Say a friend invites you to a party and introduces you to one of their friends. Your eyes would meet, and that’s when you feel it — you feel the chemistry.
While being physically attracted to someone is what most notice at first, it isn’t the only aspect of a relationship that you can have chemistry with.
Here are 26 signs that you and your partner have good — not just physical — chemistry.
1) You’re drawn to each other
For any kind of chemistry at all to happen, of course, there has to be some kind of initial attraction.
If you’re drawn to each other when you meet and you feel a magnetic pull towards each other, chances are you’re beginning to develop chemistry.
2) You can see it in their body language
How can you tell that you’re attracted to each other?
One way is to observe each other’s body language. Jeremy Nicholson M.S.W., Ph.D., lists several visible signs that you’re attracted to each other.
They could find ways to get nearer to you, like moving closer on a couch or slightly leaning towards you during a conversation.
Another way you can tell that they’re attracted to you is when their feet are pointing towards you when you’re talking; it shows that they’re interested in what you’re saying and are paying attention to the conversation.
Words aren’t the only things you can listen to. Make sure you pay attention to body language as well.
3) You respect each other
You might not realize the role respect plays in having chemistry with someone – but it’s actually a crucial element.
You see, when two people respect each other, they behave in a way that increases their shared bond. They act with consideration. They take into account each other’s feelings.
They value each other.
And the truth is, there’s nothing that boosts chemistry more than someone who is attentive and thoughtful!
This is actually backed by a theory called the hero instinct.
Coined by relationship expert James Bauer, this revolutionary concept is about three main drivers all men have, deeply ingrained in their DNA.
And one of those drivers is the desire to be respected.
This is something most women don’t know about.
But once triggered, these drivers make men into the heroes of their own lives. They let down their guard, love harder, and commit stronger when they find someone they have chemistry with.
Now, you may be wondering why it’s called “the hero instinct”? Do guys really need to feel like superheroes to feel chemistry with a woman?
No. It has nothing to do with Marvel Studios. It comes at no cost or sacrifice to you or your independence.
With only a few small changes in how you approach him, you’ll tap into these drivers to show him that your connection is based on mutual respect.
And the best way to do this is by checking out James Bauer’s excellent free video here.
He shares some easy tips to get you started, such as sending him a 12 word text that will trigger his hero instinct right away.
You see, that’s the beauty of the hero instinct.
It’s only a matter of knowing the right things to say, but it could transform the way he sees you forever.
All of that and more is included in this informative free video, so make sure to check it out if you want to take the chemistry to the next level.
4) You maintain eye contact
In addition to (unintentional) body language, you can also tell that there’s chemistry when the two of you maintain eye contact, especially when it’s held for longer than it needs to be.
When they intentionally avoid eye contact — and not in the shy, flirty way — it can mean that they’re not interested.
There’s chemistry between you two when you keep looking at each other from across the room or when you’re talking to each other and you can’t keep your eyes off them.
5) You can feel the physical attraction and sexual tension
It can be something as simple as wanting to be closer to them or something more intimate like some sexual tension. Either way, you just want to act on that magnetic feeling between you.
If you feel that there’s something drawing you to each other physically, there’s definitely some chemistry there.
Sexual tension happens “when we desire someone but do not act on that desire”.
This could either come around as soon as you meet or it could also be developed over time.
Feeling sexual attraction towards each other is an important part of a healthy relationship because of the bond it creates and the love you can express.
6) You express physical affection towards each other
Physical touch is also important to romantic chemistry.
When you’re attracted to someone, you’ll want to show them that you like them by showing physical affection towards them.
Physical expressions of attraction aren’t restricted to sexual intimacy; in fact, non-sexual physical contact also has its unique benefits.
Research has found that partners who show their affection for each other through touch end up having happier relationships.
It’s about closeness to each other, something that can be expressed through touch.
If you keep finding excuses to subtly touch each other (such as a simple caress on the arm while talking or a hand to your back when you’re walking), it’s another point towards developing chemistry.
7) You try to get each other’s attention
You can’t get the ball rolling if you don’t have the other person’s attention.
If you’re at a crowded party and you keep finding ways to catch the other person’s attention, there’s a good chance that the attraction is mutual.
