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24 signs she is pretending to love you (and what you can do about it)

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Are you wondering whether a girl’s feelings for you are genuine?

Maybe there is something about the way she acts that makes you think she is only pretending to love you.

But how do you tell if a girl is just keeping you around? What are the signs you need to look out for?

In this article, we’ll reveal all you need to know.

How do you know if a girl pretends to love you?

1) She acts moody and distant

Her moods and behavior, whenever you are together, are a good indication of how she is feeling.

Sure, we all have bad days. But most of the time we should be happy to spend time with our partners.

You would expect her to be warm, smiling, and in a good mood whenever she gets to see you.

But if she is consistently sulky, distant, or even acts bored — it’s a bad sign.

If she seems disinterested when you two are alone together, it sounds like her feelings may not be genuine.

2) You’re always chasing after her

I saw a meme the other day that read:

“Who forgets to text someone they are genuinely interested in?

NOBODY, that’s who”.

And it’s true.

Whilst there can be a little bit of playing hard to get that happens in the early stages of dating, if she really likes you, you shouldn’t need to chase after her.

If you feel like you are the one who makes all of the effort and she hardly does anything, it suggests she is less into you than you are into her.

It shouldn’t always be down to you to make plans to see one another, to call or text first. You should both be putting in similar amounts of effort. If she isn’t, then perhaps her feelings aren’t that strong.

3) She always has excuses for why she needs to cancel plans with you

Life is all about priorities. The people and things in our life who we care most about, we make the most time for.

There will be occasions when something else important comes up, and so it’s reasonable to cancel a date.

But if she is full of excuses for why she can’t see you, or often changes plans last minute, it shows she isn’t respectful of your time.

It also highlights that you come way down her list of priorities, which is why it is a strong sign she’s faking her feelings.

After all, actions speak louder than words, and if she loves you, she’ll want to make the effort to see you.

4) She doesn’t seem interested in what you have to say

Pay attention to the little things you’ve told her.

Does she know things about you? Does she remember stories you’ve told her, and details about your life?

If she “forgets” the things you’ve told her then she isn’t taking notice of what you are saying, this suggests she is not really listening to you.

This is especially true if she starts interrupting you mid-sentence.

She is too busy thinking about herself to pay attention to what you are saying. It’s a clear sign that her feelings may not run so deep.

5) She never compliments you

Compliments are great. They help us feel appreciated and loved. They show us that others think highly of us.

You don’t have to shower your partner with compliments, but we all want to know that our significant other cares.

It might be commenting on the way you look, something you are wearing, or even a personal trait or skill you have.

If she rarely ever says nice things about you, it’s suspicious. You might question if she even notices your best qualities.

Particularly if you are always giving her compliments, but she never reciprocates, it tells you she doesn’t respect you as much as you do her.

And maybe even that she does not appreciate being with you as much as you do being with her.

6) She only says ‘I love you’ if you say it first

Has she only ever said “I love you” in response to you saying those three little words?

Maybe you even had to ask her if she loves you back.

If she rarely tells you she loves you or she has only ever told you after you tell her first, it could mean she feels obliged to say it but doesn’t really mean it.

Perhaps her feelings aren’t as strong as yours but she wants to keep you happy.

If it seems like she avoids talking about her feelings for you, then she may be hiding something about the way she really feels.

7) She doesn’t want to spend quality time with you

Quality time means spending more time doing activities together than just hanging out at home watching TV.

Does she want to spend time with you doing fun things? Do you go on dates? Go out to dinner? Or do you stay in and watch movies?

Does it seem like she enjoys spending time with you?

If she does lots of things with her friends and other people, but only ever wants to fit you in when she has nothing to do, then it sounds like a relationship based on convenience rather than love.

8) You never know what’s going on in her head

Your partner should be one of the closest people in your life.

They are the ones you confide in, turn to for advice, and talk about all the things in your life, both big and small, with.

If you’re always left wondering what exactly is going on in her head then it sounds like she isn’t letting you in.

She isn’t sharing her deeper thoughts and feelings with you. You’d expect her to be doing this if she had genuine feelings for you.

9) She constantly talks about her ex

It’s a red flag if she constantly brings up past relationships to you.

When you meet someone new, it’s natural to talk about yourself, and that might involve mentioning your previous relationships from time to time.

However, if she spends more time talking about former flames than she does about your own relationship, it shows you where her head is really at.

Constantly talking about an ex suggests she may not be over them. If exes are still on her mind, then she doesn’t seem to be focused on her current relationship with you.

10) She doesn’t want to make it official

She says she has strong feelings for you, but she doesn’t want to put any labels on the relationship.

