Sex with a new partner for the first time can be pretty nerve-wracking.
You never know what to expect and can worry about what she’ll expect from you too.
You may wonder how much experience she’s had and how you will measure up to previous lovers.
What are the signs she is sexually experienced? And exactly how do you handle that?
How do you tell if a girl has slept with a lot of guys?
The reality is that there isn’t a way to tell how many sexual partners anyone has had. And the truth is that it really shouldn’t matter.
If you like someone and they like you, what matters is your connection, rather than any previous sexual encounters they may have had in the past.
Being sexually experienced actually has very little to do with how many sexual partners you have had.
It’s everything to do with the level of maturity around sex and physical intimacy that you show.
A woman may have only had one sexual partner during a long-term relationship and still show more sexual experience than someone who has slept with dozens of different guys.
The bottom line is that experience is less about the number and more about the attitude she has to sex.
How do you know if a girl is sexually experienced? 25 signs to look out for
1) She knows what she wants
Experience isn’t about how many partners you have had. It isn’t about being totally wild in the bedroom (although it can be). It isn’t about being a total vixen.
One of the clearer signs of a woman’s sexual experience is when she already knows what she likes.
This shows a certain level of sexual maturity. She has discovered what does it for her and what turns her on.
After all, unless you are aware of your own body and comfortable with it, it’s difficult to have this sort of self-knowledge about your own preferences.
2) She doesn’t just lie there
One of those sex pet peeves that guys complain about is a girl who just lies back during sex. Motionless and uninvolved, it feels like a one-sided sexual encounter.
Rather than being a reflection of being bad in bed, it can be down to a lack of sexual experience.
If it’s all fairly new to her, she may not know what she should be doing, or feel intimidated about taking more of an active role.
The more sexually experienced a woman is, the more she tends to participate in sex. The more she is likely to move her body, or switch positions.
3) She’s not afraid to touch you
**Obvious point alert** But guys and girls have very different equipment.
Neither sexes come with an instruction manual. So when you are just starting out in your sexual journey you have to figure out what to do with parts that you’re quite frankly not used to.
A woman who has some sexual experience under her belt won’t be shy in confidently touching you. And not just down your pants. She’s not afraid of physical contact full stop.
She won’t shy away from physical touch or physical intimacy.
4) She’ll tell you what she likes
How do you know if someone is experienced in bed? One of the clearest signs is that they have found their voice.
Talking about sex can be intimidating for sure. Especially when you’re still getting to know the other person.
A woman who is able to say what she needs and wants from you has a lot of sexual maturity.
As one guy put it on Reddit:
“Experienced women know exactly what they want and how they want it. They are not afraid to communicate their desires in a clear way. Inexperienced women usually don’t know how to ask for what they want. This creates miscommunication between partners. But, if the woman is open and honest about what she wants, it should not matter. Any man who cares for his partner will do whatever possible to make sure she has a good time.”
5) She’ll speak up when she doesn’t like something (and tell you how to fix it)
As a follow-on to the above sign, an experienced woman won’t just let you know when she likes something, she’s going to tell you when she doesn’t too.
It can feel easier to give positive feedback. Negative feedback, especially when it’s over such a sensitive subject as sex, needs to be handled well.
An experienced woman will know how to give constructive feedback. She won’t just tell you what’s not working for her. She will explain why and what to do instead.
6) She’s open to experimentation
So you think you’ve tried everything there is to try in bed? Well guess again.
Sexually experienced girls can be more open to experimentation. Perhaps she’s learned that you never really know what works until you try it. That’s true whether you’re talking about food, music, or sex.
There’s always more to learn. And an experienced woman in the bedroom won’t be afraid to be the one to suggest trying something new either.
Even when she’s not down for trying something out, or she knows she already doesn’t like it, she won’t make you feel bad for bringing it up.
7) She’ll look you in the eye
Eye contact is important. It’s a way for us to connect with one another and it highlights desire.
