Being in a loving long-term relationship with your partner can be a beautiful journey in life.
However, real-life relationships aren’t as perfect as they could be in ideal circumstances.
It’s quite possible for a partner who is committed and faithful to fantasize about someone else.
These fantasies can be as small as a fleeting crush or as serious as them obsessively thinking about someone else.
It can be tough to know that your lover is fantasizing about other people when they are with you, but it isn’t always a cause for concern.
If you are worried or suspect that they are drifting off into a realm of fantasy with other people, here are 11 signs that might actually be the case:
1) They subtly hint about their fantasies at odd times of the day
Having fantasies might be a guilty pleasure that your partner isn’t particularly proud of and hence, they might subtly hint about their fantasies to you.
They may even bring up intimate fantasies that they wish to experience with you.
While these can be innocent, if they bring them up at peculiar times of the day it may be worth questioning them about it.
It’s entirely possible that they may even confess that they fantasize about other people when you ask them.
2) They seem like they are lost in a different world around you
If your partner is fantasizing about someone else, then they will often be lost in another world when they are with you.
They will seem distant and disinterested, and you may even catch them daydreaming.
If this starts to happen too often, where they seem to have lost their attention from you and the time you are spending with them, then it may be a sign that they are bored with the current state of the relationship and are fantasizing about someone else.
3) They are checking out other people more than usual
Checking out other people can be perfectly harmless in a relationship. Some couples may even check out other people together.
However, there has to be a certain level of honesty and trust for this to exist.
No matter how mature you might try to be, no one is comfortable with their partner looking at other people over an extended period of time.
If they check out others and feel attracted to them more than usual, you should address it head-on and express your displeasure.
If they continue to check out other people, then it may be a sign that they are living in a world where they are constantly fantasizing about someone else.
4) They make active changes to their physical appearance
If your partner is often dressing up, making active changes to their physical appearance, and looking their best, it may be a sign that they are trying to gain the attention of the people they are fantasizing about.
It’s also possible that they are merely doing it to look their best for you.
The best way to understand their motivations is by observing where their focus is when you are talking to them.
If they’re focused on you with a genuine interest then there is nothing to worry about.
However, if they seem fidgety or if they’re constantly looking around the room, it could be an indicator that they’re fantasizing about other people.
5) They seem to retreat into a shell and need more alone time
A classic sign that they are fantasizing about other people is if they are constantly spending time with themselves.
They may become more private and quiet around you.
People who are fantasizing about other people may feel disconnected from their current relationship.
They may retreat into their shells, reply with short messages, and almost seem to neglect your existence in their life.
A simple rule of thumb to follow is if they are treating you like you aren’t their priority, it could be a sign that they are thinking about someone else.
6) They are reluctant to sleep in the same bedroom
This is a more elaborate manifestation of feeling disconnected from you.
They may feel disinterested in being intimate with you and may even choose to sleep in a different bedroom.
This may be because they are fantasizing about someone else and are worried that they may reveal their secret thoughts to you.
It’s equally likely that people who are fantasizing about someone else may become more interested in sleeping with you.
This may be because their fantasies are fuelling them to be more aggressive and physically involved with you.
It’s important that you are able to know for a certainty that they aren’t thinking about someone else when you are being intimate with them.
Notice that they have changed in bed and try to figure out why that may be the case based on the other signs that we have mentioned.
7) They seem dishonest, shifty, and secretive
Dishonesty is the root of most troubles in a relationship.
If they are fantasizing about other people, they may become extremely protective and defensive of their things.
They may feel like you touching their devices is infringing their privacy. it’s also possible that they may act extremely insecure around you and give you the impression of being secretive.
A common sign to pick up on is to observe the changes in their mood when you try to have a conversation with them about it.
If they deflect it and refuse to even address the issue, then it may be because they are fantasizing about someone else and are acting out of their guilt.
8) They are less interested in spending romantic time together
This is perhaps one of the most obvious signs of them fantasizing about someone else.
Apart from becoming more private and secretive, they will also be extremely reluctant to spend quality time with you.
Any loving partner owes their partner a commitment of their time and attention.
If both those attributes are missing and if she doesn’t seem interested in spending romantic time with just the two of you, then it may be something that has to be discussed.
When confronted about it they may claim to be “too busy”.
It’s possible that they are telling the truth but most people who are faithful and committed will always find a way to spend time with their partner.
They may end up making plans with other people even if they haven’t been able to spare enough time for you.
You may even feel like the time they do spare seems more like a chore to them, and they feel alienated from you.
A common instance of this is if they refuse to maintain eye contact with you or spend their time scrolling through their phone on a romantic night that you planned.
9) They mention interests and activities that they have never wished to do with you before
Personality changes are a common trait of a partner who is interested in someone else.
These changes in their personality could be contradictory to their previously stated dispositions.
For instance, they may have mentioned that they hate rap music when you talked about it, but you may find them talking about rappers with someone else.
They may even mention events in your relationship that never happened between the two of you.
This means that they have fantasized about these events inside their head and the line between reality and fantasy has become blurred in their eyes.
At this stage, you must talk to them about how this makes them feel and make them understand why it isn’t healthy for the relationship if they continue to fantasize about other people.
These new interests, hobbies, and activities that they have picked up could be a sign that their motivation to learn more about them could stem from a wish to impress the people they are fantasizing about.
After all, when you are infatuated with someone or developed a crush on someone, you will be on your best behavior for them.
10) The little things seem to have lost value to them
During the precious honeymoon phase, both of you would have been wholeheartedly committed to the relationship.
However, loyalty isn’t tested in this period and is rather tested by how committed you remain over an extended period of time.
If out of the blue they seem to have lost interest in the little, special moments and don’t go out of the way to express their love for you, then it may be an indicator that their heart and mind are somewhere else.
11) They aren’t passionate about talking about the future
Do they talk passionately about the future when they are with you or do they seem to always find a way to dodge the conversation?
If the answer to that question is the former, then it’s a tell-tale sign that they are no longer certain about the future of the relationship.
There could be several other reasons for them not being passionately devoted to discussing the future.
Fantasizing about someone else is one of the more prominent reasons.
A good way to identify the reason for their non-committal attitude towards the future is to assess whether they show interest in you on a regular and consistent basis.
Observe if they make plans for meeting up or is it a one-sided effort to plan every meeting.
If this change in perspective about the future has come in recent days, then it’s clear that there is something or someone else occupying their thoughts.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.
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