If she isn’t keen on becoming your girlfriend, it sounds like she isn’t committed. If she isn’t willing to commit to you exclusively, it shows she probably doesn’t feel like this is a long-term thing.

She is keeping her options open before deciding whether to take the next step.

11) She tries to hide your relationship from other people

Whenever we are with someone, we should feel proud to have them by our side.

If she doesn’t want people to know that you are together then she is trying to hide the relationship.

You’ve got to ask yourself why?

Why wouldn’t she want her friends or family to know about you?

Perhaps she avoids public displays of affection, and when you’re out together acts as though you too are just friends.

The logical answer is that she wants to keep her options open and isn’t quite as invested in the relationship as she should be.

12) She keeps secrets from you

This can also be a sign that she isn’t ready to get serious.

Secrets are something that should be shared between two people who are truly in love.

If she is hiding things from you, you may just sense it.

Perhaps she is very protective over her phone and never wants you to see the messages she is getting from other people. Maybe she disappears for a while and you have no idea what she is up to.

It could mean she has something to hide, or that she doesn’t fully trust you enough to let you in on her most private thoughts.

Either way, it’s a clear indication that she is holding back.

13) She doesn’t want to talk about the future

Living in the present moment can be a good thing. But if you’re in love, you also want to talk about and make plans for the future too.

If she is very vague and non-committal about making plans in advance, it can suggest that she is only interested in having fun right now.

She doesn’t want to talk about what may happen in a few months, or even years, because she doesn’t know if she sees you in her future yet.

14) She’s hot and cold

Some days she can be sweet and attentive, but then the next she quickly changes.

Her feelings towards you shouldn’t be as changeable as the weather. You shouldn’t wonder which version of her is going to turn up when you meet.

If she messages you a lot one day, but barely replies the next — this shows fickle behavior towards the relationship.

Why would someone pretend to love you? Because it’s convenient when she wants the attention, but she will rapidly withdraw when she has other things on her mind.

Hot and cold feelings are a big sign of leading someone on.

15) She always wants to break up over every little fight

Arguments happen in every relationship. Occasional conflict is a part of life.

But when you love somebody you stick around and work things out.

If her go-too resolution for every time you two have a disagreement is to break up, then she’s not committed to making it work.

It implies she has a fair-weather attitude to the relationship, and only wants it when things are going good. Real love is prepared to stick around for the hard times as well.

16) She only gets in touch when she needs something from you

Does it sometimes feel that you’re more like her handyman or butler rather than her boyfriend?

If she expects you to be at her beck and call or only reaches out when she needs something from you, then there is an unequal balance of power in the relationship.

It sounds like she holds all the cards and thinks she can pick you up and drop you whenever it suits her.

Whilst it’s normal to ask favours from our partner, it shouldn’t be constant. Neither should the only time she calls you be because she wants something from you.

17) You mainly hear from her when she’s bored or lonely

Pay attention to the times she gets in touch.

For example, does she still message you to check-in when she is out having fun? Or is it only when she has nothing to do?

If she is only messaging you saying things like:

‘I’m bored, what are you up to?’ or maybe ‘home alone and feeling lonely, want to come over?’

Then it could be she is filling her time with you whenever she feels like she has nothing better to do.

She isn’t thinking of you whenever she is busy with other things, she only wants to fill a gap in her social life.

18) She flirts (and maybe more) with other guys

If your girlfriend is very flirty with other men, it’s a huge sign of disrespect.

She isn’t considering your feelings, she’s only thinking about how much she likes the attention.

You may also question whether she has overstepped the line before, and things have gone beyond just flirting.

Trust is huge in a loving relationship. If she gives you a good reason not to trust her, then her feelings may not be sincere.

19) She expects you to pay for everything

This is another surefire way to know if she is only using you.

If she expects you, as a man, to pay for everything, then she may value your money more than she values you.

It might be gentlemanly to pick up the check once in a while when you go on a date, but you should never be expected to.

If she wants you to take care of her financially, then you may question whether she is pretending to love you so that you continue to flash the cash.

20) She talks down to you

Does she ever talk down to you? Does she always make you feel inferior?

Do you often find yourself agreeing with her, even though you don’t really mean it?

If she makes you feel small by talking down to you, then this is a clear indication that she doesn’t respect you.

It shows she sees herself as superior. Maybe she acts like she’s too good for you.

21) You’ve never met her friends or family

After dating for a while we expect to start to merge lives with our partners.

That means meeting the other important people in their lives.

Meeting the folks can be a big deal for some people, but even so, it shouldn’t be that long before you expect to be introduced to her friends.

