A long-term relationship, more so a marriage, is an adventure filled with exhilarating peaks and challenging valleys.
There’s just something so magical about discovering your other half, the Bonnie to your Clyde, someone who fits you in a way that feels like home.
But beyond those sparks and chemistry, you need to make sure that this woman you’re choosing to build a life with is not just worth dating, but also marrying.
The concept of a “high-quality woman” worth marrying is multi-faceted – transcending beyond the confines of physical attractiveness, material wealth, and social status.
She’s a woman of depth and substance that reverberates far beyond the surface.
She knows how to take care of herself; she doesn’t need a man to validate her and make her happy.
1) She Has a Life Outside of Your Relationship
This is a story I hear far too often: Boy and girl fall in love – they’re with each other 24/7 – one falls out of love because they feel suffocated by the relationship.
They lose their sense of individuality. They don’t have any other identity aside from being a significant other.
This is a scenario you wouldn’t want to be in, especially if you’re already in a marriage.
When you’re committed to a high-quality woman, you’ll notice that her days don’t revolve around you; she has ambitions, hobbies, and dreams free from the constraints of your relationship.
However, this doesn’t mean that she won’t invest time and effort into you.
She’s able to balance her commitments, understanding while you’re an important part of her life, you’re not her entire life.
Being a girlfriend (or a mom) isn’t her only personality.
2) She Sets a Standard for How She Expects to Be Treated
A high-quality woman has a strong sense of self-worth.
She sets clear boundaries, practices self-care, and lets others know that she expects the same respect in return.
Boundaries are a litmus test to a relationship’s quality – they may feel uncomfortable to establish at first, but it makes everyone happier in the long-run.
One thing I like to incorporate in my own relationships is using “I” statements. I feel unheard. I felt disrespected when you did that.
You can keep yelling if you want, but I choose not to be in your presence when you act that way.
This is my way of setting boundaries so that my partner knows that I value myself.
3) She Makes Her Dreams a Reality
A high-quality woman isn’t just a dreamer, she’s a doer.
She’ll bend over backwards, heads down, grind tirelessly to turn her dreams into reality.
She knows how to follow through. Her passion is infectious. Just a heads up for those who are planning to marry this type of girl: You need to know how to keep up.
If she’s committed to building a life with you, you better make sure that you’re just as committed as her – there’s no room for slacking.
These types of women also need some reminding from time to time.
For instance, I once daydreamed of starting my own café in my hometown. I learned how to bake pastries, saved up for my venture, and relentlessly worked towards my goal.
However, it reached a point where I forgot to spend quality time with my significant other (who’s also my business partner).
Good thing he reminded me that it’s okay to relax. Rest is part of the process.
4) She Takes Care of Herself
She knows that she can’t pour from an empty cup – which is why she makes time to take care of her physical, mental, and emotional health.
She needs to be in her best shape to face the challenges that may arise in the journey of life, marriage, and parenthood.
When you’re with someone who takes care of themselves, they tend to bring positivity and energy into the relationship. Rest assured that their happiness won’t depend on you.
By making sure her needs are met, she’s less likely to get overwhelmed and thus has the capacity to take care of the household, especially during the times when you don’t feel like you can be your best self.
In the larger scheme of things, she’ll also set a positive example for your kids who will then grow up knowing that it’s not selfish to take care of themselves.
5) She Focuses on Finding Solutions, Not Blaming or Dwelling on the Problem
She doesn’t deviate from solutions. Instead of playing victim or the blame game, a high-quality woman takes a proactive approach.
She focuses her energy on what could be done to solve the issue and prevent its recurrence.
For example, when I’m having a bad day, whether it’s due to my professional life or personal relationships, I become easily irritated towards my partner – when he had nothing to do with what went wrong.
So when things start to escalate, I process my emotions and figure out why I suddenly feel like a short fuse.
I never blame him for not being more understanding. After all – and this is a reminder for all the women out there – he can’t read my mind.
6) Her Growth Mindset Inspires You
Her growth mindset is nothing short of inspirational.
She’s constantly seeking opportunities for self-improvement (e.g., workshops, gym workouts, cooking lessons, books) and isn’t afraid to step out of her comfort zone.
In the context of parenthood, this outlook entails that she’s constantly striving to be a better mother and wife, seeing every challenge as an opportunity to learn.
When I first became a mother, I was inundated with responsibilities and problems that I had never encountered before.
And like most new parents, I found myself overwhelmed and second-guessing my capabilities; however, as someone with a growth mindset, I saw this challenging phase as an opportunity to evolve.
I read more books about parenting, attended workshops, and was not afraid to ask for help when I needed it.
7) She Can Remain Calm Under Pressure
High-pressure situations are inevitable in life; they’re even impossible to dodge, especially during parenthood when you have a toddler crying for hours on end because you took away their iPad.
That’s why it’s important for you to look for a partner that won’t lose their cool during a crisis.
This trait also means that she’s reliable.
In emotionally charged situations, you can count on her to stay composed and think rationally, providing valuable support.
Her calm demeanor can also pacify others. This calmness under pressure signifies her emotional maturity, a crucial element for a lasting and fulfilling marriage.
8) She Understands Your Love Language
There are five types of love languages: acts of service, receiving gifts, physical touch, words of affirmation, and quality time.
Before committing yourself to anyone, it’s important to know what makes you feel the most loved, as well as how your partner wants to receive love.
You might be showering your partner with words of affirmation, only to find out that they don’t appreciate it as much as they would when you spend quality time together.
When I had my first boyfriend in my early 20s, I had never heard of the term “love language”.
All I knew about dating was that it’s important that you spoil each other with gifts – so I bet you can already tell that this relationship didn’t last very long.
It took me a few more situationships before I learned that adapting to someone’s love language is necessary for relationship longevity. Not everyone feels loved the same way as you do.
9) You’re Both on the Same Page
One of the most common mistakes couples make is not being aligned in terms of values, life goals, and perspectives on key issues.
They don’t have open and honest conversations early enough to check if they’re heading in the same direction.
For instance, if one person wants kids but the other doesn’t, the relationship is doomed to fail in the long-run.
Before marrying someone, no matter how amazing they may seem, please do yourself a favor and make sure that you’re building a life with someone who has a shared vision for the future.
You might end up with resentment, or even worse, have kids brought up in a dysfunctional household.
If you think it’s going to be an uncomfortable conversation, it’s probably a conversation worth having.