in

How to tell if your partner is cheating: 12 signs most people miss

It’s not easy to deal with suspicions of cheating.

So many things are at stake, including your relationship.

What if you are wrong? Oh, but what if you are right?

What if you accuse your partner of cheating and it’s not true? What if they deny it? How will things change? Can you ever go back to being normal again?

If you suspect your spouse is cheating on you, you’ve got a lot to think about.

But before you approach them, pay attention to some of these unfortunate signs that they might be cheating:

How to tell if your partner is cheating: 12 subtle signs that most people miss

Image credit: Shutterstock – By Roman Kosolapov

1) They are wearing new or different clothing.

If your t-shirt and jeans partner suddenly starts wearing expensive or drastically different clothes, or if they are just putting on clean clothes after wearing their favorite smelly shirt for weeks at a time, something might be amiss.

If they are suddenly dressing up for a night on the town, hanging out with new people and coming home at all hours of the night without explanation, you might be in trouble.

The best way to approach these situations is to ask them about the evening and what they did.

If they’re avoiding answering your questions or if you notice their story is changing as much as their clothes these days, something might be changing for them that leaves you wondering what the heck happened between the two of you.

When partners are cheating, they are more likely to change the way they present themselves to the world because they want to appear desirable to someone else.

2) They are hiding things from you on their phone.

If they seem to panic when you pick up their phone or laptop and are suddenly trying to control what you can and can’t do on their phone, something is wrong.

If you have been in a relationship for any length of time, you’ve had access to emails, texts, contact lists, or more and if they are pulling back from that access, it might be because there are suddenly new names and numbers in those contact lists.

3) You can’t find them or reach them.

Couples that have been together for a while tend to know each other’s schedule.

If he or she is not where they are supposed to be, or if they are not doing what they tell you they are doing, it might be time to sit down and ask them what is going on.

When people are deceptive about their whereabouts or make excuses for why plans changed, things aren’t good.

If you can’t find them or reach them, there might be a reason for that and it’s because they don’t want you to.

4) There’s no intimacy.

If it’s been three months since you’ve rolled around in the hay, something could be wrong.

Keep in mind that couples grow through dry spells, but if he or she is not even showing interest in you and nothing has really happened to cause the distance between you, cheating might be a reason why this has happened.

They don’t need anything from you because they are having their needs satisfied by someone else.

5) They are mean.

If your kind partner is suddenly angry and frustrated with you, know that it’s probably not you they are frustrated with.

Instead, they are projecting their own fears and insecurities on you.

It’s not always evident because some people change over time. Not everyone is who they first appeared to be and it does happen from time to time that one partner finds out the other partner is not who they said they were.

But if they have been in your life for a long time and are getting mad at you for things that don’t make sense, it could be a cover-up.

6) Their schedule is suddenly different.

If they have to take off for a few days for work and no, you can’t go too, something might be wrong.

If you’ve always traveled together and now they are saying you can’t come, cheating might be why.

If he or she is going with a work colleague and have a bunch of work meetings and you are not permitted to go because of “company rules”, there’s no company in the world that would say that.

Who has the right to stop you from tagging along, especially if you are paying your own way? Nobody. It’s fishy.

7) Their friends are being weird.

If you can’t seem to find any evidence of cheating but you are certain something is wrong, confront his or her friends.

If their friends can’t look you in the eye or are being weird about it, something’s wrong. It’s a surefire way to tell if your partner is cheating.

Friends almost always know what is going on, and if you are desperate to get the right information before you confront your partner, friends are where it’s at.

8) They are suddenly paying a lot of attention to you after being distant for a while.

Sometimes couples grow apart. It happens. But if they are suddenly interested in you after not paying a whole lot of attention to you for a while, there might be something amiss.

They may be trying to make up for less-than-ideal acts behind your back.

If you find they are trying really hard when they’re around you, it might be time to have a conversation about where the sudden attention is coming from.

9) They are suddenly moody without explanation or apology.

If she’s hiding something, she might not be hiding it all that well.

Sometimes people are really bad at keeping their secrets hidden and she’ll try to pin a lot of guilt on you and point out all the things you are doing wrong to take the light off of her.

It’s a manipulation tactic that tries to make you look like the bad guy so that you won’t be surprised when you find out that she was cheating on you.

10) They are not interested in the things they used to be interested in.

If they’re not interested in going to clubs or going to your friends’ houses or they’re not wanting to go out at all, something might be wrong.

When patterns and habits change, there is usually a good explanation for it. Although, it might not be an explanation you want to hear.

If you are worried that things are going south and that they might not be interested in you anymore either, ask for a candid conversation about where things are headed.

11) They are not bothered by things that used to drive them crazy.

Another way to tell if she might be cheating on you is if she stops telling you to knock off all your bad habits.

If they used to be bothered by your loud eating noises or your plates on the counter, it might be because she has stopped caring about the relationship or sees a way out.

When that’s the case, they’ll stop making a big deal about things because they no longer need you to change.

That might be because they’ve found someone who is already not doing those things.

12) They’re avoiding contact.

If they are going to bed early or later or getting out of bed without contact, or if they are not sitting on the couch when they usually take the seat next to you, something’s up.

There’s no reason for them to avoid being around you except that it makes them uncomfortable or makes them feel guilty.

People only avoid contact when they are hiding something.

If that’s the case, your best bet is to sit them down and have a conversation about what’s going on so you can both make decisions about the future of your relationship together.

New eBook: The Art of Mindfulness: A Practical Guide to Living in the Moment

If you're feeling stressed and looking for practical ways to calm down and enjoy life, then check out Hack Spirit’s eBook, The Art of Mindfulness: A Practical Guide to Living in the Moment.

It's the perfect introduction to mindfulness. You'll learn what 'mindfulness' really is, the scientific benefits of practicing it daily, and proven techniques to be mindful throughout the day.

Check it out here.

Sign up to Hack Spirit's daily emails

Learn how to reduce stress, cultivate healthy relationships, handle people you don't like and find your place in the world.

We won't send you spam. Unsubscribe at any time. Powered by ConvertKit
Lachlan Brown

Written by Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 6 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. If you to want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter or Facebook.

Toxic people: 10 things they do and how to deal with them

How to be a better person: 5 no bullsh*t steps