It’s easy to talk to somebody once and then never think about them again; that just means you’re not interested. On the other hand, if a person is actively avoiding you or doesn’t make the effort to initiate a conversation, the attraction might be one-sided.
However, if both of you keep looking for each other and work at keeping the other person focused on the conversation, you two enjoy talking to each other (which could turn into something more).
8) You can talk about anything
It’s one thing to want to talk to each other, but it’s another thing to talk.
Forced conversations are never fun. If you’re attracted to someone but can’t find anything in common to talk about, the chemistry isn’t there.
On the other hand, you could find yourself talking about things as basic as your favorite colors to deeper topics like personal philosophies and beliefs.
You could even feel like the reason you can talk about anything with them is that you trust them already, enough to feel like they won’t immediately judge you for what you say.
If that sounds like the two of you, you’re interested in each other past the more superficial physical attraction.
9) You pay attention to what the other person is saying
You can talk and talk about anything under the sun but if the other person isn’t listening, it’s a waste.
There’s no chemistry if they don’t even know what you were talking about 2 seconds ago.
10) You make each other smile and laugh
Smiling is a good sign; if you both smile at each other often, it shows that you’re enjoying your time together.
You make each other happy — bonus points if you’re smiling because they’re intentionally trying to make you smile or laugh.
If you find yourself smiling at their texts and text back to make them do the same thing, there’s important chemistry there.
There can’t be any chemistry if things are boring and talking to them feels like a chore you want to keep putting off; relationships are there to make you happy, not to make you feel like you’re obligated to reply to a dry texter.
11) You have shared interests or have a lot in common
Similarity attracts, opposites don’t.
The “opposites attract” idea makes sense in that you could have traits that complement each other but if you have more things you disagree on than things you do agree on, what is there to talk about that you enjoy?
Having a lot in common with someone adds more fuel to the conversation’s fire; it keeps you talking to each other, makes you feel understood, and lets you bond over the things you’re both passionate about.
Going deeper, it’s also a plus to have the same attachment styles, if the style is secure.
Secure people can show affection at the same time maintain a sense of independence, keeping these two in a balance.
Sharing the secure attachment style makes for a more stable and healthy relationship in the future.
It’s easier than if you were talking to somebody completely different from you (and not in an astrological way, like a Sagittarius talking to a Taurus).
There’s only so far you can go with saying “opposites attract” if you don’t have anything to create a shared bond over.
12) You have a similar sense of humor
Research has revealed that there were higher levels of romantic attraction between people who have the same type of humor.
While it may not be a big deal to some people, knowing how to make each other laugh and smile without trying too hard to be funny contributes to chemistry.
It’s important that you get each other’s jokes, mostly because the kind of jokes you make says a lot about you (like dark jokes) but also because you want to avoid the awkward silences that follow a joke that needs more explanation.
Jokes that you both get and truly make you smile can brighten up your day or lighten the mood when you’re feeling down. Both experiences can boost your chemistry with each other.
13) You compliment each other often
Another light, everyday thing that makes for good chemistry is complimenting each other.
It can be something as simple as pointing out small details about each other like complimenting their outfit or telling them you like the way they sing.
It can boost self-esteem, enhance confidence, and deepen the connection and chemistry between the two of you.
14) You flirt with each other
Of course, you know there’s good chemistry between two people when there’s good flirting.
Light banter or playfully annoying each other can mean good chemistry if you’re able to bounce off of each other and not make it awkward.
From subtle looks to teasing comments, flirting is another way you can tell that the two of you have fun together and enjoy each other’s presence.
15) You feel comfortable with each other
Chemistry isn’t only all about sparks and excitement. Sometimes it’s about easy silence.
It can be exhausting to have to constantly be on for people, whether it’s for work or with your social life. Adding your partner into the mix can be too much at times, not to mention hard to sustain.
Sometimes, good chemistry with a person means being at ease in each other’s presence and being able to sit in comfortable silence with each other.
You don’t always need to try too hard or constantly put one foot forward with the other person.
Feeling free to make mistakes sometimes can contribute to that connection you have.
If the two of you don’t feel guilty about not being constantly active and entertaining, you know the chemistry is past basic and superficial attraction.
16) You both like being together
Especially at first, it can feel like you can’t get enough of each other — and that’s perfectly fine.