But it can also feel intense. A direct gaze can make you feel under the spotlight. But it can also heighten a connection and add extra sexual intensity.
It’s funny how we may be able to take our clothes off and have sex with someone, but be scared to look them in the eye whilst we do it.
It takes a certain level of confidence and comfort to make sustained eye contact in the bedroom. This is why it’s a sure-fire sign of a sexually experienced and mature woman.
8) She’s happy to take the lead during sex
A sexually experienced woman will be happy to change sexual position, direct you where she wants you, or slow down the speed when you start to get a bit overzealous.
It’s not about taking over, but her experience has given her the confidence to take control as and when she wants or needs to.
She won’t leave all the work to you. She is perfectly happy to call the shots between the sheets.
9) She initiates intimacy
The act of initiating physical intimacy is a big deal in a relationship.
But outdated sexual stereotypes that pin men as the more sexually assertive and women as sexually passive can mean that initiation is often left to us guys.
An experienced woman won’t feel shy or intimidated to initiate sex or physical contact. She doesn’t feel the need to wait for a man to heat things up. She feels confident enough to assert what she wants.
Having an experienced woman who is happy to initiate sex is a huge positive for a relationship.
Research shows that sexual satisfaction is higher in relationships when both partners initiated equally or when women at least sometimes initiated sex.
10) She won’t be pressured
A sexually experienced woman has firm boundaries. She isn’t afraid to say no to the things she does not want to do.
She won’t feel obliged to go along with something just because you suggest it, or because she knows you want to.
She won’t put up with a man trying to put pressure on or manipulate her into something she isn’t comfortable with (which obviously, shouldn’t be happening anyway).
Her clear sexual boundaries will ultimately work in your favor. It means you are free to ask her what she likes and doesn’t like without feeling guilty or uncomfortable that she might not want to.
11) She’s not embarrassed to talk about sex
I have a motto in the bedroom. If you can’t talk about it, you probably shouldn’t be doing it.
Conversations about sex are important.
You need to be able to express to one another your preferences, and your concerns. You need to be able to talk about any awkward stuff that might happen.
You need to be able to have honest and clear conversations around consent. You need to be able to discuss certain body parts and normal bodily functions.
But the truth is that all of this can feel awkward to anyone. And most certainly has felt awkward on plenty of occasions.
It’s only through experience and developing sexual maturity that it gets any easier. This is why being able to talk freely about sex is a sure sign of her experience.
12) She doesn’t have “rules” around when to have sex
One of the ultimate signs of sexual maturity is doing what works for you. It’s easy to get hung up on social expectations or “do’s” and “don’t” about sex.
One area where this can happen in particular is creating rules about when you should be having sex. But a sexually experienced woman isn’t hung up on other people’s rule book or timetable.
She doesn’t care if you decide to get intimate on the first date or the fiftieth. When it’s right, it’s right.
What matters is that you are both on the same page, and what you decide to do together feels good for both of you.
13) She knows what she’s doing
A bit of a giveaway of a sexually experienced woman is when she really seems to know what she’s doing.
If you’ve already had sex and she has moves that blow your mind, let’s face it, they weren’t programmed into her, she’s learned them.
Trial and error are how most of us get good at anything.
So if she’s experimenting with different techniques then chances are she’s pretty confident in her ability to please you.
14) She laughs off the awkward moments
Laughter in the bedroom is a tricky thing to navigate well. For example, nervous laughter can very quickly kill the mood and is often a reflection of feeling uncomfortable.
But sex is never as glamourous or seamless as it is in the movies. And when those painfully awkward moments arrive during sex (and they always do at some point), the ability to laugh it off and not take it all so seriously is a big sign of experience.
As 32-year-old Hope DuFour, points out to the LA Times:
“To be able to laugh at how your body looks and how your body sounds in the bedroom with someone you have been with for years brings you closer and heightens the level of trust,” said DuFour, who has been married for seven years. “And it goes beyond the bedroom. It means you trust each other that much that you can be vulnerable, and that you can give and take a tease.”
