being heard or listened to.

7. You or your partner never talk about the future together

One of the fantastic things about being in a relationship is thinking about the future and what it can grow into.

You think about buying a house, having kids, building your careers with your partner’s support, traveling the world together…There are so many things to be excited about when you’re in a solid relationship.

But if you or your partner never even use the word “we” when talking about the future, then it shows where your mind is that.

Healthy couples make plans for the future, even if it’s something small like going to an event together.

But if there’s nothing to look forward to if you’re in a relationship, then it might indicate that you’d rather not be in one.

For a couple to stay together over the long-haul, both people in the relationship need to be moving in a similar direction.

8. You have different values

It’s difficult to stay in a relationship with someone who you don’t share the same values with.

Perhaps you enjoyed the first few months of going out with your partner.

Things were steamy and passionate.

But when the early passionate phase wears off, personality and values play a bigger part in the relationship.

Perhaps one of you values the pursuit of money above all else, whereas the other partner’s highest priority is enjoying life and living in the moment.

Or perhaps your partner has strong religious beliefs that you don’t agree with.

Whatever your differences are, it’s difficult to enjoy being in a relationship with someone that is not aligned with your mindset.

We tend to choose friends that are similar to us, so why wouldn’t you choose a partner that is similar as well?

9. You never seem to spend quality time together

You wouldn’t hate being in a relationship if you actually enjoyed spending quality time together.

But if you don’t even spend your free time together, how can you possibly grow the relationship and enjoy each other’s company?

Everyone has fun early on in the relationship. Dates together, fancy restaurants, nights out with your friends…but if those quality experiences never happen anymore, then it’s obvious that your relationship isn’t really going anywhere.

10. You can’t stop thinking about going back to your ex

Just like looking at other attractive people throughout the day and wondering what life would be like with them, thinking about your ex in the same manner is a huge warning sign.

It means you’re not happy in your current situation and you’re looking for a way out.

If your ex is single and you’re in contact with them, then it means that you don’t necessarily hate being in a relationship, but you hate being in a relationship with your current partner.

That’s not a good sign. If you’re at the point where you’re contacting your ex behind your partner’s back, then it might be time to have a conversion with your partner about your current situation and figure out if they’re any solutions.

11. You don’t trust each other

Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship. Without trust, a relationship struggles to grow and be stable.

Sometimes there can be something that happened in the past that makes it hard to trust your partner.

A common example of this is sexual infidelity, which can destroy the trust couples have with each other.

This can definitely be overcome, but some people find it difficult.

There are also other common issues that eat away at the trust of the relationship.

It could be the way a partner in the relationship spends their money or lies about their past.

The truth is, if you’re planning on building a life with someone, then it’s important, to be honest about everything, otherwise, you run the risk of losing trust in the relationship.

Many couples are able to move through trust issues, but it isn’t easy and if trust can’t be established then the relationship will inevitably finish.

If you don’t trust your partner, then it’s no wonder you’re not enjoying being in a relationship with them.

12. The man doesn’t feel like a hero

It’s no secret that men and women see the world differently.

We’re driven by different goals and attitudes when it comes to relationships and love.

Sometimes, the woman fails to reflect on what really drives men in relationships.

And failing to do can leave the man feeling unsatisfied.

Because men have a built-in desire for something “greater” that goes beyond love or sex. It’s why men who seemingly have the “perfect girlfriend” are still unhappy and find themselves constantly searching for something else — or worst of all, someone else.

Simply put, men have a biological drive to feel needed, to feel important, and to provide for the woman he cares about.

Relationship psychologist James Bauer calls it the hero instinct. He created an excellent free video about the concept.

You can watch the video here.

As James argues, male desires are not complicated, just misunderstood. Instincts are powerful drivers of human behavior and this is especially true for how men approach their relationships.

So, when the hero instinct isn’t triggered, men are unlikely to be satisfied in a relationship. He holds back because being in a relationship is a serious investment for him. And he won’t fully “invest” in you unless you give him a sense of meaning and purpose and make him feel essential.

