Pearl Nash
Living with an immature man is exhausting.
You’ll have plenty of arguments and drama that you might as well have your own reality TV show!
That’s why, if you’re looking for a man to date long-term, make sure you’re choosing an emotionally mature one.
It will save you a ton of heartache and headache (not to mention, money for therapy!)
Here are signs to look for if you want an emotional mature man.
1) He doesn’t try hard to “be a man”
A mature man won’t have problems washing dishes, doing laundry, and taking care of the kids.
He doesn’t see these things as “chores for women” because they are things people of all genders should be able to do!
And if he earns less than a woman, he doesn’t go “Boohoo, I’m such a loser.” That’s because an emotionally mature man doesn’t equate his self-worth to his career or income.
An immature man, on the other hand, would feel emasculated by all of this.
If you request him to do the laundry because you have deadlines to beat, he’d say “So you think this is all I can do?” or “If I’m a millionaire, I’m sure you won’t ask me to do laundry!”
Save yourself from this kind of drama.
Be with a man who doesn’t subscribe to traditional gender roles instead. They’re generally more mature and sensible.
2) He chooses his battles
Heavy traffic? Neighbors playing loud music? Parents sulking? Co-workers stealing credit?
A mature man won’t deal with all of them with equal passion and determination.
He’d just pay attention to the ones that are most important and try his best to let go of the rest.
An immature man, on the other hand, would make a fuss over every little thing.
What’s worse, he’d rant about them so even if you didn’t witness his annoyance first-hand, you’d still be able to hear about it.
Imagine how your quality of life would be affected if you’re with an immature man. Your stress would be doubled!
So do yourself a favor. Choose a mature man instead—one who doesn’t get too bothered by every little inconvenience.
You’ll have more peace and quiet.
3) He doesn’t get offended by honest feedback
A mature man doesn’t have an inflated sense of self-worth.
That’s why when you give him any kind of feedback, he won’t go “Can’t I get any support around here?!” or “Why do you want to put me down?!”
A mature man isn’t insecure, but he is very much aware that he’s not the best at everything he does.
And he knows that for him to become better at anything, feedback is important.
So when you give him any kind of feedback—from his performance at work to how he cleans the kitchen— he’s all ears. He won’t feel attacked and would instead be glad you care enough to tell him.
An immature man, on the other hand, would feel attacked by even the mildest criticism.
Because of his fragile ego, not only do you stop being honest, you have to fake a compliment sometimes so he won’t feel inadequate.
4) He can laugh at himself
A man who can laugh at himself is a joy to be around because you can totally relax when you’re with him.
You don’t have to worry about offending him because he already knows he’s not perfect (and neither are you with your imperfect opinions).
He might laugh about his belly fat and would not get offended when you squish it or joke about it.
Or he might laugh about how useless and boring his job is…and so when you make fun about it, he doesn’t feel like you’re insulting him.
An immature man, on the other hand, would make you feel like you’re a mean person even if you just stared at his belly or if you simply asked about his job.
5) He’s always willing to learn and grow
A mature man focuses his attention on self-improvement instead of day-to-day drama.
If he doesn’t know how to swim, for example, he won’t take offense if you encourage him to learn. Same goes with driving, cooking, investing…everything really.
He won’t even take offense if you teach him how you want to become better with sex.
A mature man won’t think you’re dissatisfied with him if you encourage him to become better.
He won’t go “Why can’t you take me as I am?” or “So you think I’m not good enough for you?” like what an immature man would.
He’d actually be happy you want him to keep growing and evolving.
6) He’s comfortable feeling his emotions
Emotional maturity doesn’t just mean being able to regulate one’s temper. It’s also being able to recognize and be comfortable with all kinds of emotions—especially negative ones.
If he feels jealous, he’ll say it. If he feels frustrated, he’ll say it.
He knows bottling up his emotions would not do him or your relationship any good.
But what sets him apart from immature men is that he won’t lash out or freak out or break down. Instead, he’ll say it in the gentlest and calmest way possible.
He also won’t say it in a way that would make you feel responsible for his emotions because he’s merely sharing, not guilt-tripping.
7) He constantly reminds himself that not everything is about him
If someone ignores him or doesn’t treat him right, he won’t take it personally.
Instead, he’d give people the benefit of the doubt.
He’d think that maybe that person is just having a bad day…and that they’re not actually deliberately doing things to make HIM feel bad.
In fact, he might even think how people act has NOTHING to do with him.
In other words, he doesn’t make himself the center of everything.
And so if you’re their partner, everything is more calm because he won’t interpret your moods and attitude as a reflection of how you value him.
8) He gets angry but doesn’t lash out
Anger, frustration, and all the negative emotions are normal. A mature person acknowledges them and honors them.
You see, they know that dismissing emotions could have negative effects towards them and your relationship, and so they’d never try to suppress them.
But what makes him different from an immature man is that he won’t do things that could escalate any tension.
He won’t lash out, get physically abusive, and say things that could hurt you.
You know why?
Simple. The reason he expresses his negative emotions is that he’s hoping it could improve things, and not make things worse.
9) He knows how to accept defeat
A mature man is a good sport.
If he lost in a game, he’d not claim that his opponents were cheating. He’d accept defeat and just put all his energy into improving his performance for the next match.
If he gets rejected for a grant or a job application, he won’t hate them and accuse them of being unfair or biased.
He knows that there are hundreds of applicants and that rejection is always a possibility.
To a mature man, defeat and rejection are just part of life. To an immature man, defeat is a reflection of one’s worth.
10) He admits his mistakes
An immature man would do whatever it takes just to prove to others that he’s doing the right thing.
And if it becomes clear to him that he indeed made a mistake, he won’t even admit it.
He’d blame others for his actions!
It’s no surprise that he’d say “But I had no choice” or “But THEY made me do it”.
A mature man, on the other hand, holds himself accountable for all his actions—and would readily admit it when it’s clear to him that he made a wrong move.
11) He’d rather be kind than be right
When you have an argument, it won’t last for hours because a mature man is someone who values peace.
It doesn’t mean that he just shuts up, though. He will express himself!
However, he will make sure that every word that comes out of his mouth will lead to more understanding instead of drama.
He won’t let pride aggravate things. Unlike an immature man, he doesn’t have the need to show you how smart he is, and how st*pid you are.
He’d express himself, but at the same time, he’s aware that each one of us has different opinions. He’d rather respect your views than argue with you endlessly.
Last words
When you’re with an emotionally mature man, life is easy. When you’re with an immature one, being with them feels like hard work.
But do take note that we’re all a bit immature one way or another.
So if you see that they’re just slightly immature, you probably should give them a chance. With love and guidance, both of you can just mature together.
But if they’re painfully immature that you fight several times a day, you should pause and think twice. Ask yourself if the constant tension and drama is worth it.
