Pearl Nash
Something has made you suspicious that the new man in your life might be married.
Are you just paranoid or is that nagging feeling right?
The sad truth is that plenty of married people have affairs and some estimates suggest as many as 42% of people using dating apps do already have a partner.
Check out these signs of a married man to see if your doubts could well be justified.
10 slippery signs you’re dating a married man
1) He won’t let you go to his place
You’ve never seen his place. He’s guarded about sharing his space with you.
Maybe you don’t even know his address, and he is very vague about where exactly it is that he lives.
If you suggest visiting him, he will always insist on another meeting place.
His excuses as to why you never go to his could include things like:
“My place is really untidy right now, I haven’t had a chance to clean”
“I’ve just moved in and it’s chaos, everything is still in boxes”
“My housemate is super weird about me bringing people over”
“My place is really inconvenient to get to, the neighborhood is really out in the sticks.”
You can’t quite work out if he’s a very private person, or if there is a far more sinister reason for him keeping you away from his space.
Perhaps it’s the fact that he doesn’t live alone. And you can’t go to his house…because he has a wife.
2) You aren’t connected on social media
Social media can be way more personal than getting someone’s number. That’s because it offers so many insights into someone’s life.
You get to see pictures of them, see what they’re doing, and who they’re connecting with.
According to Pew Research Center around seven-in-ten Americans use some form of social media. And if he’s under the age of 50, that figure rises to 80-90%.
So if he tells you he isn’t on any social media, it’s unlikely. But you’ll probably be able to sense whether you believe him or not based on the type of guy he is.
Maybe he says that barely uses it, or that he’s just a really private person and would much rather just get to know each other in “real life”.
If it feels fishy, you could be right to be suspicious.
The reality is that the more guarded a man is about giving you access to his social media — the more likely he has something to hide.
3) You see him at random times
Your dates together seem to always be on his terms.
He tends to decide when you’ll meet. The times and days feel scattered and random.
He might have a tendency to make plans at the last minute or have to cancel at very short notice.
It feels like he is trying to fit you in, rather than you being a priority.
But more than that, you’re not getting any of his quality time. For example, weekends are off-limits, and early evenings are rare too.
He’s far more likely to arrange a lunch date during working hours or come over during those “in-between” times of the day.
Your time with him feels kind of rushed and you don’t feel like you’re getting proper dates with him.
Whilst you can believe he is a busy guy, you start to question whether anyone is really that busy.
4) He shows unusual phone behavior
Ok, so what counts as “unusual phone behavior“?
When he is with you he is always very protective and almost guarded about his cell phone.
He would never leave it on the table and keeps it in his pocket at all times.
If he gets calls or texts, he tends not to answer them. And puts it on silent instead.
Sometimes he will get several calls back to back but still won’t pick up.
If he does need to make or take a call, he’ll always do it out of your earshot by stepping outside for example.
He may also be a bit weird about you calling him. Perhaps he makes excuses about why it’s better for him to be the one to reach out. Or he asks you to not call him at certain times of the day.
5) He seems to be hiding things from you
Never underestimate the power of intuition. It’s instinctive and it can be your alarm bell that you smell bulls**t.
Your gut tells you something is off about this guy. It could be that you are picking up on many subconscious signals that he is giving off.
You want to believe what he tells you. But then you find yourself wondering how much of this information is actually true.
You find he is secretive and guarded. He’s never forthcoming about where he is and what he’s doing.
He tells you that he’s had to go away for work, but you just don’t believe him.
He says his phone was switched off because he was visiting family and didn’t want to be disturbed, but it sounds weird.
In a nutshell, you get a feeling deep down that something gives.
6) He avoids meeting in public
If he can, he prefers to avoid meeting in public altogether. Dropping by your place is what he usually recommends.
If you suggest trying a new restaurant or going to a bar, he finds some sort of excuse.
Maybe it’s because he’s had a really long day and just wants to unwind at home. Or he says that he doesn’t want to share you with anyone else, so a cozy night in sounds better.
If and when you do go out in public it might be to some pretty obscure places.
He might suggest meeting at a hotel, telling you that it would be more adventurous and sexy.
Or he might take you to places really out of the way where he is less likely to bump into anyone he knows or be seen.
He might seem on edge whenever you’re out and about together, always looking around. Perhaps he is far less touchy-feely whenever you are out in public and is skittish about PDA.