It can be like missing them before they’ve even left because you want to be with them as much as possible.
It can also be waking up extra early on the morning of a date because you’re looking forward to seeing them again.
Mutually wanting to be together is a sign that you’re going in the right direction towards nurturing that chemistry.
17) Time flies when you’re with them
It’s a good sign of chemistry between two people if, when you’re with each other, you don’t want it to be over and you can’t wait for it to start again.
With others, you could be counting down the minutes for your conversation to be over.
Maybe you feel like you have to attend to something on your to-do list or are simply not having a good time and can’t wait to go on with the rest of your day.
But when you’re with this special person, you could feel like time blurs and before you know it, it’s time to end the date or leave for work.
Time flies in your little bubble for two because you enjoy the time that you spend together.
When you do have to leave, you don’t want to, and you can’t wait for the opportunity to come back.
18) You notice little things about each other
Little details in everyday conversation are easy to overlook because they don’t seem like things that are important to remember. They don’t feel like something significant to take note of, like when they mention what their favorite brand of chips is.
It’s different when you both remember all of those little things.
It shows that you care about each other and pay attention to the things you say — actual attention, not in-one-ear-and-out-of-the-other attention.
More than knowing about you, it truly shows emotional chemistry when they use these little things to make you happy.
Favorite chips? Cheetos. Coffee? Black, definitely.
There’s nothing like the feeling of being known that deepens your connection with another person.
19) You speak the same language
Much like the feeling of being known, another thing that can build the emotional chemistry of a couple is when you speak the same language (and no, not like when you both speak English).
You know you speak the same language when you don’t have to constantly explain yourself. There’s this connection in ideas that you get when you’re similar people.
Because of that same language, reaching compromise is now less complicated when having more serious discussions. Kelly Campbell, Ph.D., says that reciprocal honesty and communication are important aspects of a healthy relationship.
It shows that you’re in harmony and flowing together.
Being in this same flow makes the relationship not just more enjoyable for both of you, but also healthier overall.
20) There’s a sense of familiarity
Another sign of good chemistry is when you feel like you’ve known each other for a long time, even when you’ve just met.
There’s a sense of familiarity that comes with being with a person that you find a good connection. It feels like you’re meant to be with them somehow.
It doesn’t feel awkward or like you’re forcing something to happen; it feels like something that’s always been there that’s only now been uncovered.
Having this sense of familiarity helps break that ice and get to know the other person better because you don’t have to constantly be thinking about whether they’ll judge you; if you feel as though you haven’t just met, you’ll be more open to trusting them.
21) You already behave like a couple
If you already behave as if you’re a couple, that’s an obvious sign that there is good chemistry.
This could mean anything from going to parties together or having your friends tease you two because you’ve told them about what you are.
Whatever it is, if you two are acting as if you’re officially together, it’s a good sign that you’re well on your way to becoming an actual couple.
22) You share the same values
An important part of chemistry between two people is making sure that you share the same values.
If this is someone you’re seriously considering as a potential partner, you have to make sure that you believe in the same things.
This doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to be the exact same person, because a healthy amount of difference is good for a relationship.
It means that when it comes to important issues, you two have to agree on which path to take and which decisions to make.
If you don’t share the same values, it’ll only keep popping up as a problem in the future. It shows that you’re not a compatible match in terms of how you both see things.
If you do have the same values, it bodes well for your overall chemistry because it shows that you’d be on the same side when it comes to things that truly matter.
23) You don’t feel like you have to change who you are
You can’t have good chemistry if you’re not true to who you are.
If you don’t feel like you have to change who you are, it’s a good sign that you’re going to be comfortable being with this person.
How will you continue being in a serious relationship if you feel like you have to change who you are to fit the expectations of your partner?
Let’s say they have an ideal partner in their head and it doesn’t exactly fit who you are.
You shouldn’t have to adjust to those criteria just because you want to be with them; maybe that means you’re simply not compatible and you should consider other options if you’re after a serious relationship.
You can’t force chemistry if you’re not the person you truly are. If you feel comfortable being yourself with this person, chances are that the chemistry is real.
24) You like who you are when you’re together
It’s not enough to enjoy being with a person. It’s also a sign of good chemistry when you like who you are when you’re together with this person.
