Lachlan Brown
The hard truth is not everyone will like you for who you are, even if you haven’t done anything particularly objectionable.
Sometimes just living your truth is enough for people to think you’re too much to handle – and the thing is, they won’t always tell you about it.
Not everyone can handle or appreciate authenticity, and your brand of authenticity won’t always pass everyone’s vibe check, as gen Z would put it. Not sure if that applies to you?
If you’ve run into the following scenarios as I have, it probably does.
1) More Careful When Speaking Around You
Ever noticed that there seems to be a subtle shift in conversation whenever you start actively getting involved?
That’s probably a sign that they’re watching what they say around you since they know that you’ll have an opinion to express about it that they’re not exactly comfortable with.
It’s something that I often notice when I’m talking with people whose personalities or ideals are a bit different from mine, or with others who have drastically different lifestyles than me.
Some people are uncomfortable with the idea of involving someone so different in the conversation – and that’s just a fact.
2) Tend To Exclude You From Gatherings
I’ve run into my fair share of scenarios where I see a group of mutuals all hanging out, and asking myself the question: “hang on, shouldn’t I be there?”
Truth is, there’s nothing stopping people from excluding you just on the basis that you don’t vibe with them. That’s just how it is sometimes.
However, no need to sweat this kind of thing. Authentic people tend to draw in a group of their own eventually, and you can be sure that they’ll be made up of people that you’ll find a lot more fun and agreeable.
Remember, we take on the traits of the people we keep around, and you’ll only want to keep around the best kinds of people you truly gel with.
3) They’re Astonished At Your Nonchalance
Authentic people choose the things that they care about with more thought compared to most people.
And sometimes, you’ll find that you’re uninterested, don’t know, or just don’t care at all about most of the trends or things that others around you care about.
You don’t fall into FOMO, and you’re perfectly fine just doing your own thing.
This can be really surprising or downright puzzling to more people than you’d expect.
I’ve personally gotten a lot of comments – confused or otherwise –- about whether I’m not aware of certain references, know famous people, or hop on trends.
But I know what I want to spend my time on and concern myself with, and if that’s not what’s trending, then that’s okay.
4) Comments About Your Choice Of Company
Authenticity doesn’t judge – or at least, judge without reason. That means that our choice of company can be wider, more welcoming, and often a lot stranger than the circles that most people keep.
Sometimes, this can mean that you’ll be on the receiving end of more than a few comments about the people that you choose to hang around with.
And while this isn’t always bad, it can be really tiring really fast.
Comments about the people you hang out with can be insensitive since the people you’re hanging around with can’t defend themselves.
And at least in my experience, comments like these are often more of an indication of the person’s judgment about me, which isn’t always positive.
5) Small Talk Isn’t Your Thing
First of all, I just want to say that there’s nothing wrong with small talk. It’s a great way to pass the time, make a passing comment, or otherwise simply feel like you’re contributing to the conversation.
But authentic people don’t gravitate toward that kind of thing.
Sure, we’ll make a comment every now and then, but it’s much easier to get into things when you’re getting really deep into a conversation.
That’s not something that everyone will always like or reciprocate.
Most people would feel somewhat uncomfortable that someone can simply put out who they are or what they believe out there without fear of judgment.
But as an authentic person, you don’t really concern yourself with the trivial – and that also goes for the conversations that you like having.
6) You’re Often Told To Hold Back
Being authentic means that you dive full-on into something that you care about or something you think that’s worth the effort.
You don’t spend time thinking about what-ifs or being scared of the possibility that something might go wrong.
This is an attitude that can often be mistaken for recklessness or just a general disregard for the consequences of your actions.
But this isn’t really the case. If anything, you’re far more careful than you let on because you care so deeply about the things that you want to care about.
So when you go all in on something, people don’t really see that you’ve done your research and you’re nothing less than a hundred percent sure that you want to do what you want to do.
Being told to slow down isn’t just patronizing, but it actively gets in the way of getting it done.
7) People Get Jealous Of You
Authenticity has a way of bringing a certain kind of peace of mind for being content with what you have.
There’s a quiet – a certain kind of silence – that only comes from being sure of who you are, what you’re capable of, and the goals that you want to achieve.
Unfortunately, that sometimes means that insecure people will have it out for you.
I’ve encountered this a lot when meeting new people.
Most of the time, it’s thankfully uneventful, but there will be those occasions where I’ll get a backhanded compliment about how content I am with “where I am in life” or something similar.
Other people’s jealousy will be something that you’ll encounter as an authentic person, but it’s never something that you should concern yourself about.
8) People Tell You To Watch What You Say
Authenticity means being true to yourself, and that also goes for how you see and react to the world around you.
However, most people aren’t always ready for such upfront honesty. At best, they could be pleasantly surprised by how forthright you are; at worst, they may see your comments as a personal attack.
This can happen no matter how tactful you try to be – and it’s usually a sign that you need better company.
Since you call things as you see them, you’ll sometimes get told off for speaking your mind.
That’s a sure sign that the people around you value appearances more than they value being told the truth – and that’s something that your authenticity won’t stand for.
9) Your Opinions Often Differ
I’ve found myself in the messy situation of being the one person who has a different outlook on things compared to the rest of the group more than once.
And every time it happened, it usually ended up in me realizing that said group doesn’t really care about hearing about what I have to say – rather, they’re more focused on getting me to agree with the rest of them.
As an authentic person, you’ll be put into this situation a few times yourself, and there’s really no other option but to just walk away.
Your ideals clashing with other people will always happen since not everyone can live as true to their ideals as you do.
There can and will be times when your opinion will differ so much that you can’t really make room for these people, and that’s perfectly okay.
10) Lots Of Comments About You Being Quiet
This might be different depending on how extroverted or introverted you are, but I generally get a lot of comments on how quiet I am and how much I keep to myself.
It’s not like I want to socially isolate or don’t find anyone interesting or engaging enough: I just happen to think very carefully about what I want to say or do.
If I haven’t made a decision I’m 100% sure or comfortable with, I’d rather just stay silent.
These comments aren’t always bad, but they can be a sign that the people around you don’t fully understand who you are or how you live your life.
Being authentic often means taking time to internalize things before making any move at all, since you want to be sure that you’re staying true to yourself and your ideals.
11) A General Feeling Of Frustration Or Unease With Your Company
I’d like to think that I choose the people I hang around with carefully.
But people change over time, and sometimes they grow in a direction that you can’t accommodate – or they grow in a direction that can’t accommodate you.
When this happens, a feeling of unease or frustration slowly but surely creeps in whenever you hang out with these people.
This feeling never quite goes away until you all part for your separate ways, and that’s honestly the best course of action to take in this scenario.
Otherwise, you’ll find that these feelings — whether yours or theirs — will only start bubbling up over time.
And from experience, I can tell you that the outcome of that is never pretty.
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