14 unfortunate signs your partner isn’t right for you (and you’re just wasting your time)

Love can be rewarding when you find the person who complements, supports, and uplifts you.

On the other hand, you may feel downtrodden when you’re in a relationship that isn’t a good fit for you.

It is natural to have fantasies about the “perfect partner” but you may not be picking up on the red flags in your current relationship.

So, here are 14 signs that could imply that they aren’t right for you and you’re wasting your time being with them:

1. Both of You Want Different Things in Life

They may not be the right partner for you if both of you want vastly different things out of life and the relationship.

It’s normal (and healthy) to have some differences as it will help the two of you complement each other; but if the two of you have completely different visions for the future of the relationship then it isn’t a sustainable relationship.

For instance, you may want to have kids while they’re against the notion; you may be conservative and want to spend weekends going on dates while they like to live a lavish lifestyle with their weekends spent partying at clubs.

If your values, dreams, and lifestyles can’t find a meaningful middle ground then it means that they aren’t the right one for you.

2. You’re Constantly Questioning Their Commitment to the Relationship

When you’re with the right partner, the time spent with them will make you feel happy and give you a sense of security.

You will never have to even question if they’re the one you deserve; if they’re committed to you then they will show it in their actions.

They will never leave you hanging or perpetually wondering where you stand in their life.

If you don’t know where the relationship is heading or if they’re serious about you, then chances are they’re letting you know how much you mean to them through their actions.

You may even be trying to find the time where you wanted to spend your life with them.

All of these are signs that the relationship isn’t the one you deserve.

3. You’re Forced to Be Someone Who You Aren’t

A loving partner will embrace you with open arms. They will make you feel like the best thing in your life.

They understand your flaws and embrace them as well.

But if you’re in a relationship with someone who doesn’t understand you or love you unconditionally then they will constantly try to change you.

You may feel like you’re being forced to be someone you aren’t when you’re with them.

It may even go as far as you being afraid to show your real side to them because you’re sure they will judge you and put you down instead of holding onto you.

You deserve someone who will stand by you no matter what and if you can’t be natural around them it may be time to reconsider the relationship.

4. The Man Doesn’t Feel Like a Hero

It’s no secret that men and women see the world differently.

We’re driven by different goals and attitudes when it comes to relationships and love.

Sometimes, the woman fails to reflect on what really drives men in relationships.

And failing to do can leave the man feeling unsatisfied.

Because men have a built-in desire for something “greater” that goes beyond love or sex. It’s why men who seemingly have the “perfect girlfriend” are still unhappy and find themselves constantly searching for something else — or worst of all, someone else.

Simply put, men have a biological drive to feel needed, to feel important, and to provide for the woman he cares about.

Relationship psychologist James Bauer calls it the hero instinct. He created an excellent free video about the concept.

You can watch the video here.

As James argues, male desires are not complicated, just misunderstood. Instincts are powerful drivers of human behavior and this is especially true for how men approach their relationships.

So, when the hero instinct isn’t triggered, men are unlikely to be satisfied in a relationship. He holds back because being in a relationship is a serious investment for him. And he won’t fully “invest” in you unless you give him a sense of meaning and purpose and make him feel essential.

How do you trigger this instinct in him? How do you give him a sense of meaning and purpose?

You don’t need to pretend to be anyone you’re not or play the “damsel in distress”. You don’t have to dilute your strength or independence in any way, shape or form.

In an authentic way, you simply have to show your man what you need and allow him to step up to fulfill it.

In his video, James Bauer outlines several things you can do. He reveals phrases, texts and little requests that you can use right now to make him feel more essential to you.

Here’s a link to the video again.

By triggering this very natural male instinct, you’ll not only supercharge his confidence but it will also help to rocket your relationship to the next level.

5. You’re Extremely Self-Conscious Around Them

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to look your best around your partner, but your self-consciousness shouldn’t hamper your ability to function normally around them.

Do you constantly worry that they will judge your appearance?

Do you hold back your thoughts because you’re afraid they may misunderstand and leave you?

If the answer to these questions is yes, then it means that you don’t have the confidence that you can be your natural self around them.

It implies that you feel like if you fall even a step from perfection, you will upset them.

This can be emotionally exhausting and it is a clear indicator that you aren’t with the right person.

6. The Smallest Mistakes Explode Into All-Out War

Arguments and disagreements are a normal part of any relationship.

But there are lines that mustn’t be crossed when arguing with your partner.

If you feel like the smallest inconveniences caused to them by your actions will turn into a 3-hour shouting match, then it means that you partner isn’t mature enough to be in a relationship with you.

The most important part of any relationship is to remember to not sweat over the small stuff while focussing on the positives of your partner.

A partner who isn’t right for you will pick fights with you the moment things don’t go their way.

