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12 alarming signs she’s trying to impress someone else (and what you can do about it)

There is no worse feeling in the world than when you start feeling that your partner is detaching herself from you.

It’s a slow but gradual process: one morning she stops giving you a kiss before she leaves; one night she stops caring about how you look on a date; one day she stops leaving things in your place.

And you can’t help but wonder: is there someone new turning her head?

Being blindsided right at the end of the relationship can be a punch in the gut, so it helps to try to figure out if there’s another man ahead of time.

Here are 12 signs that your partner is trying to impress someone else:

1) She’s Being Serious With Her Exercise

Nothing wrong with trying to better yourself, starting with your body, right? Of course not.

Exercise is always a great thing to think about — feel better and look better at the same time.

And maybe you and your partner have always dabbled a bit in exercise, exercising consistently yet on and off.

But these days, it’s like your partner is training for the Olympics.

Her gym routine is like her Bible, with an absolute dedication to making sure she goes to the gym and gets her workout in.

It would be less suspicious if she was trying to get you involved as well, but if she couldn’t care less whether you exercise or not while she’s become a gym rat, then that’s a giant red flag.

2) She’s Eating Healthier

They say that the perfect body is 90% kitchen, 10% gym.

So as much as she’s started seriously working out, she’s also started seriously watching what she eats.

She’s tracking her macros like there’s no tomorrow, and you can’t remember you saw a sugary drink in her fridge.

She’s even sacrificing yummy meals with you, focusing more on her meal prep than having a good dinner with her boyfriend.

And again, there’s nothing wrong with any of this.

It just becomes suspicious when she doesn’t even try to help you with your diet.

It’s almost as if she’s preparing for her next life — a life that has nothing to do with you — with her next partner.

3) She’s Become Emotionally Detached Lately

When your partner starts having feelings for another person, it’s just natural that her feelings for you will start to diminish.

And our emotions are one thing that we can’t easily fake, especially if we spend plenty of time with a person.

Seeing that your partner isn’t acting the same way, isn’t as playful as she once was, can hurt a lot.

Feeling someone’s heart slowly cut you out is one of the worst feelings in the world.

You will know long before she musters the courage to admit it.

4) Her Routines Have Suddenly Changed

Humans are creatures of habit. When we fall into a set of routines, we stick to them, simply because it’s the easiest way for us to build stability and thrive.

So it’s not often that a set of routines suddenly has a radical shift, and it’s usually more enforced than voluntary.

This means that our routines usually only change when something in our lives has forced them to change.

So if her routines have gone from A to Z almost overnight, and her reasons are just things like, “Oh I just wanted to try something new”, then you almost definitely have a reason to be concerned.

You don’t throw a spanner in the engine of your life for no good reason — and a new man she’s interested in can be a good enough reason for her.

5) She’s Not “Trying” Romantically Anymore

There’s only so much romantic energy you can have inside of you.

And if you’re spending half your day mentally sending those romantic vibes to another person, the last thing you want to do is come home to a partner expecting your romantic affection.

So if she’s smart, she’ll get ahead of your accusations that she’s not being romantic and excuse her lack of intimacy by saying that she’s tired from work, or she’s got so many new projects or classes, or that her new boss is a jerk.

She’ll say whatever she can say that will make sense because in her head the relationship is already on a timer and she just has to wait it out until it ends.

6) Her Friends Have Become Distant To You

If your partner suddenly has a new beau in her headlights, then her closest friends are guaranteed to know about it.

And whether or not they agree with her semi-pursuing another man while still being in a relationship with you, they’ll have her back and begin to distance themselves from you.

The easiest way to find out if this is the case is to try to set some friendly dates with her friend who liked you most.

See if she’ll bite, and if she does, do your best to let her know your feelings lately — the emotionally distancing and everything else — and she might just spill the tea right then and there.

7) She’s Buying New Clothes That You Never See Her Wear

How many times have you seen your partner go shopping over the last few weeks or months, or even visited her place to see fresh shopping bags of clothing brands laying about?

It’s her life and her money, of course, and she’s free to do what she wants with them.

But as her partner, shouldn’t you be seeing at least some of these new outfits when you’re out on dates?

But you can’t remember the last time you saw her in something new (let alone while out on a date).

So you do have to wonder — where are these new outfits being worn? Is it to impress someone else, someone new?

