17 signs she doesn’t appreciate you (and how to respond)

Whether she’s just your crush, your girlfriend, or your wife, it really doesn’t matter.

It stings just the same when you can sense that your girl doesn’t appreciate your efforts—and much worse if she doesn’t appreciate you as a person.

There, there. It seems depressing, but trust me—you can totally turn things around with the right guidance.

For now, check out how many of these signs you see in your girl to know just how serious your case is.

1) She doesn’t look like she won a million bucks when you’re together.

Generally, when a girl is into you, it’s hard for her to hide her happiness. She will radiate with joy when you’re together. Girls are cute that way.

Of course, it depends on how long you’ve been together.

If you’ve been dating for just a few weeks, except that she’d smile from ear to ear and giggle at your lamest jokes.

If you’ve been together for ten years, she might not be as giggly, but she will definitely still look at you with twinkling eyes.

If she looks miserable when she’s with you—as if she’s carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders, well…it’s a sign that she doesn’t appreciate you. For her, you don’t add to her happiness and she doesn’t even try to hide it.

2) She doesn’t care about your opinion.

She used to ask your opinion even if it’s just which brand of cooking oil to buy.


She doesn’t even ask you if it’s okay for her to go to Timbuktu.

If she used to care a lot about what you think then she changed, ask yourself what actually happened and when. This kind of thing doesn’t just happen in an instant.

Did you break her trust? Did you do something without asking her opinion or permission and she’s just giving you a taste of your own medicine?

Because yes, it’s possible she just resents you and it’s not really because she doesn’t appreciate you and your opinions. But if she’s always been this way—more or less—then she truly doesn’t appreciate you for who you are.

3) She smirks and rolls her eyes even when all you do is breathe.

When your girl starts to get snappy, sarcastic, and just overall contemptuous towards you, she hates your being. Again, you might have done something that pissed her off or she has started to not appreciate who you are.

This is particularly insulting and sad if you do something good for her—like cooking her favorite dish or walking her dog—and she’d just smirk or shrug like she doesn’t need you to do those things for her.

If it’s so obvious that she doesn’t want to praise you for your efforts, don’t just stand back, you have to know exactly why.

You don’t deserve that kind of treatment. Especially if you’re committed to each other. But do it as calmly as possible (I’ll give you tips later).

4) She thinks you’re nice…but, way too nice.

When a woman interacts with men, she automatically categorizes them as “relationship material”, “bed material”, or just a nice guy with who she can hang out from time to time.

And sometimes, women who want the passionate kind of love are turned off by nice guys. Yes, it doesn’t make sense but that’s seduction for you. That’s just how some women are wired. They need to feel the tingles to even appreciate you and consider you as a potential mate.

But the good news is that you can actually activate it.

I learned this from relationship guru Bobby Rio.

He talks about the psychology behind the precise steps a woman goes through when she falls in love and how to re-create those feelings. How to finally rid yourself of “nice guy” mistakes hurting your social life.

If you want your dream girl to become obsessed with you, then check out his excellent free video here.

You have to be ready. What you’ll learn in this video isn’t exactly pretty — but neither is love.

5) She doesn’t use the gifts you give her.

If your woman really appreciates you, she’d wear and use whatever it is you gave her even if it’s the lamest thing in the world.

She’d even find it cute that you give lame gifts and tease you about it…but she will use them anyway. That’s love.

However, if you didn’t see her using them at least once, and she didn’t even say a genuine thanks,  it’s a big sign she doesn’t appreciate your gifts (and you!).

Maybe she has given you very special gifts from the heart—like a painting or crochet—and you just bought her a cheap mug. Well then, it’s easy to tell why she doesn’t appreciate you.

But if you give her a very thoughtful gift—and an expensive one at that—and yet she never touches it, sorry to say this but she feels nothing for you, buddy.

6) She acts like it’s your DUTY to take care of her.

Some women become entitled and expect the men to treat them like princesses all the freakin time.

