She says that she loves you.
But it’s hard to believe her when she doesn’t make you feel valued— at all.
And when you try to talk to her about it, she just shrugs and tells you that you’re just imagining things.
It’s time to set the record straight.
In this article, I will show you 20 obvious signs that your girl doesn’t value you.
1) She’s always “busy”
A person who truly values you will make time for you. Period.
Besides, you don’t think you’re that demanding. You’ve been respecting her boundaries, especially with work and family. People even comment on just how understanding you are towards her!
You have a strong feeling that she’s just using work as an excuse to be away from you, even on those moments that you badly need her.
2) She says you’re too demanding and clingy
You don’t do clingy stuff. You don’t double text, you don’t pout, you don’t complain.
But the thing is, she’s too distant. And so when you want to get a little affectionate or when you open up about wanting more quality time, she dismisses them as “silly complaints” and tells you you’re being clingy.
It’s simple. If she says you’re clingy, she doesn’t want to put in the effort—not even halfway.
She wants you to adjust your expectations instead…and that’s because she doesn’t value you and your wants.
3) She tells you to “man up”
She tells you straight to your face to “man up” because she thinks you’re just being a “pussy.”
Who knows what she means by “man up”, but if it’s related to something that’s beyond your control, your girlfriend is definitely being a d*ck.
She knows she’s poking at your ego and she actually enjoys making you feel “less of a man.”
What she’s doing is verbal abuse, and of course, she clearly doesn’t value you.
4) She’s the opposite of sweet…but only towards you
She’s sweet to everyone else—to her parents, her friends, even her pets. But to you? She’s cold as ice.
Perhaps she has deep-seated resentment towards you.
If you want to fix your relationship, the first step is to talk it out. But if she doesn’t want to open up (which is usually the case if the resentment is too deep), I suggest you ask for guidance from a relationship coach.
And when it comes to coaches, I recommend Relationship Hero. Unlike other websites, they are certified psychologists who are experts at solving complicated love situations.
My partner and I regularly get guidance from them and our relationship is the healthiest it’s ever been.
You see, you might think you can read her well (or that this article is enough), but you’re no psychologist. Maybe she’s struggling with your relationship too, and it’s best tackled with the help of a coach.
Who knows. Maybe it’s all you need for her to start treating you right again.
5) She doesn’t ask for your permission
And I don’t just mean when she uses your stuff.
She doesn’t ask for your “permission” when she goes out partying with friends or when she books a ticket to Timbuktu.
As far as she’s concerned, her life is her life. And that’s because she really doesn’t see you as a partner.
Or even if she does, she values her independence so much that there’s no part of her that thinks you should be part of her decisions. You’re just her boyfriend.
6.) She pressures you to do better
You’re not a loser. You have a job and you’re doing well in other aspects of your life.
And yet…she thinks you have to hustle more and dream more. It’s as if she wants you to become the next Bill Gates or something.
It’s not that you find this particularly insulting (she must believe in you so much), but the way she pressures you makes you feel that she’s belittling you.
It’s as if she can’t —for the life of her—make you feel valued and admired for who you are right now.
7) She’s sarcastic AF
You’re not even trying to annoy her or displease her. You’re just being your usual self.
But then the things you do or say just seem to irritate the hell outta her.
So because of this, she hurls sarcastic remarks at you. The funny thing is that she gets furious when you do the same thing towards her.
8) She leaves you alone in a crowd
When you’re together at a party or an event, she leaves you the moment she finds someone to talk to.
It’s not that you’re not independent. You don’t need her to stick to you all the damn time.
However, you’d very much appreciate and feel valued if she just checks on you or asks you to be with her from time to time.
Well, she doesn’t do any of that because you have a feeling she’s actually not proud to be with you.
9) She talks negatively about you to others
A person who values you would treat you like a king in front of other people—even if you just had a fight, even if you secretly hate each other.
But a person who’s lost all their respect to you would have no problem airing your dirty laundry or talking negatively about you. In fact, they do it to humiliate you.
If your partner does this, she clearly doesn’t value you nor your relationship. Or she’s just born trashy.
10) She’s not there to the rescue
You may not be sweet 24/7, but when your girl is in trouble, you drop everything and help her.
She DOESN’T do the same to you.
She focuses on her stuff and just expects you to get your act together.
She clearly doesn’t care about you the way you care about her…and that’s because she doesn’t value you.
11) She acts like she always doesn’t “get” you
You discuss politics and current events, or you talk about something mundane like household chores.
It’s really strange that even though you’re speaking the same language, it’s as if she doesn’t understand a word you say.
She regularly says “What the heck were you thinking?” or “You don’t make sense”, as if you’re stup*d.
