Have you ever met somebody who thinks they’re hot sh*t and takes that attitude out on everybody else?
I sure have.
And let me be clear:
Having flair, confidence and a can-do attitude is perfectly fine, in fact it’s attractive and inspiring!
But those who take it too far and become self-important jerks are another story entirely. They grate on our nerves and make life harder and more annoying for everybody else.
That’s because at the heart of their inflated sense of entitlement and self-importance is actually a needy codependency that’s very unattractive.
Let’s take a look at the key characteristics of people who think they’re much more important than they actually are.
1) Demanding attention
The demand for attention is the psychological sign of somebody still frozen in unmet early childhood needs.
They are demanding to be seen, valued, recognized:
But they are an adult now. And this demand that they be seen as special or especially deserving of attention is exhausting and deeply unattractive to others.
“An attention seeker may have a personality disorder, such as histrionic personality disorder or borderline personality disorder,” explains psychology writer Wendy Wisner.
“However, attention-seeking behavior can also be associated with other causes including poor self-esteem, narcissism, and loneliness.”
2) Jumping conversations
Those with an inflated sense of self-importance tend to be very difficult to speak with:
They interrupt constantly.
This form of conversational narcissism ends up driving people away, as they feel that whatever they are speaking about simply ends up getting hijacked.
The self-important individual demands the right to just interject whenever they want (which is basically all the time).
As life coach Sherri Gordon notes:
“This behavior is often referred to as chronic interrupting. In cases where that person constantly changes the subject to talk about themselves, they might be referred to as a conversational narcissist.”
3) Inflating accomplishments
Those with an inflated sense of self-importance tend to talk about themselves as if they are Robert Oppenheimer or Gandhi.
Their past job writing educational textbooks for a local school district was actually a position in “leadership of educational policy at the national level.”
Their diet where they lost seven pounds in four months becomes losing seven pounds in “less than a week.”
They are a god among men. They are in another league.
Mere mortals can’t even compete!
4) Dismissing other people’s achievements
This ties into the previous point, because those with an unrealistic view of their own importance have no real sense of scale.
Even if faced with somebody far more important or prestigious than themselves, it’s as if they have a sleeping mask on:
They can’t see it at all, and they dismiss the achievements of others as no big deal.
This brazen disregard for the accomplishments and status of others can actually be quite hilarious at times, but it also leads to many humiliating situations where they treat prominent people in totally inappropriate ways.
5) Assuming they are entitled to luxury and VIP service
The person with an inflated sense of their own importance is living in a fantasy world.
And they expect outer reality to accord with that fantasy world.
They consider themselves a VIP, and they want luxury treatment, extra perks and complete respect from every single person they come across, particularly service staff or blue collar workers.
This arrogance leads to a lot of conflicts and uncomfortable confrontations.
“People with a sense of entitlement are more likely to create conflict, behave dishonestly, and act selfishly. In one study, entitled individuals were even more likely to take candy from children!” explains psychological researcher Emily Zitek, Ph.D.
6) Taking criticism as a personal betrayal
There are times when criticism is merited and is a fair and honest way to give feedback or improve behavior.
But those with an inflated sense of self have a very hard time taking criticism.
In their own mind they are beyond reproach, and any critique of themselves that is anything but pure praise is completely unacceptable!
They are perfect. Or at least close to it.
Any suggestion to the contrary leads to them lashing out, cutting friendships and becoming a petty, spiteful toddler.
7) Stealing credit and praise for the work of others
They steal the credit and work for others, often without shame.
The brazenness of this can sometimes shock you if you don’t expect somebody to be so utterly disingenuous.
But they absolutely can be.
They can come across very kind at first and even cozy up to you at first, love bombing you and acting as if you’re their best friend.
As social psychologist Dr. Tessa West explains:
“Credit stealers are wolves in sheep’s clothing. They may seem like your friends, but will betray your trust if your idea is good enough to steal.”
8) Speaking in grandiose and elevated ways
People who have an unrealistic view of their own importance often show this in their speech.
They may adopt an affected accent, use sophisticated words to dazzle others or drop their credentials and famous people they know in conversations.
They are kind of a big deal, didn’t you know?
They may speak of their career ambitions in ways that sound like they are the next Elon Musk, or talk about their political views in a way that makes them sound like Karl Marx or Friedrich Hayek, when in reality they just read a few too many memes one night on Twitter.
It’s exhausting.
9) They suffer from frequent EDD
Those with an inflated sense of self often suffer from some variant of EDD (Empathy Deficit Disorder).
They know that they “should” care about others, but they rarely feel it.
They feel like their problems are more important, more valid and more pressing.
The concerns, struggles, insecurities and inner conflicts of other people are just amateur hour: the real deal of life’s dramas and struggles is only with them! (Or so they imagine).
As Regain Mental Health Services explains:
“Being completely incapable of empathy is sometimes a symptom of a distinct neurological condition and may be related to certain diagnoses such as antisocial personality disorder, psychopathy, or narcissistic personality disorder.”
10) Manipulating and gaslighting to get their way
Those who believe they are more important than others tend to have a very flexible moral compass.
They are often willing to twist and manipulate others to get their way (or even just to stay in the spotlight).
“Gaslighters lie with the intent of deceiving on a grand scale. They isolate their victims first, then slowly build up a false reality that suits their needs,” notes West.
This ends up getting them on the right side of many people around them, even those who love and care for them.
After all, no matter how much you care for somebody, that doesn’t give them the right to manipulate and use you.
The bottom line
The bottom line is that a person who thinks they’re more important than they are is difficult to deal with.
They have a lot of inner work and reflection they need to engage in before being a decent romantic partner, friend or even work colleague.
That isn’t anybody else’s responsibility but their own.
If you’re dealing with a VIP-in-their-own-mind, don’t feel bad for feeling like their behavior is bizarre and insecure. It is! And that’s sad!
The most you can hope for and advise is that they get more grounded and in touch with the real world so their inner insecurities leading to delusions of grandeur stop running the show and sabotaging their life.