I’ve been dating a girl who’s a bit of a mystery to me.
She’s really into me during the time we spend together and we have a great connection, but she pulls back whenever I talk about the future or our relationship status.
I’m an easy-going guy and I’ve dropped the subject altogether at this point. But I’m still curious about what’s going on with her.
Does she actually want something with me or is she just stringing me along?
This girl, Daisy, has told me about a traumatic relationship in her past and I’ve thought about how her hesitance to get more serious with me could be due to that experience.
At the same time, part of me wonders if she’s just not that into me and making excuses to avoid hurting my feelings.
I wanted to discover the truth so I started digging.
Here’s what I found:
The top 15 signs she’s interested but taking it slow
1) She needs a lot of space and time to herself
Daisy has a lot of fun when we meet up, but she also needs a lot of time to herself.
I notice that after meeting up a couple times in the week she distances herself a bit and responds to texts more slowly. She once told me directly that she just wanted to spend a weekend alone working on a school project.
I’ve never really got the vibe that she’s brushing me off, it’s more like she’s in a more fragile state and needs more time to regain her energy and sociable self.
It can be easy to take this really personally when someone wants time and space away from you, but keep in mind that it’s often not about you.
And even when it is about you there are things you can do.
“In today’s world, you’ve got to know how to be the man that women really want to be with. If you don’t, women will break up with you after the initial lust has worn off, or when she gets to a point where she is sick and tired of not feeling enough respect and attraction for you.,” says relationship expert Dan Bacon.
“You have to get to the point where you don’t NEED need her in your life, but you do WANT her in your life. When your girlfriend sees that you don’t need her and have been improving yourself and moving forward in life, she will naturally begin to regain some of her respect and attraction for you. Then, she will begin to worry that she is losing a great man and will reach out and contact you in some way,” he adds.
2) She doesn’t want to sleep together too soon
There are many different reasons why a girl might not want to sleep with you too soon.
I used to believe it was best to just go for it, but now I increasingly respect the position of those who don’t want to get intimate too early.
Daisy told me she doesn’t agree that sleeping with someone is necessary to test the strength of your connection and I kind of see her point.
If anything, the waiting has increased the anticipation for if and when it finally happens.
That said, we definitely have chemistry and the fact that she wants to wait despite our high attraction for each tells me she’s interested but taking it slow.
3) She doesn’t initiate dates but she rarely turns them down either
Daisy and I have been seeing each other off and on for four months now and I’ve certainly noticed that she rarely initiates dates.
At first it bothered me, because I felt this was basically indifference on her part.
Now I see that she’s letting me take the lead. And I can also see that she’s obviously afraid to get hurt. This is one of the top signs she’s interested but taking it slow.
If she wasn’t into you at all why would she even respond or go on dates with you in the first place?
But it does also show she likes you but is not ready for a relationship just yet.
4) She doesn’t want to meet my family or friends yet
Like I wrote, we’ve only been dating for a few months. But I still offered on a couple occasions for her to come to my family’s place and meet my dad and brother.
Maybe she felt it was too much of a sausage-fest (my mom lives in a different city) but she politely declined.
She’s asked about my brother and other people in my family but never expressed a desire to meet them, at least not yet.
Frankly, I see no need to pressure her. She’s also asked about my friends, but in a more casual way, not in a “let’s hang out soon” way.
I can see that it’s her trying to learn more about me, not actually trying to shift into the next gear yet, and I respect that.
5) She’s up and down but apologizes for it
Daisy is anything but perfect. Luckily I learned long ago not to idolize girls I date and put them on a pedestal.
I treat her well and do pay for her meals and drinks on our dates, but I’ve never believed she’s some picture-perfect movie star love match.
Sometimes her mood is honestly pretty grating, and other times she’s really witty and charming. It does bother me, but I also know she said she’s been going through a lot with her job and breakup last year.
She’s also apologized to me on multiple occasions for her mood swings, which I appreciate.
Daisy even admitted to me that her volatility is one of the reasons she doesn’t know if she’s ready for a new relationship yet.
If you’re dating a girl who’s all over the map and whose mood fluctuates for no apparent reason, don’t take it personally and try to give her some space.
6) She makes some time for you but puts her priorities first
In addition to not initiating dates, Daisy has put other priorities first on many occasions.
Work, her college courses, even her friends.
She’s turned downtime with me to be with them and I admit it’s pissed me off a few times. But I just went and hung out with my friends as well.
I talked to her about it and she saw how it could make me feel unimportant or neglected, but I’ve also had to accept that it’s part of her hesitancy to get serious with me.
There’s going to be a “make or break” moment in the coming months, I can see that for sure.
Nonetheless, I’m willing to stick it out for now…
Anastasia Carter — who’s ghosted many guys herself — explains that one of the reasons can be as simple as the guy coming on too strong:
“Over-texting, lacking patience or appearing too keen gives the impression that you have nothing better to do than to wait for her to answer your message. Which is not cute.
Why? We want to feel like you want to spend time with us despite having full and busy lives! Not because you have nothing else going on…”
7) She’s interested to hear more about you but doesn’t react much
She asks about my family sometimes as I said and she’s also curious about my career and what I think about various issues.