When you water her plants because she’s out of town, she doesn’t even say a simple thanks. When you pay for her dinner, she just goes ahead and chows down the meal like she’s your responsibility.

This girl is not only unappreciative of you, she’s using you. Pay very close attention and ask yourself if this is what you really want.

7) She doesn’t tag you along during special occasions.

You used to be joint at the hip. But now, she prefers to do her thing and be with her people.

Why is this happening?

It’s possible that your relationship has become so strained that she doesn’t want others to witness how awful you are together.

It’s also possible that she has evolved into a new person— a person who’s now turned off by everything you do. And she doesn’t want to get humiliated when you talk to her friends.

In both cases, she isn’t very fond of you so she’d rather be alone than tagging you along.

8) She withholds affection.

You know she’s a sweet person because you’ve known her for a while. And if you’re married, you know her to the core—you know how she touches you and talks to you when she’s in love.

It goes without saying that you also know when she’s doing the exact opposite.

She’s become an ice queen, and it’s probably because she’s losing her feelings for you.

Women are generally nice and very patient, but when they’re convinced that they want out or that they’re really not interested in a person, they turn cold.

This is actually a noble thing on their part. They try their best not to give mixed signals so the guy won’t expect more. At the same time, they want to be true to themselves. There’s nothing worse than faking affection.

9) She praises other men in front of you.

All men want to feel wanted and adored by the love of their life. Women know this because that’s what they want, too.

So if she wants to show you that she really, really, really doesn’t appreciate you, she will praise other men in front of you.

She might even flirt with them so the message will become very clear to you that she doesn’t want you, and that she most certainly doesn’t appreciate your presence.

10) She doesn’t laugh at your jokes.

For most men, when a girl laughs at their jokes, it’s equivalent to them being given a warm hug.

It just makes them happy when they’re able to spread joy—plus, of course, it makes them think they’re clever and suave, traits that all men want to possess.

It’s also a sign of attraction. Studies show that women laugh harder when they’re attracted to the person who’s telling the joke.

So if your girl doesn’t— or stops —laughing at your jokes, it’s definitely not a good sign. It could even mean you’re not compatible and that you should re-evaluate your relationship.

11) She picks her friends over you.

So it’s Friday night. You invite her to go to the cinema because her favorite movie is showing.

Guess what?

She turns you down and says she has something planned with her besties!

You try again the week after. The same thing happens.

But it’s not just about dates, either.

When you clash opinions with her friends, she doesn’t side with you for even a moment. It’s as if she really doesn’t respect your mind at all. You’re kinda sure that even if her friends would say that the world is flat, she’d side with them just because.

And that “because” is that she doesn’t like you and appreciate you. Plain and simple.

12) She’s closed off (but only to you).

She’s everybody else’s “open book”… but not yours. She has closed herself shut from you and it stings.

If she’s just your crush, maybe she really doesn’t want you pursuing her and she’s scared you’d stalk her even more if she shares more info about her.

If you’re already a lover, a husband, or an ex, maybe you’ve broken her trust and she decided not to tell you things, or else the whole town would know.

But another big possibility is that she’s just not that into you.

Because you see, a person who’s into someone is willing to take risks because opening up is the only way to deepen any relationship.

13) She’s not interested in what you do.

You tell her about your career progress, and what does she do?

She checks her phone, looks elsewhere, and she changes the topic. She does nothing else except give you her attention.

Listen, if someone is into you, they’d not get bored with your life updates even if you just talk about your annoying commute from work.

How much more when you talk about something important to you!

When this happens, it’s usually because they’re not interested in you, and it really has nothing to do with the thing you’re talking about.

You can talk about your trip to the moon but if a girl doesn’t appreciate you, she’d zone out.

14) She isn’t worried about disrespecting you.

She cuts you mid-sentence when you talk.

She ends phone calls even when you’re still talking.

She leaves the room the moment you enter.

When a woman becomes a total b*tch when she used to be kind and sweet, trust me, it didn’t happen overnight. It was a long process for her to become this way.

Maybe you had a lot of little fights, maybe you started to ignore her…and slowly but surely, she’s stopped loving you.