How do you trigger this instinct in him? How do you give him a sense of meaning and purpose?

You don’t need to pretend to be anyone you’re not or play the “damsel in distress”. You don’t have to dilute your strength or independence in any way, shape or form.

In an authentic way, you simply have to show your man what you need and allow him to step up to fulfill it.

In his video, James Bauer outlines several things you can do. He reveals phrases, texts and little requests that you can use right now to make him feel more essential to you.

Here’s a link to the video again.

By triggering this very natural male instinct, you’ll not only supercharge his confidence but it will also help to rocket your relationship to the next level.

13. You’d rather tell someone else your big news

The person you’re in a relationship should be the one that you want to share your big news with. But if you’re opting to share that news with coworkers, family or friends before them then something’s not right.

Look, it doesn’t mean that the relationship should end, but it’s something that you certainly need to analyze about why that is the case.

14. You’re not putting in any effort

Are you no longer putting in effort for your relationship to succeed?

If you can’t be bothered rectifying the problems in your relationship, then that might indicate that you’re not interested in keeping things going.

On the other hand, if you’re just in a rut and you actually do want to improve the relationship, then maybe you don’t need to call it quits.

Below we’ll talk about what you can do if you hate being in a relationship.

What to do if you hate being in a relationship

Image credit: Shutterstock – By Roman Kosolapov

Now if you hate being in a relationship, then you have 2 options:

Leave and see brighter days, or stay in the relationship and try to fix it so you enjoy being in it.

First, we’ll talk about how you can go about fixing the relationship, then we’ll discuss when it’s time to leave.

1. Figure out what the issues are with the relationship

If you feel like your relationship is close to collapsing, then you need to figure out whart the real problems are in the relationship.

So my advice?

Take out a pen and a pad and list everything that you feel is wrong with the relationship.

What is it about the relationship that makes you feel that you hate being in it?

Here are some examples of common struggles in a relationship:

– Lack of communication.
– Lack of trust.
– Lack of attention and intimacy.
– Lack of emotional or physical care.
– Lack of freedom.
– Lack of excitement and fun.

2. Fix what you can fix

While it’s difficult to fix your partner’s issues, you can focus on yourself.

Is there anything you can do improve the problems you’ve discovered about the relationship?

It’s always important to take accountability for your own issues and flaws.

It shows to your partner that care enough to make changes, which might motivate them to do the same.

If you’re going to save the relationship, then you can begin by working towards a shared goal together: making yourselves better for each other.

3. Communicate with each other honestly

Maybe you hate being in a relationship, but your partner has no idea about how you feel. But your partner needs to understand how you feel.

It’s the only way you’ll give your relationship a chance. Be honest with your partner. Tell them why you hate being in the relationship. Don’t argue or accuse. Just speak in a non-judgmental tone. Stick to facts and try to work through your issues.

If your partner is receptive, it could be the fresh start your relationship needs.

Remember: A relationship is a partnership and no partnership is successful without proper cooperation and communication.

4. When it’s time to leave

Now if you’ve discovered the real issue in the relationship and you’ve communicated together in an honest, clear, and mature way, that’s great.

If you’ve both agreed to work on the relationship, then it’s important to stick with it and see how it goes.

But if over time you find that they’re really not working on the issues with the relationship, then it could be time to call it quits.

Can people change? Yes, of course, they can. But they have to not only be willing to change, but they’ve got to show it with their actions.

As the old saying goes, it’s easier said than done. So always to look to their actions when you decide when it’s time to break up with someone.

5. If you’re not happy and you know it’s not going to change, then it’s time to leave

In the end, if you hate being in your current situation and you can’t see a way out, then you need to protect your emotional health.

This is especially the case if your partner is a narcissist or they’re emotionally abused. Nobody deserves to be stuck in a relationship like that.

Everyone deserves to be happy, and if you’re sure you’d be happier if you weren’t in this relationship, then you need to focus on yourself and do what’s right for you.

If you’re struggling to figure out how to break up them, then you may find some good tips in another article I wrote on 15 steps to breaking up with a narcissist.

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Written by Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Twitter.

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