8 signs you genuinely love each other but lack true compatibility

As a relationship expert, I’ve seen it all.

Love is a beautiful, complex emotion that can make you feel on top of the world. But true compatibility? That’s the glue that can hold a relationship together when the going gets tough.

Compatibility is about more than just being in love—it’s about sharing the same values, having similar life goals, and being able to handle conflict in a healthy way. And sometimes, even though you deeply care for each other, you might not be as compatible as you think.

So here are 8 signs that you genuinely love each other, but may lack true compatibility.

1) Constant compromise

Love involves give and take, but in a truly compatible relationship, this balance shouldn’t feel like an ongoing battle.

As someone who works closely with relationships, I can’t emphasize this enough. Compromise is crucial, but if you’re always the one making concessions, it might be a sign of mismatched compatibility.

It’s not about winning or losing—it’s about finding that middle ground where both partners feel fulfilled. Yet, if you consistently find yourself sacrificing your own needs or desires for your partner, it’s worth reevaluating your compatibility.

By the way, loving someone doesn’t automatically mean you’re destined to be together forever. I understand it’s tough to accept, but recognizing this reality can spare a lot of heartache in the long run.

2) Communication breakdown

Communication is the backbone of any relationship. But, what happens when your conversations seem to go around in circles?

From my own experience, I can tell you that if every discussion turns into an argument, or if you’re just not on the same wavelength, it’s a red flag.

As the renowned poet Maya Angelou once said, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” If you’re trying to communicate and it’s just not working, it might be a sign that your compatibility isn’t as strong as your love for each other.

Here’s the kicker: a successful relationship isn’t just about love—it’s about understanding, respect, and communication. There’s no shame in recognizing that while you love each other deeply, you may not be truly compatible.

3) You’re codependent

Love is about wanting to be together, not needing to be. When you can’t imagine your life without the other person and feel anxious at the thought of being alone, it’s more than just love—it’s codependency.

In my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I talk in-depth about how codependency can erode a relationship. And I speak from personal experience.

True compatibility is about being whole as individuals and choosing to share your life with someone, not filling a void. Love each other, yes, but also love yourselves independently.

If you find yourself constantly needing validation or reassurance from your partner, it might be a sign of codependency more than compatibility. It’s tough, but acknowledging this can pave the way for healthier relationships in the future.

4) Too much harmony

Sounds strange, right? But hear me out.

While constant arguing is a sign of incompatibility, so is agreeing on everything. Yes, you read that right.

In a truly compatible relationship, differences should exist. They encourage growth, allow for healthy debates, and create a dynamic that keeps the relationship interesting.

If you’re always in agreement, it might be because one of you is suppressing their true feelings to maintain peace.

Being compatible doesn’t mean being a mirror image of each other. It’s about complementing each other in ways that enrich the relationship. 

5) Different life goals

Love can make us overlook many things, including contrasting life goals. But, trust me, it’s something you can’t ignore in the long run.

I learned this the hard way. In one of my past relationships, we were madly in love, but our paths were headed in completely different directions.

He dreamed of a nomadic life, while I craved stability and routine. It was a heart-breaking realization, but our love couldn’t bridge the gap between our dreams.

If you notice that your visions for the future rarely align or require one of you to give up on your aspirations, it might be a sign of incompatibility. Remember, love is about growing together, not growing apart.

6) You’re not their priority

This one is tough to swallow, but it’s crucial. If you constantly feel like you’re second best in your partner’s life, it might not be a lack of love, but a sign of incompatibility.

Being truly compatible means building a life together where both partners are equally invested. It means making sacrifices for each other and ensuring each other’s needs are met.

If you find yourself always on the backburner, or your plans together frequently get overshadowed by their other commitments, it might be an indication that your lives aren’t lining up the way they should in a compatible relationship.

It’s a harsh reality check, I know. But recognizing this can help you make decisions that ultimately lead to your happiness and fulfillment.

7) You feel alone even when you’re together

There’s a quote by Robin Williams that I’ve always found particularly poignant: “I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone.”

Throughout my career as a relationship expert, and even in my personal life, I’ve seen this come true. You can be head over heels in love with someone and still feel a deep sense of loneliness when you’re with them.

This could be because your emotional needs aren’t being met, or maybe you just don’t connect on a deeper level. Either way, it’s a sign of incompatibility.

8) You’re constantly justifying the relationship

If you’re always finding yourself defending your relationship to others or even to yourself, it’s a telling sign.

Love can sometimes blind us to the cracks in our relationships. We justify the flaws, make excuses, and convince ourselves that things will get better. But deep down, we know something isn’t right.

If you’re always explaining away your partner’s behavior or the state of your relationship, it might not be a lack of love, but a lack of compatibility.

Reality check: true compatibility doesn’t need constant justification. It feels right, not just to you, but it’s also apparent to those around you.  

Love is blind, but compatibility sees the bigger picture

Spotting the indicators of incompatibility within a relationship can be a tough task, particularly when you’re head over heels in love. 

Yet, facing these signs head-on can set the stage for relationships that are not only healthier but also more enriching.

Let this be your constant reminder: love extends beyond mere emotions—it encompasses compatibility, comprehension, and shared evolution. 

If any of these signs resonate with you, it could be an opportune moment to pause and reevaluate the dynamics of your relationship.

For more guidance on navigating complex emotions like codependency, check out my book Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship. It’s a deep dive into understanding how to foster healthier relationships, starting with yourself.

Love is beautiful, but remember: a truly fulfilling relationship requires more than just love—it needs true compatibility.

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Tina Fey

I'm Tina Fey, the founder of the blog Love Connection. I've extremely passionate about sharing relationship advice. I've studied psychology and have my Masters in marital, family, and relationship counseling. I hope with all my heart to help you improve your relationships, and I hope that even if one thing I write helps you, it means more to me than just about anything else in the world. Check out my blog Love Connection, and if you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter

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