Ask yourself what you’ve done that she wants to show you how unappreciative she is of you because she’s probably hurt and she’s practically given up completely.

15) She says that YOU don’t appreciate her.

Women want to feel loved, and men, want to feel needed. Generally speaking.

When your girl starts to feel unloved (aka unappreciated), guess what she will do?

She will not appreciate you either!

Has she been telling you something but you simply weren’t listening or taking action because you didn’t think she’d leave you or lose interest in you?

Think hard.

This applies to crushes, too. When a girl feels ignored for whatever reason, they’d make you feel the same way—even ten times more because they have what we call pride. That’s the wrath of the woman scorned.

Thankfully, for cases like this, the remedy is very easy.

What to do to turn things around

If she’s your crush

If she’s just your crush, then you should be glad you’re not yet in too deep. However, the heart wants what the heart wants.

You’d want to give it one last try before saying bye-bye, amirite?

Here are some things you can do:

If she told you or made it obvious to you that she doesn’t like you, then stay away. You’re disrespecting her boundaries and if you’ve been pushy, this might be the reason why she doesn’t appreciate you even as a friend.

If you have a feeling she likes you too, then you might still have a chance to win her over. Maybe it’s her pride that’s getting in the way. Start by watching the “Unlock Her” video here.

If you’re dating

Now, if you’re dating, you would certainly be less willing to let her go. After all, you’re no longer admiring her from afar but actually trying to get to know her better.

But on the other hand, dating is all about knowing your future partner better before you go steady. Perhaps she didn’t like what she came to learn about you, for example.

Think about the reasons why she might be acting this way. When did it start? Are there specific incidents where she’d get especially snarky or aggressive?

Ask yourself if you’re willing to spend your future with someone who treats you like this, or acts like this whenever there are issues in your relationship.

Try to talk to her about it, but don’t be too hung up if it doesn’t work out. If it’s any solace, at least you figured out this early that it just doesn’t work out, and you can instead pour your energies on someone more compatible.

If she’s your wife

It’s especially tricky if she’s your wife already.

You’ll have to give it some thought as to why things have gotten this way. After all, you wouldn’t have married her if you didn’t love each other.

And because you’re married, it’s not that easy to just give up and start over with someone new.

Try to ask her what’s wrong. Maybe you have done something wrong, had gotten her mad, but made her feel like she can’t open up to you about it.

Give her some space. Maybe you’ve been stifling her by imposing yourself on her space way too often. Give her the time and space she needs to cool off, and then try to reach out again.

Don’t take it too personally. Unless she outright says you’re to blame, it’s possible that she’s just dealing with a lot.

Talk to a marriage therapist and educate yourself more about handling conflicts in marriage.

If you’re starting to lose hope

When you’re dealing with problems in a relationship (especially disrespect), it’s easy to become helpless. You may even be tempted to throw in the towel and give up on love.

I want to suggest doing something different.

It’s something I learned from the world-renowned shaman Rudá Iandê. He taught me that the way to find love and intimacy is not what we have been culturally conditioned to believe.

As Rudá explains in this mind-blowing free video, many of us chase love in a toxic way because we’re not taught how to love ourselves first.

So, if you want to solve your relationship and dating issues, I’d recommend starting with yourself first and taking Rudá’s incredible advice.

Here’s a link to the free video once again.


There are many reasons why your girl might not appreciate you or even begin to resent you.

But while the specifics might change depending on your relationship with her—whether you’re crushes, dating, or married—almost anything is possible with open communication and good guidance.

And if things really won’t work out, hey, at least you gave it your best shot before you said your final goodbye.

Pearl Nash

Pearl Nash has years of experience writing relationship articles for single females looking for love. After being single for years with no hope of meeting Mr. Right, she finally managed to get married to the love of her life. Now that she’s settled down and happier than she’s ever been in her life, she's passionate about sharing all the wisdom she's learned over the journey. Pearl is also an accredited astrologer and publishes Hack Spirit's daily horoscope.

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