She doesn’t respect your mind and doesn’t value whatever you have to say.
12) She doesn’t notice the small things
When a person values you, they’ll notice the little details about you.
They’ll notice that you hold your fork in an awkward way when eating pasta, or that you have a habit of biting your nails when you’re making a phone call. You know, the cute stuff.
Your girl? She’s blind to that. She doesn’t pay much attention to you because she doesn’t value you and your little quirks.
13) She forgets the things you tell her
How can you expect her to remember the things you tell her when she doesn’t even pay attention in the first place?
Sure, she may be listening to you, but chances are she’s only doing it to be polite.
There are legit reasons why she could be like this. It could be that she’s just naturally forgetful.
But trust me, nine times out of ten, if someone values you, they will remember things about you—well the most important one, at the very least.
14) She belittles your hobbies
We all have things we love doing and when we love someone the least we can do is to at least tolerate their wants. It gives them joy, after all.
But here she is, mocking your hobbies. Perhaps she’s even mocking YOU for indulging in them, and you can’t understand why.
Maybe you like playing with LEGOs, fishing, or even computer games. You just know that what you’re doing isn’t hurting people.
The reason might just be as simple as this: she doesn’t care about you.
At the very least, she doesn’t care about you enough to respect you to do the things that give you joy.
15) She belittles your friends
Something that is often left unsaid—and yet is often quite true—is that your most loyal friends can be even more important than any girlfriend.
They’re the ones who stand by you when you’re single, and they’re the ones who help you cope when you get played and dumped.
So for her to belittle your friends, especially right in your face, can only mean one of two things.
It’s either that she doesn’t care that she’s hurting you, or she wants to turn you on your friends so that she’ll have you all to herself.
Either way, she doesn’t value you as a person if she does this.
16) She doesn’t declare her love for you
As a matter of fact, you feel like she’s hiding you…as if you’re her little secret.
Of course, the people in her life know about you. They know your name, they know what you do. But she doesn’t enjoy talking about you like how people usually are when they’re talking about the most important person in their life.
And she doesn’t even have a single social media post that has you in it.
When you confront her about it, she says it’s because she thinks it’s private or that she doesn’t have to. But you have a strong feeling she just doesn’t value you. And if you notice her doing most of the things in this list, then you’re definitely right.
17) She cuts you off mid-sentence
This isn’t very respectful to do—to you or to anyone really—but she doesn’t care if it makes you feel bad.
It seems like she thinks you have nothing important or sensible to say. But it’s more than just that, she probably already hates your guts so it shows in how she talks to you.
Observe if she does it to the people she loves—her parents and friends. If she doesn’t cut them off, then clearly she has a problem with you.
18) She’s kinda mean to you in front of people
So not only does she talk negatively about you in front of a live audience, she’s also totally comfortable being mean to you.
You have a strong feeling she even kinda likes it…that she’s broadcasting how she’s the superior one in your relationship.
Has she always been this way towards you? If not, then there must be an inciting event that triggered her to act this way. Maybe you treated her the same way a while back, for example.
While this seems like something that would make you want to break up, calm down. Give your relationship a chance.
You see, of all the things mentioned in this list, resentment is actually the kind of problem that’s easy to fix with the right guidance.
I mentioned Relationship Hero earlier. Do give them a try and I can almost guarantee you that your relationship will get better in just a couple of sessions.
And if you think your girl wouldn’t want to do a coaching session, then just do it alone. Having guidance on how to navigate a strained relationship is a good investment for your relationship and your own mental health.
19) She picks her friends over you
When you and her friends have some kind of debate or when you have to plan something together, she sides with them. All the damn time.
All you want is that she sides with you at least for once, but it’s not something she does naturally. In fact, she’s more against you than with you on a lot of things.
It’s a clear sign that she doesn’t value you at all, and you have to rethink why you’re still together.
20) She’s not scared of losing you…like, at all
One way or another, you just know that she’s not afraid of losing you at all. And not in the romantic “I trust in our love” kind of way.
Perhaps it’s something you had inferred from how little she cares about what you do. Perhaps she told you so outright. You can even cheat on her and she would just shrug it off!
Now it’s always good to be self-assured in your relationships, but this goes way beyond that. This means that she no longer cares about you.
If you can relate to most of the signs in this list, then your girl clearly doesn’t value you.
I’m sure you’re now wondering “Then why is she even still with me?”
Well, there are many reasons for this like codependency. But let me tell you this—she probably LOVES you still.
My advice to you is…before you leave her for good, give your relationship one more shot—and this time give it all you’ve got. Again, I’m recommending Relationship Hero if you’re really serious about fixing your relationship.
You’d be surprised that all you really need is a small fix to make things better again.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.