You know something that’s not politically correct but still absolutely true?
Some women are only after money.
Damn, please don’t report me to the human rights commission and arrest me for being insensitive. I just happen to care about the truth!
And here’s the truth:
There are some hardcore gold diggers on the loose. And unless you know how to spot them you could be the next victim.
If more than a few of these warning signs are showing up, be very cautious.
The more deeply you get involved with a woman who only loves you for what you have, the more you betray everything you are and sabotage your own future.
If you become aware that you’re with a woman who only wants your wallet, it’s up to you to exercise self-respect and honor and walk away.
Here’s how to find out if that’s what’s going on.
1) She’s obsessed with how much you make
One of the most unfortunate signs she’s only after your money and doesn’t truly love you is that she’s obsessed about how much you take in.
Your salary, hourly wage or any other parts of how much money you make are really her focus.
She wants to know what you make, talk about, plan how to improve it and focus on men’s earning potential as a marker of worth.
If you make less than another guy, you can be sure that she’ll drop not-so-subtle hints about it regularly.
“Babe, I know you love being a personal trainer, but I saw a documentary the other day on software engineers and do you have any idea what they make? It’s amazing.”
Thanks for the tip, right?
The problem with her being so interested in what you make is that it’s none of her business.
Whatever arrangement you have to split costs or you providing for her, doesn’t mean you’re under any obligation to disclose private financial details.
If you choose to do so against your will, or she makes it a condition of the relationship, you’re definitely walking on thin ice.
2) She tries to find out if your family is rich
I once dated a girl who asked my friend whether my mom “seemed rich” when I Skyped with her.
That relationship did not last long, to say the least.
One of the upsetting and unfortunate signs she’s only after your money and doesn’t truly love you is that she tries to dig into your family’s finances.
Because if your family is rich she sees it as a piggy bank you (which means she) can potentially tap into.
This is the level at which gold digging becomes truly disturbing and shameful in a way that makes your hair stand on end.
If a woman is trying to find out what sort of house your parents live in, whether your brother is a rich lawyer and whether your relatives “look” rich, you’re in the danger zone 100%.
Exit as soon as possible before you hit a landmine and end up married to this creature or have her bearing your children and putting a collar over your neck for life.
3) She’s easily seduced by celebrity and status
There’s nothing wrong with a woman liking some shallow celebrity stuff and silly shows.
But it’s important to pay attention to her attitude toward celebrity and status.
Does she idolize the rich and famous and talk about them often? Are her heroes all people who’ve made it materialistically?
Meeting someone famous is cool, for sure, but does she suddenly shift into a different type of person?
How does she behave when talking about the rich and famous?
She may well be intrigued, but watch for warning signs such as her becoming a really groupie type mentality, speaking in an awed voice or acting like the rich and famous are gods among men.
And if she thinks they are, it’s probably related to her belief that the best looking and richest people are of higher value than the rest (which they are not).
This sign on its own is definitely not enough to pull the plug on a relationship and it’s one of the less serious signs on this list.
Nonetheless it can be a definite marker of how she feels about status, wealth and position in society and that can have much wider implications.
4) She tries to focus your life path on financial goals
What are your goals in life? You may have various objectives or be in the process of working that out.
Among the unfortunate signs she’s only after your money and doesn’t truly love you is that she always focuses you on money.
A gold digger may say it’s just her being “practical” and trying to get your head out of the clouds.
But the way to tell the difference between pragmatism and her trying to fatten you up as her cash cow, is watching her attitude to what you like and dislike.
If she’s after you for your money she will brush aside your objections and true passions, always bringing it back to the bottom line of finances.
If she really is trying to help and be practical she’ll try her best to respect not pushing you into careers and decisions you’re not at all into.
5) She becomes noticeably angry and depressed if you don’t give her money or limit her spending
Your relationship may involve you giving your girlfriend money or buying her gifts.
Or it may not. At least not on a regular basis.
That’s honestly your business and your private affair.
However, if you do give your girlfriend regular gifts and allow her to buy things now and then with your money, pay attention to what happens when you turn off the tap.
“Sorry I can’t pay for that dress right now, hun, I don’t get my next paycheck ‘til next month.”
If she’s only using you for money she will flip like a light switch, becoming pouty and bitchy.
If she really loves you she’ll be truly understanding and not change her behavior in any way.
While she may understandably be disappointed at a purchase, trip or thing she was looking forward to, her actual attraction to you and love for you will not shift in any verbal or non-verbal way.
She’ll be just as in love with you as she was before.
This is the clear difference between being with someone and just happening to be along for the ride in their vicinity while skimming benefits and treats off of them.
6) She has a history of dating rich, eligible bachelors and then ruthlessly dumping them
What is this lady’s romantic history?
To the extent you can find out, watch out for a pattern of dating eligible, rich bachelors and then dumping them.
This is what a gold digger does:
She finds a host for her to spread, leeches them dry of money and attention and then leaves them as a penniless, heartbroken husk on the side of the road somewhere…
Or just in a downsized apartment in the shitty part of town which they now have to live in due to opening their wallet too often for her.
Don’t be that guy!
7) She freeloads off you and always has an excuse for not having money
Is the woman you’re dating a freeloader?
And what exactly is a freeloader?
Buying the person you love meals sometimes and paying a bit more costs than her is one thing.
