10 unfortunate signs she wants to break up but doesn’t know how (and how to respond)

You’ve been noticing a change in your relationship.

On one hand, you can’t help but wonder if she’s pulling away. But on the other hand, it could just be that the New Relationship Energy had run its course and she’s simply settled into the relationship.

Or maybe she’s simply facing problems that have gotten her depressed and stuck.

Well, it’s better to find out for sure so you can still do something about it before she just drops the “break up” bomb right to your face.

Without further ado, here are ten signs a woman wants to break up but is still figuring out how to do it.

1) She has become a whiner.

She complains about everything.

Well, everything related to you and your relationship anyway. Not with others. She’s totally nice and appreciative of everyone else.

She probably does this because deep inside, she’s hurt, and this hurt has turned into resentment.

Maybe you haven’t asked her out on a proper date for a long while even if she kept dropping hints that she’d love to try a restaurant. Maybe she found out you’re flirting with a co-worker and is waiting for you to confess about it.

If she’s not the confrontational type, her resentment will surface in other things—usually in very small things that make you think “what the heck is wrong with this woman?!”

If she’s annoyed that you passed the mayo when she clearly said ketchup, she’s not really annoyed by you passing the mayo, she’s annoyed that you still haven’t taken her out on a date.

2) She has stopped saying “I love you”.

Gone are the days that she used to “bother” you by saying too many I love yous in a day.

It’s always you initiating it and when she does reply, it feels forced. She mumbles it or says it but doesn’t look you in the eye. You know something’s off because you know how she says it when she’s in love.

Watch out for this one. This happened to me with my ex and months later, we broke up.

If your girl is a genuine person, it will be really hard for her to lie to you—to say she loves you when she doesn’t anymore— just to stay in a relationship.

Expect that if she’s already at this point, she’s preparing to break up with you already.

No genuine person wants to keep lying, especially not to themselves.

3) She’s been reminding you of how unhappy she is…and then it stopped.

Most women are fixers.

Before they check out of the relationship completely, they’ll try with all of their might to make things better.

They’ll always try to give you one more chance, until they can’t give anymore.

Part of her “fixing” is by communicating to you what she thinks isn’t working great in your relationship.

Did your girlfriend or wife tell you that she’s unhappy?  I hope you took it seriously.

Maybe she did but you just dismissed it as her usual “drama”, or you tried changing for a few days then reverted to your usual self days later.

If this has been going on for a while now, then chances are she’s given up already and has already “broken up” with you emotionally. She’s probably just preparing the logistics before she breaks it to you.

4) She spends way more time with her friends.

Female friendships are special. They cling to each other as if they’re family…that is, until they get a boyfriend.

When your relationship was doing great, her date nights with friends were slowly being replaced by your date nights. Trust me, I know so many female friends who are like this. We’ve come to accept it as something normal.

If your girl is back full-on with her girl gang, to the point she’d pick a night with them over a night with you, then something’s up.

Unless there’s a reason for them to be together often, your girl might be spending more time with them to pour her heart out and to ask for their advice (probably on how to break up with you).

And of course, she wants to be with them to breathe—to escape from your relationship.

5) She’s not curious about your life anymore.

She used to be interested in you and everything that you do. She used to ask about your parents, your friends, your latest score of your favorite game. She was a bit annoying in a cute way.

Most women naturally want intimacy—to feel like you belong to each other and are part of each other’s worlds—and most of them do this by communicating…a lot.

If your girlfriend stops getting curious about you, maybe it’s because she doesn’t care anymore.

Of course, she won’t be so rude. She’d nod and ask a short question when you share something. But that’s all you can get from her. No enthusiasm or twinkly eyes whatsoever.

She probably thinks that it’s useless to know things about you when she will be leaving you soon anyway.

6) She’s no longer a green-eyed monster.

She used to get jealous when a girl talked to you.

But now?

She’s a-ok with it.

Heck, she doesn’t even care so much if the girl is whispering to your ear!

She might even be praying that you’d cheat so it’s easy for her to leave because she can finally leave you without feeling guilty. You’ll be the “bad guy” for doing it, after all.

When a jealous girl stops being jealous, it’s either she’s matured (in that case, congrats) or that she’s stopped caring about you and your relationship.

7) Relationship talk has stopped completely.

When a couple stops talking when there’s obviously something to talk about, it’s a sign that they’re about to break up.

And you know there’s still a chance that a girl still has feelings for you when she’s still willing to talk about your relationship.

If your girl stops talking about your relationship when she used to initiate it a lot in the past, she’s checked out…like a decade ago.

That simply means she no longer wants to be in the same team as you.

She has quit.

She’s probably processed her grief and is now working on herself. To her, she’d rather not deal with the issues in your relationship because it’s hopeless. She’s tried many times in the past and it all amounted to nothing.

When she’s reached this point, breaking up is not a matter of “if”, but a matter of “when” for her.

8) She’s undergone a total makeover.

When someone wants to break up with you, they prepare everything before they tell you about it. That means they’ll prepare themselves psychologically, logistically, emotionally and even physically.

If your girl has done most of the things listed above and she has suddenly changed her haircut, her taste in movies and music, her ways of doing things…then she’s probably ready to go.

It could also be her way to detach from the relationship. If she wants out yet she still can’t do it sooner, then she’d change what she can.

She wants to have a rebirth because it’s something that she has control over.

And once everything lines up and it becomes easier for her to break up, she will. And by that time, she’s already way over you.

