14 signs someone is secretly attracted to you, according to psychology

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Ah yes, the age-old question, “Does s/he like me?”

People usually start asking themselves this question when they hit puberty, yet the answer doesn’t necessarily become clearer with age.

I mean, it’s not always easy to figure out if your crush is into you. You can spend days or even weeks agonizing over whether or not you should ask them out.

Thank god for psychology!

It’s because of this science that studies human behavior that I’m able to help you out.

Here are 14 signs that someone is secretly attracted to you, according to psychology, of course.

Let’s jump right in:

1) They’re usually the ones to initiate contact

If you’re not sure whether they’re “just” a friend or coworker, or if they’re interested in more, look at your communication.

  • Do they wait for you to ask them to hang out, or are they usually the ones to make plans?
  • Do they wait for you to text them or do they initiate contact, even if it’s just to say, “What’s up?”?

You see, according to psychology, when someone is secretly attracted to you, they’re so eager to talk to you that they won’t be able to wait for you to get in touch first. 

2) They keep finding excuses to be around you

Say the person in question is someone you work with.

If they’re secretly attracted to you, you’ll notice that they’re always in your vicinity, even if their desk is at the opposite end of the office.

They’ll keep coming up with work-related questions to ask you, or if not you, the person next to you.

They’ll print an unusual amount of material, just so they can pass by your desk on the way to the printer.

And when it comes to taking their coffee and lunch breaks, you can be sure that their breaks will always coincide with yours!

3) They make sure you know they’re single

Listen up, when someone is into you, they’ll make sure that you know they’re available.

They’ll try to slip it into conversation ever so casually, but you won’t be able to miss it.

They’ll say something like, “Ever since my ex and I broke up…” or “We single people usually.”

You might find yourself wondering, “Why are they telling me this?” and the answer is because they want you to know that they’re on the market!

4) Their body language is open and facing toward you

So, I first came across this concept about a hundred years ago when I was watching this movie called, “Clueless”.

Basically, if two people are attracted to each other, they’ll face each other and they won’t cross their arms or legs.

Crossed arms and legs usually mean that someone is keeping to themselves and they’re not interested in opening up to the other person – i.e. they’re keeping a distance.

Uncrossed arms and legs show attraction and an openness and desire to get to know one another better.

5) They make eye contact

Excuse me for the cliché, but there’s a reason they say that, “Eyes are the window to the soul”.

You can definitely tell a lot about how someone feels by looking at their eyes.

If they keep looking away or have a hard time maintaining eye contact, it could mean that they’re shy, nervous, or even hiding something.

But if they can’t seem to stop looking into your eyes, it usually means that they’re head over heels crazy about you.

They may not even be aware of what they’re doing, but their eyes are a dead giveaway and it may even feel like they’re trying to look into your soul (and not in a creepy way)!

6) They’re fidgety around you

When someone is secretly attracted to you, according to psychology, there’s a very big chance that they feel nervous around you.

What’s more, they’ll forget how to act normal.

In their attempt to “play it cool”, they’ll probably end up fidgeting.

They won’t be able to stay still, they’ll keep running their hands through their hair, they’ll play with their lighter, or work to peel off the label on their drink – anything to try to ease the tension they feel.

All-in-all, if you notice that the other person is always acting like they’ve had too much caffeine or something, it’s a pretty good indicator that they like you.

7) They make an effort to look good

Have you noticed that your coworker has been looking especially good lately?

Like every time you have lunch together, you notice a new item of fashionable clothing, a new haircut, fancy accessories…They even smell great.

Well, like the intricate dance routines of certain bird species or the mating calls of lions, humans also have courtship rituals and they all begin with getting your potential mate to notice how good you look.

8) They can’t stop smiling

Ever wonder, “What do they keep smiling about?”

If I was to venture a guess, I’d say it was you.

That’s right, they’re smiling because they feel good being in your presence.

But how do you know that they’re not always smiling?

Well, because if you watch them with other people (before they see you) you’ll notice that they’re acting “normal” and it’s only once they notice you that they’ll get that silly big grin across their face.

Pay attention next time and you’ll see what I mean.

9) They’re playful and like to tease

The thing is that no matter how old we get, when we have a crush on someone, we resort to acting like kids.

It’s crazy I know, but suddenly we go from being serious adults to being playful children.

Have you noticed any such behavior?

  • Like they’ll want to play games – for example, they’ll take something from you and make you catch them
  • Or they’ll tickle you
  • Or they’ll playfully tease you about something silly.

Basically, they just want your attention and they’ll try anything to get it.

10) They laugh at your jokes

Have you ever told a corny dad joke and regretted it immediately after?

Well, you may have noticed that no matter how bad the joke was, a certain someone laughed as if they genuinely thought it was funny.

And maybe they did, maybe you’ve managed to enchant them with your charms that even the silliest joke seems hilarious coming from you.

Or maybe they really want you to know they like you by showering you with positive attention.

The bottom line is that you’ve got another sign that someone secretly likes you according to psychology.

11) They compliment you – a lot!

Okay, so a solitary compliment doesn’t mean much.

Think about it, it’s normal to compliment people we come into contact with, right?

However, if the person in question keeps complimenting you, so much so that you find yourself wondering what they’re up to, there’s a very big chance that they’re secretly attracted to you.

By paying you an obscene amount of compliments (many probably undeserved) they’re trying to let you know that they see and appreciate you!

12) They pay close attention to everything you say

Now, when someone is really into you, you’ll notice that they pay close attention to you.

And I’m not just talking about your looks, I’m talking about what you say.

They’ll actively listen to every word you say and will probably surprise you by remembering the tiniest details about something you said ages ago.

You don’t need me to tell you that this isn’t something people normally do, not unless they have a crazy good memory.

I mean, I can’t remember what I had for breakfast yesterday, let alone what a coworker or acquaintance mentioned to me months ago.

So, if someone is taking a real interest in what you say, it’s because they’ve taken a real interest in you.

13) They look for shared interests

Another sign that someone likes you according to psychology is that they keep looking for similarities between you.

Whenever you mention something you like – such as a certain musician, movie, or activity – they’ll be sure to point out their shared interest.

  • “I can’t believe you like Janis Joplin, I loooove Janis Joplin!”
  • “I live to travel, seriously, it’s the only reason I go to work, to make money for my next trip. It’s great to meet a kindred spirit!”

In short, they’re looking for something that will bring you closer together.

14) They open up to you

Finally, I think a very important sign that shows exactly how someone feels about you is what they choose to share with you.

When someone is attracted to you, they’ll usually feel a special connection to you which will make them feel like they open up to you.

And they’ll feel safe telling you really personal and intimate stuff because they feel like they can trust you.

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Jelena Dincic

Jelena has a background in photography and film-making and has spent the last few years as a content editor and copywriter. Jelena is a citizen of the world who is passionate about travel and learning about new cultures. She’s a foodie who loves to cook. And, as an art lover, she is always experimenting with new art mediums. When she’s not at her computer, she’s usually out and about in some forest with her dogs.

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