But freeloading is when she carries none of her own weight. She expects you to pay literally everything and goes into pouting mode when you do not.
If your girlfriend is doing this then she either doesn’t love you, or she has a very twisted idea of what love is.
There is no obligation for you to pay everything to someone, especially if it’s never been talked about specifically between the two of you and actually agreed on but is somehow just expected.
8) She expects a steady supply of expensive gifts
Gift buying is a nice romantic gesture, especially when a lot of thought and care has been put into choosing something special.
But when it becomes more like an expected form of tribute, gift buying crosses the line into a form of dependency and gold digging.
Does she expect pricey gifts on a regular basis?
Does she create an expectation of you always “upping your game” and buying her better and better stuff?
That sounds a lot like a very immature and materialistically-oriented individual to me!
9) She tries to make your generosity a barometer of your love for her
On a related note about the unfortunate signs she’s only after your money and doesn’t truly love you is that she makes your monetary investment into her a barometer of your love for her.
A shitty gift or a bad money month and you’re a bad boyfriend who doesn’t love her.
She expected more from you, she thought you really cared, and so on…
But when you drill down below the surface you’ll notice that your behavior and affection for her never really changed, just your finances.
This is a big giant red flashing alert light. The amount of money you spend on her and gifts you give does not determine your love for her.
If she acts like it does, she is using you.
10) She guilts you about money by comparing your relationship to other couples
Another of the unfortunate signs she’s only after your money and doesn’t truly love you is that she compares you with other couples to get you to open your wallet.
You won’t co-sign a lease with her on a car? Well did you even see what Steve just did for his girlfriend by giving her a car outright?
She understands and all, but it’s just like, not that cool, you know?
This kind of crap is so emotionally toxic and way more common than it should be.
If she’s acting like this she doesn’t love you. You’re just a person she’s passing time with and bilking for bucks. Be careful and get out while you can.
11) She threatens to break up if you bring up financial stress or issues
Using breaking up as a threat to dangle over someone’s head is really toxic, and it’s really common.
If she threatens to leave you because you’re having money problems, she doesn’t really love you…
…And she’s also a bitch.
Just being honest, like I said.
Now, being stressed about you having money problems is entirely understandable. If you are having some financial stressors then you’re probably upset as well!
You can both work together to try to address situations like this.
But her acting like you’re a loser or have let her down because you’re going through a hard time monetarily that’s unrelated to her is just plain narcissistic manipulation.
Don’t fall for it.
12) She plays with your feelings and flirts with your friends
Jealousy is a really effective and dirty tool that some women use to get what they want.
By making you jealous, she hopes to pull your purse strings by pulling on your heart strings.
Getting you to feel envious of how she flirts with your friends and other men is a way of reminding you that she’s a free woman who can walk away when she wants.
By doing this, she hopes to stoke your instinct to keep her…
And she hopes that your first instinct for how to keep her is to spend more money on her.
For your own sake and self-respect, I hope it is not!
And if it is, resist this instinct. It will only end badly.
13) She becomes noticeably more affectionate and sexual when you’re more generous with money
When the money is flowing and you’re buying lots of gifts and doing well, pay attention to how she behaves.
One of the unfortunate signs she’s only after your money and doesn’t truly love you is that she becomes more affectionate and sexually generous the more you become financially generous.
As your wealth increases, her libertine impulses increase, as does her desire to jump into bed with you.
Are you just a really attractive guy and she’s in a good mood?
But if you notice a steady pattern of her behavior becoming more sexual and more turned on the more you open the floodgates of money or loan her credit cards, you likely have a Grade A gold digger on your hands, my friend.
14) She shares little about her background and deeper experiences in life
We all move at different speeds in opening up to someone, even someone we love.
But if you find that your relationship is a one-way street, you should take note.
Are you the only one speaking about your past, your emotions and your life?
Because one of the top unfortunate signs she’s only after your money and doesn’t truly love you is that she rarely opens up about herself.
She smiles and looks great and says nice things to you. But she never really offers you herself as a true and vulnerable human being.
This is a very serious warning sign that she doesn’t love you.
And to the extent she does care for you, you may also have to decide whether a one-sided relationship of this kind is something you can comfortably live with.
15) She shies away from emotional intimacy
Overall, how is your partner about emotional intimacy and being close in a non-verbal way?
One of the worst unfortunate signs she’s only after your money and doesn’t truly love you is that she is switched all on for talks about money or good times but rarely there in those quieter, intimate couple moments.
Even if your sex life is good, she goes to sleep soon after and has no real sharing or desire to cuddle or be around you much.
Although many times this is a stereotype of men, it can absolutely happen with women, and often it is the sort of woman who’s not in love but merely in a relationship for reasons of convenience and financial ease.
More generally take a look at her reaction to spending time alone with you, couples trips, deep conversations and everything else.
If you notice a disturbing lack of real closeness, it’s probably not just your imagination.
Can’t buy love
Caring about money is natural and good. Money is just a tool, and lack of attention to finances can split up many otherwise strong and wonderful couples.
But never mistake a normal level of financial planning and interest for a woman who is just using you.
Faking love for financial benefits is sick, but it’s unfortunately very common.
Be on the lookout for the signs above, and always remember that someone who truly loves you will be there for you even if you go through a rough patch financially.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.