14 signs you don’t fall in love easily, but it’s unconditional when you do

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Falling in love is different for everyone, but let’s be honest:

Some people fall in love much faster than others and are swooning before they’re even finished their first date. 

Others take a lot longer to get to know someone and go beneath the surface. 

Are you one of these people who finds it hard to fall in love?

It’s actually a great thing, because it means you’re less likely to take a blind leap of faith and get burned; but falling in love slowly also comes with its own unique set of challenges. 

Let’s dive in.

1) You don’t change who you are for anyone

Many people start to have strong feelings for someone and begin to do their best to appeal to that person. 

It makes sense if you think about it:

But it never works, because a person who trims themselves to fit somebody else ends up either being rejected or being loved for somebody they’re not. 

You, by contrast, don’t change or adjust who you are or what you stand for when you like someone. You are you, and that’s that.

2) You don’t get easily emotionally involved with someone

Those who fall in love quickly are quick to open up:

They feel attraction and connection and they start telling everything about themselves and intensifying the connection. 

You, on the other hand, may find someone pleasant, attractive and interesting:

But it doesn’t mean you’re going to start opening up too quickly or getting very emotionally involved with them.

3) You prefer to keep your options open in dating 

You prefer to keep your options open in dating and don’t find yourself focusing all your energy on one person. 

If somebody you’ve been chatting with stops answering your messages on an app and another is talking to you, you go out with them. 

If you meet a nice individual where there’s some chemistry in the course of your day, you feel fine asking them out even though you went on a date a few days ago with somebody else and might have a followup date. 

You’re single, and you like to keep your options open.

4) You don’t confuse lust with love

Whether you casually date and hook up or not, you don’t confuse lust with love. 

You know that sometimes you can be very attracted to someone in the moment but there isn’t really a deeper connection there. 

You also know the converse, that sometimes you might find somebody a bit “plain” at first but they start to grow on you over time as a deeper connection is formed and you see their true value.

5) You delay in admitting strong feelings even to yourself

When you do start to have stronger feelings for someone, you delay in admitting them even to yourself. 

Natural caution or past disappointment prevent you from jumping in too quickly. 

You weigh your options and hold yourself back a little before really getting serious about somebody or even being exclusive. 

You talk about the future and how you feel once you see that they’re on a similar page to you as well. 

Which brings me to the next point…

6) You start to commit more once you see signs of reciprocity

You fall in love partly as a result of seeing that you’re not alone in your feelings. 

In other words, you don’t start falling until you see that somebody else is also on the same page. 

Unrequited love is one of the most painful feelings out there, so this is a smart thing to do. 

It also speaks to your ability to separate attraction and interest in somebody from your own decision about how much to commit to them or focus on them:

You’ll do so when they start showing reciprocity towards you and are on the same page as well. 

And once you do fall in love it all changes…

7) You feel happier around the person you love and more like yourself

When you do fall in love, you do so fully. 

Your friends and family will comment that you seem more satisfied, happy, and humorous—and you might even be a bit embarrassed. 

That’s because falling in love is something others close to you aren’t used to seeing. 

But it’s happening, and you’ve fallen hard.

8) Music, movies and art takes on exciting new meanings

Music, movies and art of all kinds also starts hitting you in new ways. 

You relate your experience of aesthetic beauty back to the one you love:

In other words, you think of this person you love when you see beautiful art, films and music. 

You want to recommend it to this person, watch a special film with them, give them a print of a painting which touched you deeply. 

You also think back to beautiful experiences of art in the past in a new light, illumined by the love you’re now experiencing.

9) Your love life becomes your focus, even its mundane moments

When you do fall in love, you start to see the romantic side of everything with your partner, even those very ordinary moments.

Resting your feet on top of the person you care about turns into “I’m touching the love of my life.” 

These simple moments make you feel a warm glow and there’s no doubt about it:

You’re in love.

10) You identify more charming similarities than problematic differences

When you do fall in love, you start to notice many charming similarities, much more so than you notice any problematic differences. 

The French writer Stendahl called this the process of “crystallization,” whereby the potentially negative aspects of someone get downplayed in our mind and emotions, and their positive aspects are “crystallized” and idealized in our eyes. 

Even though you don’t fall in love easily, you’re still subject to the same kind of crystallization process. 

You are slower to really have strong feelings for someone or get emotionally involved with them, but once you do, it’s on!

11) The person’s presence motivates you to do anything you set your mind to

Another aspect of your falling in love deeply is that you feel much more empowered to do anything you set your mind to. 

You feel like you can conquer the world, and because you’ve taken your time in choosing a partner who feels the same as you and is worth your time, they’re also onboard. 

Finding somebody who’s truly committed like you isn’t easy, and it can take time and a lot of previous disappointment. 

But once you are together and committed, you feel like your vision of the future and what you’re both capable of really opens up and expands.

12) You find the person beautiful all the time (and don’t get sick of repeating it)

You’re truly in love at a deep level and can’t stop looking at your partner. 

You find them so unique and attractive and you don’t get tired of saying so. 

Physical attraction often gets an unfair reputation as shallow or not that important and I think that’s nonsense.

If you’re serious with somebody they don’t need to have a perfect body or be your ideal hairstyle:

But you should enjoy looking at their face or watching them smile. You should feel turned on when they say something seductive to you. 

These aren’t shallow aspects at all, they’re absolutely key to any long-term partnership.

This also ties into the next point…

13) Sex becomes much more than just the physical act

When it comes to physical intimacy, you find that when you do fall in love it’s much more than just sex. 

You feel a real emotional connection, too. 

When you reach climax you don’t get bored or feel empty inside. 

When you’re with your partner, the sex is part of your overall connection, not the prize or main goal of your interaction.

14) The fear of losing the person haunts you at the random moments

When you do fall in love, you value that love deeply

You’re sometimes overtaken by fear about what will happen if you lose this person you care about so much. 

It’s not something you fixate on, but it’s definitely on your mind from time to time. 

And when it does hit you, you recognize just how much your partner and this relationship means to you. 

If you’re not yet in a relationship with them, you redouble your wooing and communication efforts to let them know what they mean to you. 

Paul Brian

Paul R. Brian is a freelance journalist and writer who has reported from around the world, focusing on religion, culture and geopolitics. Follow him on www.twitter.com/paulrbrian and visit his website at www.paulrbrian.com

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