In an ideal world, we would never have to wonder, we’d always know how someone feels about us.
But let’s face it, the world of romance, dating, and love is far from ideal and the reality is that fear of rejection or getting hurt can lead us to hide the extent of our feelings.
So how do you tell if someone loves you even if they don’t say it?
Luckily a lot of the clues that someone gives off when they have strong feelings for you are totally unconscious. Here are 30 signs that love is definitely in the air.
1) They defend you
When you love someone, it’s only natural to become protective over them.
In fact, according to the Hero instinct — a psychological theory coined by relationship expert James Bauer — men, in particular, are genetically programmed to protect those they care about most.
So if they are quick to jump to your defense or always take your side, it’s a strong indication of their deep feelings for you.
They are showing you that they are on your team and that you can rely on them.
2) They make themselves available
Life can get busy. Work, friends, study, hobbies, family, and more mean that for many of us our time is a precious resource.
If they make themselves available to you as much as they can, no matter what else is going on, it tells you that you are one of their main priorities.
They’re not just squeezing you in in-between other things, they are giving you precedence and putting you high up on their list.
3) They’re curious about you
Curiosity is one of the most powerful ways we show interest in something, or in this case, someone.
Curiosity is the little spark within us that actively drives us to learn more, and go deeper. It has also been shown to strengthen our relationships as it builds closeness.
If your crush seems fascinated to know more about you, it’s because they are genuinely interested. They will most likely ask you plenty of questions in a bid to know more about what makes you tick —your past, your passions, your likes, and dislikes.
4) You have deep conversations
Getting totally lost in deep conversation, where the rest of the world seemingly disappears is one of those signs you’re secretly in love with each other — even if you’re not admitting it yet.
Being able to engage in more meaningful conversation shows that there is an understanding between you two.
We find it more difficult to have these types of intimate talks with people who don’t “get us”.
If you get lost in conversation about life, love, and the Universe it shows you have a strong bond.
5) They get jealous
Jealousy is kind of an ugly emotion, but if we’re honest it can also feel good to see a little bit of jealousy in someone we like.
Why? Because it shows they care. We’re not going to get jealous over someone we’re not that interested in.
At its core, it is an extreme version of protectiveness. It’s an instinctive response when we worry something valuable may be taken away from us.
So when you notice the little green-eyed monster appear in subtle ways, it’s confirmation that you are important to them.
6) They find excuses to touch you
Physical contact is what distinguishes lovers from friends.
We use it to show our intention to build intimacy and closeness in a relationship. Small and apparently insignificant little touches are also a way of testing the water.
For example, if they gently reach over to touch your arm or shoulder, they may be looking to see how you will respond, and if the flirty behavior will be reciprocated.
Someone being very tactile with you is ultimately a sign of their affection.
7) They tease you
Ah, the good old schoolyard tactic of teasing.
How to know if a guy loves you but is hiding it? He may well mask his real feelings behind gently making fun of you.
There are plenty of reasons why we tease our crushes.
It can be a signal that they are comfortable around you. It helps to relieve the embarrassment or awkwardness of romantic tension. It’s even a subtle way to show off, and build a friendship alongside any romantic chemistry.
If they’re still insecure about how you feel, they may even be using teasing as a way of softening the blow in case they get rejected by you.
8) They avoid talking about other love interests
If you’re still “just friends” but they want to be more, the last thing they want to hear about is potential romantic rivals.
They may squirm quite a lot if you ever bring up past relationships or people you’re interested in.
If they ever do bring up other girls or guys around you, they’ll be quick to make it clear that they are just friends. They don’t want to give you the wrong impression or put you off.
9) They talk about the future with you
If they are making plans with you long-term, then you know that you’re not a flash in the pan.
They see you in their life for the foreseeable, and they’re letting you know.
Ok, so it’s not a chat about marriage, kids, and a house with a white picket fence. But that concert next month or road trip next summer you’re planning to take is sign enough that their feelings for you are real and here to stay.
10) They look at you a lot
Eye contact is powerful and can be very sexually charged. In fact, research has shown that arousal is significantly enhanced when people make eye contact.
It also triggers the release of oxytocin, which is otherwise known as the love hormone.
Staring deeply into someone’s eyes, without looking away is a clear signal to that person that we’re attracted to them.
You may also catch your crush covertly looking at you when they think you’re not watching. Not being able to keep their eyes off you is a sure sign of secret love.
