8 signs someone has been talking behind your back, according to psychology

You know that nagging feeling that someone you consider a friend might be talking about you behind your back?

It’s not a great feeling, I know. 

And most of us can probably admit that we’ve had it. 

The only problem with this feeling is that it’s not always easy to know if it’s right. 

You might think you’re being silly or insecure. 

But did you know there are actual signs, backed by psychology, that can clue you in?

If you’re unsure, these signs can help you determine if someone might be gossiping about you. 

The first one?

Well, it’s when…

1) You have a gut feeling

This is a hill I’ll die on – seriously. 

Our intuition is rarely wrong. It can pick up on subtle cues that our conscious mind might miss. 

You see, our gut is lined with millions of neurons communicating with our brain. This gut-brain connection is like nothing you’ve ever seen before! And research suggests that this link can influence our emotions and decisions. 

So, maybe it’s a change in someone’s tone or body language that tips you off…

Or maybe there’s just a shift or vibe you sense without concrete evidence.

Whatever causes the feeling, if you get it, trust it. Studies have shown that our gut instincts can be surprisingly accurate. 

Not everyone is good at seeing a situation for what it is. And the truth is, not everyone will admit that they’ve gossiped about you if you just ask them see. 

The best thing you can do is go with that tingling feeling that something isn’t right. 

But if you don’t have a feeling or you’re unsure about it, here are some other signs to look for:

2) They can’t look you in the eyes

According to psychology, not making eye contact is a pretty big non-verbal cue that someone has something to hide. 

That’s because the eyes are like the window to our soul.

Okay, I know that sounds cliche, but it’s true. 

Keeping eye contact with someone shows confidence. 

If someone can’t, they might be feeling uncomfortable because of their dishonesty and guilt. Not making eye contact with someone can also hint at shame or anxiety. 

Now, some people find it hard to maintain eye contact because they’re insecure, shy, or there are cultural differences. 

But if someone who usually had no problem looking at your eyes while having a conversation now suddenly does, it can be a huge red flag. 

3) There’s a noticeable change in their overall body language

Words aren’t always telling, but someone’s body language usually gives them away…

You see, when someone feels guilty or uncomfortable about something they’ve done, it tends to show in how they physically react to your presence. 

Besides avoiding eye contact, someone who talked about you behind your back can also start fidgeting, seem tense, or have a forced smile. 

If you notice this behavior in a friend who used to be open and comfortable around you, something’s definitely up. 

According to psychology, guilt, and deceit can trigger these involuntary physical responses. 

No matter how hard the mind tries to keep a secret, the body can’t relax under stress. 

Sure, it could be something else, too. 

But if your friend isn’t as comfortable around you as they used to be, there’s a good chance they’ve said or done something or even heard something about you, and now they’re dealing with the internal conflict that comes with it.

4) They’re suddenly more interested in your life and want every little detail about something you recently shared with them

If someone is suddenly super interested in your life, asking a million questions about that thing you shared with them a few days ago, there’s a pretty good chance they’re gossiping about it. 

It’s actually quite simple: people who are gossiping often need more material to keep the story going. 

So, when someone is extra curious about your recent drama, they might just be gathering more details to share with others later. 

Psychology tells us that this behavior can be linked to something called “information seeking.” 

The more someone knows, the juicier their gossip becomes. 

Plus, being overly nosy can also be a way to cover their tracks. 

They might think that if they show a lot of interest, you won’t suspect them of talking about you behind your back. Especially when they pair this with empathy. 

If you suspect someone is talking behind your back and want to find out, you can test them by sharing something small but weird and seeing if it gets back to you. 

5) They don’t want to talk to you or hang out that often anymore

On the flip side, it’s also possible that someone who’s gossiping about you will start to distance themselves.

Did you always hang out, and now suddenly, your friend has a ton of excuses? 

If you still get together, does your friend seem distant? 

This change usually happens when someone feels guilty, awkward, or afraid of slipping up. 

It’s also possible that after gossiping about you and seeing how others react, they now feel as though bad-mouthing you was justified.

Another reason could also be to show the people they gossip with that they aren’t your friend due to whatever it is they shared. 

6) They start gossiping about other people – a lot

Another almost absolute sign that someone is talking behind your back is when they suddenly start gossiping a lot about other people when you’ve never known them as the type. 

Here’s why: 

People who gossip typically use it as a way to deflect attention from their own behavior. 

So, they’re probably trying to badmouth people when talking to you to hide the fact that you’re the topic of conversation when your back is turned. 

Getting you to gossip with them could also make them feel less guilty about sharing your secrets. 

Plus, if they’re comfortable sharing private or sensitive information about other people with you, there’s a good chance they’re comfortable sharing your information when you’re not around, too. 

7) Their friends become interested in you and your life

Most of us have friends who have other friends that we don’t hang out with. This can be completely normal and healthy. 

And there’s usually a good reason for not hanging out with your friend’s other friends.

So, if they suddenly start showing a lot of interest in you and your life, it might be a sign that someone’s been talking behind your back, and now they’re curious to get more details. 

To figure out if this is what’s happening, notice how these friends act around you

Are they asking very specific questions about things you thought were private? 

Do they seem to know details that you didn’t share with them directly? 

You can also look for patterns. 

Are these friends bringing up topics that only your original friend knew about? Or topics that could lead to conversations about private matters you’ve never discussed with them?

If so, there’s a huge possibility that they know more than you think because they’ve been talking to someone you shared some stuff with. 

8) They’re only interested in you when you have something to share

The amount of importance you carry in someone’s life could indicate whether they talk about you behind your back or not. 

Okay, hold on. 

I know life is busy, and we don’t always have time just to catch up randomly. 

But if you’re in the same place at the same time, how do your conversations look?

If someone only seems interested in you when you have something juicy to share, it could be a sign that they’re talking behind your back. 

People who love to gossip need new material to keep the gossip going.

They might show a sudden burst of interest when you have news or drama because it gives them something fresh to talk about with others.

Simply put, they’re using your stories to entertain others because they’re not really invested in you as a person. 

Someone who appreciates having you in their life will still be interested in hanging out or talking to you even when you have nothing drama-worthy to share. 

And once you manage to build a bond over the mundane things in life, the chances of them turning their back on you are slim. 

These are just a few signs, though. And the only way to truly know if someone is talking behind your back is a confirmation from either them or someone they talked to. 

But it’s always a good idea to stay smart and observant.

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