16 alarming signs she is secretly seeing someone else

Finding out that your partner is seeing someone else behind your back can come as quite a shock.

When you agree to be mutually exclusive, an element of trust comes into the relationship.

To find she has been betraying your trust to your face can be heart-breaking.

Whether you have a sneaking suspicion something is off with your relationship, or you just have a feeling something is going on – how do you know for sure?

Some women are simply really good at hiding things.

But, she can’t hide everything.

If she is developing feelings for someone other than you, there will be signs for you to pick up on.

Here are 16 alarming signs she’s secretly seeing someone else.

1) She isn’t as thoughtful as she used to be

At the beginning of your relationship, you could tell she had you (and you only) on her mind.

It’s the little things that she would notice. For example, she might bring your favourite chocolate to your next date because she came across it in-store and thought of you.

Or perhaps she simply put the effort into complimenting you on the small things, letting you know how appreciated you really were.

While these things might not disappear completely, you may notice that she is getting more distant and starting to show some distance.

The best thing you can do is let her know you have noticed these changes and want to know if everything’s OK. If she has a reason for it, she’ll let you know. If not, take it as a sign something else might be going on.

2) You’re always in the wrong

Negative energy has no space in a relationship. If your woman seems to suddenly have issue with everything you do, it’s a sign that something might be going on.


If she’s cheating on you and seeing someone else, she will start to take it out on you.

In her eyes, you’ll become proof of her wrongdoing, so she will start to blame. Rather than accept she is doing something wrong, it’s much easier for her to think you led her to cheat. It wasn’t her fault.

So, in turn, everything becomes your fault whether you like it or not.

Might be time to sit down and have a discussion.

3) She’s turned into a workaholic

In the good old days, your girlfriend would try and get out of work early just to come and meet up with you.

All of a sudden, you seem to be spending a lot less time with each other thanks to her work schedule.

While it’s true that work can be demanding at times, if this happens overnight it’s more likely to be a sign that someone else is in the picture.

She needs a good excuse for why she can’t see you as much anymore – and work is the obvious one.

She might even be at work like she says…just spending time with a male co-worker she’s into.

4) She won’t let you near her phone

If your girlfriend suddenly becomes very protective of her phone and doesn’t want you near it, it’s safe to assume she’s hiding something from you.

Of course, it doesn’t mean she’s cheating.

But, it does hint at that.

Watch how she reacts when you ask to borrow her phone or computer. Does she get defensive? Does she look panicked? Does she fight to find an excuse?

It could be the perfect opportunity to ask her outright, why she’s so worried about you seeing her phone.

You will have your answer.

5) She’s avoiding your family and close friends

If your girlfriend is seeing someone else, then she’s going to want to distance herself as much as possible from the people in your life.


Because she feels guilty for what she is doing.

It’s one thing to lie to your face and pretend everything is fine. It’s another altogether to lie to your mum or best friend. Plus, they’re much more likely to see through her, since they’re removed from the situation.

Plus, she knows no matter what, all these people are on your side. And that can be just a little bit unnerving.

If she’s suddenly avoiding those family events, take it as a sign.

6) Want advice specific to your situation?

While this article explores the main signs she’s seeing someone else, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.

Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations, like whether you should fix a relationship or leave it. They’re a very popular resource for people facing this sort of challenge.

How do I know?

Well, I reached out to them a few months ago when I was going through a tough patch in my own relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

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7) She’s always on her phone

She might not be hiding her phone from you, but she is on it all the time.

When you’re together, it doesn’t feel like quality time anymore, because she’s constantly scrolling on her phone and barely even looks up to acknowledge you.

What’s keeping her so preoccupied?

There’s a good chance that she is chatting away with someone else on the other side. He might be tagging her in a funny meme, or simply messaging about his day.

Even worse, she’s laughing.

It’s clear she’s given up on your relationship and has moved on with someone else. It’s time to send her packing to be with him.

She’s not worth your time.

8) The cut texts have stop

Whether it’s that adorable banter that comes in the getting to know you stage of a relationship, or the cute texts telling each other you’re thinking about them…if these stop…there’s a reason.

While they might become a little less frequent over time as you spend more and more time together in person, they shouldn’t stop. This is a big red flag that there’s someone else on the scene.

In all likelihood, her attention is going to someone else.

