In many ways a soft rejection is even worse than being straightforwardly shot down.
The reason is that soft rejection is when somebody appears to possibly be into you but is actually just being nice.
If you’ve had a girl do this to you then you know how humiliating and upsetting it is, and the solution is to walk away ASAP.
Here’s how to tell if a girl is only being nice to you by interacting with you, and doesn’t actually like you at all.
15 unfortunate signs she’s just being polite and doesn’t really like you
If many of these signs are showing up, I’m sorry.
Plain and simple it means that she is not into you regardless of what else she says and does.
1) She doesn’t initiate contact
Who texts or walks over first to say hi.
If it’s always you, she doesn’t like you.
That’s not a 100% hard and fast rule, but it’s almost always the case.
Exceptions? A girl who is very shy, a girl who is not available or a girl who is confused about her feelings for you.
Other than that, if you’re the one always making contact with her via text or in person, she’s only saying hi and being nice because you make the effort and she doesn’t want to hurt you.
I hate to be that brutal about it, but fully accepting these kinds of very harsh and basic facts of dating and seduction is key to finding someone who actually respects and likes you.
If she’s never reaching out first, forget her.
You have better prospects to focus your energy on.
2) She avoids eye contact
How is the level and intensity of eye contact when you see this woman?
One of the top unfortunate signs she’s just being polite and doesn’t really like you is that she doesn’t make eye contact.
Everything starts in the eyes.
If you aren’t meeting each other’s gaze and keeping your sights locked on each other from time to time, you’re not falling in love.
At least she’s not!
If she avoids eye contact, it’s almost always a sign that she’s not truly attracted.
The exceptions I talked about above do still apply to an extent.
But for the most part a woman who doesn’t meet your gaze and just smiles awkwardly is not really that into you.
3) She emphasizes her singlehood
If you’re getting close to a girl and she’s making a point of letting the world know she’s single it’s one of those unfortunate signs she’s just being polite and doesn’t really like you.
If she emphasizes being single to you it’s a different story…
…But when she’s advertising being single, joking about it and mentioning it on social media, to her friends and so on…
She’s obviously not that into you. The message is often intended for you as much as for anyone else.
She’s still a free agent and you nor anyone else currently have a claim on her heart of any kind.
This can be hard to hear, but it’s necessary to be a man and accept it – at least provisionally – if you want to become more mature and attractive.
She’s telling the world she’s single while you thought you were making progress and getting close to something real with her?
That was only in your mind.
(Sorry to be so harsh).
4) She pauses a long time before answering your messages
You know how most of us act when we like someone and they message?
It’s almost Pavlovian. You hear the ding and you’re practically salivating.
When you’re highly attracted to someone there’s not really such a thing as them being over-available.
The truth is that you crave as much of them as you can get. The behavior they display in texting you all the time that would strike you as needy and unattractive in someone else is attractive in them.
But by the same token, when you’re not at all interested in someone and they message it’s a feeling of the opposite: a sinking, semi-nauseous feeling…
This person again? Didn’t she get the hint? Didn’t he understand yet I’m not digging it?
So, this is one of the unfortunate signs she’s just being polite and doesn’t really like you: she waits days or even weeks between messages and rarely even says hi.
People get very busy, definitely.
But nobody’s that busy!
And at least not too busy to just tell you they’re currently too busy.
5) She turns dates into friend group get-togethers
Have you ever asked a girl out and then had her suggest you bring along a friend.
This is a classic, and really basic, move.
It means she doesn’t like you. That’s all it means, and you can have no doubt about it in any respect.
The only reason for a girl to turn a potential romantic date into a pal powwow is because she wants to stay as far away from you romantically as possible.
This could hopefully mean she’s open to being friends if you’re into that.
But you can cross love, sex and romance completely off the list and then shred it into a thousand pieces and incinerate it.
She’s just being nice. She’s about as into you as the random old guy sitting at the bus stop who she didn’t even notice last week as she was walking by livestreaming on her iPhone.
(Again, sorry to be harsh).
6) She tells you you’re a ‘nice guy’
You know what woman ever gets turned on by a “nice guy” and asks him to make love with her until the world ends and they both die in ecstasy?
At least no woman worth your while.
I hate to be the guy to tell you this, but being a nice guy will get you nowhere in life.
Being stereotypically nice causes people to be overlooked, disrespected, distrusted and disliked.
Mainly because it’s dishonest and insecure.
Nobody’s purely nice and positive, and somebody who is so nice and expects something back isn’t actually nice.
Women don’t necessarily like “bad boys,” as the myths claim: instead they like “good guys” with balls.
If she tells you that you’re a nice guy, you might as well warm up your right hand (or left if you’re a southie) and download every dating app you can. This chick is not going to happen for you in this lifetime.
7) She makes it clear you’re more of a friend
Being friendzoned is real and it’s a growing virus in modern society. Of course many guys and women think they’ve overcome it by engaging in friends with benefits relationships, but we all know deep down that’s bunk.
If you like someone and get rejected or friended by them, you, by definition, did not get what you want.
Retaining a sexual element with friendship when you’re in love with someone is just saying: I am fine with taking whatever scraps I’m given even though the heart of the one I love has been denied to me.
In short, being friendzoned means you are not in the running for romance, regardless of whether there’s still sex involved.
It’s one of the unfortunate signs she’s just being polite and doesn’t really like you, at least not in an amorous and romantic sense.
8) She talks to you a lot about other guys
What does a woman do who likes a guy?
