Paul Brian
Are you seeing a married man?
It can be an exciting, intense and sometimes hair-raising experience.
One moment you think heโs really in love with you, the next you feel he couldnโt care less about you.
Here are the top signs that youโll never be anything more than a diversion for a married man.
Watch out for these disturbing signs.
14 blatant signs a married man is using you
1) He doesnโt open up to you at all
One of the worst blatant signs a married man is using you is that he remains a closed book.
Even if youโve been seeing each other for months, heโs beyond your reach emotionally.
He may make the one offhand comment now and then about his life.
Or tell you some basic biographical details.
But heโs more or less off limits to you in terms of his deeper thoughts, feelings, and private life.
He just shows up looking for a fun and intimate time with you and then ducks out soon after.
Even times you spend together that last longer, you may find yourself reflecting and realize that it was only really you who opened up.
That kind of a one-sided arrangement isnโt enough to satisfy anyone.
2) He only calls when he wants sex
The most disturbing of the blatant signs a married man is using you is when he only calls you for sex.
Heโs sweet as pie when heโs getting what he wants.
But if youโre not in the mood or are busy when heโs frisky, suddenly the charm switches off.
He goes cold on you.
He may not return calls for a number of days, or give you a wan smile when you next see him.
These kinds of juvenile and toxic games are enough to drive anyone mad and make you want to cut off contact completely.
The problem is that if youโve developed some feelings for him, you may find that much easier said than done.
Sex with somebody you care about and respect may be a great experience, but itโs a lot different when you can see that itโs purely transactional and physical for him.
3) He has no plans to leave his wife for you
Asking or expecting a married man to leave his wife for you will usually end in bitter disappointment.
Itโs quite rare.
But that doesnโt mean that a guy canโt be tempted.
When heโs truly falling for you and appreciating your company, heโs going to have a hard time turning you down for something more serious.
Thatโs why one of the blatant signs a married man is using you is that he doesnโt even pretend to consider changing his life for you.
Every moment with him is crystal clear that this just a dalliance.
Thereโs not even a hint of temptation for him to turn his life upside down.
Heโs got you filed away in just the right category.
Youโre a side piece, and heโd never think about making big changes to be with you.
Not exactly comforting to know, is it?
4) He uses you as an emotional receptacle
In addition to using you as a physical receptacle (yuck), a married man whoโs only taking advantage of you will unload on you emotionally.
This can include constantly complaining and venting to youโฆ
Crawling to you when heโs down and expecting to be cared for and stroked like a little seal pupโฆ
And otherwise demanding that you provide comfort, advice and encouragement to him as he goes through the ups and downs of life.
This is codependent and slimy behavior on his part if heโs never returning the favor.
If it is mutual and youโre finding the bond meaningful, thatโs fair enough, but keep in mind that if itโs very one-sided thatโs usually intentional on his part.
He wants you there for him when heโs down, but when you are, heโs a million miles away.
5) He leads you on to get sex and intimacy
A twist on the previous points is when a married man is only in it for the sex and the emotional comfort, but he hints at something more and leads you on.
He can tell youโre more attached than he is, so he stokes these cruel hopes as a way to get an endless supply of intimacy from you.
This is a pretty cynical thing to do, and hopefully, youโre not going through it.
But keep in mind that some cheaters are pretty shadowy people, and they can engage in some really emotionally manipulative behavior.
Iโm not saying this is true of all married men who cheat, but itโs certainly a behavior that some of them engage in.
They take advantage of you hoping for something more, dropping hints that they โmightโ want to someday as wellโฆ
But all theyโre really doing is hitting the snooze button.
Emotional manipulation is a common trait in narcissistic people, and if youโre dealing with a married man who is doing things like this, you are best advised to get far away from him ASAP.
6) He ignores what you say to him
Another one of the big and blatant signs a married man is using you is that he ignores what you say.
He doesnโt remember, he rarely makes eye contact and he usually only shrugs, grunts or says things like โyeah, absolutelyโ and โfor sureโ to whatever youโre saying.
If heโs acting like this, he doesnโt give a fig.
You can tell yourself itโs just his strong and slent type of character.
But in the vast majority of cases itโs a man who doesnโt care about you and is just using you as a bit of fun on the side.
If he just doesnโt care what youโre saying or pay attention, donโt make excuses for him.
Maybe he did have a busy day, maybe he is stressed, maybe he has had a few too many drinks.
But if he wanted to listen, he would.
Harsh but true.
7) He often cancels your meetings at the last minute
One of the other blatant signs a married man is using you is when he constantly cancels on you at the last minute.
He puts his wife and family ahead of you, which can be understandable.
But he also puts his work ahead of youโฆ
His friendโs birthdayโฆ
An exclusive sale at a store he loves thatโs only one for todayโฆ
And whatever else he needs to do at the moment from an oil change to a haircut.
You come last, and youโre an afterthought.
He doesnโt even try to hide it, although he may try to exaggerate the importance of what heโs canceling on you for.
Donโt accept these kinds of excuses.
If heโs keeping you as a backup plan and canceling on you all the time, you have a right to put your foot down and let him know itโs not a way you allow yourself to be treated.