If you notice that you become more irritable when you’re together or you find yourself creating a fake persona for them, you’re not being yourself and you’re not being true to the kind of person you want to be.
On the other hand, if you find that being with this person pushes you to be a better version of yourself, your connection with them brings out the you that you like (if not someone better).
25) Having a genuine friendship
In the words of the Duke of Hastings from Bridgerton:
“To meet a beautiful woman is one thing, but to meet your best friend in the most beautiful of women is something entirely apart.”
More than getting to know them as someone you want to date, good emotional and intellectual chemistry is getting to know someone on a deeper level as friends, too.
There’s a different kind of bond that friends share that some romantic connections can’t live up to.
For example, you’d always want to touch base with your friends and catch up sometimes to update each other on the things that have happened in your lives.
In romantic relationships, it can get buried under all of the grand gestures and skirting around each other’s feelings so as to avoid a fight.
With friends, communication is easy; you just say what you want to say and go from there.
With your partner, you could come to conclusions that the other person doesn’t understand you when you’ve both been making each other guess.
Finding chemistry in a person both as a friend and as a romantic partner makes the connection between you two stronger.
26) You connect on every level
Lastly, a sign of great chemistry is being able to connect on every possible level.
Relationship coach Chris Armstrong says chemistry can be divided into three parts like a PIE — physical, intellectual, and emotional.
He explains that good chemistry means harmony across all three aspects.
He also says that if there’s really good chemistry, one aspect could be “in play” and you’d “automatically think about the others”.
For example, you could be having a physically intimate moment and start thinking about your emotional connection.
Then there’s the concept of metaphysical attraction, going above the superficial and connecting with the mind, body, and soul.
In all of the previous signs, good chemistry is when one piece comes with all of the others.
What are signs that you don’t have chemistry?
- There’s no physical attraction.
It’s not something you can force; if you find yourself mildly interested in someone but you’re not interested in them physically, there’s probably no chemistry there.
- Conversation is difficult or awkward.
If you don’t connect in ideas or you don’t really get their jokes, you won’t have that flow that keeps time flying. Instead, you could be counting down the minutes for it to be over.
- You only notice negatives.
Especially early on, you’re supposed to keep finding things you like in the other person — not things you dislike about them. If the way they chew annoys you, it might end up annoying you forever.
- You don’t have a desire to talk to them again.
If you’d rather do your laundry than talk to them again, maybe you shouldn’t go on that second date.
Is it possible to bring back chemistry in an existing relationship?
The short answer is yes.
Pushing too hard to find chemistry might result in the opposite happening, but there are ways to bring back the chemistry in your current relationship.
- Communicate better.
Ask each other what you really want. Of course, communication is an important part of a healthy relationship, so simply do more of it.
Honestly tell each other what you’re looking for and what you want to happen so that the two of you can work on bringing back the chemistry between you two.
- Push yourselves out of your comfort zones.
If you’ve been doing the same things every day without trying anything new or spicing things up, the relationship can go stagnant and result in a dry, boring mess you don’t want to come home to.
Don’t be afraid to do new things with your partners.
- Spend more time together.
It can be easy to take the time that you spend with each other for granted and spend less and less of it actually talking.
Set aside some time to reconnect with each other and catch up on the things you have in common or how your day was.
Chemistry changes in relationships and doesn’t necessarily remain the same throughout it; it needs a recharge every once in a while.
To wrap it up…
Chemistry between two people isn’t just physical — there’s so much more to it than that.
And whether it’s something that you can see right at the start or while you’re developing your connection, it can change, so you shouldn’t give up on your partner right away.
Make an effort to connect, do something to rekindle your spark, and go where it takes you.
And if you’re not getting anywhere – use the hero instinct to help you out.
As I mentioned earlier, there’s no better way to increase the chemistry between you than by tapping into your man’s inner hero.
Because once you do, there’s no way he’s going to look elsewhere. You’ll be triggering a reaction so deep within him, so powerful, that he’ll find it hard to resist you.
The truth is, the hero instinct is probably the best-kept secret in relationship psychology.
And you can put it into action straight away using techniques like the 12 word text. This is guaranteed to get his attention even if he’s started to move on.
So for the ultimate chemistry boost, make sure you check out James Bauer’s revolutionary theory.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.
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