If she is keeping you from her nearest and dearest, maybe she doesn’t see the relationship as anything serious.

22) She keeps you off her social media

Admittedly everyone is different and for some people, social media isn’t a big deal. But if she often posts stories, pictures, and videos but you never feature in them, then it’s another sign she is trying to hide you.

When we’re with someone who we love, we don’t mind the world knowing about it.

If she doesn’t want the online world to see you are an item, then it’s suspicious.

23) Everything is all on her terms

Does it feel as though she is incredibly high maintenance?

Relationships should be equal, everything shouldn’t be on her terms.

If she is the one who gets to decide when she sees you, how much she sees you, and all the details about your time together, then it sounds as though you are doing most of the work to please her.

If she is incredibly demanding of you, overly controlling, or just downright bossy, then she may be faking her love for you and she is high-maintenance.

24) She is very critical of you

Everything you do seems to be wrong.

You just can’t win.

She criticises every little thing you say or do. Perhaps she thinks she always knows best and is never prepared to back down or appologize.

Either way, if she is constantly judging you, then it could be a sign that she doesn’t truly love you.

What to do when you think she is pretending to love you

1) Get advice specific to your situation

While this article explores the main signs she is pretending to love you, it can be helpful to speak to a professional relationship coach about your situation.

They’re going to be able to give you advice specific to your relationship and your unique circumstances.

Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations. They’re a very popular resource for people facing this sort of challenge.

How do I know?

Well, I reached out to them a few months ago when I was going through a tough patch in my own relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into my relationship and how to get it back on track.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

Click here to get started.

2) Talk to her about how you feel and ask her how she feels

It can feel incredibly vulnerable to put yourself out there. But confronting her about your suspicions is going to be the most direct way to deal with it.

The unfortunate truth is that whether she is pretending to love you, or if her feelings are genuine, your relationship probably still needs some work.

The fact that you question how she feels, and are unsure and insecure about where you stand highlights this.

Having an honest conversation about how you both feel, what you want from the relationship and where you see things going is important.

It may end up putting your mind at rest. Even if it doesn’t, and you end up hearing something you don’t like, at least then you will know for sure.

3) Set some boundaries

If right now you do feel like she is walking all over you, you might need to establish some firmer boundaries.

Our boundaries govern the way we let people speak to us and treat us. They are there to protect us from the poor behavior of others.

You decide your own boundaries and are responsible for upholding them.

For example, one of your boundaries may be that you won’t tolerate your girlfriend yelling at you.

The next time she raised her voice, you would let her know that’s not ok and remove yourself from the situation if she continued to shout.

Identify what the biggest issues are for you in your relationship and set some boundaries for how you will handle things the next time they arise.

4) Strengthen your confidence

Feeling like you don’t know where you stand with someone can knock your confidence.

But it’s also true that having low self-esteem can also be the cause of insecurity within a relationship too.

Sometimes we worry that someone else’s feelings aren’t genuine for us, not because of something they have done to make us question this, but because we’re not very confident within ourselves.

In order to create strong and healthy relationships, we need to feel good about ourselves.

When you’re worried someone is just pretending to love you, it’s easy to become frustrated and even feel helpless. You may even be tempted to throw in the towel and give up on love.

I want to suggest doing something different.

It’s something I learned from the world-renowned shaman Rudá Iandê. He taught me that the way to find love and intimacy is not what we have been culturally conditioned to believe.

In fact, many of us self-sabotage and trick ourselves for years, getting in the way of meeting a partner who can truly fulfil us.

As Rudá explains in this mind blowing free video, many of us chase love in a toxic way that ends up stabbing us in the back.

We get stuck in awful relationships or empty encounters, never really finding what we’re looking for and continuing to feel horrible about things like questioning someone’s feelings for us.

We fall in love with an ideal version of someone instead of the real person.

We try to “fix” our partners and end up destroying relationships.

We try to find someone who “completes” us, only to fall apart with them next to us and feel twice as bad.

Rudá’s teachings showed me a whole new perspective.

While watching, I felt like someone understood my struggles to find and nurture love for the first time – and finally offered an actual, practical solution.

If you’re done with unsatisfying dating, frustrating relationships, and having your hopes dashed over and over, then this is a message you need to hear.

I guarantee you will not be disappointed.

Click here to watch the free video.

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

Click here to get started.

Written by Pearl Nash

Pearl Nash has years of experience writing relationship articles for single females looking for love. After being single for years with no hope of meeting Mr. Right, she finally managed to get married to the love of her life. Now that she’s settled down and happier than she’s ever been in her life, she's passionate about sharing all the wisdom she's learned over the journey.

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