8) He keeps you a secret even from his friends
If youโre seeing a married man then it stands to reason that he wants to keep it discreet.
If he hasnโt told his wife and you two are having an illicit affair, then he has every reason to make sure your time together stays low key.
Nonetheless, one of the blatant signs a married man is using you is that heโs completely obsessed with keeping you a secret.
He doesnโt introduce you even if his best friend video calls while heโs with you, or he will deny knowing you if you share mutual friends.
If you work together, he may intentionally act like he doesnโt like you or has no idea who you are.
He may also studiously avoid going out with you in public, eating in public and basically going anywhere you could be seen by someone who knows heโs a married guy.
He may also spray tan or use makeup where his ring was or do other bizarrely finicky things to hide that heโs married in case even a hotel receptionist notices.
In short: he tries so hard to hide any connection with you that itโs almost like heโs ashamed.
And maybe he is ashamed: of cheating, of you, of being caught.
But thatโs a lot to live with, and being the object of this kind of shame can lead to a lot of issues.
9) He asks you for really big favors a lot
This item can be true in multiple instances. Itโs especially true when youโre talking about a married man who youโre seeing.
The reason is that as a married man he isnโt making a commitment to you.
Yet he still asks you for big favors quite often.
This can include:
- Loans of money
- Rides to get places
- Advice on crucial and time-sensitive issues
- Medical help or advice
- Assistance in buying groceries or products
- Help moving, cleaning or doing other tasks
If heโs got you in these kinds of roles, then his favors have become a bit over the top.
No matter how much you like him, consider the โtrade balance.โ
Do you ever ask him for favors? If so, whatโs the approximate ratio?
10) He never makes you a priority, even once
As I mentioned earlier, one of the top most blatant signs a married man is using you is that he always puts you last.
Itโs important to mention that this is a trend which may occur slowly.
At first, there may be no real situation where you notice how he thinks of you or how much of a priority you are.
The times that he turns down meeting due to being busy or having another commitment are something you donโt take personally, and you move on.
But as your time with this guy increases and you start to have feelings, pay attention to where you are on the pecking order.
Itโs common for romantic feelings to sometimes blind us to objective facts.
Manipulators know this, which is why they so often make lame excuses for their errant behavior and those in love accept them.
If a married man is using you, youโll know because he never makes you a priority.
Even if you need urgent help or have an emergency, youโll notice that he passes you off to someone else or tells you to call the authorities.
11) Heโs sexually irresponsible and reckless at your expense
Another one of the unfortunate and blatant signs a married man is using you is that heโs sexually reckless.
What do I mean by this?
I mean that he doesnโt care about using protection, barely pays attention about precautions you may or may not be taking and more or less doesnโt seem to care about discussing sexual safety.
You may point out that this is a risk for him too if he doesnโt know you well, and thatโs absolutely true.
If a man doesnโt seem to care about using protection or pregnancy you have to wonder how many other women heโs acting this way towards as well.
At the same time, his lack of concern for your well-being shows that youโre no more than a sex toy for him.
If he doesnโt seem to care at all about being sexually responsible, this is not a man you want to spend too much time around unless he radically shifts his ways.
12) He openly checks out and flirts with other women around you
Another one of the blatant signs a married man is using you is that he checks out other women when heโs around you.
More to the point, if he is cheating on you as well as his wife, itโs even more evidence that you donโt mean much to him and he doesnโt have much respect for you.
However, it can be harder to find out whether heโs cheating on you, too.
For that reason, pay attention to his behavior when you meet other women or pass them.
If heโs openly checking them out and measuring their curves with his eyes, this guy is not very interested in you beyond whatโs under your lingerie.
You can make all the excuses you want, but if he was really interested in getting to know you and valuing you as a human being, his attention wouldnโt immediately be diverted by other attractive women he crossed paths with.
13) He expects you to always be available for him
If youโre seeing a married guy, one thing is clear: he has a lot of constraints based on being married and especially if he has kids.
If youโre single, you presumably are more open to answer his calls, texts and messages.
But that doesnโt mean youโre just a free-for-all buffet.
You still have commitments, you still have days you donโt feel well, and you still have last-minute things and crises which come up and lead to canceling.
Thatโs why itโs just not reasonable for him to expect you to always be available.
And if he is, you need to get him to do a reality check and realize that just because he has less time and availability, it doesnโt mean he can treat you like something he orders on Uber Eats.
If you’re wondering whether or not you have a future with a married man, then check out the signs below that show he won’t leave his wife for you.
14) He withholds his time and attention if you arenโt into sex
Withholding sex to manipulate your partner is a sad thing.
It happens in serious relationships, marriages, and also in affairs.
If you are seeing a married man who is just using you for sex and company, heโll often do this.
He will withhold his time and company if you donโt give him your body.
Itโs revolting and transactional, and itโs not too hard to spot.
If you notice that this guy is holding back his availability when you hold back on intimacy, itโs most likely whatโs happening.
He rations out his time and attention when you give him physical affection.
If thatโs happening, rest assured that you are being used and also being disrespected, and valued at a low level.