11) Their body language tells you
Signs of love don’t just come from words and actions. There are plenty of little physical signs someone is in love with you.
As well as eye contact and trying to touch you, the way they stand and carry themselves whenever you are around can give away their feelings.
Here are some subtle body language signs they care:
- They lean in towards you when you’re speaking
- Smiling and nodding whenever you talk
- Stand up tall (particularly guys, as they want to seem manly)
- Pointing their feet towards you
- Fixes their clothes and hair around you (because they are more conscious about their appearance
- Raising eyebrows (shows intrigue)
- Glancing at parts of your body (no explanation needed, you know what they’re probably thinking)
12) Everything you do together is fun
They come over to help you clear out the garage and you end up having the best time.
You know what they say: “it’s not what you do, but who you’re with”.
The chemistry between you two is what makes you have a good time in one another’s company, not the activity you’re doing.
In fact, you’re probably quite content to sit around doing nothing in particular, because you two make your own entertainment whenever you are around one another.
13) They try to impress you
Everyone wants to be admired and respected by the people they care most about.
Do they say and do things in order to impress you? Maybe he mentions he makes the best lasagne you’ll ever taste or she tells you she graduated top of the class at college.
Little brags can be our way of proving our worth and gaining validation.
For guys, when the hero instinct kicks in, often they can’t help but try to win you over.
I mentioned the hero instinct earlier, it’s the psychological theory that says men are genetically programmed to want to feel essential to their significant other.
In a nutshell, they want to be your hero and come to your rescue. So rest assured as soon as you get a flat tire he’ll be the first one to roll up his sleeves to show you just how useful he is.
(By the way, you can learn more about the hero instinct and how to trigger it in a man to make him more loving, attentive, and committed in a relationship with this free video.)
14) They suddenly turn awkward when you’re around
Everyone is different and whilst some people will naturally try to turn up the charm when their love interest is around, others will become super self-conscious.
If they are naturally shy, introverted, or quiet you may find that they retreat totally into their shell whenever you are around.
Perhaps they seem to get a little tongue-tied, blush, or awkwardly fidget.
They could be feeling anxious about their feelings for you and so don’t quite know how to behave when you’re near.
15) They listen intently to you
I always like to play a little game when I’m out in a restaurant. I look around and try to guess which couples are in the earlier stages of dating and which have been together for years.
The biggest clue I look for is how a couple responds to each other when they are talking.
We show our interest in someone through really focused listening. People in the first flush of love tend to be more engaged in the conversation.
They pay close attention to what is being said and give off obvious cues to prove it —they keep eye contact, they nod their head, they smile.
16) They make little gestures
Actions speak louder than words, right?
We all have different languages of love. That’s why they may not communicate their love vocally, but they could be trying to show you their love through 1001 little acts of devotion.
From picking you up a morning coffee to insisting you have their umbrella when it’s raining. Maybe they leave you funny little notes or buy you chocolate during the afternoon slump.
These little gestures mean a lot. The everyday acts of kindness towards you are actually a powerful way to bond and prove their loyalty.
17) They remember little things you say
When we like someone romantically, we give them our full attention. We’re trying to gather and glean any useful information that will help us get closer.
The more they know about you, the better their chance of impressing you. That’s why they will make sure that whatever conversations you have, they’re taking notes.
Your likes and dislikes, your fears and dreams are all etched into their memory so that they can use this important information to get closer to you.
So if you notice that they seem to remember a lot of seemingly insignificant things you’ve said — that’s why.
18) They make an effort
Although it sounds vague, making an effort for someone is the absolute biggest telltale sign of love
Effort is how we signal to someone we care and they are important in our lives. So much so that we are willing to put ourselves out for them even when it is inconvenient.
This effort could come in many forms.
They may make more of an effort in their appearance whenever you are around. They may travel for two hours just to see you. They may send you a good morning text every single day without fail.
Basically, they’re super attentive and willing to go above and beyond for you.
19) They keep their word
Trust is built on following through with the agreements we make.
They have never let you down. They turn up when they say they will, they don’t cancel on you, they contact you without fail when they say they will.
20) They tell you how much you have in common
“Me too” is probably something you are used to hearing around them.
By agreeing with you, or looking for things that you have in common — whether that’s a hobby, shared interest, or opinion — they’re highlighting how compatible you two are.