9) She’s no longer your sidekick.

You used to be a great team.

When one of you is in need, the other will soon be there to help.

When others would try to tear you down, both of you would come together to fight back.

You felt lucky. Not only did you find someone to love, you found your partner in crime!

But now, that’s all gone. In fact, she even sides with your “enemies” sometimes. At first she might say something like “Maybe they have a point” and later on say things like “Well, of course they’re right. I told you that you should do better!”

It’s been happening more often now, and you can’t help but wonder why.

Maybe you had lost her trust and respect. Maybe she has come to resent you. Or maybe she can see clearly now that she’s not in love—that perhaps your enemies do have a point.

It’s hard to say for sure, but it pays to keep an open mind going forward.

10) She’s like an empty shell.

Being with her just feels very different now.

She laughs and talks with you but you can tell that she’s not really happy. You can tell that she’s just faking everything to not rock the boat while she prepares her life line.

You can tell by the way she moves. She’s with you but she’s actually somewhere else.

And when you make love? Well, you might as well be sleeping with a rock. It feels like she’s simply going through the motions now.

The girlfriend that you used to know is long gone. What you’re left with is just an empty shell.

There’s no life and passion to be found inside her—just a remnant of who she used to be.

Pay close attention and awaken your senses. You can feel it even without the other signs mentioned in this list.


If all of these signs make you think of your girl, then act fast. You might lose her if you dawdle.

But at the same time, you can’t afford to act hastily or carelessly, so hold your horses. The wrong move might just push her further away from you instead.

So take a moment to sit down, think, and plan your moves.

1) Ask yourself if you really want to fix the relationship.

Sometimes, we just get sentimental when something ends even though deep inside we know it’s the right thing that should happen.

Maybe you really are incompatible or maybe you’ve been doing your share in the relationship but she really doesn’t acknowledge it.

Reflect. Focus on yourself before you think about saving the relationship.

Ask yourself the following questions:

  • Do I really love her or am I just staying just to be in a relationship?
  • Do I have the capacity and energy to work on my part in the relationship?
  • Do I see us being together five or ten years from now?
  • Is it worth the trouble?
  • Are we better off being friends instead?
  • Am I truly what she wants in a partner?

2) If yes, have an honest to goodness talk with her.

Okay, so you have decided that you want to convince her to stay. Prepare yourself, because it’s not going to be easy and there’s a good chance you’ll end up hurt.

But you’re willing to take a shot, so keep the following in mind:

  • Don’t accuse her of wanting to leave you right off the bat. Instead, address how you feel like she’s become more distant and ask her what’s wrong.
  • Apologize for what you have done wrong, and let her vent her frustrations at you.
  • Try to understand her reasons for wanting to leave you, and think about if you can do something about them.
  • Ask her if she’s willing to give you one more chance if you try to improve, and tell her that if she wants to leave you’re willing to let her go.
  • Tell her exactly how you plan on addressing your issues.
  • Don’t play the blame game. Don’t try to blame her for not doing enough, or go overboard with blaming yourself. Just acknowledge your own mistakes.
  • Don’t involve her friends and family to pressure her into staying. She’ll only resent you more.
  • Don’t beg or plead. Her opinion of you is already low, and she doesn’t need you to bring it down even lower—act with dignity

3) Recommit fully if she’s willing to make it work, give her space if she’s not.

It’s not a guarantee that you’ll manage to get her to agree. Thankfully, with some help from professional coaches, you’ll be able to boost your chances.

But say that she agrees to giving you another try. Good! Now it’s time for you to honor any promises you have made.

  • Earn her trust. She has the right to be wary about you.
  • When it comes to the promises you have made, focus not on the letter, but the spirit of the promise.
  • Don’t be afraid to go above and beyond what you were asked for, just make sure your heart is into it.
  • Remember her boundaries. Her being your girlfriend is not a free pass to ignore her boundaries.

But when she says no, then don’t force her to change her mind or to pester her in hopes that she’ll say that she was wrong. She made her choice.

  • You don’t have to unfriend or unfollow her on social media if she doesn’t want you, but avoid doing things that would imply that you’re still together.
  • Avoid posting pictures of your happy times together, even if you don’t mention her outright, in hopes that she’ll remember.
  • Don’t bring up the topic again, or allude to it unless she mentions it first.
  • Give her space. Don’t invite yourself into the places and events she goes to unless she invites you in herself.

Want advice specific to your situation?

When you see the signs that your girlfriend is about to break up with you, you have to act fast and make the right moves.

While this article explores the main signs that your girlfriend wants to break up with you, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.

With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice specific to your life and your experiences.

Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations, like trying to figure out if she’s trying to break up with you, and how to win her back.

They’re a very popular resource for people facing this sort of challenge.

How do I know?

Well, I reached out to them a few months ago when I was going through a tough patch in my own relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

My relationship improved tremendously thanks to their guidance.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

Click here to get started.


It’s sad to see the signs that the love of your life wants to break up.

But I’d like to comfort you by reminding you that this happens in a lot of relationships—even the healthiest ones.

You just have to spot the signs sooner so you can still reel her back in and recommit to your relationship.

What you have right now is time—she’s still with you after all—so use your time wisely to win her over before she finally sets a foot out the door. Who knows, you being proactive in winning her back is what she’s been waiting for all along.

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Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. Check out my latest book on the Hidden Secrets of Buddhism and How it Saved My Life. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Twitter.

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