She hangs on his every word, showers him with attention, laughs at his jokes, playfully pokes and touches him and tries to be physically close to where he’s standing and where he is.
She answers his messages generally quite quickly and overlooks even some of his faults or downsides due to her attraction to the guy in question.
But when a lady isn’t really into you it works the other way around.
She just talks to you to be nice, and she even speaks to you about guys she’s interested in or her frustrations with other men.
Unlike the movies where this eventually blossoms into a deep and profound romance, real life works a lot differently.
When a woman is telling you about guys she likes or her issues with guys in depth, she’s showing you a one way sign to the friend zone.
It’s as simple as that.
9) She doesn’t care at all about whether you’re single or not
Whether you’re single or not, one of the unfortunate signs she’s just being polite and doesn’t really like you is that she just…doesn’t care.
Because your relationship status has essentially not entered her head.
When you don’t have romantic or sexual feelings for someone, you tend to not care that much if they’re single.
Because they’re not somebody you want to be with anyway.
If she’s showing zero curiosity about who you’re with or who you’re into, it’s likely because she’s not into you.
And beware also about her showing interest but in a polite and joking type of way. This does not mean she’s interested, especially if she’s trying to set you up with friends, talking with you regarding advice about dating and so on.
This is all the behavior of a friend or colleague, not a potential partner.
10) She puts you consistently last
We all get busy sometimes and have to cancel on someone or let them know we don’t have time to talk.
But one of the most common unfortunate signs she’s just being polite and doesn’t really like you is that you’re just not at the top of her agenda.
She may chill with you sometimes, answer your texts and joke around.
But you’ll get the ongoing and consistent vibe that she’s basically answering you very randomly and late, and she won’t feel bad about nixing plans with you.
You’re getting this vibe that she doesn’t care almost always because…she doesn’t care.
The sooner you realize this the better off you’ll be not wasting your time with someone who’s not interested.
11) She lies about her relationship status to get rid of you
This is a cold one, and it’s slightly different in that it’s actually very impolite.
However on the surface this is polite and proper, which is why I’ve included it.
After all, if she has a boyfriend and is not available, what can you do, right?
This is really what would happen if you were possibly into someone but just couldn’t make it work due to not being on the market.
It’s a polite and nice way to tell someone sorry that you can’t take things any further even if you otherwise might want to.
The catch, of course, is that when she’s actually fully single this is a nasty and backhanded lie.
But it can work really effectively for getting rid of a guy you don’t like, which is why so many women (even mature women) still do it.
12) She rarely asks you any questions about yourself
Think back to the last time you were really into someone: how curious were you about them?
Chances are you were very curious. You loved finding out what music they like, their beliefs, their pet peeves, their best friendships, their future plans.
If a girl is into you, she’s going to ask you questions.
No matter how shy she is, she will find ways to indicate some interest in who you are and what drives you.
If a girl is not into you, she is not going to ask you questions.
A complete lack of questions and lack of followup questions spells one simple word:
It doesn’t even really leave the door open for friendship in this case, to be honest.
If a woman you’re interacting with never asks you anything and shows no curiosity about you, she’s not only declining romance, she’s declining a connection of any kind.
13) She barely pays attention to what you say
There’s a stereotype about men not listening to what their girlfriends say and being bad listeners.
I have to say that at least in my case it’s often been true.
However, one of the big unfortunate signs she’s just being polite and doesn’t really like you is that a woman does this to you.
She simply doesn’t pay attention to what you say, or at least very rarely.
She appears to find her smartphone more interesting, or her nails or that random guy walking by, and…well, you get the idea.
If she’s not hearing what you’re saying it’s a choice on her part.
No matter how distracted someone is, they make a choice about how much attention they give to another person.
Never forget that!
14) She shies away from your touch and any hint of physical intimacy
Friendly hugs are sometimes a feature of male-female platonic connections, but anything beyond that tends to be off bounds, at least with a hetero guy who a girl is not into.
One of the top indicators that she’s not digging you beyond the platonic is that any touch and physical intimacy is strictly not happening.
She shies away or even flinches if you pat her on the shoulder or let your touch linger on her hand.
She orients her body directionally away from you, avoids eye contact, laughs nervously and displays the many other signs of minimal attraction.
All the warning lights are going off here that you’re trying to pan for gold in a depleted dirt pile, it’s just a matter of taking the hint.
Nothing will happen, and the more you show her that you’re open to something happening the faster she’ll run in the other direction unless she already has attraction for you in the first place.
15) She has sudden emergencies that require canceling plans with you all the time
Among the most unfortunate signs she’s just being polite and doesn’t really like you is that things always seem to come up when you’re going to meet.
She’d “love to” have met you and she’s “so sorry,” and so on.
But just this time specifically it’s not going to work. How about next week?
Sorry, next week isn’t going to pan out either! She has an issue with her car. And the next day an unexpected headache.
Damn. It seems like the stars are just lined up against the two of you, right?
Trust me, the stars aren’t lined up against you, she is.
Drop this one like a hot potato.
She loves me not
If the woman you’re into is displaying a lot of the signs above you can be sure she is not actually interested in you.
It’s awful to come to terms with, but it’s a necessity.
Always remember that love and attraction is a two-way street.
She can get in touch with you and express interest if and when she wants to…
And you can ignore or respond to that request on terms and timing of your own choosing.
Be proactive in life and love. Find your purpose, live your dream. Never put your worth on another person.
You got this.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.
Take the free quiz here to be matched with the perfect coach for you.
Click the above link to get $50 off your first session – an exclusive offer for Hack Spirit readers.