Countless research studies have shown that we tend to be attracted to people who are similar to us.
We are more drawn to partners who share similar attitudes, personality traits, outside interests, values, and other characteristics.
By showing you everything you have in common, they’re planting the seed in your mind that you are a great fit for one another.
21) They find excuses to see you
Maybe they ask you for your help or advice on something. Perhaps they let you know they’ll be in the neighborhood later so they thought they may as well stop by.
It doesn’t matter so much what you do, they just want to be around you. That’s why they may even offer to help with the dullest of tasks and pretend that it’s because they genuinely enjoy it.
Finding any old excuse to be in your company is a secret sign of trying to get close to you.
22) They’re on their best behavior around you
The early stages of falling in love are almost like when you start a new job, you want to put your best foot forwards.
So you are likely to be far more conscious of how you come across and the things you say and do.
They want to impress you, so they’re going to seriously dial down some of their less appealing traits.
23) They social media stalk you
They are the first person to like your posts or react to your stories.
You’ve even noticed that they’ve liked or commented on pictures you posted going back years. We tend not to trawl through decades of someone’s lives unless we have some serious interest in them.
A friend of mine discovered that a guy she was dating had even started watching her friends’ Instagram stories. This next-level social media stalking was because he was head over heels for her and trying to find out as much info as possible.
24) They ask your opinion on things
Asking you what you think about something is a sign of respect. It shows you that they care and value your opinions.
It also makes it clear that they’re interested in you on another level. They are looking to create a meeting of minds and to find out your values, beliefs, and thoughts.
Wanting to get to know someone on an intellectual level shows the connection runs deeper than superficial attraction
25) They try to make you laugh
Lots of us rank a good sense of humor as high on the list of what we look for in a potential partner.
Studies have found that funny people are rated as more attractive and that humor boosts our perception of confidence and status.
Sharing a joke is also one of the ways of enhancing a connection with someone. In fact, one researcher even found that it’s crucial in building a lasting relationship.
By trying to tickle your funny bone they’re wanting to get your attention and show off their lighter side.
26) They notice changes to your appearance
Admittedly some people are more observant than others, but if they always seem to notice any little changes you make, then you know they are paying attention.
Perhaps it’s a new way of wearing your hair, or a slightly different style of clothes that you’d normally go for. But either way, they are the first to comment and compliment you on it.
27) They mirror your movements
Mirroring is a quirky little behavior that we unconsciously do in order to connect with someone.
You may notice that they imitate your gestures, speech pattern, or attitude. For example, ever noticed when someone crosses their arms, you do the same without even thinking about it?
Mirroring especially tends to happen with romantic partners as it signifies comfort, trust, and rapport between two people. This is exactly why it’s a sign someone secretly loves you.
28) Their voice changes
It turns out that we change the tone of our voice when we’re around someone that we’re into romantically.
Research has found that when we think someone is attractive we instinctively speak with a lower voice.
One of the authors of the study, Dr. Susan Hughes says it means somebody’s voice is going to give you a significant insight into their feelings:
“If people can perceive changes in others’ voices when speaking to attractive individuals, this perception may be adaptive for identifying interested potential mates, detecting partner interest in others, and possible detection of partner infidelity.”
29) They text you all the time
Here’s a little ‘How to know if someone secretly loves you through text 101’…they are constantly blowing up your phone with messages.
If they’re always checking in to see how your day was, sending you funny memes, or starting random conversations, the message is loud and clear — they can’t get enough of you.
It doesn’t matter what you talk about, they just want to speak to you.
30) They introduce you to important people in their lives
One of the signs that this is a very special connection to them is when they start to introduce you to their people.
Our inner circle is often sacred and we don’t tend to introduce any casual date to family and friends. It shows an intention to be emotionally closer with you.
That’s why getting an invite to meet significant people in your crush’s life is one of those more meaningful signs someone loves you deeply.
In summary: How do you know if someone truly loves you?
Sure, there’s nothing quite like hearing those three little words. But the truth is that actions speak louder than words.
Plus, words can be easy to say but harder to stand by. That’s why if your crush shows you how much they care it can be just as powerful as telling you how they feel.
We all work on our own timetables when it comes to romance. If they still aren’t ready to reveal the full extent of their feelings, be patient.
Continue to encourage their interest and allow love to bloom in its own time.
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