7) He never (or rarely) spends the night
Admittedly, on its own, it’s hard to know if this is a red flag or not.
Particularly if it’s early days in the relationship. There are some legitimate reasons why it’s not always easy to stay over.
Maybe he works long hours. Maybe he has a lot of meetings the next day. Maybe he has an early start and needs to get some sleep.
But there are always nights in our schedule when it is easier to stay the night. So if he always leaves after sex, you might rightly start to wonder why.
For a married man, it’s obviously difficult to spend the night because he has a wife at home who will wonder where he is.
That means nights away or taking trips together are likely to be off the table for him.
8) He sometimes does a disappearing act
This guy can be really unreliable.
You’ll have no idea where he is or what he’s doing.
Sometimes he’ll disappear for days on end without any explanation.
It’s like he’s gone AWOL.
He cancels dates without very good excuses, you don’t hear from him for a while, or he doesn’t reply promptly to your messages.
He may even disappear long enough for you to think he’s gone for good, only to discover that he’s back again with some elaborate reason for his strange behavior.
You feel in limbo and like things aren’t progressing in the relationship. But the reason could be that he is already spoken for.
9) He avoids answering certain questions
We may like a bit of mystery when we start dating someone, but this seems next level.
He’s not just a closed book, he seems glued shut. And it could be because he has something to hide.
Is he quite evasive when you ask him personal questions?
He may be really vague about where he works, where he lives, or details about his life.
You want to get to know him more, but you can’t seem to peel back those layers. He doesn’t like to talk about himself.
He may avoid the question altogether or strategically try to change the subject when you attempt to dig any deeper.
Sometimes it feels like you never get a straight answer from him, and instead, he will talk around in circles.
Despite the fact it’s been some time since you started dating, you often get the impression there is so much you don’t even know about him yet.
10) You haven’t met any of his “people”
When you first start dating, it’s normal to spend time alone getting to know each other.
But at some stage, a relationship becomes bigger than just two people. And you start to integrate more into one another’s lives.
That means meeting their friends, family, and colleagues.
If he hasn’t introduced you to anyone yet, you might wonder why.
Perhaps you get the distinct impression he is intentionally keeping you out of his social circle.
You never attend anything together. He can’t make any of your events that you invite him too.
And he never suggests you attend any of his events, whether it’s parties, weddings or even just nights out with friends.
It’s perfectly natural to keep some parts of yourself separate. But if he isn’t introducing you to anyone, then it might start to feel secretive.
What to do if you suspect you’re dating a married man?
1) Do some behind-the-scenes detective work
Normally I’d never suggest a bit of snooping. But these are unique circumstances.
Think of it as doing a little bit of light detective work to check up on this guy.
The most obvious way is to look online. Look up his name on Google and see if you come across any information about him.
Armed with whatever details you have, you can check what is floating around on the internet.
Maybe you will be able to find his profile on Facebook, LinkedIn, Instagram, Twitter, etc., and get some extra info.
2) Put any signs he’s married to the test
Keep your eyes open for any suspicious signs that give you cause to question him.
If you’ve noticed a few of these signs he is married, then push him slightly on them and see how he reacts.
For example, let him know you really want him to stay the night. Be firm that you don’t want to stay home and you want to have dinner out. Tell him you want to know him better and are curious to know more about him.
Be slightly more insistent and see how he reacts. If he has nothing to hide he shouldn’t have any strong objections.
This is how you weed out whether you are being paranoid or if there really is a suspicious pattern of behavior.
3) Talk to him
This is an important step. If your suspicions haven’t eased, it’s vital that you tell him about how you’re feeling.
If you think he might be hiding something else from you, then you need to bring it up.
Asking him outright can feel very vulnerable, but it might also be the only way you’ll get concrete answers.
This is your chance to confront red flags directly and discuss them. If he has nothing to hide he should be happy to put your mind at rest.
4) Be prepared to walk away if you’re not getting what you need from him
If after talking to him you still aren’t satisfied, then you may need to consider walking away.
There’s no point in staying in a situation where you’re unhappy. You deserve better.
Even if he isn’t married, the fact that you have strong suspicions points to other problems in the relationship.
If you do discover he is married, then walk away.
I’m sure you don’t need me to tell you that you’d be playing with fire getting involved with a married man.