That’s great, because I enjoy a good conversation with an attractive woman as much as the next guy.
She doesn’t react much and I’ve only made her laugh literally twice, but Daisy clearly has some interest in me at least, since she keeps being curious about my life.
8) Red flags make her visibly upset and worried
Red flags that come up have caused Daisy to visibly react and back off a bit.
It’s one of the biggest signs she’s interested but taking it slow:
She jumps back at the sign of danger or a bad match with you. If you’re lucky she keeps giving you a chance, if not it’s adios.
So…about that: yes I do smoke. And no I’m not trying to quit. Sorry, I like to smoke.
Daisy doesn’t. In fact she hates it.
And I could see the debate in her head about whether to never talk to me again when she saw me grab a cigarette one night outside the pub.
Hey, I gotta do me.
9) She wants to know more about your values and beliefs
I’m on a bit of an ongoing spiritual awakening myself. Yes, I do realize how douchey that sounds.
Daisy also laughed when I said it, but you know…gotta speak my truth and all…
The fact that her less pleasing behavior is still counterbalanced by these kinds of conversations reassures me.
I told her about my childhood and family background and about my currently evolving spiritual beliefs and she opened up a little about where she’s at and growing up in an evangelical church.
I love talking about religion and I’m glad that her and I are talking about this stuff.
It’s clear she’s interested but she wants to find out a little more about me and what I value and believe before she goes any further…
10) She’s hesitant to open up to you, but you can tell there’s more to her
Daisy has opened up a bit on some subjects including her religious upbringing and her family. But overall I’d have to say she’s still a real mystery to me.
What makes this girl tick?
How is someone so beautiful still single? (Just kidding, I’m not such an asshole that I actually think being single means something negative).
In fact, I know that being single can be one of the most empowering things we can do and be a time of growth and self-realization.
11) She’s more interested in improving her life than becoming part of yours
Daisy is really into juicing and she’s growing her own garden. I think it’s great and also I have tried her carrots and they are Grade A quality.
She’s also trying to lose weight and improve her fitness, although I don’t see anything wrong in that department.
Several times it’s been obvious to me that some of her goals, like fitness and a promotion she’s going for at work, seem to mean more to her than me.
I wasn’t thrilled, but I also kind of respect that she’s so focused on her goals and taking it slow on romance.
12) She enjoys physical intimacy but pulls back before it goes further
As I wrote, Daisy has been clear with me that she wants to take it slow in the bedroom department and I’m OK with that.
Really, I am.
But she also pulls back during intimacy like kissing and my wandering hands have had a rude awakening a few times when she pushes me away.
I haven’t taken it personally and I interpreted it as her setting boundaries on herself until she’s sure about where she wants to take things with me.
13) Talk about things getting more serious turns her off
The few times that talk of the future comes up, Daisy pulls away.
When you’re dating someone who’s taking it slow you will generally notice that any form of pressure makes them want to bolt.
If you’re still dating non-exclusively and open to seeing other people, then it’s way too early to try to start with any talk about the future.
But if you’re now only seeing each other it can be a good time to see if you might be ready to launch into the next phase.
Danielle Directo-Meston spills the beans about this, writing that:
“When you’ve decided to be exclusive, you might treat each other as serious partners without the weight of a full-on relationship.
Take time to get to know your partner and understand their values, romantic desires, and interests to ensure they align with yours. It’s also a time for exploring what life would be like together—go on dates, try new things, and be vulnerable with your thoughts or concerns.”
14) She’s frequently more affectionate with you after time apart
After we spend four or five days without texting much or seeing each other I can noticeably see that Daisy is a fresher, brighter version of herself.
I thought maybe it’s because I was coming on too strong, but one of the most important things I’ve learned about romance is that sensitive people like me tend to over-interpret other people’s actions as directed at them.
When the truth is most of us are living a lot in our own little universe and rarely are specifically directing things at someone else on purpose.
Daisy even initiated a kiss once after a week apart. Maybe there’s hope for us yet…
15) She lights up around you but then pulls back
As I said, I’ve only made Daisy laugh a couple of times but even her smiles give me a bit of a buzz.
I have to work hard for them, though. She sometimes lights up around me when I tell a joke or compliment her but then I notice she pulls back quickly and seems to retreat into a kind of emotional shell.
That’s her being into me but also still being scared and not ready to open herself fully to me.
Like I wrote, our make-or-break moment is up ahead around the bend and I’m not going to wait on pause forever, but the small signs of life from her are at least a bit encouraging…
So is she interested or just stringing me along?
My end conclusion is that Daisy is interested in me but she isn’t sure how strongly she feels and she’s been hurt badly in the past.
For that reason, she’s taking things slow and avoiding jumping into a serious relationship.
I respect that, and it can actually be a good thing since it will require me to exercise patience, a quality which is not always my strongest suit.
If you’re wondering whether she’s into you or not then consult the list…
The 15 signs she’s interested but taking it slow can tell you a lot about her behavior and help you make a judgment call on whether to continue dating.
Good luck out there, my friend.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
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