7 signs someone is not actually a nice person, according to psychology

You’ve heard the saying, “Don’t judge a book by its cover.” This is true for people too.

Someone might seem nice at first, but they might not be as genuine as they appear.

Psychology shows there are subtle signs that reveal if someone’s truly kind or just pretending.

Want to know more?

Let’s explore seven signs that someone might not be as nice as they seem. It’s not about judging—just understanding people better.

1) They’re masters of manipulation

Are they genuinely persuasive, or are they manipulating the situation? Psychology suggests the latter could indicate they’re not as nice as they appear.

Now, let’s get one thing straight.

Nobody’s perfect. We all have moments where we might twist the truth a little or use our charms to sway someone in our favor. But there’s a big difference between occasional fibbing and consistent manipulation.

Here’s the catch.

People who aren’t genuinely nice often use manipulation as a tool to control situations and people. They might use guilt trips, flattery, or even intimidation to get what they want.

The thing is, it can be quite subtle. You might not even realize you’re being manipulated until you’re deep in the situation.

So pay attention.

If someone always seems to get their way, no matter what, it might be time to take a closer look at their actions and intentions.

2) They’re constantly negative

Let me share a little story.

I once had a friend who always seemed to find the dark cloud in every silver lining. It didn’t matter how good the news was, they would always find something to complain about or predict the worst possible outcome.

Now, I’m all for being realistic. But there’s a difference between acknowledging potential pitfalls and constantly spewing negativity.

Here’s the thing.

Experts tell us that people who are persistently negative can drain our energy and dampen our spirits. It’s not just about being a Debbie Downer; it’s about their inability to appreciate positivity and their tendency to pull others down with them.

3) They never apologize

Here’s an uncomfortable truth.

We all mess up. We’re human, after all. But the way we handle our mistakes says a lot about our character.

Consider this.

Someone steps on your foot accidentally. A genuinely nice person will quickly apologize, and you’ll both move on.

But what if they don’t?

What if they step on your foot, look you in the eye, and just walk away? Or worse, blame you for being in their way? That’s not only rude but also a huge red flag.

According to psychology, a refusal to apologize often indicates a lack of empathy and a high level of ego. It’s that “I can do no wrong” mentality that can be toxic.

4) They gossip… a lot

Picture this.

You’re at a party, and someone pulls you aside to share a juicy tidbit about another guest. It might seem harmless, even entertaining at the moment. But let’s dig a little deeper.

Here’s the truth.

Gossiping is a two-edged sword. It not only shows lack of respect for the person being talked about but also reveals a lot about the character of the gossiper.

Psychology tells us that people who gossip often are usually insecure and use this habit to make themselves feel better or more powerful. It’s not a trait of genuinely nice individuals.

5) They lack empathy

Empathy, the ability to understand and share the feelings of others, is a fundamental trait of being human.

Now consider this.

Researchers found that empathic responses are automatic and cannot be suppressed in people who are actually nice. It’s like a reflex action, they can’t help but feel for others.

So here’s a question.

What if someone doesn’t show empathy? What if they can’t – or don’t want to – put themselves in someone else’s shoes?

It’s not just about being emotionally distant. A lack of empathy often signifies self-centeredness, an inability to relate to others, and in extreme cases, it can be a sign of narcissism.

6) They’re not there when you need them

We’ve all been there. Life hits you hard, and you need a shoulder to lean on. You reach out to a friend, someone who’s always around in good times.

But suddenly, they’re nowhere to be found.

It’s disappointing, isn’t it?

Now, don’t get me wrong. Everyone has their own life and problems to deal with. But a truly nice person will try their best to be there for others in their time of need.

So consider this.

If someone consistently vanishes when you need them the most, it could be a sign they’re not as nice as they portray themselves.

Real friends and genuinely nice people show up, even when it’s not convenient for them.

7) They’re always playing the victim

Life is tough, no doubt about it. We all face challenges and setbacks. But here’s a crucial distinction – a genuinely nice person owns their mistakes and tries to learn from them.

But what about those who don’t?

Some individuals always seem to play the victim card. They portray every situation as if they’ve been dealt an unfair hand, refusing to take responsibility for their actions.

This perpetual victim mentality is often a manipulation tactic. It allows them to evade accountability and garner sympathy from others.

Final thoughts

If you recognized some of these signs in people around you, don’t rush to conclusions. People are complicated, and behaviors can often be misinterpreted. However, if these behaviors are persistent, it might be time to reconsider your relationship with them.

Don’t be too hard on yourself. Change takes time. Be patient with yourself and others as you navigate this journey of understanding and growth.

So take a moment, reflect. What will you do with this newfound insight? Remember, knowledge is power – use it wisely.