7. You’re Constantly Making Excuses for Their Behavior

The biggest mistake we make when we are in love with someone is that we make excuses for their behavior and actions all the time.

While it is important to let the little things slide without being judgemental, it is also imperative to know where to draw the line.

You should never put up with someone who makes you feel bad through their actions and ignores red flags.

If you feel like things have been difficult between the two of you but you’re the only one trying to fix it by holding everything together, it means that they don’t care about the relationship as much as you care about them.

It means that it is time to think about walking away to greener pastures devoid of these red flags.

8. What Would a Relationship Expert Say?

While this article explores the main signs you’re not right for each other, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.

With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice specific to your life and your experiences…

Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations, like what to do when you’re not compatible with your partner, and how to fix any other common relationship issues. They’re a very popular resource for people facing this sort of challenge.

How do I know?

Well, I reached out to them a few months ago when I was going through a tough patch in my own relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

Click here to get started.

9. You Have Lost Trust in Them

Trust is a vital component of any relationship. It is difficult to go the distance with someone you have lost trust in.

If you wonder where their loyalty is or you’re unsure about their motivations, then it may be best to step away from them at least for the time being.

While loss of trust in their fidelity is an immediate red flag, there can be other forms of losing trust that you may ignore.

For instance, you may not trust their opinions, you may not trust their ability to follow through on their words, or may not even trust that they can support you in life.

Loss of trust results in loss of connection and not connecting with someone means they aren’t the right one for you.

10. They Don’t Excite You

Just because you’re willing to spend your life with someone doesn’t mean that you want to spend your life with them.

Sometimes, we fall in love with the idea of the relationship rather than seeing what the relationship actually is.

Ask yourself: Do you love to fantasize about getting married and starting a life with someone or are you excited about spending the rest of your life with that special person.

The thought of a lifetime spent with your soulmate will sweep you off your feet and should be exciting.

If you feel like that spark isn’t there within you, then it means you need to have a serious look in the mirror and ask yourself if they’re really the one for you.

11. They Don’t Make You Feel Safe, Respected, or Comfortable

A true partner is someone who can hold you in their arms and make you feel right at home.

If you aren’t able to enjoy your time with them or feel safe around them, it may be a sign that something isn’t right about the relationship.

It is a cause for concern if you don’t feel comfortable touching them or you feel like you’re respected by them.

The best relationships are partnerships that are built on the values of a romantic friendship.

If they can’t treat you the way you deserve to be treated and can’t make you laugh in the darkest of times, then they aren’t a good fit to build a future with.

12. They Aren’t Helping You Grow

If they aren’t the right one for you, then you may find yourself stuck in the relationship rather than cherishing it.

A good partner should help you grow as a person and support you in all your endeavors.

If they aren’t building you up when you’re down and helping you grow to the future you want, then they aren’t the partner for you.

You deserve to be someone who can treat you well and help you find the best version of yourself.

They need to be the lighter fluid that will help you evolve into a better human being.

If you feel like they’re tearing you down then it is time to think if you really see your future with them.

13. You’re Never Their Main Priority

Another sign that you may be wasting your time with someone is if you feel like you’re begging for their time and attention.

Your partner should be that person who you can depend upon for anything and you know that they have got your back no matter what.

Sure, they may have other stuff going on in their life but if they care about you then they will always make time for you.

If you’re rarely ever their priority or if they’re apparently “too busy” for you, then it means that they aren’t the right one for you.

14. They Don’t Like Your Friends or Family

This is a sign that most people choose to ignore. It is easy to shut off the world and get lost in someone when you love them a lot.

But they should be someone who cares not only about you but also about the important people in your life.

If they don’t care what happens to your friends or family and couldn’t be less bothered about them, then it means that they don’t value the people in your life.

The same can be said if it is the other way around as well; if none of your friends or family members are hot about them then it may mean that you’re turning a blind eye to something in the relationship.

If they’re the right one for you, they will make efforts to fit into your life and you will make efforts to fit into theirs.

By now you should have a better idea of if they’re not right for you. 

But if you’re convinced that you can get passed these issues, and you can create a better relationship, then the key now is getting through to your man in a way that empowers both him and you. 

I mentioned the concept of the hero instinct earlier by appealing directly to his primal instincts, you won’t only solve this issue, but you’ll take your relationship further than ever before.

And since this free video reveals exactly how to trigger your man’s hero instinct, you could make this change from as early as today. 

With James Bauer’s incredible concept, he’ll see you as the only woman for him. So if you’re ready to take that plunge,be sure to check out the video now. 

Here’s a link to his excellent free video again. 

Did you like my article? Like me on Facebook to see more articles like this in your feed.

Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. Check out my latest book on the Hidden Secrets of Buddhism and How it Saved My Life. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Twitter.

How long does it usually take for a man to propose? Everything you need to know

19 remarkable symptoms of a soul tie (complete list)