You’ve met this really great guy, but something gives.
He’s Mr charm, and you’re in serious danger of being swept off your feet. The problem is, you have a sneaky suspicion he could be married.
Here are the signs of a married player to look out for.
28 signs of a married player (don’t be fooled!)
1) Everything is all on his terms
You only see each other when he wants to. If you ever suggest a time or date, he is busy.
He is the one that decides when and where you meet.
He isn’t flexible with his schedule, and you only meet up when it’s convenient for him. Basically, it’s all on his terms.
If he is a married player, he has to be super organized as his time is limited and he needs to juggle things around to keep everything hush-hush.
2) He’s all talk but no action
Maybe nothing has technically happened between you two yet.
Perhaps you’ve been flirting for ages. Things might have gotten a little naughty and hot under the color, but he seems to avoid taking things to the next level.
Some married men might think it’s all “harmless fun” and not really cheating until sex is involved.
But if he’s a married player he’s still happy to flirt heavily and mess around a bit without the intention of taking it any further.
3) Things are always “coming up” so he has to cancel
It’s hard to pin him down.
He makes plans but something always comes up at the last minute so he has to reschedule.
He may have plausible excuses, but the last-minute nature leaves you feeling suspicious. And it’s happened one too many times now.
4) You never go to his place
You’ve never even seen his place.
You always go back to yours, even when it’s less convenient. And he comes up with excuses for why.
It might be that the cleaner hasn’t been and it’s a total mess, your place is so much nicer, or that he is trying to be a gentleman because it’s easier for you to go back to yours.
But you have to wonder if there is a reason why his place is always off-limits.
5) What would an expert say?
While this article explores the main signs he is a married player, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.
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6) He says he doesn’t use social media
Ok, so it’s not beyond the realms of possibility that someone doesn’t use social media. But in this day and age, it’s increasingly unlikely.
You’ll probably get a clue from his personality type about whether he could be telling the truth or if it’s total BS.
But if someone doesn’t want to be found on socials, it could be he has something to hide — like a secret wife he doesn’t want you to find out about.
Social media often reveals the most private parts of our life, and it’s harder to hide things from you if he gives you access.
7) He contradicts himself
Even the most experienced married players are prone to the odd slip-up. So be on the lookout for inconsistencies in his stories.
Does he tell you one thing, and then say something later which seems to contradict that, or doesn’t make much sense?
It might be hard for him to keep track of the lies he has told, and the stories he has fabricated to different women.
If he can’t stick to one story, it’s probably because he is lying to you for some reason.
8) He’s often unavailable
Anyone would think he was the president or some VIP from his schedule.
Ok, it’s cool if he is just a busy man, but just how full his calendar feels has alarm bells ringing in your ear.
Maybe because of how unavailable he is, you don’t even see each other that often.
Unless he has a really good excuse, then the reality is nobody is that busy. So if you are simply getting squeezed into his week, it screams side chick.
9) He is evasive over direct questions
Men who have nothing to hide answer questions with a straight answer. Men who are married players are evasive.
He might try to mask this evasiveness by acting all playful and “mysterious”.
He could tell you things like “I’m a man of mystery” or “You’ll have to wait and see” or “That’s top secret, so if I told you, I’d have to kill you”.
But ultimately it’s a ploy to have to avoid revealing certain things to you.
So watch out for him changing the subject or turning the question back around on you when you try to get certain details out of him.
10) He is skittish about PDA
He’s all over you when you are alone together, but as soon as anyone is around, even complete strangers his behavior shifts.
You look very much like lovers in private, but in public, you could be mere acquaintances.
He seems like he doesn’t want to get too physically close to you. Any contact is very cloak and dagger.
It could be that he is concerned about who could see.
11) You don’t know his friends and family
It’s been a while but he hasn’t introduced you to any of his people. In fact, he never even talks about them.
When it’s early days it’s less suspicious. We don’t expect to merge lives with someone straight away.
But as time goes on it’s normal to start to meet each other’s nearest and dearest.
If it feels like he is intentionally keeping you apart, then something gives.
12) He’s got a reputation
Past behavior says a lot.
Let’s face it, women talk. What a guy got up to before you can quickly come back to you.
If this guy has a reputation as a smooth talker, a cheat, or a womanizer — then take heed. Maybe you’ve even heard rumors he is married.
People can change, but I’m sorry to say that often where there is smoke, girl, there is fire.
So be very careful you are not the one who ends up getting burned and listen to the stories you hear.
13) He claims he is separated
I’ve dated a couple of separated guys before.
Although it can be a bit more messy and complicated, it’s not always a big deal. After all, the marriage is (almost) over even if they are not technically divorced yet.
But here’s the key:
One of the guys I dated acted separated, but the other acted as though his wife was very much still on the scene.
And that makes you more suspicious about whether he is telling the truth. So much so that friends warned me that maybe he was actually very much still married, but just telling me he was separated as a cover story.
So I’ll present the same warning to you: If he is acting married, then maybe he is married not separated.