Of course, she could have simply lost interest in your relationship without there being anyone else on the scene.

Either way, it’s not a good sign that this relationship is going anywhere.

9) Her appearance has changed

Girls who are cheating, or seeing someone else, often choose to change their physical appearance. They start putting more effort into their clothes, hair and makeup, and dressing up much more than they ever used to in the past.

If it’s not for you, then there’s someone else of the scene she’s trying to impress.

Her behaviour will start to change as well.

She’ll be taking selfies and posting them on social media.

Constantly worried about how she looks when out in public.

Hanging with her girlfriends more than ever before.

This all suggests there’s a man on the side she’s already seeing, or at least trying to get the attention of.

It’s worth asking her outright: “Is there someone other than me you’re trying to impress?”

Watch for her reaction…does she look shocked? Guilty? She might be hiding something!

10) She’s so much more social

Has your girlfriend changed from being the type that could throw on a pair of track pants and spend the night on the couch to suddenly needing to get out and socialise all the time?

It seems like time with you isn’t enough for her anymore. It might be time to start questioning which group she keeps meeting up with all the time and why she has a sudden interest in them.

No doubt, you’re likely to find her love interest there.

Ask to come out with her and see what she says and whether or not she wants you there. That will be a true indication if there’s someone on the scene that she is worried about you meeting.

11) She keeps telling you she’s unhappy

If your girlfriend keeps speaking up about how unhappy she is, then it could be a sign that she’s setting herself up to leave the relationship.

On the other hand, she could simply be using as an excuse for her cheating, which she will refer back to if she’s ever caught out.

It might be time to have a chat with her about whether or not she wants to be in this relationship with you, and what you can do to make sure she’s happy.

She may be ready to own up to it, and is hoping you might take the bait and ask her so she can get it out in the open once and for all.

12) Your sex life changes

If you notice a sudden drop in your sex life, it might be time to ask why.

There’s one good reason you might not be getting as much action as you might like. And that’s because she’s already getting it elsewhere.

You’ll start to hear the phrase, “Not tonight, I’m not in the mood” more and more often. You might buy into this at first, but when it happens time and time again, it’s time for you to accept that there’s someone else keeping her busy on the side.

She’s simply too tired to try and keep up the action with both of you.

Of course, there could be a number of other reasons for this, so always keep an open mind and see what she says!

13) She always vague about future plans

Once upon a time, she would whip her calendar out and quite happily schedule you a month or two in the future.

These days, she’s a lot more hesitant and gives off a number of reasons as to why she can’t commit.

It could simply be she’s not sure about the relationship anymore and doesn’t want to lead you on. But more than likely, she’s seeing someone else and wants to make sure she leaves enough free time to see him.

There’s nothing worse than a clashing of schedules!

Bring it up with her and see why she’s not keen on those future plans with you anymore.

14) She suddenly wants to know where you are at all times

If your girlfriend all of a sudden becomes very interested in your whereabouts, don’t take it as a good sign.

While it might outwardly seem flattering to you, the truth is, she simply wants to keep tabs on you, so she can be sure she won’t run into you while out with another man.

She doesn’t want to get caught.

If she knows where you are at all times, she can be confident she won’t accidentally run into you while she’s out with this other man of yours.

15) Your gut tells you so

If you’re even asking yourself this question in the first place, then it’s a good sign that something is off in the relationship for you.

While having a gut feeling isn’t exactly proof that they’re cheating on you, it’s a good starting point for a bigger conversation.

If something feels off, then whether she’s cheating or not, it’s important to work out what it is if you want your relationship to stand a chance.

Set aside some time to chat when you’re feeling calm and in a good space to face whatever she comes out with. Getting angry and yelling accusations won’t help anyone.

Once you know the truth, it’s up to you to decide where to go from there.

16) She’s overly defensive

One of the common themes in all of these signs is the need to confront your girlfriend about the situation and see what she says.

But how do you know whether or not she’s telling you the truth when you do just that?

She will become overly defensive of the whole situation.

She will be so caught off guard that you’re actually confronting her about it that she will switch into defensive mode.

If she’s not seeing someone else, she will be hurt, shocked or surprised when she hears your accusation. But she won’t lash out at you or feel the need to defend herself.

The defensive mode is triggered by the overwhelming guilt she feels in the situation. Let’s face it, no one likes being caught doing something they shouldn’t.

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