Having a self-centered family member is tough.
It’s extremely draining, especially because they’re family, which means it’s harder to cut them off than you would a toxic friend.
It can often feel like you’re an emotional dumpster that absorbs all their trauma, because all they talk about is themselves and how hard their life is—but they never ask about you.
And you’re forced to tolerate it all for the sake of family.
Can you relate?
Well, if you can, read more below to see if the family member you have in mind matches up with the 13 signs someone in your family is deeply self-centered.
1) They constantly talk about themselves in family reunions
Family reunions are all fun and games ‘til this certain family member shows up.
It’s like all the world stops and every conversation turns into a monologue, because they’re the only ones talking.
And that’s a glaring sign of a self-centered family member.
They’re the stars of their own show, and everyone else on the dinner table is just an audience member.
You might find yourself nodding and smiling while they chat away about their latest stories, achievements, or even what they had for breakfast.
And it’s extremely draining, because it ends up draining everybody in the room because they never ask how anybody else is doing.
2) They never ask how anybody is doing
We already know that a self-centered person is one who keeps droning on and on about their life…and it always means everyone just listens while they talk.
They never ask how anybody is doing, because they’re the main character—everyone in the family are just supporting characters.
When you’re alone together, it can be exhausting, because you’re forced to listen to everything they have to say.
And every time you try to get a word in, you find yourself getting interrupted.
3) They interrupt other family members when they’re talking
Being interrupted mid-sentence is never a fun experience—that’s why it’s so hard to be around self-centered family members.
They often can’t resist the urge to jump in and steer the conversation back to themselves.
Even when they sometimes listen to what you’re saying, they’d be quick to make it all about themself again.
No matter how intriguing your story might be, in their eyes, their story is the blockbuster that everyone needs to hear.
It’s like they hold the remote control for family discussions, and they want everyone listening carefully as they talk about themself, and themself alone.
4) They want all the attention
Picture this: you’re sharing a story that you think is really interesting. You have everyone’s attention, and everyone’s interested to see what happens next…
…until that one family member steals the spotlight.
It’s like you can hear a silent groan from everybody in the room when they do, because the mood suddenly changes, and they’re the only one who didn’t notice.
That’s because self-centered family members crave all the attention.
They live as if there’s a camera following them around that closely documents every single detail of their life.
Whether it’s hogging your parents’ time or overshadowing your siblings and cousins, they have a knack for making it all about them—and sometimes, even undermining the achievements of others.
5) They undermine others’ achievements
When this family member is around, you find yourself unconsciously holding back from telling your achievements to everyone else in the room, because you feel like it’s hard to celebrate when they’re around.
That’s because self-centered individuals have a way of subtly downplaying your accomplishments. It’s as if they can’t stand the idea of someone else shining even a little bit.
This behavior can leave you feeling like your achievements don’t matter, and that’s not fair.
When this happens, don’t force yourself to believe being unable to share is a you problem—I mean, who would want to share their achievements when they know they’re bound to be undermined?
6) They’re always the family problem
Whenever there’s a hiccup, a dispute, or even a minor disagreement in the family, it somehow always seems to revolve around them.
It’s like they’re a magnet for drama, and it can be exhausting.
From small arguments to big issues, they’re at the center, often causing rifts or making situations more complicated than they need to be.
And a lot of the time, it’s because they don’t listen when the family disagrees with them.
7) They don’t listen when the family disagrees with their decisions
A self-centered family member believes their way is the only way.
They’re not open to input or other viewpoints, which can make family discussions feel more like monologues. It’s impossible to talk to them, because they don’t listen.
They believe they’re always right, and anyone who disagrees is automatically wrong—even if literally everyone else disagrees with them.
8) They try to control the family’s decisions
Because they believe they’re always right, self-centered family members always try to control the family’s decisions.
They often have a strong desire to control the family’s decisions, from something so small as what to have for dinner to something as serious as making major life choices.
It’s already hard enough dealing with that on its own, and it’s even harder when they’re the family favorite.
It can leave you feeling like your voice doesn’t matter, because they’re always calling the shots without considering what others want or need.
9) They’re inconsiderate of the feelings of other family members
Empathy? That’s not part of the vocabulary of a self-centered family member.
They constantly do things that hurt or upset other family members without batting an eyelash.
It’s like they’re unaware of how their actions affect everyone else, or they simply don’t care.
You find it hard to share your feelings when they’re around, because you know they’d only make an insensitive remark.
And it always makes everybody else feel disregarded and invisible.
10) They think family rules don’t apply to them
All families have rules—but for self-centered family members, they don’t think any of it applies to them.
They’re the sibling who doesn’t follow the family curfew. They think they’re the cool, punk rock cousin who never listens to the elders.
But in reality, they’re really just a pain to everybody.
And when they’re called out, they feel like they’re being attacked, even when they’re the one who made the mistake in the first place.
11) They’re always asking for money from the family
Family always looks out for each other—that’s a given.
But as with any relationship, it should be a give and take. If one of you takes more than they give, they don’t care enough about you to look out for you.
And this is often the case with self-centered family members, even in money matters.
They’re always struggling, but they refuse to help themselves. But when others refuse to help them, they’re called selfish.
Of course, financial struggles can happen to anyone, but it’s a red flag if they’re constantly seeking financial help from the family without making any effort to improve their own situation.
It’s like they treat the family as a bank, always ready to bail them out.
This can create tension and resentment, especially if you feel like your hard-earned money is being taken for granted.
12) They heavily rely on the family…
You’ve probably noticed that they lean on the family quite a bit.
They might need help with everyday tasks, financial support, or even emotional comfort.
It’s like they see the family as their safety net—and everyone else can’t help but support them because they’re family (ugh).
But in any other scenario, they’d be a freeloader.
While it’s natural for families to support each other, there comes a point where it can become overwhelming and one-sided, and it becomes unfair for everyone else involved.
13) …but they can’t be relied on
Ironically, even though they lean on the family, they’re not exactly the most reliable when it comes to giving back.
Their relationships are a one-way street, even if they don’t realize it. They might even treat their partner and friends the same way they do with your family.
But the relationship becomes unfair when one takes more than they give, because family means loving and supporting each other—not loving and supporting one person who can’t give a crap about any of you.
And can you really call a self-centered person “family,” if they constantly demand your support when they’re struggling, but refuse to help when you need it?
It can be truly difficult to deal with a self-centered family member. I know it’s hard, but remember to set the proper boundaries because your feelings and needs matter, too.
At some point, you need to stop giving and giving, because it’s an exhausting process. Don’t wait until you don’t have anything more to give, and they leave you because they don’t think you love them anymore.
Remember that other family members need your love and attention, too, so don’t expend all your energy loving a family member who refuses to love themself.