Trust is the foundation of any relationship.
Without it, relationships crumble around us and don’t last the distance.
If you’re on the hunt for long, enriching, and loving relationships that you can count on for years to come, then it all comes down to trust.
It’s not always easy to find these people.
Many of us, are far too willing to trust people far too quickly before we truly know them.
We want to think the best of people and end up getting hurt in the process.
Here are 10 tell-tale signs of a trustworthy person to help you be a better judge of character in your relationships.
1) They are consistent
If someone is trustworthy, then you can count on them to have the same behavior and language to remain consistent.
This is because they aren’t changing their behavior in an attempt to lie or be dishonest with you or to impress you. They are who they say they are, day in and day out. No matter the situation you find yourselves in, you can rely on the fact that they will have the same attitude towards you.
This means you can know exactly what to expect every time you’re with them.
They won’t pretend to be someone they are not.
They won’t change their behavior depending on who is around them at the time.
They aren’t trying to fool anybody by changing from moment to moment.
Trustworthy people are reliable people because they are consistent.
If you have people in your life who are lovely to you out in public, but then switch when you’re alone and become a whole new person, take this as a warning sign. This isn’t a trustworthy person you can rely on. It’s not a healthy relationship.
A trustworthy person is someone who you can predict and count on, knowing you’re getting the same consistent personality no matter what.
2) They’re always willing to compromise
Relationships take compromise. Whether it’s a relationship with friends, family, or a lover, compromise is an important part.
After all, you aren’t going to agree on everything, every single time. You’re different people with different likes and dislikes, different interests, and different feelings and this all needs to be factored into any relationship.
Trustworthy people are willing to make small sacrifices to make it work. It’s about giving a little, and then getting a little back down the track – and it’s a great sign of a healthy relationship.
For example, you might go out to a movie together and you want to see the chick flick and your friend is more interested in the action movie. So, you compromise, your friend agrees to see the chick flick this time, and next time you agree to see the action movie.
If the other person isn’t willing to compromise in a relationship, then they’re not a trustworthy person. They’re in the relationship for themselves and only interested in what they want. Steer clear.
3) They respect boundaries
Every relationship has boundaries in place that you both agree on. These boundaries are the foundation to the relationship, ensuring you’re both comfortable as the relationship progresses.
If you’re in a relationship with someone who is constantly pushing your boundaries, then they aren’t a trustworthy person.
They are trying to control you and have no concern for your comfort or needs. It’s about them and what they want.
For example, if you have told a guy you’re dating you’re not ready to have sex yet. He should respect your decision and be happy to wait.
If he keeps pestering you about it and putting you in situations that make you feel uncomfortable, then it’s clear he doesn’t have your best interests at heart.
4) They’re honest with you
We don’t always like to hear the truth. Sometimes it’s hurt. But it’s far better than being lied to time and time again.
Someone who is willing to be honest with you all the time is someone that you can trust.
You know what to expect from them and you know they want what’s best for you. It means you can talk to them about the big things in life, such as your career, where you want to live, and your goals.
You know they will be honest and respectful.
It’s important to remember that they aren’t doing it with the intent of hurting you. They simply value the truth and have your best interests at heart.
They deliver the news to you as sensitively as possible, with the intention of protecting your feelings. They want to ensure you are making the right decisions for you, while also being careful not to hurt you with the truth.
For example, you might be looking at changing career paths to teaching. A trustworthy person will tell you what they think while trying not to hurt your feelings.
They might tell you, being in a classroom full of kids all day long is tiring and very testing…are you sure that’s suited to your personality.
A non-trustworthy person will do one of two things:
- Not say anything, as they don’t care enough about your happiness.
- Deliberately try to hurt your feelings by saying: you’re useless with kids and that’s a horrible decision.
There’s a clear difference, and you know which one you need in your life.
5) Their actions match their words
This has to be one of the best indications of trustworthiness.
Let’s face it, words are easy. It’s easy to say you care. It’s easy to say you love someone. It’s easy to say you’ll be there for that person.
Words are easy.
Actions are much harder.
If someone close to you is talking the talk but not following through with their actions, then it’s a good indication that they aren’t a trustworthy person.
For example, if they tell you that you mean the world to you, but then ditch your plans to hang out with other people just because they feel like it, then you know they aren’t trustworthy.
It works the same with promises. If this person promises you that they will be there to watch you graduate and then fail to show on the day, then their actions are telling you they don’t care. If they did care, they wouldn’t break a promise that was important to you.
Words mean nothing unless they are backed by actions.
A trustworthy person will confidently make promises to you, and you know that you can rely on them and they’ll follow through.
6) They are always ready to show gratitude
This is a good trait in any person, but it’s also a good sign of someone who is trustworthy.
So, what exactly is gratitude?
- Appreciating something that is valuable to you (which has nothing to do with money).
- Freely given to you.
Most relationships encompass teamwork along the way.
Whether you help them move house, or you go along to support them in an activity, by showing gratitude that person is expressing that they appreciate what you do.
In her book, Living in Gratitude: A Journey That Will Change Your Life, Angeles Arrien writes:
“Gratitude is essentially the recognition of the unearned increments of value in one’s experience.”
On the other hand, someone who isn’t trustworthy is much more likely to take you for granted.
They show no gratitude when you help them move house because they simply expect this of you. They don’t appreciate what you’re doing at all, they just take it for granted.