15) She doesn’t feel the need to perform for you
The truth is that most of us have some very unrealistic expectations about real-life sexual encounters.
Perhaps it’s an overly romanticized image from Holywood or an unrealistic myth about what real women are like from watching porn.
In fact, there’s even a campaign to bring awareness around porn to school children, so that they understand it is “scripted and dramatized” rather than a reflection of what real sex will be like.
Sex should never be a performance, but many girls will feel the pressure to do so, bringing an element of artificiality to the intimacy.
But a sexually experienced woman won’t feel the need to put on a show.
She won’t extravagantly moan just for appearances, or artificially angle herself. In short, she’s not going to fake it.
16) She’s comfortable in her own skin
An experienced woman is more likely to feel confident naked.
I remember the first time I ever had sex, and she had a blanket covering most of her body. It wasn’t because she didn’t like her body, she just wasn’t used to anyone seeing her naked.
The more experienced and confident a woman is sexually, then the less likely she is to be desperately trying to hide parts of herself.
17) She reacts to your body language
A sexually experienced girl will probably be better at reading your signs.
She’s likely to know when you are trying to be flirty and when you are trying to make a move.
That’s because women are highly tuned into the signals a man’s body is giving off…
In fact, they even get an “overall impression” of a guy’s attractiveness and think of him as either “hot” or “not” based on these body language signals.
Kate’s a relationship expert who helped me improve my own body language around women.
In this free video, she gives you several body language techniques like this guaranteed to help you better attract women.
18) She knows how to tease
The art of teasing is actually very subtle.
It’s less about overtly sexy things, like lingerie. It’s about the build-up and knowing when to do what you’re doing.
It’s progressive and taps into the mood. It’s flirty, playful and fun but holds back just enough to drive you wild.
Teasing is about building up anticipation and desire. Being able to do that is a very strong sign of experience in between the sheets.
19) She won’t let someone else define her sexuality
Terms like “slut” or “hoe” are not part of a sexually mature woman’s vocabulary.
She sees them for the patriarchal BS they are and isn’t going to let someone else define her sexuality.
She will refuse to be shamed for the number of sexual partners she may or may not have had.
She isn’t judging her man over the number of people he has or hasn’t had sex with, and she expects the same in return.
20) She isn’t afraid to focus on her own pleasure
A sexually experienced woman knows how to take responsibility for her own pleasure.
She realizes that her sexual experience starts in her own mind and it’s up to her to make sure her needs get met.
She will offer ideas about what to do in bed. She isn’t afraid to put her pleasure before yours.
As this man explained it on Reddit:
“The moment they understand they have responsibility for their own pleasure (as in being in the now, doing their stuff and communicating properly), that’s when the sex gets amazing. I’ve been with women who just lied there thinking about next day’s meal, and I’ve been with women who take responsibility and truly enjoy themselves. Huge difference.”
21) She seems at ease
Let’s be clear, sex can be intimidating to everyone. But a sexually experienced girl may come across as fairly at ease.
She is less fazed by new sexual encounters because she’s been here before and she knows what she is doing.
She is less likely to be intimidated by the situation and that will show through her confidence and lack of nerves.
22) She doesn’t need to rely on alcohol to loosen up
Alcohol is often used as a way to relax, unwind and maybe even let loose. But it also makes us feel more confident and can be used all too often as a crutch.
This is why some people use alcohol to try and calm any nerves when sex is on the cards. They’re looking for something to help them feel less inhibited.
You could even say that an inexperienced girl might be using alcohol to cover up her anxiety.
Whenever sex is involved then it’s always best to avoid drinking too much. An experienced woman knows this.
It can remove you so far from the experience that you don’t even feel fully present or able to enjoy yourself. Not to mention the fact that it’s a real minefield when it comes to offering genuine consent if you have been drinking.
