Marrying the woman that you love could feel like a fantasy come true.
Be that as it may, choosing who to marry isn’t simply a decision of the heart, but of the mind as well.
Both Warren Buffett, American business magnate, and Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook, have said that who you marry is going to be one of the most important decisions of your life.
There are practical considerations that need to be considered to increase the chances of having a successful marriage: do you share the same values? Do you complement each other? Do you have similar long-term goals or plans?
Here are 12 signs to look out for in choosing who to tie the knot with.
1. You Share Similar Aspirations In Life
It’s vital that you share your life with someone that complements the life that you eventually want to have.
If you’re pursuing a music career, it might involve having to go on tour for multiple weeks in a year or facing the possibility of not earning much at the start.
This makes it difficult to be with someone who relies on you often.
Or maybe you aspire to have children and settle down.
If she has no plans of having children, then the marriage may get difficult for you.
2. She’s Someone You Can Be Completely Honest With
Honesty is one of the most important virtues in any successful relationship.
If there’s no honesty in the relationship, then it’s guaranteed not to last long.
Are you able to be your whole self with her?
Often people are afraid to be vulnerable because it opens them up to even more heartbreak.
But if you have to act a certain way when you’re with her to hide your insecurities — doubts, fears, or even vices and addictions — it will eventually get exhausting to keep that mask up.
The truth always comes out eventually.
Being honest and living as your authentic self extends to the way that you communicate with each other.
Do you feel comfortable being honest and disagreeing with her opinions?
Or telling her that you’re unhappy or that she hurt you?
It might lead to an argument or fight, sure, but not every fight has to lead to a break up if both of you are able to be honest and understanding with each other.
If you’re comfortable expressing your true feelings to her, that’s a good sign.
3. She Can Stand On Her Own
Being married doesn’t mean that you have to be together all the time or that you have to spend your time working on the same projects.
There are bound to be things that only you’re interested in or that only she’s interested in.
There might also be times where either one of you has to fly out somewhere for a business trip.
There’s a tendency for some people to have a difficult time spending time away from their loved ones.
Of course, you still miss each other.
But neither of you feel worried that they might find someone more attractive while they’re away.
If there’s that kind of trust in your relationship, it’s a good sign.
4. She’s Supportive Of You And Vice Versa
There are going to be times in your life where you feel discouraged because of negative criticism, or self-doubt begins to creep into your mind.
Is she there to comfort you and listen to you?
Likewise, when she doesn’t feel like she’s good enough, are you willing to do the same for her?
Being able to support each other in the good times and the bad are important factors to consider with a lifelong partner.
5. She’s Shown You That She’s Serious
Past the honeymoon phase, relationships require hard work and dedication, just like any commitment.
It needs you to show up to let them know that this is still important to you.
So when she suddenly surprises you with tickets to a concert that you told her you to wish you could go to, or even travels a few miles just to be with you, you know that she’s a keeper.
These gestures that let you know that she’s serious don’t have to be so grand, either.
It can simply be her taking care of you when you’re sick or keeping you in mind the next time she eats out so she orders take-out for you.
6. She Fits Well With Your Family And Friends
Meeting the family is a milestone in any relationship.
And when you choose to get married, you’re deciding to combine your families.
So it’s important that the woman that you marry has a good rapport with your family and even your friends.
After introducing her to your parents, your mom might say how much she loves her.
When you invite her out with your friends, she talks to them as if they’ve known each other for years already.
When there’s no awkwardness with meeting the family and friends, you know that she’s special.
7. She’s Mature
Age seldom has anything to do with maturity.
If you’re both past your youthful 20s but she’s still too stubborn to lower her pride to admit her mistake or forgive someone, that might mean she isn’t ready for something as serious as marriage yet.
She still has some personal growth to take care of.
When you have a disagreement, she isn’t one to hold enduring grudges.
She is able to calmly have a discussion with you without having to yell.
She’s able to forgive.
Likewise, when she’s done something wrong, she admits her mistakes and takes responsibility for it.
These are clear signs that she’s mature enough to handle a more serious relationship.
8. She Focuses On Improving Herself
She has a growth mindset.
While she knows that she may not be the most skilled at what she does, she’s always looking for ways to improve herself.
She looks for ways to be more productive, more patient, more understanding with others.
This also means that she doesn’t really compare herself with others.
She focuses on her own lane and rarely ever gets jealous of other people.
People grow and improve over time.
If you’re in a marriage, you are both going to witness others’ growth first-hand — and that isn’t always going to be easy.
When you trust that she’s capable of growing with you, that’s a good sign.
9. You Share The Same Values
Do you both believe in contributing to your community? Do you both volunteer? Do you both believe in expanding your comfort zones? Do you both believe in traveling the world? Do you believe in being honest, respectful, strict, kind, or compassionate?
Sharing the same values is important to a successful marriage.
If you don’t see eye to eye on issues, you’re going to fall into more and more arguments and realize that maybe you weren’t meant for each other after all.
10. She Has Her Own Ambitions She’s Working Towards
She’s driven to achieve her goals — and that’s one of the reasons why you fell in love with her in the first place.
She is constantly driven to excel in her work and achieve mastery, whether it be writing, painting, swimming, or dancing.
If she’s able to focus on her goals while still being serious with you, that could mean that she’s really serious about you.
11. She Pushes You To Become A Better Person
Before you got together, you might’ve considered yourself to be shy.
You doubted your skills and told yourself that you could never become someone great.
But seeing her be so driven has inspired you to do the same.
Now, you’re more willing to face your fears and put yourself out there.
Being with someone that inspires you and constantly pushes you to improve yourself will make life better for you in the long run.
If you find yourself constantly being inspired by her, it might be best not to let her go.
12. She’s Your Best Friend
A friendship is really the ultimate relationship.
Sure, others may have the idea that a happy marriage is being all lovey-dovey and sweet to each other.
Be that as it may, there are other parts of a marriage as well: it’s laughing at the same stupid jokes together; it’s making silly noises and being comfortable looking like fool together.
Just like how you are with your friends, you’re also very comfortable with being yourself around her.
While you may not have to marry your best friend, you should be able to envision your wife as your best friend.
There are no perfect marriages.
Every married couple has had their fights, arguments, even lulls: moments where most of the excitement has faded and you’ve just returned to living your ordinary lives.
Marriage takes compromise, honesty, and openness. It isn’t enough to feel love but to show it every day.
It’s a commitment.
The person that you should marry is the person that you see yourself choosing every single day — and they’re the person that chooses you every single day too.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.
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