In fact, if you don’t help them move or cook them dinner at night (for example) a person who isn’t trustworthy is more likely to lash out at you.
Because they expect these things from you, they get thrown when you don’t follow through.
If you feel like there are people in your life who don’t appreciate what you do for them and are taking you for granted, then it might be time to cut them out.
You don’t need to be surrounded by people like this.
A trustworthy person will value your time and effort and let you know.
You will feel cared for and appreciated and likely reciprocate this to them as well.
7) They are open with you
If you’re in relationships that are full of games and dishonesty, then you’re in a relationship with people who aren’t at all trustworthy.
Trustworthy people are very open about who they are and how they value you. They aren’t going to waste their time trying to manipulate you or situations to get their own way.
You will be able to recognize this quality almost immediately in a person. How?
Because they are so open with you. They’re willing to share everything and don’t believe in keeping secrets from you.
They open up about their life. They open up about their feelings. They open up about every little thing, so you know you can trust them.
There’s a key difference between a trustworthy person and one who is faking it.
The person faking it isn’t genuine at all, and you’ll be able to see through it from the beginning. They will share details of their life, but only snippets. Other parts they will keep you in the dark about. They share their feelings, but their actions don’t match their words.
You can also read it in their body expressions and their facial expressions. They look down, they fidget and they act nervous. Why? Because they know they aren’t being open with you – they’re hoping you won’t realize.
Trustworthy people are calm and ready to answer your questions. Because the truth is always so much easier.
8) They’re relaxed
Not only are they relaxed, but when you’re around them you’ll feel nice and relaxed as well. Why is that?
It’s simple, trustworthy people tell the truth and they don’t make things up.
This means they’re always calm and open with you, and willing to be in the moment with you. In turn, this leaves you feeling nice and calm and relaxed as well.
On the flip side, people who aren’t trustworthy get tangled up in a web of their lies.
It’s hard work lying!
You have to remember what you’ve lied about, how it connects to the next lie, and hope that you don’t slip up at any point along the way.
As a result, these people tend to be on edge a lot of the time and always on the defensive. You might find they lash out at you a lot, which is their defense mechanism. They’re trying to protect their lies and they achieve this by putting you down in the process.
Naturally, this leaves you feeling on edge too. You’re not relaxed around them. Instead, you’re waiting for the next outburst to come and feeling quite anxious around them.
Know anyone who makes you feel this way?
It’s not you, it’s 100% them and it’s important to recognize this. No one should make you feel on edge all the time. This is a relationship that definitely isn’t worth the time of day.
Look for someone you feel comfortable around and actually enjoy being around, this is a relationship you want in your life.
9) They don’t partake in gossip
Most of us love a little gossip every now and then. We can’t help ourselves. As long as it’s harmless and not hurting anybody, then there’s generally nothing wrong with it.
But one of the big signs of a trustworthy person is that they aren’t at all interested in this gossip After all, gossip is simply hearsay about certain people that generally focuses on their worst qualities.
A trustworthy person doesn’t automatically assume the worst in anyone, so they steer clear. They don’t like to make assumptions that aren’t based on anything more than gossip.
Instead, they go to the source for information (if it’s important enough to do so) in order to get the facts before forming an opinion. If not, they simply steer clear and ignore the rumor altogether. After all, they probably have better things to do with their time.
Rumors usually focus on negativity, which brings people down. Even those who are doing the gossiping. A trustworthy person is much more focused on bringing a bit of positivity into the world.
So, have a think about your current relationships. Do any of them seem very negative a lot of the time?
You may think it’s a bit of harmless fun gossiping about others, but it’s actually bringing down your mood as well and affecting you in more ways than you actually realize.
Plus, how do you know this person isn’t heading off and gossiping about you to others?
With a trustworthy person, you can trust that they won’t gossip to others and feel safe in confiding in them about everything.
You’ll also have positive thoughts about your relationship and feel lifted after spending time with them. The complete opposite experience.
10) They’re always there for you
Relationships are a two-way street. Both parties should be getting something out of it and feeling like they are supported.
This is the way you will feel in a trustworthy relationship.
A trustworthy person is able to listen to you and put you first when they know you need it. They’re not waiting around to see what they will get in return. They genuinely care about you.
Trustworthy people make compassionate listeners.
If it’s important to you, then it’s important to them. And they are willing to be your safe place to vent, free of judgement.
No matter what you’re going through, they are there for you.
Finding those trustworthy relationships
As you can see, being untrustworthy actually takes a lot more effort than being trustworthy, and you’ll notice this in your relationships as well.
Your relationships with untrustworthy people will take a much bigger toll on you. You’ll find yourself always on edge, always being taken for granted, and always being the brunt of their lies and cover-ups.
One great way to know whether or not you’re in a healthy relationship is to take a good long, hard look and ask yourself deep down how that person makes you feel. Your answer should be:
- Cared for
If other words are cropping up, such as scared, overwhelmed, underappreciated, taken for granted, and so on, then it’s time to reassess whether or not you really need this relationship in your life.
Take a look through your current relationships and take a look at these 10 telltale signs and see how they measure up against them.
Can you confidently say they are trustworthy?
If not, it might be time to cut the dead weight and move on.
You can’t change a person. If the person isn’t trustworthy, they aren’t likely to change in the near future, so don’t wait around for it.
Pick yourself up and go on the hunt for people who are trustworthy. There are plenty of people out there ready to form a lasting relationship.