14) He’s vague about his life details
The less details you know about him, the less likely this married player will get caught out.
He may be kind of (or very) vague about certain fundamental life details.
That could include anything from where exactly he lives, and where he works. You may not even know his full name, as he goes by a nickname.
15) He won’t let you take his picture
If this guy is strangely camera shy, he may have other reasons for not wanting you to have his pic.
Maybe he has already made it clear that he doesn’t want to have his face all over your social media, and made you promise not to upload anything.
His excuse sounds kind of plausible. But why won’t he let you take pictures of him and you together?
Maybe because they are compromising and can be used as evidence of his wrongdoing at a later date.
16) Weekends are off limits
You meet up on Tuesday nights, Thursday lunch, and maybe the odd Friday morning. But never ever on weekends.
Weekends are often our prime time in the week. They are free time that we value the most. We save Saturdays and Sundays for our biggest priorities.
For him, weekends are most likely off limits because they are family time he has to spend with his wife and kids.
17) He’s a huge flirt
You fell for this guy for a reason. He may be incredibly charming and have the ability to instantly make a woman feel special.
That’s great. Unless he uses this technique on anything with a pulse.
If he has a very flirty personality, you may be more suspicious that he is just a married player looking for some attention.
He no longer feels like the center of the universe now he’s married and misses the chase. So he will flirt with every woman he meets to get a taste of single life.
18) He guards his phone
I know that people are often private when it comes to their tech these days, but when a man is super guarded with his phone — it’s a red flag for me.
If you’ve got nothing to hide, then why do you need to take it with you when you go to the bathroom?
Or could it be that the screen is always face down on the table or in his pocket on silent because he doesn’t want you to see another woman’s name flash up asking him to grab some milk on the way home.
19) He is spotted with a mystery woman
You or your friends spot him with another woman. You have zero clue who it is, but something tells you it ‘aint his sister.
Maybe they are at the hardware store, furniture store, or out getting groceries.
The mundane situation tells you it’s not a regular date. It sounds more like the things married couples do together.
20) He makes secretive phone calls
What counts as a secretive phone call?
Perhaps he goes outside to answer it. Maybe he checks who is calling, puts it on silent and then calls back later when he can take it in private.
Basically, a secretive phone call is any that he makes that seems shady.
He doesn’t want to say who is calling or appears nervous that he is even getting the call.
21) He prefers to stay in rather than go out
He doesn’t like to take you out on dates.
Instead, he suggests more “cozy” encounters at home (always your place of course). You cook together or watch movies.
It can be romantic to stay in for dates, but particularly in the early stages of dating it’s more common to go out.
Maybe he is being cheap, or maybe he is worried about being seen together.
22) He’s a really private guy
Is he private or secretive?
He doesn’t have to divulge every single detail about his entire life. We all have a right to hold some things back.
It’s true that some men are a little more reserved than others, and can give off a guarded vibe until they feel close to you.
But being private to the extreme sets alarm bells ringing because it’s going to leave you wondering if his secrecy is hiding something he doesn’t want you to find out.
23) He does a disappearing act
His disappearing act might come in different forms.
Maybe you don’t hear from him for a while. Or he is full of excuses as to why you can’t meet for the next couple of weeks.
The disappearing act might even happen when you are with him, and he all of a sudden has to go.
Remember the separated guy I told you about who raised suspicions for me?
He once had to randomly leave not long after we’d been intimate, because his “ex-wife” was sick, and he had to take her to the hospital.
This kind of fishy behavior makes you think that something isn’t adding up.
24) He showers before he leaves
If you’ve slept together, without fail, every time before he leaves your place he jumps in the shower.
Showering after sex doesn’t always mean someone has something to hide of course.
But in the case of a married player, he could be trying to clean up before returning home to his wife.
25) He often goes away for business
A lot of men genuinely do go away on business.
But it’s also the perfect excuse for a married player to explain away long absences.
We’ve all heard enough of those stories about men with secret families who were always on “work trips” to pause for thought.
26) You never spend the night together
You enjoy a nice evening, and you end up in bed, but he can never stay the night.
At first, his excuses like working in the morning or having an early start made sense.
But after a while, it feels odd that he can’t spend the entire night with you. Has he got to get home to his wife?
27) He’s keen on sexting but less keen on meeting up in the flesh
If most of your sexual encounters happen over tech it’s probably started to feel strange.
You’re all for keeping things spicy with some naughty texts and maybe even facetime action. But skin-on-skin action is missing.
Hooking up in person is riskier and feels more of a commitment to a married player. So he may prefer to try and keep his misdemeanours online.
28) You have a bad feeling about it
Perhaps my best advice to you would be to go with your gut.
If you have a bad feeling or alarm bells are ringing for you, the chances are you are picking up signals that this guy is in fact a married player.
Don’t ignore them. Do your due diligence, and if all else fails, confront him.
If something feels off about this guy, then that’s probably for good reason. Trust your instincts.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.