23) She shows maturity toward sex
Whether you like it or not, sex comes with certain adult responsibilities.
There’s the risk of pregnancy. Risk of STIs. A sexually experienced woman has a responsible and grown-up attitude towards sex. She isn’t awkward about discussing contraception or using protection.
She will use mature language around sex, and won’t shy away from things.
She will have a mature attitude about differences in what you may like in the bedroom because she knows it’s not about wrong or right, but preference.
Sexually maturity should be the defining feature of any sexually experienced girl. As this guy on Quora quite rightly states:
“Even if a person has slept with a hundred people but still calls vagina “down there” or is clueless about how STIs are passed, such person is not sexually experienced. Not in my book.”
24) She doesn’t put pressure on the situation
A sexually experienced woman has figured out that every time you have sex is going to be different. She realises that it can’t be fireworks and marching bands for every single sexual encounter.
She doesn’t make a big deal of things if it turns out to be less than earth-shattering or if certain parts are refusing to…ahem…rise to the occasion.
She appreciates that sex between two people fluctuates. And that it’s all about growing together and feeling closer.
She knows that sex is meant to be fun and not a big deal to put pressure on yourself over, and she won’t make you feel like it is.
25) She knows the importance of foreplay
Foreplay is particularly important for women. And a sexually experienced girl is not going to let you get away with skipping it.
She won’t put up with “full steam ahead”. She’ll expect you to take a slower and more sensual route.
The warm-up for women is really necessary. As explained by psychosexual therapist, Dr. Ruth Westheimer, on WebMD:
“A man can just think about sex and have an erection, but for most women, wanting sex is not enough. Foreplay serves a physical and emotional purpose, helping prepare both mind and body for sex. Many women need to be kissed, hugged, and caressed to create lubrication in the vagina, which is important for comfortable intercourse.”
Some girls who don’t feel confident will let the men lead the pace and potentially skip all of this. But an experienced woman won’t let a guy get away with it.
Dating someone more sexually experienced
Whilst it can feel intimidating that a woman is sexually experienced, or has had more experience than you it isn’t at all a bad thing. In fact, it can be a great thing.
We easily get stuck in our heads when is comes to sex, which can make you overthink things.
But it’s important to remember that sex is about creating a connection, not a performance. And it isn’t how much sex you’ve had or haven’t had that defines the quality of the sex you have.
If you’re dating a sexually experienced woman, here’s how to handle it:
Don’t judge her or make assumptions
Hopefully, it goes without saying, but you should never judge a partner based on how many people they’ve had sex with.
It makes zero difference whether it’s a girl or a guy who is more sexually experienced. Double standards really aren’t cool.
Be respectful and realize your partner’s sexual past is none of your business unless they choose to share it with you.
It may bring up some insecurities for you, but getting jealous or territorial over her sexual history is only going to push her away. And make you look pretty petty and childish.
Be open and honest about sex
Talk to each other about how you feel sexually, what you want, your expectations, your desires. And listen to each other about your individual preferences. Ask her what she likes and what she doesn’t like.
Don’t assume that experience means you know what a partner wants. She isn’t a mind reader and neither are you. Neither should you assume she’s super confident, just because she has had plenty of sexual experience.
Every single sexual encounter is unique and so is every sexual partner. So you are always learning again from scratch.
Be prepared to communicate in the bedroom, even when it feels awkward. This will show her that you respect her. And that you want to know how to please her.
Whilst previous experience can be of some help, it’s important to remember that neither one of you have any more experience of each other than the other.
You can learn every sex trick out there and it won’t make a difference if that’s not her thing.
Good sex is less about acrobatics in the bedroom and more about learning to tune into each other. Finding out what makes each other tick is what will guarantee better sex for both of you.
So it can be better to forget about how much experience you both have and realize that sex together is still uncharted territory for both of you.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
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I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.
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