8) She’s Become Territorial Over Her Gadgets

Privacy and space are always important.

But over time, maybe you and your partner have become more liberal with using each other’s stuff.

Maybe you’ve used each other’s phones to order food delivery, or you’ve used each other’s laptops to search random things on Google.

But these days, privacy suddenly seems to be a much more important concern for her than convenience.

Her passwords have changed, her gadgets always seem to be tucked away, and whenever you even look at her phone, she makes you feel like you’re being too invasive.

This sudden behavior change is nothing short of suspicious.

9) Something In Her Life Recently Changed

When we settle into our day-to-day lives, we meet a bunch of people and then that’s it.

When you go to a new school, or new job, or new gym or anywhere else where you spend time, the initial crop of new people you meet is usually everyone you’ll know.

So ask yourself: has your girlfriend recently changed a big thing in her life?

Is she going through a new term and load of classes, or has she recently gotten a new job?

This means that a ton of fresh strangers have entered her life — and one of those strangers might be the guy who has captured her gaze.

10) You Don’t Know What’s Going On With Her Anymore

When was the last time you actually had a real conversation with your partner?

It might’ve been days, if not weeks ago.

You spend time together, but you’re not actually “together”.

It seems like she always has to run off to another thing, or she’s waiting for an important email or text, or she’s bogged down at work or classes or friends.

You fell in love with your partner because you loved the way you felt with her, and you loved knowing everything going on in her life.

But these days you’re only given broad strokes of her life, rather than intimately precise details.

Why? Because she’s checked out, and her head has been turned.

11) She Viciously Accuses You of Cheating On Her

It’s not easy carrying around the weight of cheating — even if the cheating is just in your mind.

That guilt can eat at your subconscious, no matter how emotionally in control you might be.

Which is why people usually end up doing something known as “projection”, where we accuse another person of doing exactly what we’re doing, just to make ourselves feel better about doing it.

So if your partner has suddenly become nasty or vicious in her accusations of you checking out or flirting with other women, this might be a sign that she’s doing it herself.

We use projection as a tool to make ourselves feel better but also to distract from what we may be doing, but it can also be one of your biggest red flags.

12) Her Language Has New Additions

Perhaps one of the most subtle hints, but also one of the most damning.

The language we use — our day-to-day words and vernacular — is mostly influenced by the people around us.

All it takes is one new charismatic person who says “Gosh darn” in an office for everyone to start doing it in just a few weeks.

So if you’ve noticed that she’s added a few words or phrases to her casual conversation, you have to wonder — where did those words come from?

Maybe your partner has suddenly started using “dude” or “yo” a lot, even if you’d never heard those from her in years of being together.

The unfortunate reality is that we mirror the language of the people we’re attracted to, even when they’re not around; so who is she mirroring?

If she’s impressing someone else, what can you do about it?

Now the question is, what can you do about it?

If she’s trying to impress someone else, then it’s obvious that she is not as attracted to you ad she used to be.

But if you want to get her to commit over the long haul to you, then you need to improve your conversational skills.

That’s what women really want in a man.

Women are interested in guys who can actually talk about something.

It doesn’t matter if you’re into movies, video games, sports, politics, or food – the point is to have topics in your arsenal that you feel comfortable with.

You don’t have to be the smartest guy in the room to be a great conversationalist.

If you have something passionate about (bonus points if she has no idea what it is), share it with her and use it as a conversation point.

It lets her know that you have your own set of interests and hobbies, making you look more interesting.

If you’re struggling to find things to talk about with a girl, seek out a personal connection between the two of you.

It could be something as innocuous as you both like diet Sprite or that you grew up in the same neighborhood. It honestly doesn’t matter.

Developing a seemingly small personal connection off the bat is the perfect icebreaker and generates an instant bond between the two of you.

Even if you leave the room, she’ll remember you and the conversation will stick in her head.

Let’s face it: Initial conversations with women can be tough. However, you can turn a potential awkward moment into a moment of connection simply by finding common ground with them.

I learned this technique from Kate Spring. I mentioned her above. She’s a best selling author and is considered to be one of the best dating coaches in the world.

Kate’s created a free online video where she gives you several techniques like this guaranteed to help you better attract women.

Watch the video here. It’s 100% free and there are no strings attached.

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Written by Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Twitter.

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